Doesn't he get it?! I slam the door shut and plop down on my bed. Like what part of no doesn't he get? I sigh, Ben and I rarely used to fight but nowadays it seems that a day doesn't pass where we don't bicker. He keeps trying to force me to go to school but I can't. It's too difficult. The pain is too much. I can't stop thinking about Jack, how she made my sandwiches and cut them into perfect triangles, how she always reminded me to wear a scarf, how she would bring my homework to school when I forgot it. If I wanted to stay home she respected my decision and didn't question me. Ben is a whole different story. He just doesn't get it. I spread out on my bed and go to sleep, hoping the nightmares don't return.
I wake early the next morning. I grudgingly climb out of bed and trudge downstairs to get some food. I throw some waffles in the toaster and pour myself a glass of orange juice. A minute later the waffles pop up. I throw them on a plate and trudge back upstairs. I gently shut my door and hope that Ben doesn't know that I'm awake. I set the food on my desk on turn my laptop on. I need to write down my latest nightmare.
The man has a gun trained on her head, his finger resting on the trigger. Her face is one of true fear. A tear slides down her face.
"This is your fault Alex. All your fault. She tried to warn you. She tried to tell you to stop, but you didn't listen. Teenagers never listen."
"No! No, this isn't what I wanted. You don't want her, you want me! Please; don't hurt her. . ."
"It's too late now, Alex. Too late. Much too late."
"No! Jack!"
I slam the computer shut. I can't go on. I've probably woken Ben up with my noise. Sure enough he comes barging in.
"I heard a noise, are you OK?"
"Yah, I'm fine thanks Ben."
"You sure Al?"
"Ya"
"Okay, I'm gonna go grab some food . . . I see you already have"
He leaves and I turn back to my shut computer. I lay my head down on it and close my eyes. The morning fight is sure to happen and I'm not looking forward to it.
Fifteen minutes later, I trudge down the stairs to greet Ben.
"How was your cereal?" I ask him not knowing what else to say.
"I had toast actually," he chuckles.
"Course," I say. "Are you going to try and make me go to school?"
He hesitates and replies "No, I see now that it's just a losing battle Al." I nod my head trying to look indifferent but I'm thrilled.
"K" I go back up to my room. I hate when Ben and I fight. He's the only friend I have. The only family I have too. I sit back at my desk, open my laptop and continue typing.
"No! Jack!" I can't look as the gun goes off. I fall to my knees, my legs are too weak to support myself. Then the despair turns to rage.
"You killed her!" I get up and charge the man with the gun. He killed her. He doesn't deserve to live. He doesn't-"
"Alex, are you OK?" I jump
"What do you want, Ben?"
"You're crying Al." When he says this I realize I am.
"I miss her so much, Ben. It was all my fault that she died. All my fault!"
"Alex, unless you physically pulled the trigger, her death is not your fault." I continue sobbing and Ben wraps his arms around me. It's the first time I've let someone besides Jack hug me.