Disclaimer I do not and never will own any of the Harry Potter characters or environments. I just like to play around with it.
A/N This is an edited version of the original that I wrote. All but one song was taken out. The only reason the one song was left as it was is that I need it in the story to keep it moving in the direction I want.
Broken
Chapter 1
Harry, Ron and Hermione left Dumbledore's office with out saying a word to each other. They didn't need to after this year they could tell what each were thinking with out words. Slowly they made their way to the Great Hall where the dead from the battle still lay. Ron and Hermione grasp each other's hands as they entered but stopped when they noticed Harry who had stopped walking.
"Are you coming Harry?" Hermione asked. Her voice cracked a little.
"Yes, I just need a few minutes." Harry said struggling to control the lump that had formed in his throat. He looked away for a brief minute. "You two go ahead I'll be there in a moment."
"Are you sure, Mate?" Ron asked as if looking for a reason to stay behind.
"Yeah Go on. Your family needs you." Harry said quickly turning his eyes away from Ron. He knew that the Weasely's had always felt him to be a member of their family. He couldn't face them not just yet.
"Ok We'll see you inside." Ron said pulling Hermione along beside him. Harry watched them walk in as the door closed behind them. He took a deep breath. Part of him wanted to celebrate that Voldemort was dead and he now could have a future. But at what cost. He knew no one else blamed him for any of the deaths but he blamed himself. It was his fault. He met the Weasely's and had became close to them and if they had never met Fred would still be there. George wouldn't have lost an ear.
Harry took another deep breath as he opened the door and stepped in. He tried not to look up. He couldn't look any one in the eye. He looked at the bodies. Occasionally he would recognize a face and would have to close his eyes to fight back the urge to run. When he got to Colin Creevey's body it was one of the hardest. He stopped for just a second and looked into Colin's face that looked peaceful. He wanted to run out and never come back. Dennis was back in the castle with his parents who merely looked sadly at Harry and gave a weak nod as he gave them his condolences hoping that they sounded better to the family than they did to him.
He managed to pull away and force himself to go on. A few feet away amongst some bodies of people he didn't recognize he found Remus and Tonks. He tried to look into Andromeda's eyes but could only manage to look at her chin as he tried his best to comfort her. She hugged him as if she knew she even in her sorrow could do more for him than he could do for anyone at the moment.
It was his fault little Teddy would be without his parents. If he had just been a little faster he could have gotten to the forest before the battle started. How could he look any of them in the eye. He was the one that should be dead. They didn't deserve any of this.
Finally she let go of him and he started walking again towards the red headed family that was in front of him. Ron looked up at Harry but noticed that Harry wasn't looking at any of them. Harry stared white faced at Fred's motionless body. Ron and Hermione knew that he had yet to see Madame Pomfrey. He refused to until everyone else had been taken care of. Ron walked over to Harry and started to ask him if he was ok when Harry waved him off with a nod. Ron rejoined Hermione.
Mrs. Weasely looked up from where she was sitting next to the body with tears streaming down her face. She was talking to Harry but He couldn't hear anything but the blood rushing in his ears. She looked back down at Fred. Other family members were talking but Harry just stared willing his mouth to say something. He just felt like He was broken into a million little pieces with no hope of being put back together.
Ginny looked at Harry. She knew something was wrong just by the look on his face. Of course her brother was dead along with so many others but she knew it wasn't just that. She was leaning on her brother Bill's shoulder and leaned over and whispered her fears in his ear. He looked up at Harry and nodded.
Bill looked at Fluer and mouthed "I'll be right back" as he got up and made his way to Harry. The rest of the family watched as Bill walked over to Harry. Mr. Weasely almost gasped at the look of Harry. Harry had grown so pale and looked like he was about to fall over. He started to get up but Bill motioned for the rest to stay where they were.
"Harry why don't you sit down?" Bill asked kindly. Harry couldn't answer the lump in his throat threatened to dislodge if he tried so he merely shook his head. Bill put his arm around Harry's shoulders. Bill could feel the boy shaking trying to control himself the best he could. Bill whispered "Would you like to go outside for some air?" Harry nodded. Bill kept his arm around Harry as they made their way out. People were staring as they passed but Harry didn't care.
Finally they made it outside and onto a bench Bill let Harry catch his breath before speaking to him. Harry kept looking at his feet as he tried to breath properly.
"Harry, Are you ok?" Bill started.
"Yeah I'm sorry I just couldn't handle it in there. I wanted to run out but I couldn't even manage that."
"It's okay I know what you mean." Bill said quietly.
"I can't do this anymore." Harry whispered. Bill looked at him with a fearfull look.
"Harry what do you mean?" Bill said looking at him. He noticed that Harry refused to look him in the eyes. But he didn't need to in order to see the pain that Harry felt. Harry looked up the stars as he tried to find the words.
"Bill It's all my fault. I can't pretend that it isn't." He said waving Bill off as he tried to interupt. "I feel it deep down in my soul. It should have been me Bill. I should be the only one lying in there. It was me Voldemort wanted. If I had been smarter I'd have figured it out sooner. If I hadn't met Ron on the train your family would be all safe. It's my fault that My parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Moody, Dobby, Remus, Tonks, Colin, and Fred and so many others are gone. If it wasn't for me they would all be here. "
"Harry it's not your fault. It's war. People die in wars."
"Bill you don't understand. I should be dead. But I'm not and it hurts. I feel like I'm broke and I can't be fixed. I always laughed when I heard the nursery rhymn Humpty Dumpty but you know I think I know how that Damn Egg felt. Bill, This hurts so bad. I can't do this anymore. It hurts to bad."
Harry looked for the first time into Bill's eyes. In those brief moments Bill could see the pain in the young man's eyes. The shattered look in his eyes broke Bill's heart more than he thought was possible with the death of his brother.
"Why did I chose to come back? Neville was going to kill nagini which he did. Some one else could have killed Voldemort. Why did I come back?" Harry asked himself with out realizing he was saying it out loud.
"What do you mean you chose to come back and some else could have killed Voldemort? You had to be the one to do it that is what the prophesy said." Bill asked quickly.
"I was the last horacrux. That was what Ron, Hermione and I were doing for the past several months. Voldemort had made what we thought was seven horacruxes. We had gotten all of them except for Nagini. Then I found out through Snape's Memories that I was the eighth horacrux formed when he tried to kill me as a baby."
"I still don't understand."
"Do you remember when Voldemort called the break? I went into the forest and met Voldemort. I was hit by the killing curse again. I went to this place and I met Dumbledore there. We talked for a while and he explained a few things to me and gave me the choice to come back or to go on. And I chose to come back."
"You what? I don't understand. You couldn't have." Bill said in disbelieve. As Harry pulled his shirt up to expose where the curse hit him. Bill shuddered at the sight. "Have you seen Madame Pomfrey?"
Harry shook his head. "I will but not until everyone is taken care of."
"Harry We don't blame you at all. It's war. War is ugly."
"Bill I know every one is going to tell me it isn't my fault and that they don't want me to blame myself. But I……" Harry managed to say before a tear finally started to fall and he could no longer control his emotions. He looked once more at Bill and started to weep uncontrollably. Bill put his arms around him and let him cry and fought his own tears
Harry cried until he collapsed in pure exhaustion. Bill quickly picked Harry up and carried him up to the Gryffindor tower. He put him in his old dorm room and made sure he was safe before heading down stairs.