disclaimer: I do not own The Host or the characters. All the credit goes to Stephenie.
summary: Melanie Stryder has bad luck, and can't even cry about it. Then comes Wanderer, a soul with a real heart- one that very well could be pulsing with blue blood. Along with Wanderer comes another. Melanie has something to cry about now, no doubt about it.
a/n: This is only a sort of get-to-know-Mel. and one of the very few chapters that Mel will have the POV to. Please review... the next chapter (already written) will come faster! (: Oh, by the way, I can't have my story all to the left, since my computer will mess all of my writing up. :
all i want to do is cry.
melanie pov.
"You gotta believe me, hey I need it badly.
And they never see me- those sentimental fools."
Hide Another Mistake – The 88
"Mel? They're back."
I closed my eyes and rested my head on the crappy pillow that was the softest thing on my also very crappy cot. All I wanted was to jump up and go see my father, my friends and "family"... but I couldn't quite yet. I was admitting my revelations to myself, and I wanted to finish it- I was on a roll, and I had never actually admitted much to myself that I knew was true. I had a sudden feeling as if I should stop, but I shook that thought out of my head and kept going with my disclosures.
One) I'm in love with a man in my dreams. When I close my eyes, it's always him. But when I open them, he's gone again. I don't know him yet, but I plan to. I plan to find him and kiss him as soon as I find him, but it'll be awfully hard since I can't see his face. It's always blackened out, as if he was burnt to death...
"Melanie! We need you... your father..."
I ignored the voice, knowing that it was just his "old-man back" acting up yet again. I knew that my mother would want me to run to his rescue, since I am the only woman in our family, but she's not here- and I just have to finish what I've started.
Two) I lie constantly, and it hurts me, and digs a deeper hole in my heart. I hate to lie. I wish that I could be completely honest, but it's too hard for me. I had never confessed to it hurting me, but this is a revelation.
I'm doing it right, no matter what.
"Mel!"
I could hear sobbing, and it phased me. Who was... crying? No one had cried ever since my mother... I hadn't even cried then. I can't cry. It just doesn't work any longer. I'll put the "cry" switch on, and it just puffs smoke out of my ears and does nothing else.
Revelation, revelation, revelation alert.
Three) When I feel like crying and I don't, I become mad. Extremely mad. Curse-out-your-poor-little-brother mad.
Now the sobs were so loud, so painful, that I popped my eyes open with shock.
I felt like Superwoman, like I should go comfort whomever was crying so audibly. What if something happened on the raid? What if they were caught? What if it wasn't my father, or Andy, or Kyle, or Ian back... but the Seekers?
I scrunched up my face, knitting my eyebrows and looking down at my lap. I tried harder and harder every wasted second, although I knew that it was a lost cause.
The steam definitely puffed out of my ears, and I jumped up with a new rush of adrenaline.
"What's going on?" I yelled, now frustrated. "What the hell happened?!" I ran my hands harshly through my long, dark brown hair, squinting my eyes. The living hall was completely empty, and I stopped my... I couldn't call it walking. More like... stomping. Yeah, that's it.
"Arg! Where the hell are all of you?" I yelled into the darkness of the tunnel I was now entering, trailing my hand along the purplish stones. I pulled it away once I assessed what I was doing, feeling vulnerable. I huffed and puffed, feeling my eyes getting the tiniest bit teary. Inevitably, nothing came down my face.
All I wanted to do was cry.
"Max," someone mumbled. I recognized the voice as Trudy, the woman who had tried calling me down before. I could hear her voice shaking in the one word she spoke- the word that just happened to be the name of my father.
I broke off in a run, using the light ahead of me in the kitchen and dining hall as my guide.
"Melanie!" I froze at the sound of my name in that low, husky, child's voice. Jamie? Jamie?
Nothing could have happened to Jamie. If anything did... if anything did... I would take matters into my own hands. Along with knives, I added morbidly. I took my index finger and middle finger, slapping my forehead lightly. Knives? Knives?
Is that the best that you can come up with, in a series of underground tunnels? God, Mel.
Ugh, I sicken myself.
Fortunately, an unhurt Jamie ran up into my waiting arms, still a bit frozen but defrosting as Jamie held tighter and tighter on my waist. I took a few deep breaths, resting my head on Jamie's and checking him sneakily for any wounds.
"Oh, Jamie, oh, Jamie," I chanted gently, now rubbing his mess of black curls. "Who did they take? Who... who?" I croaked out my last words, breaking down in a tearless fit. I must have looked ghastly, since Jamie looked down to the ground and sniffled.
Jamie seemed to be becoming even more upset, standing in front of my pained figure. Silent tears streamed down his face, and he rubbed my shoulder soothingly for a few minutes. I would love silent tears to stream down my face.
"You don't know," he said, a little surprised but still very upset. He wasn't asking anything- this was something he knew for sure. I nodded halfheartedly. "It's... Dad."
I hadn't noticed until now, but everyone was in this room except for my father and Doc. My father, the only parent left in my family, and Doc.
I frantically searched the room, just knowing that he was here somewhere. I only saw the faces of Kyle, Ian, Trudy, Wes, Jamie, Heidi, and so on. Where are they? I yelled in my head. I closed my eyes tightly, a bit too tightly, and broke down onto my knees.
"Jamie, Jamie, what's happening? What happened to Dad?!" I yelled. I had never been so mad before... I had never wanted to cry so effing much before.
Jamie, wide-eyed and scared, ran to Ian and stuffed his head under Ian's arm. Damn it, Melanie, I scolded myself. Scare your poor younger brother!
I didn't notice so much when Trudy ran over to sooth me, since only one thing was going through my mind and only one face went before my eyes.
Daddy, I thought softly as I fell down onto my stomach, passing out on the cold and hard uncarpeted floor.
That's good. I needed some sleep.