Disclaimer: I own nothing, please don't sue me.
Spoilers galore, please do not read this if you haven't read Clockwork Princess.
WARNINGS: I cannot write action scenes. I apologize in advance for those. Also- Tessa probably appears less than she should. That's not because I have anything against her- I love Tessa-, or think she's not a huge part of Will's life. It's just I can't write her very well. However, she does appear a fair amount, and I tried my best to play the Wessa parts well.
1867
Will stomped his foot loudly. "Give me back my prince!" He chased after his little sister, but somehow she managed to duck away. It wasn't fair. He was older, and a boy. He was s'posed to be faster. That was the rule. "Give me!"
He had been playing with his soldiers, and the Prince was gonna lead them into battle. He was strong, and brave. He had to be in charge, but stupid Cecy had grabbed him cuz she wasn't allowed to play so she got mad. Which was silly- everyone knows that girls can't be soldiers (except Ellla, sometimes. But that was only because she could pin Will down). Mam said she was just being little- "She's only three, Willy. Be patient."- but just because she was younger didn't mean she could take his stuff. No way Ella would let him take her dolls.
He grabbed at his little sister, but she slipped out of his reach. He stomped again, feeling his eyes get watery. This wasn't fair! Cecy laughed at him, giggling in that annoying babyish was she had.
That did it.
Will ran up the stairs to her room, leaving the little girl puzzled behind. He grabbed her china doll, running over to the window Mam had left open for fresh air. Aiming at the hard dirt below, he tossed the doll out of the window into the cool breeze, grinning with satisfaction as it shattered. If she could mess with his toys, he could mess with hers.
1870
Will leaned against the doorway, smiling slightly as he watched Ella play. It was a bright and quick piece, and Will liked it. She faced the open window, swaying slightly as she played the tune from memory, no music pages in sight. El finished with a loud, fast note, before carefully setting the violin down on her desk. "William," she said without turning, a smile in her voice.
Will scowled. "How'd you know I was here?"
She laughed, turning to fall back on her bed and prop herself up on her elbows. Meeting his gaze with a smile, she said "I recognized your footsteps. You aren't as quiet as you think, brawd bach."
"I'm very quiet," he replied defensively. She could always surprise him. It was supposed to be his turn.
Her grin turned into a smirk at his words. "Not enough to fool me. You can never fool me."
"Is that a challenge?"
"Perhaps it is."
"Then we'll see. Maybe I can," he said, jaw hardening in determination like she had known it would. Will had always been fast to rise to a dare.
Ella just kept smiling, the confidence of an older sister clear on her face. "Yes, we will see indeed."
1873
Ella led him back to his room, a comforting, steering hand on his shoulder. His mind wouldn't stop spinning- that had been a demon! A real, tangible demon-, excitement slowly replacing the fear. There was no more cause to be afraid, after all. If El said the demon lied, than it lied. She knew this sort of stuff.
She reached ahead of him to open the door, walking in with him. "Go to sleep, Gwilym," she said softly in a voice that annoyed Will- he wasn't a child, after all. "I daresay you need your sleep after that." He scowled, but flopped down on the bed anyway. He wanted to convince her to let him stay up- but he knew it wouldn't work. Besides, he was a tiny bit tired. But just a bit.
He slipped beneath the covers, Ella kneeling to tuck them in around him. He watched her. She always did things like this, the kind of thing Mam had done when he was younger. He used to argue with her over it, but he had given up that fight long ago. There were better things to disagree over.
She stood back up, turning towards the door. Will swallowed, his heart pounding slightly harder. As terribly exciting as the fight was in retrospect, a bit of the horror of seeing something so appalling still remained. And the things it had said…. And I shall begin it with her.
"Ella," he said quietly.
She turned back to him. "Yes?"
"I-will you stay? Until I fall asleep, I mean."
She smiled at him, walking back over. "Of course I will," she said, spinning the chair from his desk around to be by his bedside. "Would you like me to read to you?"
Will closed his eyes, turning on his side. He remembered El doing that when he was much younger, telling him fairytales and myths when he couldn't sleep until he would finally dose off. "If you want to."
She reached over to his bookshelf, pulling off a worn copy of Oliver Twist, and opening it to the first chapter. "Among other public buildings in a certain town, which for many reasons it would be prudent to refrain from mentioning, and to which I will assign no fictitious name, there is one anciently common to most towns, great or small…"
Will smiled, curling on himself, relaxing to his sister's clear voice. The demon hadn't thought through his plan very well- Ella was her to stay, with him. No one could tear her away, not a curse nor a monster.
Nothing.
1874
He leaned back against the wall, watching Jem throw the spear at the target, hitting it in the very center. It sunk in deep, a perfect hit. Which, admittedly, was a tad bit better than Will's hit on the wall.
Will strode forwards, grabbing another spear from the rack. "Show off. I can do it too."
Jem just smiled, stepping back to stand beside him. "Let's see it, then."
Will pulled his arm back, trying to angle his fingers like Jem had. He threw it forwards hard- Jem had made it clear you had to use force to get a good grip in your target- and tried to follow through. And he watched as it stuck in the wall, once more, this time, on the other side.
He scowled, refusing to look at his friend. "Oh, be quiet," he snapped. He didn't want to hear that he shouldn't have been so cocky if he wasn't that good, no matter how true it was. Charlotte had already said it enough times, even if she did try to be gentle with it.
"I didn't say anything," Jem replied mildly. "You're a good throw- your spear isn't falling off of the wall, is it? You just need practice is all.
Will looked up at him then- really looked at him. His best friend- his ever patient, loyal best friend. An overwhelming tidal wave of emotions rammed into him- appreciation, pureness, happiness. Love. He swallowed them all, all of the things he could never say, and forced out one sentence instead.
"Be my parabatai," he said.
1876
He laid his head in his hand, watching his parabatai sleep restlessly. Jem kept jerking around, his burning cheeks in bright contrast with the rest of his skin. James was far too pale, Will noticed distractedly. He needed something- to get out more in the daytime, to relax more, to get out into the country, to eat more-
To not be dying.
No, Will thought forcefully. No. He will not die. I will not let him. Jem deserved to live, more than anyone Will knew- he deserved to fall in love, to have a family, to travel the world, a million things he might never experience. And what would it do to the rest of them? Charlotte would be devastated. Will knew she saw them as her children, in an odd sort of way. And Henry- he needed someone to be kind when he was bumbling around. Then Sophie- Will saw the way she looked at Jem. The poor girl would be heartbroken. And what about him? He knew he would be nothing without Jem. A broken boy without the ability to openly love- a lock with no key. He needed Jem, he always had, far more than his parabatai could ever need him. He had always known that, and perhaps James had too.
That was alright with him. As long as Jem didn't go anywhere- that was alright with him.
1878
Will stood by the large windows in his room, watching Jem and Tessa walk together outside. Something inside him seemed to crack- it was hard to bare, seeing her with him. Their own happily ever after.
But it is for the best, Will reminded himself. He knew he loved Tessa, had known it from the moment she made his arm bleed back in the Dark Sisters' house when they had first met. Her love of books, her refusal to back down- she reminded Will, in an odd way, of himself. Well, no. Not himself. Of what he could have been, if things had been different. The very best parts of himself, without any of the faults.
He watched her laugh then, leaning into Jem's side. She seemed so happy, and why shouldn't she be? She was engaged to the boy she loved. She had a home- for surely she knew by now she belonged at the Institute. And James- he seemed healthier then Will had ever seen him. Life vibrated from him in a way Will had only seen once- on the day they became parabatai, three and a half years ago.
Will loved Tessa Grey, and he loved James Carstairs. And if they were happy together, then Will couldn't have asked for anything better. For above all, those two deserved happiness. More than him. More than anyone in the world.
1879
Will stood at the front of the church, shifting his feet nervously. This was it. The was the day, the hour that he would vow to the world what he had promised to himself quite some time ago. To love Tessa, to value her, to treat her with the best respect possible. To never leave her, for as long as he could.
It wasn't a hard thing to promise. So why was he nervous?
Will glanced around the church. Cecily smirked up at him, reminding Will of the teases she would give him as a child. Playfulness was all about her, as it often was. She had been thrilled to get to see her big brother getting married- although that didn't stop her endless ridiculing. Will broke eye contact with her, turning to smile at Charlotte, Henry, and the baby, Charles, who gurgled back at him. Gabriel sat to their right, looking awkward and out of place. Cyril and Bridget were on the left, smiling politely. Will took a moment then, at the sight of her, to send a quick prayer: if there was a God, would He please keep that girl from singing during the wedding?
To Will's right stood Gideon, his best man. It had taken Will forever to ask him- it was hard to even think about getting married without Jem by his side. But in the end, he did it, and Gideon happily obliged. Sophie was chosen as Tessa's maid of honor, which didn't surprise Will. The two girls had grown particularly close ever-
Then the doors came open, and all thoughts of Sophie and friendships over dresses were banished from his mind. In front of him stood Tessa, his Tessa, beautiful in her gold gown and pinned-up hair. Will met her bright eyes, and in that moment Will's world was almost perfect.
Later on in the ceremony, as Will leaned in to seal the vows with a kiss, he saw someone out of the corner of his eye. A cloaked Silent Brother, standing alone in the corner of the room. Will smiled, and gently touched his lips to his bride's.
This, he thought, is paradise.
1883
Jem turned twenty-two tomorrow.
Jem's birthday was permanently marked on Will's mental calendar, and every year around that time he would get himself injured in some way or another (Tessa got furious with him with him for doing it), just so that he could show his old parabatai the violin book he had purchased him. Jem was always grateful, and as soon as Will was up and talking, he would be off to the music room to play the new pieces. Even Tessa, who hated Will's tactic of getting Jem to come, had to love having music dancing through the house again. It made everything seem right once more: the three of them together de novo.
And so of course Will did it.
Today, he was heading downtown where he had heard some demons had their headquarters. Nothing he couldn't handle, but if he let his guard down just a bit, surely they could get one good blow in. Then Will would kill them, limp home, and call Jem- and everything would fall perfectly into place.
He spun his knife idly as he walked through the street, keeping an eye out for any demons. The demons he was looking for were supposed to be around here, but they were probably quite short- they were rumored to be Thammuz or Vetis demons-, and Will would need to see them right away to win. After that, it shouldn't be difficult at all.
He saw a shift in the shadows in the alley across the street. He frowned- it looked far too large to be a Vetis, but he supposed it could be a slightly larger-than-usual Thammux. He crossed the street, pulling his Seraph blade from his belt. Swiftly, he ducked into the alley- but nothing was there. He furrowed his brow, slipping farther into alleyway.
And then he was attacked from behind, knocked down onto the pavement. He reached for his blade, but it out of his reach. He felt pincers enter his neck, and then everything went black.
He woke up to an unnatural brightness. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, trying to drown out the loud voices and blinding lights.
Is he going to be alright?
He has to live! Don't you dare say that it's even a possibility he won't. You're wrong. He's stronger than you think.
Am I going to die? Will thought, the idea messy in his mind. Death seemed so far away- but, then again, so did life.
He's got to live….
Will eyes fluttered open, and he groaned. Everything seemed to hurt, and his vision was so heavily blurred all he could make out was colors- white, brown, grey. He tried to force his eyes to focus, by doing one tiny bit at a time- trying to make sense of one area before moving on to another. As soon as he moved on, though, everything went back to the mess of before. It look him what seemed like forever to get it right, but finally, he could see his surroundings. He was unsurprisingly in the infirmary, in the middle bed across from the door. There were two chairs by his bedside- one was empty.
The other held a Silent Brother.
"James?" He asked hoarsely, his voice rougher then he could ever remember it being.
Jem turned, glaring down at him, with his robes hanging about him in a way that made him seem larger than he was. Will was taken aback from the intensity of the stare- the only time he remember Jem having been so angry with him was years ago, when Will had taken the yin fen. "What?" he asked, which seemed to only make Jem more upset.
And then Jem slapped Will across the face.
It wasn't hard enough to hurt that much, but it still stung, and the meaning was clear. Then Jem's voice began in his head, furious and quick: That was incredibly stupid. Of course I love coming to see you and Tessa, but you cannot die for that! I would rather not see you on my birthday, and know that you are safe, than have you dead! You have no idea the panic I had to feel when Tessa and Gideon- for he was the one to find you- got word to the Silent City that you were hurt, and possibly dying. I'm not even supposed to be here, but I slipped out to sit by your bedside all night, unable to do much to help, and then to have to face the guilt that you did this for me!
Will swallowed. He wanted to tell Jem that he shouldn't feel guilty, that it wasn't his fault, and that Will didn't mean to get him in trouble, he just wanted to see him. It came out shorter, but the meaning was clear. "I'm sorry, James."
1886
Will held the boy in his arms gently, cradling him against his chest. The baby babbled delightfully, trying to grab some of Will's hair that was dangling above his face. Will laughed, shaking his head so the hair flew everywhere.
It was a wonderful thing, he decided, to have a child. They were so incredibly innocent- they had their whole life ahead of them, a life that in this child's case, Will would help shape. On the other hand, that was absolutely terrifying. A horrible feeling crept in the back of his mind, saying he would somehow mess it up, be a bad influence for the boy. He would do anything to keep that from happening.
"He's beautiful," Charlotte cooed behind him, letting the infant grab her finger.
Will smirked. "Just like his parents."
Tessa hit his arm lightly. "Will!" She sounded scolding, but Will could hear her trying not to laugh.
He grinned at her, as the baby laughed. "See? He's on my side." Tessa just sighed, rolling her eyes even as she suppressed a smile.
"Anyway, you two- three- it's time for the ceremony, if you're ready." Charlotte said. "The Silent Brothers have prepared everything."
"Great," Tessa said. "Thank you, Charlotte."
Charlotte smiled at them again, before hurrying back to sit with Henry and Charles. Charles immediately starting talking quickly to his mother, red hair bouncing as he bobbed up and down excitedly. Will watched them for a moment, before lifting his own son onto his shoulder, holding him there with one hand and taking Tessa's with his other. They walked together up to the front of the room, where they stood to wait for the Silent Brother. It had better be James, Will thought. I made it quite clear I saw him alone as fit for the job.
And a moment later, indeed, it was Jem who entered the room. He may have been covered with foreign runes and robes, but Will felt it the moment he entered the room- this was his James.
Tessa squeezed his hand, warm and reassuring, before letting go of his hand so they could begin the ceremony.
Jem held the child carefully, saying the words of the ceremony to complete the protection. And what is the child's name? He asked in their minds, in the way that always sent chills up Will's spine if anyone other than Jem did it.
Will met Tessa's eyes, and they smiled at each other, before Will said softly, looking back Jem- "His name is James. James Herondale."
Jem's head jerked up, and he stared at the couple in front of him, meeting their eyes for the first time that day. I…. He sounded choked up, even in Will's head, before suddenly- as if able to bare it no longer- he covered his face and turned away.
1892
It was all coming together perfectly.
Gideon and Sophie had happily agreed to watch Jamie and Lucie. Jamie was thrilled with the idea. Thomas Lightwood, who was a year older than him, was a good friend, and they got along well. While Lucie might have trouble parting from her parents at first, she would have two young girls who would dote on her- and her brother would of course be there. Lucie adored having any time with her big brother- whom she called "JAY!"-, and he had promised his parents he would spend at least some time with her.
Cecily had promised to take care of any official duties for him if any arose- unlikely, but quite possible. She and Gabriel would stay in the Institute, along with Anna and Christopher, just to be sure.
Will had bought tickets for a ship to France, and they were packed and ready. He had yet to tell Tess where they were going- he had told her it was a romantic vacation, but it had to be a surprise. She went along with it, although she kept asking to know where they were headed. He just laughed every time, and didn't reply.
They boarded the train to the coast at eleven o'clock in the morning on the day before their thirteenth anniversary. Will entertained Tessa on the way by reciting poetry- with a few added verses of his own creation. It was almost one when they arrived, and Will grabbed Tessa's hand. "Come on," he said. "I do believe it's lunchtime, if you're hungry."
Tessa raised an eyebrow at him. "That depends on two things, I'm afraid. Does the gentleman have a place in mind, and will he be paying?" she asked teasingly.
Will leaned forwards to kiss her lightly. "Yes."
"Yes to both?"
"Yes," he replied, grinning.
"Than my answer matched yours," she said, kissing him back.
They stood like that for a second, just the two of them kissing with the winds from the coast blowing their hair wildly. Finally, Will broke apart. "Then let us go!" he said, taking her hand to run against the wind towards the restaurant.
They reached Angora later that day, where they stayed the night in a extravagant hotel. It was the next morning when the surprise really occurred, and it began at breakfast.
Will brought up breakfast to their room with a bouquet of flowers. They were a beautiful blue-grey that reminded Will of Tessa's eyes, and he had chosen them immediately with that though in mind. He knocked lightly on their door when he arrived there, hoping she would be awake- he had awoken before she had, as he usually did. A moment later, he heard her voice, sweetly sleepy. "Will?" she asked. "Is that you?"
He pushed open the door in reply, holding the flowers out in front of him. A soft gasp parted her lips as she reached forwards, taking them slowly. "I must admit," she said, "I didn't expect something so... stereotypically romantic from you. Although I can't say I mind."
"Then you'll be quite surprised at what comes next," Will said. "Because I'm taking you to a castle, Tess."
"The Château de Brissac," he announced as they toured the castle, "is haunted."
Tessa raised her eyebrows at him. "Is it really, now?" she said skeptically.
"Indeed it is, dear Tessa. You see, back a long time ago, the castle was owned by a young married couple. However, the woman wasn't exactly faithful, and didn't hide it. In fact, she tortured her poor husband with it loudly in the night- I'm sure you can imagine the details, you've always been good at that-, until both her and the man she was with… vanished. It is said that today, you can still hear the couple in the night, moaning with desire."
Tessa gave him a despairing look. "Will, that's hardly romantic!" she sounded upset, but it was clear she was trying to hold back giggles.
"Of course it is! Two desperately in love people can still be heard today. What about that isn't romantic?" he demanded.
Tessa just sigh, and laced her fingers with her husbands. Will smiled. Perhaps it isn't your general romance, he thought. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
1899
Lucie grinned, spinning in a circle. "I'm like a fairy!" she giggled, tossing back her flower-plaited hair. Tessa had begun the weaving, but had let Jamie finish it- after all, it was his little sister's birthday. He could stand a bit of hair-doing every once in a while.
Lucie danced over to her father, curtsying in front of him. "How do I look, Daddy?" she asked. She didn't call him that much anymore- she insisted it was only for children- but she forgot to be a grown-up now and then. It was sometimes difficult to be an adult when you were turning eight.
"Beautiful as always," Will said, standing. He bowed back to her, holding out his hand. "May I have this dance, miss?" he asked, in a falsely deep voice.
She laughed, before placing her hand on his waist and gripping his other hand. They danced around the pond in a sort of awkward waltz- the height difference made it hard- before Will suddenly swooped his daughter up in his arms, humming an old violin tune. She gasped in surprise, before looping her arms around her father's neck as he spun them around and around. He held her under her arms so her feet could fly out, just like he had done with her when she was much smaller.
She felt so fragile in Will's arms, a doll. He held her tighter- it may be your birthday, he thought, but don't think I'm ever going to let you grow up.
1911
Lucie had moved out yesterday.
She moved in with her husband, Jesse, which of course made sense. They were married, after all, and ready to start their own family together. Their own lives.
However, it was still hard. Having Jamie move out was difficult enough on its own- the Institute seemed wrong without him. Lucie clearly hated not having her brother around, although she would never admit it, and she was sullen and moody for weeks after he left. She still saw him every weekend, but there was something off about not having him there every morning to grumble at, and there in the evenings at dinner. But now Lucie was gone too, and it was just Tessa and Will in the great old church together.
Will sat on the porch, and watched the sun rise. There was no complaining or bickering coming from inside the house, as he had become used to, only Tessa's soft footsteps pacing in the kitchen. The silence was eerie, and Will knew he should go comfort Tessa- it was hard for her too, to have all the children gone. But he stayed, because there was something about watching the sun rise that made everything seem peaceful.
Tessa joined him a few minutes later, handing him a breakfast plate with no words. She sat on the bench beside him, and stared at the sky along with him. Slowly, the bright colors of red and orange faded into the sky's usual shades of crisp gold and saffron. There was something about watching the atmosphere change that made Will feel very small indeed, still a child in a universe as old as time itself.
Their hands slowly found each other, and held on tight, anchors to the world.
After a minute, they stood together to head inside. Back into their ever spinning lives of fighting and chaos and love, leaving the moment of peace behind.
1922
Will sat in the library, reading The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. It was a children's book, perhaps, but Will still enjoyed it- the message was wonderful, and besides, he liked Mary. It was getting harder and harder to find a main character he could truly root for.
The door was pushed open, but no one came in. Will smiled. "Jamie?" he asked. His son had come to visit, bringing along with him his wife and son.
There was a beat of silence, before a young voice replied "No. It's me." Owen, Will thought. His grandson. He should have known-but then again, it was past ten.
"Shouldn't you be in bed, Owen?" Will stood, turning to his grandson.
The boy shrugged, looking down at the hardwood floor. "I couldn't sleep." Will smiled at his grandson, internally sympathizing. He remember when he first came to the Institute, and had found it large, empty, and cold. It had taken time (and, if he was honest with himself, long nights clutching his blankets and listening to Jem play his violin), but he now saw it as one of the warmest places he knew.
He slipped an arm around Owen, leading him back upstairs. "Well, let's get you back to bed. I'll read you a story, how about that?"
"What sort of story?"
"An adventure."
"I like adventures," Owen said happily, grinning at his grandfather. "Mum says I like 'em so much I get myself into trouble just so I can have one."
Will laughed. "I used to be like that, too. Broke too many bones to count, back when I was your age."
Owen laughed to, slipping into his room to plop on his bed, crossing his legs. "So what's your story called?"
Will raised an eyebrow at him. "You have to lay down, first. Aren't we trying to get you to sleep?"
"But then why are you reading an adventure?"
Will sighed. "How about you lay down, and we'll lie and tell your parents I read you some children's rhymes?"
Owen stared at him wide-eyed, before bursting into a grin and slipping under the covers, looking up at his grandfather with throbbing anticipation.
Will opened the worn book, flipping to the first page and slipping on his glasses that he had begun to need for reading. "Alright, now. Chapter one- There is No One Left." He read in his best story-telling voice, doing all the voices and characters with such extremes characterizations that Owen ended up in hysterics.
He didn't mind being a grandfather.
1937
The room felt strange to Will.
Not in a bad way, just different. Cool and warm and alive in a way Will could only remember feeling when he was a young man dashing around an old city with demons on his heels. It was odd, to feel so alive, when Will knew quite well he was dying. He had made peace with it, but the others seemed upset-James and Lucie, his little ones, tried to laugh through their watery eyes, but eventually Jamie broke down in tears and turned away. Cecily, his baby sister with her greying hair, sat with him and teased him, as she always had, since she was a little girl who only wanted to play with her big brother. His grandchildren sung to him about demon pox, making him laugh with the memories of old times, and many others came to talk- Sophie, Gabriel- Will grinned at him and called him 'Lightworm' one last time-, Charlotte, and more and more until finally-
It was just her. Tessa.
They laid together for hours, just the two of them. Telling tales of smashed vases, of holy water and blood, of rooftops, of nightmares and comforts, of breaking into Mortmain's layer, of Christmases, of books, of Paris, and Wales, and love.
Telling their story to each other, the only ones who truly understood.
But there was one missing piece.
It was almost midnight when the door creaked open, and James Carstairs stepped silently inside. He did not look at Will, nor at Tessa, and he didn't go to them. He walked to his violin, for words were never his language.
He spoke in music, and he had so much left to say.
The music waltzed out of his violin, spinning a story of two little boys whose loyalty and love to each other was stronger than anything else the world had to offer. Will watched him play for a moment, before letting his eyes slip closed. And then he felt it all again- all of the emotions and thoughts in his heart that belonged solely to Jem, and always had.
Finally, the melody ended, but for Will, it didn't. It all flew back to the center stage of his mind- a doll, demons, two very different violins, a war, a wedding, uncountable injuries, adventures, children, dances, flowers, sunsets, a love that never ended, and never would-
I take your hand, brother, so that you may go in peace.
Will opened his eyes, and looked at the two people he loved most in all the world. And for the final time in his many years, he smiled.
Peace, he thought. Yes, that seems about right.
And then it all disappeared.