Hello again. Yes, this is another Simpsons-inspired fic. But, no, it is not a complete rip-off. You may spot a few similarities, but the stories are plenty original. Read on, and enjoy.
It was another typical morning in Nerima. Ranma and Akane were walking to school calmly, with Ranma walking the fence, and Akane leading the way on the ground.
Breakfast had been an interesting affair, with Ranma stealing the last fish cake as Soun, Genma, and Happosai fought over it. Ranma had managed to leave before the subsequent fight broke out, but did not get fifty feet before he was struck in the back of the head by the bento lunch Akane had made for him, which he had stuffed in the garbage on the way out the door. Luckily, he did not fall into the canal.
"Dammit, Pops! Why'd you have to throw this at-"
"The bento…" Akane's face lit up in anger.
Ranma stuttered as he tried to get up. "Now, hold on, Akane…"
With a Batman comic-style POW, Ranma was smashed through the fence, and into the canal. A minute later, she was back up on the street, squeezing the water out of her shirt.
"Kawaiikunee…"
When they were close to school, Akane stopped, and took one last look at the Nerima skyline. She then turned to Ranma.
"Hey, Ranma?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you ever wonder if anyone else in this town has their own adventures?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean the other people in this town. I mean, sure, we get plenty of adventures. And we have a few strange times with people around here. But do you ever wonder what happens to them when we're not around?"
"I never really thought about it. I've got enough problems of my own to deal with."
"Yeah, I guess your right. Still, it makes me wonder…"
"Akane, if we don't hurry, we'll have Hinako on our backs again. And I don't wanna let that happen again, so can we please go?"
"All right, all right, I'm coming."
22 Short Films About Nerima
In Miss Hinako's English class, only one mind was fully awake, being that of the teacher's. But being awake clearly didn't mean being aware, as she didn't seem to notice, as she babbled away at the textbook, that not one student was paying attention.
Ranma had his head lumped on the desk, occasionally talking to Daisuke and Hiroshi, who were in similar positions themselves. Akane tried to pay attention, but found herself drifting away very easily. Ukyo was already making plans to get back to her restaurant, and was waiting for the right moment. Fortunately, it wasn't far off.
"So, what do you think Ranma?" Daisuke asked.
"Huh?" Ranma said, stirring.
"Were you even listening?"
"Sorry, man. Look, let's get outta here, I need some air."
"Sounds good to me."
The three teens got up from their seats, and headed for the door. Hinako looked up from her book to see them leaving. She immediately got that glint in her eyes.
"So…trying to cut my class, Mr. Saotome? We'll see about that!" She rose up a coin. "Happo Fifty-yen Satsu-"
She was immediately distracted by a bento (a good one) flying in her direction. She jumped up and caught it.
"Yay! Free lunch! Free lunch!"
As she gobbled away at the mystery bento, the students acknowledged the coast as clear, and got up from their seats to leave. The teacher wouldn't notice anything else for at least another hour.
The principal was not pleased with what he saw on the security camera. Hinako had yet again been defeated in a game of wits by Saotome. Was he ever going to beat that stupid kid?
What was worse, today was the day of his inspection by the Superintendent and head of the local school board! If they saw what a horrible principal he was…
"Now, calm down, kine, is' gonna be all right. I jus' got go out dere' and get Miss Hinako to get dem' students back in de' classroom! And I's got to do it fast!"
He headed for the door to his office, when, suddenly, it opened before he touched the knob. Standing in the doorway were a man and a woman, both looking to be in their mid-to-late thirties.
"Wah! How'd you alls find my office?"
The man spoke, "It wasn't too hard to spot the little Hawaiian shack on top of the building."
"You are the principal, are you not?" the woman asked.
"Uhh, yeah! I'm da Big Kahuna, da real principal! So, are you two da ones?"
Both the man and the woman looked at each other, than back at the principal. "I'm Superintendent Matsui," the man said, "and this," he pointed to the woman beside him, "is Miss Shimura, head of the Nerima School board. We're here to check up on the school that has had the most reported trouble in the last two years."
The principal laughed off a sweat. "Uh, of course! Let's take a look around, why don't we?"
The two school officers shrugged, and followed him down into the building.
Down on the grounds, the principal made a stop near an all-too-familiar building.
"As you can see, our locker rooms are of the best quality, and remain in completely safe conditions! Dere's no doubt about dis school's-"
He was silenced by a 2x4 to the face after stepping on a trap. He fell backward onto yet another trap, which sent him into a pit, which triggered yet another trap, which sent a pile of rocks on top of him. The two officers just looked on in surprise.
Several girls poked their heads out of the building. "Hey, did we get that pervert?" one asked.
"I don't know! He must be under that pile of rocks!"
"He's learned his lesson! Back inside, girls!"
The principal dug his way out of the pit, and faced the officers, all smashed and bruised. "Le's move on, shall we?"
After a half hour of exploring the school, with only a few occasional problems, they found themselves in the hall of classrooms on the first floor.
"And so ends de tour! You don' need to worry about dem delinquent keiki's. I got da best teacher in de world when it comes to delinquents! I hope dis has gone well!"
Matsui stepped forward. "Well, aside from the occasional booby traps in the bathrooms, the slight disturbances in the gym, and that strange cat-like noise coming from under the auditorium stage, everything seems to be fine. I guess this warrants a check, wouldn't you say?"
"I guess so. Let's just do it so we can leave."
"All right, then-"
A sudden rumble from the floor above stopped the superintendent's pen cold.
"What the hell is that?"
"Oh! Dat would be our fire drill! They'll be coming down shortly!"
"The fire alarm isn't on!"
"Well, we been having some problems wid it. But it be fixed later on!"
"Okay…Let's just get this over with."
That was when the rumble finally made it's way down the stairs, treating the principal and the two officers to the sight of a three-way fight involving Ranma, Hinako, and two of the three fiancés, with flying spatulas and bonbori, battle aura streams, and cracking of bones all included. The officers were trampled under the crossfire as well.
"Dammit, Kuno! OW! What the hell (ow!) is this?"
His question went unanswered as the principal, seeing his easy defeat, fled to the top of the building, where his safe office resided.
"The hell with it, let's just get out of here!" The two fled the school as well.
Back at the Tendo Dojo, Genma and Soun were preparing for a small training trip.
"Well, Tendo, I daresay this will be one relaxing trip."
"Indeed, Saotome. Two days of peace and rest, all to ourselves."
"Yes, and that little bonus on the end." Both men chuckled to each other.
Soun walked into the kitchen, where Kasumi and Nabiki resided.
"Ohayou, Otou-san."
"Well, we're off for our trip."
Little do they know, we're stopping by that controversial "Oktoberfest" festival, he thought to himself.
"We'll be gone for two days. Nothing but training and fresh air!"
Heh heh heh. They don't suspect a thing.
"…"
Well, off we go on our trip.
"Then to Oktoberfest."
Uh oh. Did I say that out loud, or just think it?
"I gotta think of a lie, fast!"
Kasumi spoke up. "Father, are you going to a drinking festival?"
Soun screamed, and ran out the door. "Saotome, let's go, NOW!"
As the two men ran through the streets of Nerima, they zoomed by Akane, who had been left behind by Ranma during the scuffle at school.
"Yeesh, why are they in such a hurry?" Her mind then returned to what it was on earlier. "Baka Ranma, just running off with those stupid fiancés, and leaving me in the dust! I'll show you!"
As she walked along the shopping street, she came across an unusual sight: a looted truck.
"Huh? What happened here?" She ran up to the front of the truck.
"What just happened here?" she asked the person standing beside the truck, who happened to be the driver.
"Oh, it was horrible! Someone forced their way in here, and stole the supply of ether and sleeping medicine! This is very bad for us!"
"Huh? Who would do something like-"
She stopped herself, and thought for a moment. Who would steal so many supplies designed to put people to sleep? Who else? She turned back to the driver.
"What did this person look like?"
"Oh, well, we didn't get too good of a look at her."
"Her?"
"Yeah, I think it was a 'her'. Anyway, I'm driving down this road, and this blizzard of black blocks all my vision. I couldn't see a damned thing! Then the truck crashed into a hydrant, and I nearly got thrown through the windshield. And all this time, I'm hearing this maniacal laughing that sounds like it's coming from some madwoman. When I got out, the truck was empty!"
Akane narrowed her eyes in annoyance. It was all narrowed down now. Black blizzard of rose petals, stolen sleeping and paralysis products that you couldn't buy, and that horrible laugh- all trademarks of one Kodachi Kuno.
"I think I know who did this. Why aren't you calling the police?"
"I did! But when I described the situation to them, they just hung up on me! I don't know what I'm gonna do now!"
"Hold on. I'll get her for you."
"You mean it?"
"Yes. I've dealt with her before, anyway. She won't be too hard to stop" Akane said, cracking her knuckles.
"Oh, thank you! Now, if I could only find out what this pod in the back of the truck is…"
"Huh?"
They both ran to the back of the truck, where a small pod that looked suspiciously like a wasp's nest was attached.
"You idiot! Those are wasps!"
But it was too late for a normal warning. The wasps buzzed out in the biggest swarm ever seen, and began chasing Akane and the driver.
One wasp, however, flew off from the rest, and made its way around the town. It buzzed through the shopping street, running into Soun and Genma, Ranma, who was running around with Daisuke and Hiroshi, before finally settling on a small ninja who was pulling a two-wheeled passenger cart through the streets on a bicycle.
(I don't like Sasuke. I personally think he's just one big mistake. But I found him suitable for this one sketch.)
Kuno looked up from his horoscope to find that the cart had slowed down considerably. He looked to his servant.
"I say, Sasuke, why have you stopped pedaling?"
Sasuke had stopped pedaling. "Um…there's a wasp in my eye, sir."
"And?"
"I, I'm allergic to wasp stings, sir. They cause me to, uh…die."
"But we're going much slower than before! How am I supposed to make the Kendo meeting?"
Sasuke's eyes remained locked on the wasp. "Uh…perhaps you could get out and push for just a moment, sir…"
"That's quite impossible, Sasuke. I could try to bat him off, if you like." He tried, feebly, to swat the wasp with his bokken.
"Uh, sir, that's really not- Ow! Ohhhhh…" The wasp, having stung Sasuke, flew away. Sasuke slumped forward onto the handlebars.
"Good heavens, we're wobbling! If you don't shape up, we'll come to a complete stop!"
Sasuke managed to speak, in a heavily slurred voice. "Get…me…to a…hospital…you have…to…push…"
"Feh. Pathetic. Very well, my dear Sasuke. I'll get you to a hospital- the only way I know how."
He sat up in the cart, and pointed his bokken. "Sasuke, you ridiculous excuse for a ninja, stand thine weak left leg up on that ridiculous flange!"
Sasuke, weakly struggling, stood his left leg up on the pedal.
"Now, if you can get it through that ugly purple dome of yours that you call your head, stand that right appendage up on that other piece not worthy of any feet!"
The right leg came up.
"Now pump those scrawny egg rolls you call legs before I have them broken! Be off!"
Sasuke started pedaling like a weak madman. When they finally reached the hospital, he was all out of breath, still pulling Kuno in the cart.
"Well done, Sasuke. I guess I have to do everything myself in order to-"
Kuno's head collided with a hospital sign, and the two slumped to the ground. Paramedics, running out with a stretcher, looked upon the heap in front of them, and decided to take the one that looked richer. However, all hope was not lost for Sasuke, as an all-too-familiar doctor walked by.
"Help…me…"
Dr. Tofu turned to see the purple heap at his feet. "Holy smokes! (You need booze! Just kidding!) Are you okay?"
Someone poked their head out of the hospital. "Tofu Ono! We've been waiting! Come on in!"
"Oh. Okay." He walked into the hospital, forgetting Sasuke like he should be forgotten.
Tofu walked into a boardroom, where a meeting was taking place. He took a seat.
"Now, Dr. Tofu Ono, we've received some complaints about your work concerning medical malpractice. We usually don't get any about you, but every once in a while, people come in here claiming that you go insane at the worst of times while on the job."
"Really?"
"Yes. Among these are gratuitous use of needles in acupuncture, using the wrong shiatsu, worsening people's backs during chiropractic therapy, and even giving someone a moxibustion when they were clearly resisting."
"I…I don't remember any of this."
"Well, people say you seem to black out. But they also link their problems to one thing: the presence of a girl named Tendo Kasumi. Does that name mean anything to you?"
"Huh? Kasumi?" Tofu's eyes began to fog up. "Well, yes, I know her…I guess she stops by every once in a while, but…I don't really remember what…"
The doctors and officers nodded to each other. "Dr. Tofu, we feel you should take a break from medical practice until you find-"
"No, no! I'm fine, I really am! I can keep working, I swear I'll be competent from now on. Please?"
The man sighed. "Well, if you're so confidant, why don't you come back in to the ER with us right now? We've got a patient who needs some shiatsu work…"
"Sure thing! I'll have him fixed up in no time!"
They all walked into the next room, which happened to be the ER. A man in a patient's gown sat on the hospital bed.
"Well, Doctor? There's your patient."
"Don't worry. You guys can count on me." As he made his way to the patient, the other doctor signaled to his colleagues.
"Okay, bring her in."
They opened the door, and in walked none other than Kasumi Tendo.
"Oh! Hello Doctor! How are you today?"
Tofu turned around, his glasses already fogged up. "Ka-, Kasumi! Uh…hello,…what ever are you doing here?"
"Well, I got a call not long ago from these doctors saying they needed me for something. I still don't know what it is…"
"Oh! Well, I'm pretty sure you'll do good, whatever it is." The other doctors started taking notes.
"Doctor, if you please? The patient is waiting."
"Oh! Of course, the patient!" He walked over to the patient, his eyes still fogged up.
"Now, what seems to be the problem?"
"I've got some real problems with my-"
"Your nerves? I knew it! Ladies and Gentleman, what we have here is a clear case of Nervous Eruptus, a dangerous condition where the nervous system shuts down in the rest of the body, in order to put all control on the brain, only to later blow the rest of the nerves, incinerating the body, allowing the brain to eventually escape the skull!"
"This guy's good!" the patient said.
"Our one hope is skull-based electro therapy. Now, I need two Toyota car batteries, with an in-line hook-up, and a couple of jumper cables! Chop chop!"
"Doctor, I don't have that kind of-"
"Dammit! You've wasted all our time, man! I was afraid of this, but now, we're going to have to improvise!"
He pulled the two heart paddles from their case, disconnected the cables, unwrapped the wires, tested them, and shoved them into the patient's face, causing him to writhe in pain at being electrocuted.
Tofu turned to the assistant in scrubs. "Keep doing that every three seconds. And make sure you keep it in the skull!"
"Oh my" Kasumi uttered.
The head doctor walked up to Tofu. "Doctor Tofu, I'm impressed. Those stupid patients really didn't know what they were talking about. We want you to keep on working."
"All right! Okay, Kasumi, what do you say to lunch?"
"That would be great, Doctor."
As the two left the building, the lights began to flicker due to the abuse of electricity. The lights also began to flicker across town, at Ucchan's Okonomiyaki. Everyone's favorite chef tapped at the lights.
"Stupid electrical system! When are those idiots gonna get here to fix it?"
"Is something the matter, Ukyo-sama?" the male kunoichi asked.
"It's okay, Konatsu, I've got it taken care of. The place has had problems with the electrical and water works lately, and I've called in some help."
"What? Why didn't you ask me?"
Ukyo sighed. "Konatsu, do you remember that time I asked you to fix the gas leak in the grill?"
The ninja nodded.
"And do you know what happened?"
The kunoichi drooped his head in embarrassment, remembering the incident that had left the restaurant in the form of a huge crater.
"I guess that makes sense…"
"Of course it does. That's why I've called for some professionals this time. I just don't know why they're late. They were supposed to be here half an hour ago."
Suddenly, a truck came to a speeding stop out front.
"Oh, that must be them! Konatsu, why don't you go out for a bit, this may take a while."
The kunoichi sighed again. "Very well, Ukyo-sama." With that, he left.
As soon as he walked out the door, three men, one with black hair, one balding, and one completely bald, formed a tower of heads at the door, appearing and singing in perfect harmony.
"Helloooo…"
"Helloooo…"
"Helloooo…"
Ukyo looked at them. "Are you the guys?"
The one with black hair stepped forward. "I don't know, are we? Say, what kind of place is this, anyhow?"
"What does it matter as long as we're not in jail?" the bald one said in a high voice.
"Aren't you guys from the repair company? I called you two hours ago to fix my electrical and plumbing systems."
"Plumbing? Hey, we've done that before" the balding one said. The one with black hair picked up a nearby plate, and smashed it over his friend's head.
"Quiet, you! I told you not to say anything about that! But, yes, we can do the job! What is it you want done, Miss?"
"The wiring in this place needs some work. And so does the plumbing. I can pay you guys good, but only if you do the job right."
The bald one turned to the one with black hair. "Hey, Moe! We don't know anything about wiring in a restaurant!"
Moe turned to his friend, and whacked him in the eyes. "You heard the lady! Grab the wire cutters and get crackin'!"
Meanwhile, in Springfield, USA, an all-too-familiar fat and bald man sat on the sofa, watching the event on TV.
"Heh heh heh. Moe is their leader" he said matter-of-factly.
Back at Ucchan's, the men still had yet to get to work. Ukyo laid out the plans for them.
"The wiring on this floor needs work, the bathroom plumbing upstairs, especially the toilet, needs fixing, and I want you to make sure I don't have a gas leak. Can you all do that?"
"Sure thing, Miss! You guys hear all that?"
Moe turned to his colleagues, who were turned away. He smacked the balding one in the head, which sent him directly into the head of the bald one.
"Ouch! What was that for, Moe? R-ruff! Ruff!"
"Larry, Curly, shape up! I don't want you two to mess things up like you did last time!" He turned back to Ukyo. "Don't you worry, Miss, this is gonna be the best repair job you ever saw. Let's go, boys!"
"Woob woob woob woob woob woob woob!"
As the men scattered, Ukyo sweatdropped. Shrugging it off, she went outside to do some shopping.
As Ukyo walked down the street, Shampoo whizzed by on her bike, heading back to the Nekohanten. When she arrived, she walked through the door.
"Shampoo!"
"Yes, Great-Grandmother?"
"I just got another order. You have to deliver this order of chow mien to this address, and quickly."
Shampoo took the slip. "666 Hara-Kiri Rd.? Okay." What strange name.
As she biked off with her next delivery, Ranma, Daisuke and Hiroshi continued to eat their dishes.
"So, you guys still satisfied that you didn't go on that exchange trip to America with me?" Daisuke asked.
"I'm perfectly fine. I had big plans here, anyway" Hiroshi answered.
"And you, Ranma?"
"I've been fine."
"Well, it was nice to be in a school without that stupid principal. And seeing as how their school year is sixty days shorter, staying there would have been fine."
"Sixty days?" Ranma said, putting down his drink. "How come no one told me about this?"
"You never asked."
Ranma shrugged. "Okay, 180 days of school to our 240. That's a pretty good deal. But what else have they got?"
"You don't have to work as much, 'cause the teachers aren't as strict. And you don't have to go to school on Saturdays at all."
Whistle "Must be pretty sweet."
"Yeah. Still, you wouldn't believe all the things that are so different over there. You know how most of the theaters around here are still showing those awful Godzilla movies?"
"Yeah, we know."
"Well, they actually have stuff to show over there. And they've got this rating system, which, if it's the right one, then you know it's gonna be good."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, over there, they have this system which is designed to say what movies kids can and can't see. And the movies that kids can't see turn out to be the best. In other words, all the coolest action movies have the high rating."
Ranma looked up from his ramen. "So, why do they bother putting these 'ratings' on the movies if they're just keeping good movies from kids?"
"Eh, something to do with arguments from parents and other groups. But it doesn't make sense, because kids still get into the movies anyway. You know those Kill Bill movies they were shooting here, right?"
"Yeah. Those were pretty good."
"Those were big in America, too. But you know what the strange thing about American movies is?"
"What?"
"They've become obsessed with documentaries."
Ranma gave a surprised look. "Documentaries? You serious?"
"Well, at least from one person. I mean, they just had an election year, plus a bunch of other stuff in the last four years. But this one fat guy, who always wears a baseball cap, and walks around with a mic and camera crew, annoying the hell out of the people he talks to. He makes his issues sound so important, even when they're pretty stupid. And he really hates his own president."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I saw the movie he recently did, and it was pretty boring. All it was was a bunch of political crap and accusations against this guy. But when it was over, people were on their feet, applauding!"
"Man, why do they care so much about that stuff? And who ever heard of a documentary being popular?"
Ranma sat back. "Ahh, who cares? I'm gonna go to Ucchan's. She's supposed to have something new now."
As Ranma walked outside, he didn't notice the small, dark figure hiding in the alley. The figure in question was wearing a pair of lit candles on his head.
"Saotome, you wretch! Your mistreatment of the virtuous Akane Tendo will not go unpunished! I will take great pleasure in seeing you suffer at the hands of this deadly ether I have behind me! Soon, you shall-"
He turned around to grab his ether bomb, only to find that it was gone.
"Oh, dear…Saotome, looks like you win this round, too. Well, back to the drawing board."
Meanwhile, Akane happened to notice Gosunkugi's plight, and made the connection.
"I just don't get it. Where would she be going with so much ether?"
As she walked, a loose flier flew by. She caught it, and struggled to read the English translation.
"Ok…Okto…Oktoberfest? What on earth…"
She then remembered an experience involving the old freak that she had sworn to forget.
"Oh my god! It's a drinking festival! The same one where the old letch…ugh! I don't even wanna know what she's gonna do there! Oh, but I still have to stop her. Might as well get there before she does!"
With that, she tossed the flier away, and it was caught by the wind yet again. It flew all the way to Ucchan's, where it rested on the noren sign. Under the sign, Larry was digging a hole in the ground for who knows what reason. Inside, Moe was messing with the wiring that powered the grill. And upstairs, Curly was trying his best to fix the toilet.
"All right. Let's see what we can do here! Nothing a good old crowbar can't fix!"
He plunged the crowbar into the upper flushing tank, and tried to pry loose the cap that was causing a clog. He succeeded in doing so, only to have it fly up, and hit him square in the face.
"Ow! Oh, a wise guy, eh?" He then repeatedly slapped himself before grabbing hold of the toilet, and shaking it like crazy.
"Nyahh! How d'ya like that, sucker?"
He keeps shaking until all of the water has drained from the tank.
"Oh. Whaddya know, a job well done! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk." He picked up the porcelain top, and put it back on the tank. "Now, to patch up that sink."
He walked over to the sink in question, and, of course, smashed the faucet with a hammer. Water immediately started spraying into his face.
"Ah! Oh no! Better get that fixed!" He started pulling out pipes, building a pathway for the water going who knows where.
Back on the first floor, Moe had dug up all the wiring, and was now pulling out nails on one floorboard with a hammer.
"Huh, a fine place to put wires, right next to a tank full of liquid. What the hell's she trying to do?"
While pulling back a nail, he accidentally slipped, and slammed the hammer into the propane tank connected to the grill. The ensuing gas leak, however, remained unnoticed.
Back up in the bathroom, Curly had once again caged himself in his own plumbing, and was now calling for help.
"Larry! Moe! Get me outta' here!" He the picked up a nearby drill. "Gotta get this water out! R-ruff! Ruff!"
He started drilling, which opened a hole in the floor, pouring the water right on Moe.
"Hey, hey! Shut it off! Plug it up! Did you hear what I said?"
He was silenced as Curly came crashing through the ceiling, right on top of Moe.
"Why you, I oughta-"
He grabbed a wrench, and smashed in Curly's face.
"Look what ya' did to the wiring! You tangled it all up! Now, untangle it, ya big, bald floater!"
"Hey! I resemble that remark! R-ruff! Ruff!"
"Just do it, meathead!"
Curly began fumbling with the wires, occasionally getting shocked.
"Hey, I was-OW!-doing some real work up-OW-there, you don't have to be a real-OW!"
"Look at it! You're getting it more tangled, ya moron!" He smashed him with the wrench again.
"Ow! Okay, wise guy, it's on! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!"
As the two began a severe poking match, neither of them noticed that the gas leak had gotten considerably bigger, mixing in with the water. While they were still fighting, Larry walked in.
"Hey, guys. Whatt're you's doing?" He tossed his cigar toward the leak.
"I'm trying to fix up this nincompoop here! We're being paid well for this job, and he can't even do it right! Say, where is that girl, anyway? It's time we collected for our job!"
"I don't know, she just dropped out earlier."
"Oh god!"
"What is it, Moe?"
Then, all of them noticed it: the gas leak, the exposed wires, and the cigar about to be engulfed by the mixture of gas and water.
"Nyah-ah-ah-ah-ah!"
"Run away!"
Larry and Moe managed to use Curly's head as a battering ram, and escaped the building before the ensuing explosion.
Meanwhile, at Oktoberfest…
Genma and Soun were enjoying themselves leisurely while Happosai was making like Boris Yeltsin and Ted Kennedy.
"Ah, what a good booze festival, Tendo."
"Indeed, Saotome. Nothing is better."
Just then, Akane ran up to one of the tables, looking around wildly.
"Dammit! She hasn't struck yet. Well, I'll wait for her-"
"Akane!"
"Huh? Otou-san?"
"What are you doing here?"
She walked over to them. "Oh, nothing. Just fulfilling a martial artist's duty…"
Soun gulped. "Akane, this really isn't a lady thing to do, even for-"
"Dammit, Dad, someone's going to poison all the drinks!"
"What do you mean?"
"A very suspicious someone has been stealing ether all over town, and that can only mean-"
thump thump thump thump thump
"Huh?" Akane looked around. All the men had fallen down, and were part asleep, and part writhing from the ether binge.
"Ohohohohoho! Now that everyone is out, no one will be able to stop me! And my dear Ranma surely must be among them!"
The Black Rose herself bounded out of her hiding place, and started searching the fallen men.
"Hmm? Not him. Not him, either. Definitely not him."
"Hey! I hate to burst your bubble, but Ranma isn't here!"
Kodachi turned to see Akane. "You! You…harlot! You kept Ranma away from here to foil my plans, didn't you? You shall pay!"
"Oh yeah? C'mon, Dad, Oji-sama, let's-"
The two were now on their own ether binge. Akane sighed, and jumped into the fray.
The ensuing fight was enough to catch the attention of Ranma and Ukyo, who were walking by after having met up.
"Huh? What's that in there?" Ranma asked.
"Just some gaijin drinking festival," Ukyo answered. "Pretty weird if you ask me."
"Hey, is that Akane? And- oh no. Kodachi!"
"Huh?"
"I gotta get over there!" Ranma jumped the fence, and ran towards the fight, which was now shrouded in a haze of black rose petals. Ukyo, not wanting to be left out, followed him.
When Kodachi saw Ranma coming her way, she jumped with horrible joy. "Oh, Ranma-sama! I knew you would come!"
"I only came to protect Akane! Now, back off already!"
As the fight continued, the teens noticed something strange headed towards them. A small, undistinguishable phalanx running at top speed, and screaming the whole way.
When it finally came to a stop on the festival grounds, it was revealed to be the three workers Ukyo had hired earlier.
"Well, this is probably far enough," Moe said.
"You better be right this time. Nyuk, nyuk."
"Hey! What are you three doing here? Didn't I set you to work?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah! The Miss! We did our job, fair and well! In fact, I think I speak for my colleagues when I say it's time to collect! It's what we call super service!"
"Super soivice!"
Ukyo stared for a moment. "You guys are done already?"
They didn't get any further. A massive explosion coming from a few block down stole the attention of the teens.
"Hey, Ucchan, wasn't that near your restaurant?" Ranma asked.
Ukyo, however, didn't hear him. She knew damn well where her restaurant was, and knew the whole story. She clutched her battle spatula, and stared down the stooges.
"You…miserable…MORONS!"
She then swung her spatula with all her might onto the most notable target: Curly's head.
"OW! Hey! That really hoit!"
Ukyo, clearly not satisfied, did it again. And again. And again, over and over.
"Ow! Hey! Watch-OW! Nngh! Stop doing-OW! Ruff! Ooh! Ow!"
Larry, watching the ordeal with interest, tossed another cigar into the air. It happened to land on one of the tables laden with drinks…which were laden with oh-so-flammable ether.
The other teens and Moe barely noticed this. By the time they did, it was too late. The last things heard before the oncoming chaos were Ukyo's scream of anger, Curly's scream of pain, and Moe's yell of "Why, you…"
The aftermath of the explosion had been utter chaos. Those who had survived, and had remained on the scene, were arrested. Apparently, large amounts of ether and alcohol was bound to attract trouble. Luckily, the teens and the stooges weren't among those arrested. Curly had been blasted back to the states after the explosion triggered the gas he had long kept cooped up inside himself, and Larry and Moe held on for the ride. Ukyo, Ranma, and Akane had all run away in time, and Kodachi had disappeared as usual. Genma and Soun, however, were not so lucky.
As the two sat in a prison cell, a man outside the cell eagerly tried to get their attention.
"Don't you worry, Mr. Tendo. I've got a foolproof plan to get you and your friend out of here: surprise witnesses. Each more surprising than the last. I tell ya, the judge won't know what hit 'em! Ow!"
He was immediately hit by a police club, and revealed to be in the cell next to Soun and Genma.
"Pipe down in there, Hutz!" the officer warned.
As Ranma and Akane walked home, Akane couldn't help but reflect on their day.
"Well, today was certainly exciting!"
"Are you kidding? I have to go and bail both our fathers out of jail later! This is getting to be a pretty big bummer."
"Yeah, but look at what happened: we easily skipped school; the principal failed in his inspection; Kodachi poisoned the drinks at a drinking festival; Dr. Tofu's been promoted to a big position at the hospital; and Ukyo has to have her restaurant be rebuilt! I guess people really do have their own crazy adventures around here."
Ranma smiled. "Yep. There's just not enough time to hear 'em all."
THE E-
(But wait! What of Shampoo?)
As Shampoo walked down the dark alley of Hara-Kiri Road, she started to get a bit bugged out.
"This place creepy. I don't know why I have to come around here. Mousse should do this work-"
Suddenly, a pail of water that had been sitting on a nearby wall was pushed over, reducing the Amazon to a mere cat.
"Mrow! Meow?"
Shampoo-neko looked around, very scared. The alley was alive. As several pairs of eyes appeared in the darkness, Shampoo knew she was in trouble. The eyes definitely belonged to tomcats. And they were all eyeing her in a very creepy way…
There was nothing Shampoo could do other than run.
As the tomcats pounced, the darkness covered the entire alley. What happened after that? That's up to another writer.
THE END
Whew! Finally done! Well, I hope you all enjoyed this one. And as for the episode count, I don't even know. There may be 22 of them, or there may not be. It depends on how you look at it. Well, until next time. Happy trails.