Name: Hazelmist/Summerskies
Title: I'm Sorry
Pairing: Minerva McGonagall/Tom Riddle
Summary: I'm not Lord Voldemort, I'm not a Death Eater, but I did kill them, I killed them all. I wasn't the one with the wand or there to witness their dying moments, but they died because of me.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: This was in response to a Writing Challenge a few years ago but I still like the way it turned out. I found it again while cleaning out my files and decided to post it.
I stand at the window. Below me the Hogwarts grounds are bathed in the dying light of a June sunset, and the sky is painted a myriad of colors ranging from gold to royal blue, but my eyes see none of this. Instead I only see a shadow sitting, half hidden amongst the shrubbery beside the lake.
Harry.
I know he's there, because I followed him with my eyes from the window. I watched him go there, sit down, and finally break down and cry. I admit, my eyesight's better than most, but I've always kept an eye on the lost little boy with no parents. I can't help it. You would too if the reason why he was so miserable was because of you.
I took everything he ever had away from him. First I killed Lily and James, and now I've killed Sirius, the closest thing he ever had to a father.
I'm not Lord Voldemort, I'm not a Death Eater, but I did kill them, I killed them all. I wasn't the one with the wand or there to witness their dying moments, but they died because of me.
I close my eyes, fighting back tears, but I can't stop the memories.
I stood in a cold dark alley way, clutching my wand tightly and waiting in silence. In those days I didn't teach Transfiguration, oh no, I was training to be an auror. If you had told me then that I would end up as an old maid, teaching at Hogwarts, I would've scoffed and laughed. I wasn't in Ravenclaw for a reason. I was brave, bold, and a beater on the Gryffindor House Team. I was rebellious and reckless, and I was constantly found in Professor Dippet's office. That's where I met him.
He was the opposite of me.
While I was a Gryffindor, he was a Slytherin, while I broke the rules, he strove to uphold them. I hated him for being so good. Or so I thought. But one day I caught him in the middle of the night in the Potion's classroom, doing an experiment of some sort. And then I found him again in the Restricted Section and then in the Forbidden Forest. I realized that during these late hours of the night, he wasn't as perfect and disgustingly good as he was during the day. He stopped reciting words from a vade mecum, revealing a more human side, a side that I liked. There must have been something about me that he found interesting, because our hatred faded away and we became friends.
We had heated arguments, thoughtful discussions and private jokes in these late hours of the night when our paths crossed. And then suddenly one night we were arguing about muggleborns and their thaumaturgy.
"They don't deserve to be here, they aren't the same as us!" he had repeated once again, readying himself for another rant about the importance of blood.
I refused to yield he was so furious that he pinned me up against the wall. I remember his eyes burning, his body trembling against mine. Then he did something entirely unexpected, he kissed me. And suddenly I was kissing him back.
Our days together were numbered. A battle broke out between the Slytherins and the Gryffindors when a muggleborn Gryffindor, a friend of mine, was found with missing limbs and her neck broken in a well known Slytherin hangout in Hogsmeade. That summer he came back changed. We still held private meetings in the dead of night, but I noticed that he was becoming more distant. I blamed it on the fact that we were both growing up, both changing, both moving apart whether we wanted to admit it or not.
We saw each other less, and when we did see each other we argued more and rarely laughed. Our opinions clashed, and he got more passionate, angry and violent during our meetings. He started to scare me. Every time we spoke about certain subjects he got a crazed gleam in his eye, and when he held me, there was something cold and emotionless about his rough touch. I couldn't put my finger on it, but eventually I didn't want him anymore and he didn't need me anymore. All we ever did was fight, and now even the attraction was gone, so we separated. And then we graduated, and I hadn't seen him since.
But the reason why I was standing in that alleyway, was because of him.
Dumbledore had gathered us together, the best and the brightest to face this new threat and I was amongst them. I remember my blood boiling and how badly I wanted to kill the heartless leader of these killers. My own foolish words come back to haunt me.
"He will not be single-handed!" I had yelled when some had laughed at Dumbledore, and I vowed to be the first to stand by him and no one had doubted me. Oh how hypocritical of me, I should've known then, but I didn't, only later did it dawn on me.
The muggles, he hated muggles. He was a Slytherin, and he was so ambitious. When Dumbledore pulled me aside one day to recount Tom, my Tom's desire to fill the DADA position, it finally clicked. Why didn't I realize it before? It was so obvious. This new evil, he had something to do with it and then I realized that he was the cause of it. Two of my fellow aurors, thirteen muggles, and the muggle born who had been a friend of mine from school had all been murdered by this new Dark Lord and the numbers were rising. Something had to be done.
It all made sense. I was the only one fit for the job, I had to do it.
I stood there rigidly, my blood boiling as I grew more angry thinking about the deaths and our final days together. I wanted to kill him after what he did to those people.
Finally I saw him.
I crept up behind him. It would be quick and simple, and I would save the world. He would never feel a thing.
But he turned around, just as I pinned him against the wall. He looked at me and for a moment I saw the real him. It was just a flicker, but suddenly I remembered the sound of his laugh, the way he held me, the way he first kissed me.
I tried…
I had recklessly promised to end it, stupidly pledged my undying loyalty to Dumbledore and now came the moment to prove it. I knew Tom better than anyone else and Dumbledore knew it, he knew it had to be me, and even now I don't know why he took me back as a defeated coward who had given up on her reckless words and empty threats, into the safety of Hogwarts. Perhaps it was because I, like Dumbledore, had a blinding fault; love.
Because in the end, I couldn't…I couldn't kill him…
"Why'd you do it?" I screamed, tears forming in my eyes. "I loved you Tom." The whispered words spilt from my lips for the first time. I held my breath and waited.
But when his eyes narrowed, it was obvious that my Tom was nothing more than a shadow in the body of a demon. The spell was broken, and the stranger informed me with a flash of his eyes that he was not Tom, he was-.
I punched him with all my might, watching as he fell to the ground, unconscious at my feet. Then I left him bleeding, and breathing and fled.
I could've killed him that day in the alleyway.
But I didn't.
"I'm sorry Harry."
I'm so sorry.