It's said over and over that you can drink your problems away. The number one cure to a broken heart is supposed to be at the bottom of every bottle.
I can tell you firsthand, that's all a lie.
I fell out of my favorite bar that was just outside Brooklyn.
I had just detached myself from another crazy hot girl and the cool night air felt amazing on my face. I managed to stumble to the nearest lamp post and leaned on it for support.
I was drunk. Completely smashed, just like almost every other night of my life. I had spent another night drinking and dancing with random people. Every time I came here I would get hammered then get a room upstairs, and sometimes take a girl with me.
But why was today different? What had made me leave the bar, the alcohol, the girls behind? Today was my anniversary. Exactly three years ago my life had become living hell. Three years ago I let her walk away. Three years ago I became a coward and an alcoholic.
Usually I could distract myself at the bar. I'd either drink so much I couldn't think, or focus all my attention on whatever girl was interested. But not tonight. Tonight she was all I could think about.
After a few minutes of standing alone I realized I needed to get a ride home. I fumbled in my pockets for enough money to get at taxi. Nothing.
"Dammit," I mumbled when all I could find in my pocket was my phone.
I stared at my phone. Who would come get me? Who would get out of bed in the middle of the night to pick up a drunk ex-star student/writer? No one in my family, none of my friends...but she would.
And it was with that thought that I started calling a number I never would have called if I was sober.
"Hello?" her angelic voice answered.
"Hey," I mumbled, "I need you?"
"Wh-what?"
"M drunk," I slurred, "Pleeese comegetme."
I could only hope that she would understand my impaired speech.
"Don't move," she demanded.
What the hell was I doing? All it took was one phone call and I was leaving a party to go save him. This was crazy!
I didn't even have time to think about it. It didn't take me long to get there. And without even asking him I knew where he'd be.
I parked in the first open space I found and got out to hurry down the sidewalk.
My hair was curled and half pulled up. I was wearing a nice, tight, black dress and my red heels clicked on the sidewalk as I walked along. I clutched my red purse in anticipation as I hurried towards him.
I turned the corner and I could not only see, but hear his favorite bar. I took just a few more steps before his silhouette came into view.
I would recognize that silhouette anywhere. Even slumped against a lamp post in the middle of the night. My breath caught in my throat and my heart was beating out of control. I had frozen in place 20 feet from him, and he was to out of it to notice me.
I continued to watch as he reached into his pants pocket. Something metal slipped through his fingers and hit the ground.
"Shit," I heard him mumbled, from where I was.
He proceeded to pick up what I now realized was a lighter. He flicked it quickly with his thumb and lit a cigarette. He shoved the lighter back in his pocket and put the cigarette between his lips.
Shock and disappointment ran through me. What had happened to him?
The sight of him standing there smoking brought me back to reality. I quickly covered the last 20 feet between us.
Without a word I came up behind him and pulled the cigarette out of his mouth. I threw it on the ground and stamped it out with my heel.
"Hey what the hell are you - "
He broke off when he saw it was me.
"S," he breathed, "You came."
"Of course I came Dan."
He looked shocked, and relieved, and happy all at the same time.
I looked him over starting at his old shoes. They were followed by a loose-ish pair of jeans. And of course a tight gray v-neck that clung to every muscle in his chest. The shirt was covered slightly by a worn blue cardigan. My eyes then landed on his face. There were evident black bags under his bloodshot eyes. I could see lipstick smeared on the corner of his mouth. His perfect hair was a total mess. He was as gorgeous as ever.
"Serena I didn't know what ta do," he mumbled, "I'm drunk."
"I know you are Dan," I said kindly.
"Say that again."
"What?" I asked.
"Dan."
"Come on Dan," I said, "I need to get you home."
"You're beautiful," he whispered as his eyes trailed up and down my body.
I felt slightly uncomfortable as the drunken Dan Humphrey checked me out, as obviously as he could.
"Do you think you can direct me to your apartment?" I asked him.
"A course!" he exclaimed, grinning at me stupidly.
"Alright, let's go."
I draped his arm over my shoulder and we started walking down the sidewalk. He leaned most of his weight on me as we walked.
"As a side note," Dan said, "Its friggin sweet that ya found me. Like serously, who could do that?"
I didn't answer, but he continued to ramble incoherently.
"Dan it's ok," I told him, "We'll talk later, ok?"
It's not that I didn't miss listening to his voice or hearing him say my name, but now wasn't the time. I couldn't handle it if he said something he didn't mean or wouldn't remember when he was sober.
So we continued silently down the sidewalk. I could smell the alcohol on Dan's breath. His clothes too smelt strongly of the bar and smoke. But even through the stench I could still smell him. That delicious Dan smell still peaked through and into my nose.
We reached my car and I helped him into the car and even buckled him. I then hurried around and got in myself.
"Ok," I said, "Tell me where to go."
"Turn right," he demanded.
"Ok," I said, "Just tell me when to turn next.
"Dan?" I said when he didn't answer.
I looked over at him when I was stopped at a stop sign. His head was resting against the chair and his mouth was open. Soft snores were already filling the silence.
I rolled my eyes and pulled a U-turn in the middle of the street. There was no way he could give me directions to the backseat, let alone his house.
So that's how I found myself driving back to my house at three in the morning with Dan Humphrey in my passenger seat.
He barely woke up as I got him out of the car, up the steps, and through the front door. No one else stirred either. Chuck was on vacation somewhere and Eric was away at college. I wasn't sure where my mom was but I knew she wouldn't mind if Dan crashed in a spare room for the night. I was again supporting most of his weight as I pulled him to the closest room. I managed to get him laid down and his head on a pillow.
I stared down at the ex-love of my life and couldn't help but smile.
I knew he wouldn't even notice, but I thought I might as well make him comfortable while he was sleeping. I started at his feet and slowly pulled off both of his shoes. I walked to the other side of the bed and reached down to pull his muscular arm out of his twisted cardigan. Once I got one arm out I was stuck. I began snaking my arm underneath him and started pulling the sweater out with my other arm. I thanked gosh he was sleeping cause I was pretty much giving him a huge hug right now. While laying on him.
I gave the cardigan one more tug and Dan's eyes fluttered opened and he smirked.
"Mmm," he mumbled, "You're so sexy."
"And you're so drunk," I replied freeing the sweater and tossing it onto a nearby chair, "Now go back to sleep. Trust me, you need it."
I turned to take a step away but something held me. His calloused hand gripped onto mine, and was not letting go.
"What's wrong Dan?" I asked turning back to him.
He tugged on my arm twice, pulling me closer to him.
"Stay," he demanded.
"Dan, I need to go up to my bed," I told him.
"Stay," he demanded again.
He pulled once more on my hand so I was forced to sit down on the bed next to him.
"Please," he mumbled, staring at me.
"Fine," I gave in, "As long as you promise to sleep.
His eyes snapped shut instantly. I couldn't help but smile again. I removed my shoes and lay down sideways next to him so my back was pressed against his chest. It felt so normal, so right.
Dan's arm instantly draped over my side so his hand dangled in front of my stomach, just like old times.
As much as I loved the feeling of him lying there, it hurt like hell.
It hurt that Dan had called me beautiful and sexy. It hurt that he wanted me to stay. It hurt cause I knew these were things he would forget, or maybe even regret when he sobered up. It hurt that laying there with me was basically nothing to him.
Of course it felt normal to me cause I had never let go. It felt normal to him because he had changed and gotten used to sleeping with a different girl each night.
When we broke up again in our junior year of college, it really was final. We had actually fought and not just had a problem we couldn't work through. Dan left town after that. As for as I know he hadn't even finished his last year at NYU. Something had happened and turned him into the person he was now. It was like we swapped roles. I hadn't gone home with a random guy in years, and here he was with two different color lipsticks smudged on his face.
But even as I was drowned with pain and my tears stung with hot tears, I didn't get up. I couldn't even bring myself to remove Dan's arm from around me. Because in the end, I would take this pain night after night if it meant being in his arms. Because though in three years I hadn't felt his much pain, I also hadn't felt this alive.
To be continued…..