The camera pans in on the handsome fellow in the sky, reading a book. This glorious individual notices it and puts down his book so he can give all his wonderful attention to the audience.
Oh, I didn't see you there. Hello, I am going to be your narrator for this, unique, battle that is about to unfold in this conquest map. Shame we don't have a better name for it. Anyway, you might, scratch that, do remember me from the matches you had. You know, the wonderful voice in the sky that tells you when you have been slain.
Mercury zooms in and looks up to the heavens." You mean Drybear Bart and Dm?"
No! Those men are hacks compared to me! Now run along before I smite you.
"Hehe I see what you did there zoom!" Mercury runs on over to the chaos side of the map.
Now where was I? Glorious voice in the sky, narrator, yada yada, oh right. The first team that is going to be in this battle is on the order side. Let's check in on them.
Neith resides in the fountain shop, checking in on the aisle for physical attack items. The shop's decor makes it feel very serene. Light shining in over head, a water fountain in the middle and golden statues of soldiers erected on the sides. The aisles are made up of stone and on the shelf in front of Neith are two very important items. She now has to make a decision that plagues every hunter.
"Boots or spiked gauntlet? So hard to choose." Another god pounces over to her side. The Goddess of cats leans her arm on the world weaver.
"So what you gonna pick Gra-" Neith hushes Bastet by slapping her hand over Bastet's mouth. The slap is loud enough to get the attention of the other gods, Bacchus and Vulcan, but both of them look away after a second.
"Quiet. Don't call me that around others. I can't let them know that the young, fun goddess Neith has grandchildren. Then I'll never get a date."
Bastet looks over to the two male gods down the aisle buying their equipment at the clerk. "You really want a date with wine breath and the God of Baldness over there?"
"Vulcan is very sweet and Bacchus is fun to have at parties, but they're not my type. I love a man in armor."
"You're too nice gra-"
Neith presses her index finger to her lips and says" Sssh."
"Sorry, but I can't help it. It feels weird to call my gra- I mean you by your name."
"You'll get used to it honey." A bright smile spreads on Neith's face as she bends over to be face to face with Bastet." Or I'll have to punish you like you're a cub again. Bastet bawled in remembering that painful, horrible, atrocious memory." Please don't splash me again." She whimpered. Baset put on her best cutie face she could muster, the back of her paws pressed up to her chin.
"What do you think that was about?" Vulcan asked his drunk companion, Bacchus.
"Maybe it's about food. Women *hic* love food don't they?"
"I think you have the genders mixed up. Anyway." Vulcan puts on the counter a vampiric shroud, enchanted trinket, two health potions and two mana potions.
"2200 gold now." The clerk insisted. By the way, his name is Bob if you wanted to know.
"2200? That's robbery. We are in war, can't you just give this to me?"
"Well I'm in a relationship with a woman that keeps stealing all my money. So you can say I'm in a war too. A war with my landlord and the only weapon I got is money."
Vulcan was taken aback by this. He didn't expect that this simple store clerk to have so much trouble. "Why do you not just leave this woman if she troubles you so?" He asked.
"Cause when it's late at night, and we both get in bed, she is like a-
"Oh please stop right now!" Vulcan protested.
Bacchus took a chug from his bottle." Go on."
"What are you so uptight about steel leg? Don't wanna hear about the marvelous adventures I have in my bedroom?"
"No.…"
"About the plentiful times I went spelunking."
"No."
"Or when I faced off against these two goliaths with only my hands."
"No!"
"What about when-"
"I'll just take the tiny trinket instead and go." Vulcan took his gear and left the shop. Trying his best not to think about the things that go on inside Bob's bedroom. Bacchus chugs down his drink again and asks Bob.
"So, hows the spelunking?"
Hey Vulcan. He looks up to me." What do you want voice in the sky?"
You are now thinking about all the kinky sex that Bob had. OooOooo.
He groans and sinks his head." Damn it."
On the other side of the shop is Hel and her other personality, Dark Hel, shopping and talking about what they should be shopping for.
The kinder, more gentler Hel speaks first." I think we should get wards, maybe, it will help out the team.
"The team?" Her dark side says." F**k the team!"
Light Hel panics, shushing her own self and hoping no one heard what she just said. "Don't say that, I want everyone to accept me."
"If you want your team to do that then show them how much of a bad*** you are on the battlefield. Obliterate your enemies with your magic, not wards."
"Aaw, but I don't want to kill the other team. We should just all come together so we can make a truce. "
"Just so we can break it immediately afterwards when they turn their backs on us. Muhahahahahahah!"
Man this chick has some problems.
"I heard that voice in the sky!" Dark Hel yells as she shakes her fist up at me." Don't make me kill you."
Oh what you gonna do Hel? What you gonna do? I'm up here, and you're down there!
She snarls and says a series of words about my mother. Jokes on her, I have no mother. Hahahahaha ha….ha…ha…...I'm lonely.
All the Gods exit the shop with their pockets empty, and their equip slots partially full. Bacchus raises his wine jar in the air." We should celebrate our upcoming battle with a drink! Or two."
Vulcan raises his hand to rub his temple." Oh no, he's smashed already. "
"I'm ok about getting a little tipsy." Neith said.
"You sure Neith? You're not worried about having to fight intoxicated? "Bastet asked.
"I can hold my wine, I'll be fine. Give me some of that."
Bacchus hands her another drink he had in his robes (ew) and then she takes it and ,wisely, pours it into her mouth.
"I guess if my family can I can too. Hit me up with a drink Bacchus." Bastet too took a glass of wine from the drunk God and starts to pour it as well.
"Well, if all of you are willing to accept me then I'll drink too." Light Hel takes a glass that Bacchus hands her and begins to drink like everyone else. Remember, Hel is not a good influence for your kids.
Vulcan is the odd man out. Staying outside of the group that began drinking together. Bacchus notices the stiff God and approaches him with a drink outstretched in his hand.
"Come on buddy. Drink and be….um….how's that saying goes again?"
"It's drink and be merry."
"Yea, be Jerry!"
Vulcan sighs." I didn't say that but oh well. This will probably be the last drink I'll get before I die and come back." He takes the glass out of Bacchus's hand and drinks like the rest of them. All of them drinking that delicious, thirst quenching, lip licking, um, could I get some of that?
"Sure Voice in the sky." Bacchus says." Drink down."
It's up but anyway just throw a bottle into the sky I'll catch it.
"Ok." He tosses the wine into the sky and I catch it, somehow, you don't need to know that part. Bacchus raises his jar up so that the sunlight can shine upon it.
"Let's all drink and be Jerry!"
On the other side of the battlefield, the chaos team are in a very heated debate. Very fitting to their name. *sip* wow this wine is good. Tastes like if I put rainbows, unicorns and happiness all mixed together in a drink!
Anyway, Artemis was busy trying to rub the headache away that her team gave her. All of them were yelling about which position they should go to. The shortest and youngest of them all ,Scylla, made known of her opinion the loudest.
"I wanna be in the duo lane by myself! My pets don't like to share their meals. Especially with gator mouth over there." She points to gator mouth, God of the Nile, who was practicing his axe swings. Getting all,uh, pumped up for the match.
"Little girl, little girl, I've seen your dogs in combat. They're full after their first god while my hunger is unabated. So give me duo or I'll sharpen my teeth on your bones!" Sobek roars at the little girl but she wasn't afraid by this at all, she just yelled back louder. Probably cause she has seen scarier things in the mirror! Zing! Hi five…..oh….right….no hands.
*chug* Anyway, the other annoyance to Artemis besides the bloodthirsty gods was slick back right next to her.
"Oh lorde please tell me I haven't met my fate yet and gone to heaven cause you must be an angel. Mmmmm." Swagni proceeds to touch Artemis but she bats his hand away with her bow.
"Touch me like you did before and I swear you this will be a four versus 5." Artemis says with a strong glare going Swagni's way. The God of swag cups his hurt hand and goes to speak to Artemis again. With even more delight.
"Baby got bite! Girl, I know some fellas who would love a girl like you. You're gonna need some protection from them so you best stay with me, ya dig?"
"I think we could handle this with one less god."
Right when Artemis was about to shoot Swagni, the most hyperactive God in this match zooms in between them. Knocking Artemis weapon out of her hand and saving Swagni from her wrath. Before she could even react to this, Mercury began speaking at a speed of hundred miles per hour.
"Artemis Artemis Artemis please put me in duo lane I could be like two people by myself or three or four and if I could do that I could be in mid and solo and in the jungle and on the other team so I'll be fighting myself so it will be mercury vs mercury vs mercury vs merc-"
Swagni claps Mercury on his shoulder before he could utter his name again." Have you ever heard of breathing fool? The thing that keeps you alive? Do it sometime."
While Mercury kept flapping his mouth to Swagni, Artemis goes to pick up her bow from the floor. That's when all the constant noise hits her. The yelling, the babbling, the talking. It penetrates her ears like a drill. Digging all the way to her brain to incite her nerves. It was becoming ever so intolerable that she felt like she has to explode.
"SHUT UP!" Artemis bellowed out that word with all of her voice, essentially silencing all the gods around her. She points to Sobek." You're coming with me in duo. Eat whoever you want, I don't care. Little monster there is going mid, Swagni is going solo and Mercury will jungle. Now can we all just go to our lane so we can prepare for the serious fight that is coming up?" Damn, what a buzz kill. "Shut up voice in the sky." Oh, did I say that out loud? My bad.
Everyone mumbles under their breath and then all said at the same time "Fine."
"Great, now let's get serious. We have a battle ahead of us." So then they all departed to their respective lanes and, oooh. Feels like that wine is getting to me. But, but, I t-thought I only had one bottle?
A/N- I hope you had enjoyed and if you did could you do me a favor and tell Swagni? It could be payment for the "services" I got from him.
Anyway this won't be updated on a daily basis. Just a little side project while I work on my main story. See you sometimes in the future.