It has been a long time since I wanted to start a story, but this idea popped into my head and I just had to do it. The name of the story is "Ten Years Gone" because it seemed appropriate and it's one of my favorite songs.
Many thanks to Alexia and Mental for beta'ing this. They rock.
Let's just see how this goes...
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I wish I did, though.
-/ CHAPTER 1 - BLACK HOLE /-
She's not going to give up, is she?
I cross my arms tightly against my chest and close my eyes, sighing and enjoying the summer breeze that is becoming colder as the days go by. Alice continues rambling on and on and freaking on, and I shake my head at how predictable she can be about this subject.
First, she asks if I'm okay and, when I nod, she continues to ramble about him and how he screwed up when he left me here. And I let her, because she's my friend and because it doesn't affect me anymore. In fact, she can admire her own brother and tell me she loves his girlfriend. It's still the same.
"Bella, can you please listen when I talk to you?"
I sigh. "I'm sorry. I usually turn off when people start talking about him. Force of habit," I say, shrugging.
She rolls her eyes and huffs. Deep down, she thinks that I don't care anymore. Because, if I did, then it meant Edward and I could be together again. That's not happening, though, as much as she wants it to.
"How can you not care?" she asks, purposely pushing me.
"Because," another huff from Alice, "I've accepted that we're not meant to be. If we were, he would still be here with me. We would still be together."
I realize that I give Alice a lot to think about, and that's okay; she needs to know that nothing's going to change between us now that he's coming back. And what's his deal, anyway?
I ask Alice why he's coming back but she shrugs, looking away.
"You can tell me, Alice. I won't say anything."
She starts playing with her split ends. "I don't know. He says he misses home, but we all think he's here because of you."
My heart starts beating widely in my chest and I close my eyes, sighing. Stupid, betraying heart.
"I'm sure you're all thinking wrong. Doesn't he have a girlfriend, anyway?"
Emmett told me once she was Russian. She had blonde hair, blue eyes and perfect skin. She was also rich, fluent in five languages and really sweet. I laughed during five minutes and then cried myself to sleep that night.
"They broke up," Alice declares lowly, looking me in the eyes. I snort and look away. I can totally see what she's trying to do.
"Stanley will be very happy, then."
"Pfft, as if she has a chance."
"I'm tired of talking about this, Alice. Aren't you?"
Alice looks at me incredulously. "He's my brother. I think it's normal that I talk about him."
"No, it's not. You spent the whole year talking trash about him and whenever someone mentioned him, you turned blue. Now you're all sweet and saying he won a freaking basketball championship." I sigh again. "Tell me what this is about."
"Fine," she says loudly, her voice echoing in the deserted street. "I want you two back together."
And she makes me laugh, because while she's expecting me to squeal and to say that yes, I have been pining for him for the last year – I can't do that. I'm not that naïve, innocent person anymore.
She should know that.
"Yes, and I want him to fuck off."
"Bella!"
"Oh, please," I scoff, rolling my eyes. "Don't tell me you think I still love him? I feel nothing but hatred for the guy."
If my subconscious had eyes, they would be rolling right now.
She turns her head around frantically, her eyes wide. "You hate him?"
"Duh," I mock her, earning a glare in return. "He was the first person I opened up to after my parents' divorce, and then he left. What am I supposed to feel towards him? Love? I don't even know if I loved him in the first place. I was a kid."
She's not looking at me anymore, and her expression is unreadable. I thought Alice already knew this.
"I don't understand why it comes as a big shock to you," I whisper, sad that I could still hurt her with this situation.
That we could still hurt her with this situation.
She finally snaps out of her trance and mumbles, "Yeah, I know."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" She is looking at me, but I can't look at her. Instead, I look at the sidewalk.
"For still dragging all of you into this. You shouldn't be forced to deal with all this shit."
She snorts and I smile, shaking my head.
"You really don't have any idea what you're talking about."
I know what she means. I'm not forcing her or any other person to deal with this; they do it because they care. After listening to Alice repeating this over the year, I still don't believe her.
"I think I do."
-/-
"Pearl Jam is overrated."
"So is Edward Cullen."
Jacob and I exchange smirks. We know it's not true, and we also know we mentioned things we hate to love and love to hate.
I know Jacob hates Pearl Jam because it was his mother's favorite band, and he spent four or five years listening to it when she was drugged and still alive. I know I hate Edward Cullen because he is and will always be the love of my life.
Not that I believe in that kind of crap. But… you know.
We are sitting in my porch and, as usual, drinking a cheap beer from Charlie's fridge. I know I'll have to go tomorrow to the Thriftway to buy some more so Charlie doesn't notice. I think he always does, though, from the way he looks at me and Jake when he comes home.
Jake is a little quiet today and when I ask if something's wrong, he just shrugs.
"Come on, Jake. Tell me what's going on."
He sighs. "Leah broke up with me. I think."
He has this confused look on his face that tells me he's not sure, and I chuckle. "What did you do?"
He looks at me warily. "It's more what we did."
"Damn," I mumble. "Don't tell me she knows."
I already know the answer before Jacob nods. Of course she knows. It's Forks, after all.
"Did you at least try to deny it?"
"No," he replies, looking away. "I think it's for the best, though."
I shrug. "Love sucks."
"Tell me about it."
When we're already on our fifth beer, I suggest we go for a walk. Of course, I should have known that a walk with Jacob is never just a walk. It's a make-out session. A very heated one.
But I don't stop him, because I'm needy and I'm sad, even though I don't admit it. Edward Cullen is coming back tomorrow and I'm alone and depressed because of what he did. I want to feel confident and good and show him I can be better than that girl he knew. So I let Jake kiss me and grope me.
"Let me touch you," he says between kisses. I shake my head and close my eyes, loving the sensations he's creating on my body.
"Come on, Bella. We've been doing this shit for too long."
Okay. Game Over.
I push him away and sit down on the dirty floor, bracing myself against the tree. I'm panting and aching in several parts of my body. Jacob sits down next to me and groans loudly.
"Why can't you put out to me?" It sounds more like whining, though.
I look at him with a weird expression and he laughs. "Fine. Why can't we have sex? All we do is make-out."
My heart returns to its usual rhythm.
I decide to tell him the truth. "Edward ruined me for other guys."
-/-
11:04 PM
I can't sleep.
…
11:43 PM
How does he look? I bet he looks even better than he did. Oh God, please let his hair be just like that. Please.
…
12:50 AM
Fuck. My. Life.
…
01:20 AM
Maybe I should make some tea. I'm sure Charlie won't hear me.
…
02:39 AM
Why can't I fall asleep?
-/-
The next morning comes too fast. My alarm-clock is beeping and buzzing, but I make no efforts to get up. I don't want to go. No one can make me go.
"Bella, come on. You're late already."
Of course, I keep forgetting that my father can.
I still don't get up from the bed. Charlie knocks twice on my door and I tell him I'm naked when he threatens to pull me out of bed himself. That does it. He leaves immediately after that.
When it's finally 9 AM and I'm ready to finally get up, I wince from the contact my eyes make with the light coming from the outside.
It's sunny. It's completely pathetic.
It should be raining.
-/-
When I arrive at school, I scoff and roll my eyes. I'm the only one at the parking lot at the time, so I stare at the big, white sheet that is hanging from the rusty, blue gate. It's so ridiculous that I want to cry.
In big, red letters is written 'WELCOME BACK, EDWARD CULLEN!' and I feel sick. I look and look and look. I stare at it a little bit more, until I realize that I've spent one hour looking. People start coming out of classes – a few people, at least - to have a smoke or to just catch some fresh air.
Some people I know, some I don't, but today is not about them. It's about him. I've been dreaming about our encounter for a year – ever since he left – and I don't know how it'll turn out to be. Is he going to seat beside me in Biology? Is he going to greet me or maybe say that I look pretty? Is he going to ignore me?
I feel like I'm in those bad Disney movies and I can't stop myself from being nervous.
"Bella."
I hear it loud and clear and it's behind me. I'm terrified and giddy, at the same time. You should hate him. You should despise him, my mind chants.
But I can't.
I turn around and look at the green eyes I missed so much.
He's older. He's even more beautiful than he was. He's muscular and taller. He's also sporting a scruff, which is too sexy for his own good. He looks too damn perfect. His expression is soft yet hard, at the same time.
I seriously don't know what he wants from me.
He left. He left me here. All alone. He left me to chase his stupid dream. Instead of slapping him, I turn around and enter the school, containing tears and trying to forget his hurt expression when I didn't acknowledged his greeting.
-/-
"He's staring at you."
"I don't fucking care," I spit, closing my eyes and picking on my food. I hate peas. Why the hell do they put peas in our food? Why do peas exist at all?
"Have you talked to him?" Lauren asks, as if she cares.
After the big drama with Tyler last year, we decided to tell her that she was too self-centered. Of course, she denied everything and said everyone was out to get her, so that confirmed our theory. She keeps doing these things; she pretends she wants to know, but she really doesn't.
"This morning. I ignored him."
"Why would you do that?" Alice asks, appalled. Jasper shakes his head quietly at her side and doesn't say anything.
I throw the silverware into the plate. "You know what? I lost my appetite. And I'm not explaining this to you again, Alice."
She pouts and crosses her arms. I roll my eyes at her childish attitude and get out of the cafeteria. I know everyone must think I'm crazy now.
I don't care.
-/-
The rest of the day happens in the same way. Everyone shoots me curious glances – even people I've never even spoken to – and stutter when I approach. I pretend that nothing is happening. It's better if I do that.
Edward tries to talk to me again in Biology, and his face is priceless. Now he decides to be ashamed. Wow, I don't even have words.
I'm also being a bitch to everyone, including Charlie. When he finally puts down his newspaper and tells me he knows that Edward's back, I cry like a maniac. Charlie stares at me wide-eyed as if I he doesn't know what to do, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't.
By the end of the day, I just want it to end.
Everything.