Title: Lost
Author: Anna
Rating: Low, real low.
Summary: He just wanted a chance with her, just a chance.
AN: Post 3x22, more notes at the end including my thoughts on the finale. Thank you readers for the reviews for the last chapter of Undone, they are always welcome, especially for this one shot. Speaking of Undone and its sequel…uhhh, it might be delayed just a touch. The finale really put a hole in my plot and now I have to figure out how I want to handle it, my brain simply won't let me ignore it, I have to work the revelation into Unravel now. Just trying to figure out how…
You tried to lie and say I was everything
I remember when I said I'm nothing without you
I'm nothing without you
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
Let me inside, let me get close to you
Change your mind or get lost if you want me to
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
In you
The pain of it all
The rise and the fall
I see it all in you
Now every day
I find myself saying
I want to get lost in you
I'm nothing without…you.
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
Let me inside, let me get close to you
Change your mind or get lost if you want me to
Somehow I found (somehow I found) a way to get lost in you
A way to get lost in you
In you
Lost In You, 3 Days Grace
Sitting on the chaise lounge on her lanai, a beer in her hand, Kono wondered how everything had gone so badly so quickly. One minute she was happy, wrapped in Adam's arms in the expensive sheets of a high end hotel; the next he was holding a gun in her face before tying her up and leaving her in the bedroom of an abandoned house. If Chin hadn't followed her…
She chose not to dwell on that.
Taking another long drink of the beer, Kono closed her eyes behind her sunglasses and enjoyed the warmth of the midday sun. She had already tried surfing to rid her mind of Adam, but it had only worked as long as she was on the waves, once back on land the memories washed over her again. Them in bed, laughing, his hands running over her, the smiles he would give her.
It pained her soul to think he could throw that all away over Wo Fat and his need for revenge. Then again, after watching Steve suffer at Fat's hands as well, Kono could at least understand Adam's motivations. It didn't erase the hurt though and she knew deep down that if it came down to it, Steve never would have done that to her. He never would have betrayed her trust in him.
He certainly never would have held a gun to her face.
Wo Fat had destroyed so many lives and the urge to kill him herself was overwhelming.
Chin had come over earlier, clearly intending to give her a lecture on the inappropriateness of her relationship with Adam, but one look at her exhausted face and the guilt in her eyes had him leaving almost as soon as he arrived. Clearly she was punishing herself far more than Chin ever could.
Shifting in the chair, Kono was annoyed when suddenly the sun was blocked, cooling her almost instantly. So she cracked one eye open to find a large, familiar silhouette looming over her.
"Steve," she said dryly.
"Kono," he responded then leaned over farther, probably taking in the three empty beer bottles that sat on the lanai next to the lounger. "I rang your bell and knocked; now I know why you didn't answer."
She remained silent and continued to watch him through her sunglasses, curious why he was there. Then she realized she was lying there in a bikini and wondered briefly if she should cover herself, but remembered they had met while she was half naked so it would probably be odder if she did.
"Had a few there, huh?" he asked.
Shrugging she finished the beer in her hand and realized she had polished off four beers in just under an hour and a half. No wonder her head was starting to swim a little. Ok, a lot.
Picking up another beer and pushing the sunglasses onto her head she replied, "Just means you have a lot of catching up to do." The words sounded slow and slurred even to her own ears.
Then she opened the Longboard and handed it to him. Steve seemed to consider his options before accepting the drink and sitting on the lounge chair next to her. Kono elected to wait on another one; if Steve was there she wanted to be mostly sober. Getting drunk in front of your boss because the boyfriend you had been sneaking around with betrayed you was probably crossing some line no one had even thought of yet.
They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes before he spoke again. "So, you and Adam Noshimuri?" It was hard for him to keep the hurt out of his voice.
"Yep," she sighed. "Me and Adam Noshimuri. Chin tell you?"
"Nope."
"Then how…"
He sighed. "At the airfield. You called him by his first name and were begging, not commanding him, to put the gun down. Plus, how could I miss the looks you were sharing as he was arrested?"
"Oh…" Leave it to a SEAL to gather that from five minutes of interaction.
He took a long drink of the beer. "I don't…why him?"
She shrugged and continued to look forward into her small but green backyard. "Why does it matter?"
"It just does." His voice was tight as if he was struggling to control something.
She looked at him and his face mirrored his tone, she could practically see the muscles straining. What was he fighting exactly?
"He cared about me, Steve. We enjoyed being with each other…"
Now Steve looked like he was about to blow. "You enjoyed being together? You were dating the heir apparent to a crime family, Kono. Not just some guy you picked up in a bar!"
Irritation grew in her, who was he to question this? "He is clean, Steve. He is trying to turn what his father made into a legit business."
"Did he tell you that?" Anger radiated through him but she couldn't quite tell if it was directed at her or not.
"Yes."
"Before or after you slept with him?" It was crossing a line and he knew it, but Steve couldn't stop the words, or the vehemence behind them. The idea of her in bed with him made his skin crawl and itch in a way Steve had never experienced before. It went far beyond jealousy or concern for her, it felt like she betrayed him, which was ridiculous; he had no claim to her. None at all.
She stood a little unsteadily. "Fuck you, Steve." And started to turn toward the door.
His hand reaching out and grasping her wrist stopped her before she got too far though and Kono looked down at him, apology written all over his face.
He voiced it as well. "Sorry, that was uncalled for." Then he pulled her back to her lounger and tugged her wrist until she sat on the edge, then he sat up, their knees touching. "I just…it's hard for me not to see him as a bad guy, you know?"
"I know, and I'm sorry, but he was…mine, Steve. And Adam had nothing to do with your family."
"Then why didn't you tell us…me?"
She stared at the back of the house a moment before answering. "Because I knew this would happen. I knew you and Chin would lose your shit about it and then there would be pressure and questions and…I needed it to myself as long as I could have it."
"We worry about you."
"I know, but you don't have to. I can make my own decisions and live with them."
His expression softened. "I know…it's just…"
"It's just what Steve?"
That's when she realized his thumb had started rubbing gently across the inside skin of her wrist. It was an oddly intimate act and suddenly the air between them was thick and charged with electricity that was palpable. It was electricity she was familiar with, it was the kind that seemed to appear every time they stood close to each other or made significant eye contact.
"It's…" he wasn't sure he could explain it. There was a pull between them, one that was becoming increasingly harder to ignore. It was more than just attraction at that; she was so like him it was frightening. And yet there was always something stopping him, the fact she was a rookie, or his subordinate. It was always something that kept him from delving too deep into his feelings for her. "Are you going to keep seeing him?"
She below out a breath and considered that. Adam had called her several times since he had been released shortly after his arrest. There was little to nothing to charge him with, he'd had a permit for the gun. There had even been a huge bouquet of flowers delivered earlier in the day, beautiful orchids and other local greenery. But it was hard to get past what he had done to her, hard to ignore the gun to her face and having him tie her up. And yet…she still cared for him, a lot.
"I don't know."
She was surprised when his face fell at her answer.
"Don't." It was strangled coming from him.
"What?" she asked more out of confusion then anything.
"Don't take him back." Before she could respond he pushed out a strained, "Please."
"Why?"
One hand reached up and cupped her cheek, his thumb gliding across the skin. The electricity between them ratcheted up by tenfold and Kono had to resist leaning into the touch. Or closing her eyes. Or touching him back.
"Because other people care about you too, more than they probably should."
She sucked in a breath and closed her eyes, whispering, "No…"
If her response put him off Steve didn't show it, instead he placed both hands on her upper arms, rubbing up and down slowly. It was distracting her, along with his proximity, and all she wanted to do was fall into him and let him hold her, let his hands wander places they shouldn't.
Then he placed his forehead on hers and whispered, "I just want a chance. Just…a chance with you."
Her voice cracked. "What is with your timing, brah?"
Steve pulled away and looked her in the eyes. "I don't know. I guess I thought I would be happy just being your friend and your boss. But it's not enough. And knowing you were with him…it brought it home that I could lose you because I didn't take a chance."
Her head was still swimming but Kono knew it wasn't from the beer, it was from the bomb Steve had just dropped on her. They had fought the thing between them for so long and suddenly he wanted to give in. And Kono still hadn't sorted out her feelings for Adam.
"Steve," she whispered. "I don't know-"
"Just think about it, that's all I'm asking."
She nodded silently and pressed her lips together; that's all she could promise him. As it was she was fighting tears, it was so much to take in; so much to process and the alcohol had made her emotionally raw. Despite her efforts, a tear rolled down her cheek.
A hand came up and he wiped away the moisture. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I just…couldn't hold it in anymore. While I was gone I thought about you a lot, more than I should have been. And then I got back and you were with Adam-"
His rambling was cut off by her lips gently brushing his. It was just the barest hint of a kiss but it held promise and sent sparks flying between them. She pulled away, not willing to let this get any farther.
"I'm going to get dressed, and then you want to go get something to eat? I'm starving."
He nodded, pleased she wasn't throwing him out of her house. "Sure. I'm guessing I'm driving."
She stood and looked down at him. "Oh yeah."
Steve followed her into the small, but comfortable house, frowning at the enormous vase of flowers. He didn't have long to contemplate where he could shove those flowers before she was walking back out in a short, flowy dress that she clearly had just put on over her bathing suit.
Pausing directly in front of him, she placed her palms on his chest. "I am thinking about this Steve. But I need time, so I need you to find whatever reserves of restraint you might have deep down in that SEAL body of yours and not push me."
He placed his hands on hers. "About this? I would never push."
"Good, let's eat."
Then she pulled away and headed for the front door, pausing as she passed through, a large, brilliant smile on her face. "Coming?"
He smirked and nodded, following.
And for this – for her - he could wait.
END
This is intended to be somewhat open ended, though that is not to say I won't come back at some point with a chapter two, it just might be a while.
As far as that finale goes, I found it fantastic. Mostly because Adam does not offend me as a character despite my lean toward K/S. Unlike Jenna and Lori who seemed just…dropped into the storyline, he was pretty seamlessly integrated as a previously known character and Kono/Adam have good future storyline potential given the whole perceived as a criminal/cop situation. Though I would love to find out how they met. And he's not hard to look at. *grin* And I bet money that Chin called Adam to rescue Kono since Delano probably doesn't know about him. And while the ending scene was great, I was kinda annoyed that Steve left the team again to find Shelburne. I mean come on.
I also found it interesting that while Danny was welcoming Steve back at that airfield, he kept staaaaring over at Kono and Adam.
Don't forget to leave a review on the way out; they are appreciated from the bottom of my heart.