I do not own Torchwood. Rating might change.
There was jealousy in the pit of my stomach. And I felt terrible for it. They were only dancing, and I didn't have any right acting as though we were dating. It would never really be like that with Jack, not officially. He's told me he hates the word "couple". Yet minutes later I'd set up the next song and already realized I was walking up to the two.
Too late to back down. "May I... um…?" I finished with a throat clear, not paying attention to finishing that sentence as much as stopping myself from being rude.
"Yes," Gwen responded too breathily. I hated the way she had been blatantly caught up in her own perfect world while dancing with my J-… my.. lover. Then the presumptuous little hwran slightly turned to me expectantly. To spite her I stepped towards her then easily pivoted to face Jack, showing a genuinely shy smile despite my concealed mixed feelings.
Yes, I hated Jack. The bastard digwilydd was clearly not someone I would choose to respect upon first meeting. I had been unfortunate enough to have to respect him while I chased him down in order to enter Torchwood 3. Even more unfortunately, the pompous arse dialed it down in front of me since… um… since Lisa. It took me a bit to get past confusion and understand he was adjusting his personality because of me. That is part of why I feel so terrible expecting even the slightest bit more regarding him and I. And part of why I feel so terrible loving him. One day he likely won't be around anymore, or I won't. I've already exceeded standard life expectancy within this job.
I felt all of these conflictions melt when he brought our hands together and the other on my waist. The thought barely registered that I didn't even have the right to occasionally expect nor bask in this intimacy, since this was as intimate as I'm sure I'll ever achieve with him as it tended not to be this intimate when we didn't have clothes on.
I hesitantly closed my eyes and hoped he wouldn't stop our dance anytime soon. That was impractical, this was Gwen's wedding after all. Though I had no doubt that wouldn't stop her from continually pining after Jack.
We kept dancing for a while. Jack was so sweet when he danced, I wondered if we shared the aspect of feeling safe and lulled by the swaying. I've slow-danced without music before and it was nearly as lovely as this.
After retconing the guests for the Nostrovite incident and cleaning up, the team dispersed. Owen offered Tosh a drive home, making her smile glow brighter than those fairies we fought a while back. Jack also offered to take me to my flat, then take me at my flat. I told him I felt too tired, at least I had a good excuse, as it was already about one in the morning.
He surprised me then, he drove me home, had his arm around me while we walked to the door, and slightly helped me up the stairs(I actually was tired). Then he started getting my suit off.
"Jack, I-"
"I know, Yan. I'm not… I promise I'm not." I wasn't sure what to say to that, so I quietly let him get me into only my boxers and complied as he pulled back the sheets and layed me down. I soon felt his clothed chest against my back and relaxed after of few seconds when we stayed still in the spooning position. I was smiling on the inside but my expression was mostly shock. But his nose was pressed against the back of my neck and the heat of his breath easily drew my eyes fully closed.
Hwran* Whore
Bastard digwilydd* Shameless bastard