turn not, tempt not. (ncis)
ziva; post-5x19, Judgement Day II
the flight to Tel Aviv gives her nothing
no copyright infringement intended.
--
take one last look behind, commit this to memory and mind
don't miss this wasteland, this terrible place;
when you leave, keep your heart off your sleeve
natalie merchant, motherland
--
The flight to Tel Aviv gives her nothing, not the time to breathe nor the inclination to sleep. The silence in her head tells her nothing. So strange to think that it was death that finally brought her to America, and death that sends her home. Home. A difficult concept; a complex one. She tries not to think about what 'home' means but she has never been a proponent of self-deception. She is nothing if not honest.
McGee had hugged her at the airport in a sudden display of desperate affection. Abby, too, with her exuberant throw of arms and surprisingly firm embrace. Ziva tried her utmost not to compare her farewell to her welcome but it was difficult, like everything else. She wanted to reassure them, had wanted to have something to give them in the way of kindness. Instead she had grasped McGee's hand with something approaching terror, holding on a moment too long before heading for the boarding gate, unable to meet his eye.
(She has Gibbs' number emblazoned on her mind, and the memory of Tony's hand in her hair, tugging gently. Gibbs had nodded stoically in her direction, had placed a warm hand on her back before she stepped into the car that would take her to the airport. She remembers Tony's short, curt wave, and then his hands back in his trouser pockets, and the childlike way in which he rocked his heels. She remembers all the things he never said.)
As the plane lands on the runway, Ziva presses her eyes close and sees Jenny as she was when they first met, fiery and sharp and alive. And then her eyes snap open and she is home, and she buries her memories deep beneath her acid surface, remembering the defences Ari had offered her, and solemnly putting them to use.
end.