COCKABO FARM
We had nothing to do with the making of F.F.7. This decrepid piece of 'work' is meant purely for non-profit entertainment purposes. Blah, blah, blah, blah. If YOU copy OUR IDEA we will KILL YOU. We have ways...we know people in HIGH places!!!! This page will self-destruct in 10 minutes...so GET READING BITCH!!!
Created by, Restamon, Hippiemon,..... oh and lazymon
Rated-R for the criminally insane
Wonderful Cockabo: WARKKKK!!! WARRRRRKKKKK!!!! WAARRRRKKKKKKK!!!!!
Cid: Argh, you little bastard come here!!!
Wonderful Cock: WAARRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Give 'em the Salt N Roasted Nuts!!!
Cid: AHH YESSSSSSSSSSS!!! FUCK ME!!! DAMN! WHOA!!!
Cloud: Looks like it's the breeding season again. After saving the world, we're famous and everyone wants a piece of us. This Cockabo crossbreeding scheme is a stupid idea, Aeris, I tell ya.
Aeris: Mmmm..... I'm getting a deja vu....
Cloud: Hmmmm!?!
Aeris: With Red.....hmmmm...
Cloud: HUH???
Aeris: Oh, err...its nothing..Tee-hee.... Never mind....
Cloud: Er..Yeah...
Cid: Huh? You guys say something?
Cloud: NOTHING! IT'S NOTHING!
Cid: Hhmmmmm, YEP THAT'S IT BABY!!!
Aeris: THAT LOOKS FUN!!!
Cockabo: KARRKKKKKK!!!!!!!
5 seconds later a Cockabo was born.... it was cute, fluffy and had a cigarette hanging out of its mouth and looked remarkably like Cid!
Aeris: EKK! ITS UGLY!
Cloud: ..........................Er.................
Cid: YOU do better then BITCH!
Aeris: Fine I will, I'm an expert when it comes to this.
Cid: It's cute...., don't listen to her.......I'll call you Marlboro....
Aeris: You can't name it after a brand of cigarettes!!!!
Cid: I'll name it what I fuckin' want, woman!
Unfortunately for the Cockabo it inherited Cids smoking problems and died minutes later from breathing difficulties.
Cid: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: That would explain why it was black.....outside and in I guess......
Aeris looked at it sympathetically.
Aeris: Oh well, my turn!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy nodded his head at Aeris, as if to say that he was ready to send in another Cockabo. Aeris got down on all fours and lifted her behind high into the air. She turned round to Cockabo Bullocks Billy and gave him a big grin. Cockabo Bollocks Billy was just about to send in his prized Cockabo, "Thruster A.K.A Big Floppy Donkey Dick" when one of Cockabo Bollocks Billy aides interrupted.
Cockabo Jiggerly Jilly: Gramps managed to round up another one of those F.F.7. characters. I'll bring him in, shall I?
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Yeah, sure. Sorry Aeris you're gonna have to wait for a bit. Sorry, love.
Aeris: Damn....I was gonna show you my experience in these affairs, Cloud. Oh well, you'll just have to marvel at my superior skills later you little prick.
Cockabo Jiggerly Jilly: Gramps says his names Barret. He's a BIG ol' guy.
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Should be good breeding stock then! *Chuckle* Right, Cloud, Aeris, Cid. I'm sure you've met Barret before.
Cloud: Hey, how ya doin'?
Barret: Good, good. Don't like this breeding shit ya know.
Aeris: Yeah, I know. You'll grow to enjoy it. Cockabo Billy pays us well. You know a bit of hay to lie on, a few greens, bit of water and 10 minutes exercise each day. He treats us well.
Cloud: Yeah but this cage does my head in.
Barret: Who's that over there?
Aeris: Oh that's Sephiroth....
Barret: What? GEESUS CHRIST! WHAT THE FUCK!
Cloud: Don't worry, he won't harm ya. After meteor he just clammed up. He just sits in his cage all day, mumbling and playing with his sword....
Aeris: *Still with her behind in the air* EXCUSE ME!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: OOOPS sorry....
Barret: What's that fishy smell?
Cloud: Its just Aeris....You get used to it.
Aeris: SHUT IT! I feel sorry for your Cockabo...being soooo small and all. You'll be at it till the next breeding season.
Cloud: ...Aeris...don't shout.... They might hear you!
Cockabo Jiggerly Jilly: Pssst, Aeris what did you say?
Aeris: Oh, ask Sephiroth I'm sure he'll tell you....
*Cockabo strolls over to Aeris, does a little dance and does his business*
Aeris: OOH! Your SOOOOO much BETTER than Cloud...
Cockabo: KARRRKKKKK!
Aeris: MMMM...you are SOOOOO much better than Cloud. Oh your SOOO BIG! AHHHHH YES harder, faster, faster, harder! LOOK! LOOK! Cloud he's SOOOO BIG he's making me scream out in pain!
Cloud: SHU, SHU.... SHUT UP!!! You don't know what its like, none of you!!! *Cue sad violin music*
Cloud: Everyday when I need to visit the bathroom I have to take out my tweezers and try to grab what little piece of manhood I have. And if that isn't humiliating enough I have to use a magnifying glass just to find the damned thing in the first place. OH THE SHAME!!! (SOB, SOB) I can't take this any....
Aeris: AHH YESSS!!! Cloud shut yer spiky ass, fuckface up before you go into one of your schizophrenic moods again.
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: WHAT?!!!! WHAT?!!!
Aeris & Cloud: Ahh, its nothing.
Aeris: Just joking around.... Ahem
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Better be. Can't have no defect Cockabos running around.
????: Move yer Big Hairyass outta the way yer bitch. Ahh, geez, fuck me what is that God-awful smell!?? Oh its you...every time you open those legs of yours.... God the stench is worse than the bloody fishmongers.
Aeris: Least I open my legs...TIFA. Cockabo Billy, you'll have to use a car jack to prise her legs open if you want Cockabos from that FRIGID BITCH.
Tifa: Well some of us have some respect.....I have limits...
Aeris: Shame they didn't limit your breast size...poor Cockabo wont be able to tell your arse from your breasts their SOOOO BIG AND TIGHT!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: SHUT UP! Or ill be forced to keep you permanently apart forever!
Tifa: Good! Cause the smell would kill me!
Aeris: That's fine with me! Its cramped as it is...the last thing I want is a.... TONNE OF SILICONE in my face!!!
Tifa: SILICONE?!! WHY I OUGHTTA...
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Tifa get over to that Blue Cockabo and start spreading your fucking legs. I gotta lot of stress just lately meeting these orders for F.F.7. characters crossed with Cockabos. Now fucking get over there NOW!!!
Tifa: Ookay....o_0;;
Tifa went over to her stable and waved her behind enticingly at the Cockabo. The Cockabo looked at her strangely.
Aeris: HA, HA, the poor thing probably can't figure out where ta put it. It probably thinks Tifa's front is her behind due to the fact that her tits look like a massive pair of cow udders.
*POP* Aeris gave birth.
Aeris: Ahh, there it goes. Ahh it's all pink and fluffy. Ahh, it's even got flowers in its hair.
Cid: Erm, Aeris your Cockabo looks a little fucked up.
Aeris: What do you mean, she's pretty, pink, girly...
Cid: And very camp.....
Aeris: WHAT!!!
Cid: Look at the bullocks on that fuckin' thing!!!
Aeris: AHH, SHIT! Oh well. You gotta have a gay character somewhere in the story for all the yaoi fanfic readers out there, I suppose. Hey Cloud!!! YOO-HOO!!! *points at the very camp cockabo* Now there's what you call a nice chunky piece of manhood, you pubescent little prick!!!
Cloud: Shut it or Ill tell em. LA, LA, LA-LA!!!!! Hey Aeris ever heard the saying lie with dogs and you'll get fleas?!!! Literally speaking for you wasn't it?!!!
Aeris: Don't you dare say anything about RED Xlll!!!
Cloud: Ohh itchy, itchy. Ooooh gotta scratch right down there ooooohhhh that's sooo much better...
Aeris: QUIET, YOU LITTLE SHIT!
All of a sudden Yuffie ran through the barn doors.
Yuffie: Heard ya looking for F.F.7 characters Cockabo Billy. ^_^
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: That's Cockabo BULLOCKS Billy!!! _x
Yuffie: Oh, er well I should warn ya I don't come cheap. ^_^ KACHING!!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy looked at Yuffie's desperation for cash amusedly.
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Why have you got a mattress strapped to your back, Yuffie...? Or shouldn't I ask... .;
Yuffie: Times are hard. I gotta take what I can. You never know when an opportunity might arise. Hell I'm even charging my own father a cent nowadays....
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Ookay....just get to work Yuffie.
Yuffie ran over to the available Cockabos and shouted in her annoying Chinese voice.....
Yuffie: 10 DOLLAR!!! 10 DOLLAR!!! SUCKY, SUCKY, 10 DOLLAR!!! 10 DOLLAR!!! ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!! ME SHOW YOU GOOD TIME!!! 10 DOLLAR!!! 10 DOLLAR!!!
After a long hard day of breeding, Cockabo Bullocks Billy hadn't ended up with a good result. Cid's Cockabo died of lung cancer through smoking, Aeris turned out to be a pink fluffy pussy of a man and Yuffie had scared the males halfway to death with her antics.
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: GEEZ, what am I gonna do? I need a good supply to sell to the public.
Tifa: Mine turned out all right. Okay so it falls flat on its face sometimes because of the sheer enormity of its breasts. But it's a fair representation of me. ^_^;
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: One Cockabo isn't enough...I NEED MORE!!!! _X
Barret: No you need more F.F.7. characters. Lemme see. You got me, Tifa, Aeris, Cloud, Cid, Yuffie and Sephiroth. So ya need just Cait Sith and Vincent now.
Cloud: And not forgetting Red XIII!!!! HA, HA, TEE-HEE!!!
Aeris glared evilly at Cloud, with homicidal thoughts running through her head.
Tifa: I don't think you should bother looking for Cait Sith, he's just a puppet after all. I WOULD ALSO SAY A "no, no" to Vincent as he always dies in these fanfics so any offspring from him would have short lifespans. However, Red XIII's should be interesting.
Aeris shifted and twitched nervously as the conversation went on.
Yuffie: Its funny you should mention him. I saw this ugly son of a bitch on the T.V. the other day. He was a half dog, half-human beast plugging F.F.7. Merchandise.
Cloud: MWA HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: God, he's gonna steal my business. The little cock sucker! I AM COCKABO BULLOCKS BILLY, KING OF F.F.7. MERCHANDISE!
Cloud could barely contain his laughter and the secret no more, biting his lip in frustration.....
Barret: Cloud, are you O.K.? You look kinda constipated.
Cloud: ......MMM....No that's not it! Hee.....hee....hee...HAAAA HAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Barret: O.K..........
Aeris: Cloud shut the fuck up! You say nuthin you little weeeeed. Shut yer scrawny tight ass, little dick....
Cloud: Right that's it!! I'm gonna tell em. I've held back until now! I've had enough of yer bitching. My minuscule dick is nothing compared to what happened to you at Hojo's lab.
Everyone: HUH?!!!!! *Gasp! Shock! Horror!*
Cloud: Back when we had to rescue you from Hojo's lab after the plate fell on Sector 7, you were in a tank with Red XIII. Hojo wanted to breed you two together for the purpose of his sick experiments and his own sex crazed mind. At the time, we thought we had rescued you before Red XIII impregnated you. However, when we shared a bed together at the Gold Saucer....
Aeris: YEAH, BITCH, when I found out you had a small penis! God, when you fell asleep I had to satisfy MYSELF! God I was so horny that night!
Aeris starts singing...."A FINGER OF FUDGE, IS JUST ENOUGH...."
Cloud: SHUDDAP!!! Don't turn the attention away from me. I haven't finished washing all of your dirty linen in public just yet.... Anyway, AS I was saying. When you and me shared a bed, we indulged in a little pillow talk. YOU told me that you were getting these flash backs recently. You said that Hojo had given you a Roofie the night before. You said that you had begun to remember Red XIII giving it to you doggie style a number of times. Then a few months later you told me, after the Temple of the Ancients that you had to piss off for a while. That was to have your half dog, half Aeris freak of nature wasn't it?! Then after having the freak you still couldn't come back. You caught pubic lice from Red XIII, YOU LITTLE BITCH! So then you bumped into Sephiroth.....
Aeris: Yes, Its true... IT'S ALL TRUE! *Sob, Sob*. Sephiroth sat me down and put a sympathetic arm around me and said that he had encountered S.T.D. problems most of his life. He gave me some "Rid Pubic Lice" lotion and told me to apply it liberally twice each day to my nether regions. He said "You should get a loofah and give it a real good scrub. Oh, and remember always wipe front to back. Very important". Then I exclaimed, "Sephy...you can't just leave me just yet! How can I go back to the group now?!!! We don't have enough time on our quest chasing after you to apply "Rid Pubic Lice" lotions!!! Then he said "Geez, don't ya have time to every morning, get a manicure during lunch and have a cool refreshing shower before nap time like I do?!!! Ah, well. Okay. Ill do a deal with you. I'll pretend to kill you in front of Cloud and the others to buy you some more time from Cloud and the group. Then somehow they can, a few months later, stupidly resurrect you or some crap like that. Okay?" I agreed with Sephiroth's idea - I couldn't embarrass myself in front of you guys. I hadta lay low for a while you see.
Barret: I always wondered why Red XIII didn't talk much during the mission, now I know why!! Heh! You dirty cow.
Cid: UGH...THINK I'M GONNA PUKE, YOU GODDAMN DIRTY BITCH!
Then, for once, Yuffie said something intelligent.....
Yuffie: Why are you complaining about that Cid?...You've been banging Cockabos all week like the rest of us!!!
Cid: Yeah, you're right!!! Why are we doin' this shit anyway, Cockabo Bullocks Billy?!!!
Cockabo Bulllocks Billy: UMM....SO Aeris, what did Sephiroth get out of this deal anyway?
Aeris: Oh, yeah. I slipped this drug into Clouds drink to make him have feelings for Sephy. Sephy really wanted Cloud, and Cloud eventually really wanted him....with the help of the drug of course. Sephy eventually got his way with him at the Northern Crater.
Cid: AHH, GEEZ!
Cloud started to cry.
Cid: Hey! Hey! Cockabo Bullocks Billy! You haven't answered my goddamn question! WHY are we fucking Cockabos?!!! Isn't there another way to produce F.F.7. merchandise?!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: I like this............business. It ooooh *touches himself* gives me thrills...
Everyone: HUH?!! WHAT THE.....
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: You see, I'm not REALLY Cockabo Bullocks Billy. I merged myself with his soul to gain....HIS SUPREME KNOWLEDGE OF COCKABOS AFTER YOU DESTROYED ME AT THE MIDGAR CANNON!!!
Everyone: HOJO?!!!
Cloud: NO, NO......NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! IT CAN'T BE!!!!
????: *Cue manic, over dramatic laughter* I merged with Cockabo Bullocks Billy and split my new body in two to create two evil twins!!! "Mojo, Hojo" and "Hojo, Mojo". AHH YESSSSS!!!! Feel the power coursing through my veins! The knowledge of the ancient Cockabo breeders running through my blood. MWAA HA HA HA HA HAAA!!!!
END OF CHAPTER 1
We had nothing to do with the making of F.F.7. This decrepid piece of 'work' is meant purely for non-profit entertainment purposes. Blah, blah, blah, blah. If YOU copy OUR IDEA we will KILL YOU. We have ways...we know people in HIGH places!!!! This page will self-destruct in 10 minutes...so GET READING BITCH!!!
Created by, Restamon, Hippiemon,..... oh and lazymon
Rated-R for the criminally insane
Wonderful Cockabo: WARKKKK!!! WARRRRRKKKKK!!!! WAARRRRKKKKKKK!!!!!
Cid: Argh, you little bastard come here!!!
Wonderful Cock: WAARRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Give 'em the Salt N Roasted Nuts!!!
Cid: AHH YESSSSSSSSSSS!!! FUCK ME!!! DAMN! WHOA!!!
Cloud: Looks like it's the breeding season again. After saving the world, we're famous and everyone wants a piece of us. This Cockabo crossbreeding scheme is a stupid idea, Aeris, I tell ya.
Aeris: Mmmm..... I'm getting a deja vu....
Cloud: Hmmmm!?!
Aeris: With Red.....hmmmm...
Cloud: HUH???
Aeris: Oh, err...its nothing..Tee-hee.... Never mind....
Cloud: Er..Yeah...
Cid: Huh? You guys say something?
Cloud: NOTHING! IT'S NOTHING!
Cid: Hhmmmmm, YEP THAT'S IT BABY!!!
Aeris: THAT LOOKS FUN!!!
Cockabo: KARRKKKKKK!!!!!!!
5 seconds later a Cockabo was born.... it was cute, fluffy and had a cigarette hanging out of its mouth and looked remarkably like Cid!
Aeris: EKK! ITS UGLY!
Cloud: ..........................Er.................
Cid: YOU do better then BITCH!
Aeris: Fine I will, I'm an expert when it comes to this.
Cid: It's cute...., don't listen to her.......I'll call you Marlboro....
Aeris: You can't name it after a brand of cigarettes!!!!
Cid: I'll name it what I fuckin' want, woman!
Unfortunately for the Cockabo it inherited Cids smoking problems and died minutes later from breathing difficulties.
Cid: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: That would explain why it was black.....outside and in I guess......
Aeris looked at it sympathetically.
Aeris: Oh well, my turn!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy nodded his head at Aeris, as if to say that he was ready to send in another Cockabo. Aeris got down on all fours and lifted her behind high into the air. She turned round to Cockabo Bullocks Billy and gave him a big grin. Cockabo Bollocks Billy was just about to send in his prized Cockabo, "Thruster A.K.A Big Floppy Donkey Dick" when one of Cockabo Bollocks Billy aides interrupted.
Cockabo Jiggerly Jilly: Gramps managed to round up another one of those F.F.7. characters. I'll bring him in, shall I?
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Yeah, sure. Sorry Aeris you're gonna have to wait for a bit. Sorry, love.
Aeris: Damn....I was gonna show you my experience in these affairs, Cloud. Oh well, you'll just have to marvel at my superior skills later you little prick.
Cockabo Jiggerly Jilly: Gramps says his names Barret. He's a BIG ol' guy.
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Should be good breeding stock then! *Chuckle* Right, Cloud, Aeris, Cid. I'm sure you've met Barret before.
Cloud: Hey, how ya doin'?
Barret: Good, good. Don't like this breeding shit ya know.
Aeris: Yeah, I know. You'll grow to enjoy it. Cockabo Billy pays us well. You know a bit of hay to lie on, a few greens, bit of water and 10 minutes exercise each day. He treats us well.
Cloud: Yeah but this cage does my head in.
Barret: Who's that over there?
Aeris: Oh that's Sephiroth....
Barret: What? GEESUS CHRIST! WHAT THE FUCK!
Cloud: Don't worry, he won't harm ya. After meteor he just clammed up. He just sits in his cage all day, mumbling and playing with his sword....
Aeris: *Still with her behind in the air* EXCUSE ME!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: OOOPS sorry....
Barret: What's that fishy smell?
Cloud: Its just Aeris....You get used to it.
Aeris: SHUT IT! I feel sorry for your Cockabo...being soooo small and all. You'll be at it till the next breeding season.
Cloud: ...Aeris...don't shout.... They might hear you!
Cockabo Jiggerly Jilly: Pssst, Aeris what did you say?
Aeris: Oh, ask Sephiroth I'm sure he'll tell you....
*Cockabo strolls over to Aeris, does a little dance and does his business*
Aeris: OOH! Your SOOOOO much BETTER than Cloud...
Cockabo: KARRRKKKKK!
Aeris: MMMM...you are SOOOOO much better than Cloud. Oh your SOOO BIG! AHHHHH YES harder, faster, faster, harder! LOOK! LOOK! Cloud he's SOOOO BIG he's making me scream out in pain!
Cloud: SHU, SHU.... SHUT UP!!! You don't know what its like, none of you!!! *Cue sad violin music*
Cloud: Everyday when I need to visit the bathroom I have to take out my tweezers and try to grab what little piece of manhood I have. And if that isn't humiliating enough I have to use a magnifying glass just to find the damned thing in the first place. OH THE SHAME!!! (SOB, SOB) I can't take this any....
Aeris: AHH YESSS!!! Cloud shut yer spiky ass, fuckface up before you go into one of your schizophrenic moods again.
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: WHAT?!!!! WHAT?!!!
Aeris & Cloud: Ahh, its nothing.
Aeris: Just joking around.... Ahem
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Better be. Can't have no defect Cockabos running around.
????: Move yer Big Hairyass outta the way yer bitch. Ahh, geez, fuck me what is that God-awful smell!?? Oh its you...every time you open those legs of yours.... God the stench is worse than the bloody fishmongers.
Aeris: Least I open my legs...TIFA. Cockabo Billy, you'll have to use a car jack to prise her legs open if you want Cockabos from that FRIGID BITCH.
Tifa: Well some of us have some respect.....I have limits...
Aeris: Shame they didn't limit your breast size...poor Cockabo wont be able to tell your arse from your breasts their SOOOO BIG AND TIGHT!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: SHUT UP! Or ill be forced to keep you permanently apart forever!
Tifa: Good! Cause the smell would kill me!
Aeris: That's fine with me! Its cramped as it is...the last thing I want is a.... TONNE OF SILICONE in my face!!!
Tifa: SILICONE?!! WHY I OUGHTTA...
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Tifa get over to that Blue Cockabo and start spreading your fucking legs. I gotta lot of stress just lately meeting these orders for F.F.7. characters crossed with Cockabos. Now fucking get over there NOW!!!
Tifa: Ookay....o_0;;
Tifa went over to her stable and waved her behind enticingly at the Cockabo. The Cockabo looked at her strangely.
Aeris: HA, HA, the poor thing probably can't figure out where ta put it. It probably thinks Tifa's front is her behind due to the fact that her tits look like a massive pair of cow udders.
*POP* Aeris gave birth.
Aeris: Ahh, there it goes. Ahh it's all pink and fluffy. Ahh, it's even got flowers in its hair.
Cid: Erm, Aeris your Cockabo looks a little fucked up.
Aeris: What do you mean, she's pretty, pink, girly...
Cid: And very camp.....
Aeris: WHAT!!!
Cid: Look at the bullocks on that fuckin' thing!!!
Aeris: AHH, SHIT! Oh well. You gotta have a gay character somewhere in the story for all the yaoi fanfic readers out there, I suppose. Hey Cloud!!! YOO-HOO!!! *points at the very camp cockabo* Now there's what you call a nice chunky piece of manhood, you pubescent little prick!!!
Cloud: Shut it or Ill tell em. LA, LA, LA-LA!!!!! Hey Aeris ever heard the saying lie with dogs and you'll get fleas?!!! Literally speaking for you wasn't it?!!!
Aeris: Don't you dare say anything about RED Xlll!!!
Cloud: Ohh itchy, itchy. Ooooh gotta scratch right down there ooooohhhh that's sooo much better...
Aeris: QUIET, YOU LITTLE SHIT!
All of a sudden Yuffie ran through the barn doors.
Yuffie: Heard ya looking for F.F.7 characters Cockabo Billy. ^_^
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: That's Cockabo BULLOCKS Billy!!! _x
Yuffie: Oh, er well I should warn ya I don't come cheap. ^_^ KACHING!!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy looked at Yuffie's desperation for cash amusedly.
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Why have you got a mattress strapped to your back, Yuffie...? Or shouldn't I ask... .;
Yuffie: Times are hard. I gotta take what I can. You never know when an opportunity might arise. Hell I'm even charging my own father a cent nowadays....
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Ookay....just get to work Yuffie.
Yuffie ran over to the available Cockabos and shouted in her annoying Chinese voice.....
Yuffie: 10 DOLLAR!!! 10 DOLLAR!!! SUCKY, SUCKY, 10 DOLLAR!!! 10 DOLLAR!!! ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!! ME SHOW YOU GOOD TIME!!! 10 DOLLAR!!! 10 DOLLAR!!!
After a long hard day of breeding, Cockabo Bullocks Billy hadn't ended up with a good result. Cid's Cockabo died of lung cancer through smoking, Aeris turned out to be a pink fluffy pussy of a man and Yuffie had scared the males halfway to death with her antics.
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: GEEZ, what am I gonna do? I need a good supply to sell to the public.
Tifa: Mine turned out all right. Okay so it falls flat on its face sometimes because of the sheer enormity of its breasts. But it's a fair representation of me. ^_^;
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: One Cockabo isn't enough...I NEED MORE!!!! _X
Barret: No you need more F.F.7. characters. Lemme see. You got me, Tifa, Aeris, Cloud, Cid, Yuffie and Sephiroth. So ya need just Cait Sith and Vincent now.
Cloud: And not forgetting Red XIII!!!! HA, HA, TEE-HEE!!!
Aeris glared evilly at Cloud, with homicidal thoughts running through her head.
Tifa: I don't think you should bother looking for Cait Sith, he's just a puppet after all. I WOULD ALSO SAY A "no, no" to Vincent as he always dies in these fanfics so any offspring from him would have short lifespans. However, Red XIII's should be interesting.
Aeris shifted and twitched nervously as the conversation went on.
Yuffie: Its funny you should mention him. I saw this ugly son of a bitch on the T.V. the other day. He was a half dog, half-human beast plugging F.F.7. Merchandise.
Cloud: MWA HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: God, he's gonna steal my business. The little cock sucker! I AM COCKABO BULLOCKS BILLY, KING OF F.F.7. MERCHANDISE!
Cloud could barely contain his laughter and the secret no more, biting his lip in frustration.....
Barret: Cloud, are you O.K.? You look kinda constipated.
Cloud: ......MMM....No that's not it! Hee.....hee....hee...HAAAA HAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Barret: O.K..........
Aeris: Cloud shut the fuck up! You say nuthin you little weeeeed. Shut yer scrawny tight ass, little dick....
Cloud: Right that's it!! I'm gonna tell em. I've held back until now! I've had enough of yer bitching. My minuscule dick is nothing compared to what happened to you at Hojo's lab.
Everyone: HUH?!!!!! *Gasp! Shock! Horror!*
Cloud: Back when we had to rescue you from Hojo's lab after the plate fell on Sector 7, you were in a tank with Red XIII. Hojo wanted to breed you two together for the purpose of his sick experiments and his own sex crazed mind. At the time, we thought we had rescued you before Red XIII impregnated you. However, when we shared a bed together at the Gold Saucer....
Aeris: YEAH, BITCH, when I found out you had a small penis! God, when you fell asleep I had to satisfy MYSELF! God I was so horny that night!
Aeris starts singing...."A FINGER OF FUDGE, IS JUST ENOUGH...."
Cloud: SHUDDAP!!! Don't turn the attention away from me. I haven't finished washing all of your dirty linen in public just yet.... Anyway, AS I was saying. When you and me shared a bed, we indulged in a little pillow talk. YOU told me that you were getting these flash backs recently. You said that Hojo had given you a Roofie the night before. You said that you had begun to remember Red XIII giving it to you doggie style a number of times. Then a few months later you told me, after the Temple of the Ancients that you had to piss off for a while. That was to have your half dog, half Aeris freak of nature wasn't it?! Then after having the freak you still couldn't come back. You caught pubic lice from Red XIII, YOU LITTLE BITCH! So then you bumped into Sephiroth.....
Aeris: Yes, Its true... IT'S ALL TRUE! *Sob, Sob*. Sephiroth sat me down and put a sympathetic arm around me and said that he had encountered S.T.D. problems most of his life. He gave me some "Rid Pubic Lice" lotion and told me to apply it liberally twice each day to my nether regions. He said "You should get a loofah and give it a real good scrub. Oh, and remember always wipe front to back. Very important". Then I exclaimed, "Sephy...you can't just leave me just yet! How can I go back to the group now?!!! We don't have enough time on our quest chasing after you to apply "Rid Pubic Lice" lotions!!! Then he said "Geez, don't ya have time to every morning, get a manicure during lunch and have a cool refreshing shower before nap time like I do?!!! Ah, well. Okay. Ill do a deal with you. I'll pretend to kill you in front of Cloud and the others to buy you some more time from Cloud and the group. Then somehow they can, a few months later, stupidly resurrect you or some crap like that. Okay?" I agreed with Sephiroth's idea - I couldn't embarrass myself in front of you guys. I hadta lay low for a while you see.
Barret: I always wondered why Red XIII didn't talk much during the mission, now I know why!! Heh! You dirty cow.
Cid: UGH...THINK I'M GONNA PUKE, YOU GODDAMN DIRTY BITCH!
Then, for once, Yuffie said something intelligent.....
Yuffie: Why are you complaining about that Cid?...You've been banging Cockabos all week like the rest of us!!!
Cid: Yeah, you're right!!! Why are we doin' this shit anyway, Cockabo Bullocks Billy?!!!
Cockabo Bulllocks Billy: UMM....SO Aeris, what did Sephiroth get out of this deal anyway?
Aeris: Oh, yeah. I slipped this drug into Clouds drink to make him have feelings for Sephy. Sephy really wanted Cloud, and Cloud eventually really wanted him....with the help of the drug of course. Sephy eventually got his way with him at the Northern Crater.
Cid: AHH, GEEZ!
Cloud started to cry.
Cid: Hey! Hey! Cockabo Bullocks Billy! You haven't answered my goddamn question! WHY are we fucking Cockabos?!!! Isn't there another way to produce F.F.7. merchandise?!
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: I like this............business. It ooooh *touches himself* gives me thrills...
Everyone: HUH?!! WHAT THE.....
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: You see, I'm not REALLY Cockabo Bullocks Billy. I merged myself with his soul to gain....HIS SUPREME KNOWLEDGE OF COCKABOS AFTER YOU DESTROYED ME AT THE MIDGAR CANNON!!!
Everyone: HOJO?!!!
Cloud: NO, NO......NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! IT CAN'T BE!!!!
????: *Cue manic, over dramatic laughter* I merged with Cockabo Bullocks Billy and split my new body in two to create two evil twins!!! "Mojo, Hojo" and "Hojo, Mojo". AHH YESSSSS!!!! Feel the power coursing through my veins! The knowledge of the ancient Cockabo breeders running through my blood. MWAA HA HA HA HA HAAA!!!!
END OF CHAPTER 1