A/N: This is what happens when I listen to music as I study: I get struck by random, angsty inspiration- although, to its credit, it did not start out angsty. It just gravitated there as I wrote. Inspired by the Cinematic Orchestra's "Arrival of the Birds and Transformation." Bonus points if you listen as you read. :)
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me. Nope. Not at all. However, this piece of fanfiction does.
()
He doesn't know where he is when he opens his eyes.
The room is dark and unrecognizable. Blearily, he peers around while remaining still on the covering he lays upon. It feels as though he is not even touching the soft surface beneath him- a bed, he absentmindedly tells himself as he strains through the darkness. There is a bookcase next to it filled with scrolls; polished kunai upon its surface within reach of him. From the angle he looks up at it, he can make out a few picture frames on the surface as well, though not the portraits they contain. Turning his head, he spies a simple vanity in the corner next to an open closet door. The room is neat, with nothing seemingly out of place.
This room- it is his. He knows it now. Recognizes it.
Yet the realization does not clarify his memory. What's worse, he feels more out-of-the-loop than before; because for some strange reason he gets the feeling that he no longer belongs in this room. Glancing around trying to remember what he was doing, he feels no familiarity with the pieces of his life scattered around the room: the worn copy of "Tales of the Utterly Gutsy Ninja" sitting on the bookcase, the dainty comb and containers of who-knows-what sitting on the vanity (which he is sure he has never touched before), the blanket on the edge of the bed that had been stitched together for-
His heart jolts and suddenly he is on his feet, moving from the darkened room to the hall. It feels as though he has been hotwired- something pushing him from within, urging him to move. He has to go- get out of here before-
He frowns. Before what?
It doesn't matter. All he knows is that he is being drawn elsewhere- pulled on an invisible string- because there is somewhere he knows he needs to be. Where it is and why, he has no idea, but the driving pressure within him has his heart racing, and he knows he can't ignore it.
Outside the room his body moves automatically to carry him down the hall. Voices emanate from a room spilling fluorescent light into the dark corridor up ahead. As he passes by, his head turns, taking in the sight of two people bickering inside a small bathroom. A duffel bag at their feet is filled with clothes, and one of the intruders- a boy with black hair in a spiky ponytail- is sighing as his companion- a girl with long blond hair in a high ponytail and sidebang- waves an orange toothbrush in his face.
"I asked you to hand me Hinata's toothbrush, Shikamaru. Does this look like something Hinata would use?"
"Stop yelling, woman."
"We need to hurry. If you're so intelligent, why on earth would you hand me the orange toothbrush? That one is obviously Naruto's. Are you even trying to be helpful?"
"Troublesome."
Not even bothering to stop, he leaves the pair where they are and continues down the hall; the girl's shrill voice and sighs of the male following him into the empty living area. An overhead light has been flipped on, shedding light into an empty kitchen and onto the stoop of the open front doorway. Two pairs of sandals sit on the floor just inside the door; he steps over them and continues outside into a gloomy night.
Breathing in the fresh, cool air, the hook that had snatched hold of him inside the empty bedroom seems to tighten and he finds himself racing off, pulled along more urgently now by the feeling that he should be somewhere.
Stalls and businesses all closed for the day flash by him as he quickens his pace; but he doesn't even spare them a glance to take stock of where he is. The surroundings don't matter to him- he isn't even sure where exactly he's going, so trying to figure out where he is would just be a waste of his time. The few people he encounters pay no mind to his urgency, and he ignores them as well- for they are as insignificant as the buildings flashing by. His eyes stay fixed ahead. He can't think. It's too intense: the feeling within him that is pushing him to move.
His heart leaps and suddenly he knows that if he doesn't hurry he'll be too late.
Sprinting now. He doesn't feel the wind pushing against him as he flies up the road. It doesn't matter that he has no destination in mind: he simply moves, feeling the need to be somewhere- because something, somewhere is surely happening. Even though he doesn't know what it is- can't even slow down to organize his hazy thoughts- he knows that it is important. He can feel it, in the tightening of his gut as he pushes himself to move faster. Faster!
He wants to scream but no words can come out. The pressure is driving him insane- he can't move quickly enough.
Up ahead the road splits and before he can think about which way to go, his body turns to the left and he continues to race unimpeded.
A large building looms in the distance, a complex of smaller structures centered around it, and he knows that that is where he needs to be. The source of his frustration and anxiety waits within that building. The pull is stronger now, beckoning him to push his feet faster along the road.
A sign just outside the main lawn greets him: Konoha Hospital.
He races forward heading for the main doors. He expects to have to stop in order to pull the door open, but it opens as soon as he begins to slow: A pair of medic-nin step outside.
"Excuse me," he calls politely as he dodges around them. They pay him no mind and merely continue on their way, talking cheerfully about their plans for the night. Before the door can swing shut he slips inside.
Fluorescent lighting makes the white walls of the hospital stand out even more, and for a moment he is disoriented by the starkness of the interior. There is only one other person in the lobby besides himself- a tired-looking nurse who sits behind the counter filling out forms. He hesitates, wondering if he should announce his presence to her, but the feeling within him draws his attention to the deserted corridor. Without looking back, he lets his feet guide him. Bypassing the elevators he reaches an alcove with a set of stairs and immediately he begins to climb. With each step he takes his heart pounds faster.
Why is he here? And where is he going?
The questions buzz around his head, but he ignores them. Each door leading onto a new floor is propped open. Beyond them he catches glimpses of medic-nin carrying charts, a little kid in a wheelchair being pushed by a parental figure, and on the fourth floor a group of people stand guard anxiously outside a closed room. None of them pulls him to them, so he continues up; steadily, quickly.
When his heart leaps at the fifth landing he turns and enters the floor through the open doorway. Whatever has been urging him along seems to increase tenfold, and the pressure causes him to almost double over. For a moment, he doesn't want to continue forward, but that feeling inside him forces him to move; to put one foot onto that thin carpet.
As soon as he steps onto the floor his eyes are drawn to a door set six down from where he stands. His heart is pounding, and suddenly he's moving forward faster than before. All he can see is that door. Beyond it- beyond it he will finally see what has been driving him to move so blindly.
A woman with short black hair is hurrying towards him, towels in hand.
"Excuse me," he calls, but the woman ignores his call. She pulls the door he is being drawn to open, swinging it wide as she hurries inside. Growling, he dashes forward and enters the room after her.
"Hey!"
His shout cuts off as he halts just inside the door, catching sight of what is in the room.
The woman he had followed inside hands the towels to another older woman with blond hair set in low pigtails. The blond one sits at the end of a bed between the spread legs of a pale woman: A woman with sweat-slicked, long black hair and pale eyes squinting in agony. Her large belly is covered by a sheet and it contracts as she pushes, straining against something he can't see; her slender hands angrily squeeze the hand of a nurse at her side.
Her name comes to him as soon as he sets eyes on her.
"Hinata." He whispers it, and suddenly it is as if the very atoms in the room are propelling him forward. It all comes back to him in a single moment- her face the catalyst he had needed to jolt him back to reality. "Hinata!"
He vaults forward, heart hammering in his chest.
She wasn't supposed to be due for another two weeks. Why was she here? In the hospital?
She doesn't look at him, acknowledge him in any way except to scream louder as she pushes, eyes clenching shut against the pain.
"I'm here, Hinata. I promised you, didn't I?" Throwing himself at the empty side of the bed, he touches her arm- and his hand sinks straight through her skin.
The hospital lights dance around him. Jerking back, he holds his trembling hand up to his face. Through it, he can see the rest of the room, shimmering as though through a flesh-toned veil.
What was happening? It makes no sense to him, the vision before his eyes.
"Push, Hinata. That-a-girl, you're doing great."
His head turns slowly to regard the blond woman who had spoken. Her harsh face is set in a mask of concentration, but her tone as she continues to urge Hinata on is gentle. There is a diamond on her forehead, and it seems to catch the light of the hospital room and suck it in. He looks away, back to the woman in the bed whom he knows he has loved for several years now. Her beautiful face is contorted in pain, her breathing ragged though she fights to control it. Veins in her pale neck stick out as she pushes.
"Hinata?"
His voice wavers. No one in the room reacts to him. Slowly, his hand drops.
And the lights are dancing.
Why can't they see him?
He steps back, legs almost giving out. When he tries to steady himself on a large machine full of lights and buttons, his hand goes through it- the same as it had with Hinata.
The blonde one is concentrating on the baby slowly coming into the world; the dark-haired one who had carried the towels is at her side, alert and ready to assist. The nurse holding Hinata's hand is doing her best not to show pain at the tight grip surely breaking her delicate carpal bones. It is as if he's viewing it all like a stage, and he is in the audience- cast in shadows by the stage lights and unseen by the performers.
It's too surreal for him to wrap his mind around. All he can do is stand there, hands hanging uselessly at his sides; watching the woman he loves struggle to give birth when he had promised her that he would be there when the time came.
There is nothing he can do.
Clenching his eyes shut to block out the noise in the room, he drops to his haunches and holds his hands to his head as the frustration overwhelms him. Why was this happening? And why couldn't they see him?
"Aaaaahhh! I-I can't. I can't do this anymore."
Lifting his head a fraction, he watches Hinata slump backwards, panting heavily.
"Please, where is- where is Naruto? I need him- aaahhh!"
"You can do this, Hinata, just a little more."
"No, no I can't." There are tears in her eyes.
He breathes in deeply. Hinata: his Hinata needs him.
Forcing down his own distress, he slowly straightens back up. There is a reason he was drawn to this place, and he'll be damned if he lets himself waste this precious gift because of something he can't understand. Even if she can't see him, he'll do everything in his power to make her at least feel his support; because he swore to always be there for her when they got married, and he never goes back on his word.
"Keep going, baby," he whispers.
Taking his place by her side once more, he rests his hands by her free hand on the bed top- the one clinging to the sheets for dear life. Gently he brushes his thumb back and forth, pretending she can feel his touch even though he phases right through her flesh.
"Come on, Hinata, deep breaths," he encourages, "just like the ones Sakura showed you." The name and face of their pink-haired friend floats hazily to his mind's eye. As he struggles to remember, the face of the blonde girl in his bathroom pops up as well, this time with a name. "Remember? You had her and Ino come over and we practiced in the living room. You know what to do. Just breathe in deep. With me, okay?"
He breathes in deeply through his nose and then exhales slowly through his mouth.
The blonde woman is encouraging her to do the same. Tsunade. And the black-haired one: Shizune. Their names come to him as Hinata breathes, but he pushes the information aside, wanting to only concentrate on her.
A small laugh escapes him as she finally settles in front of his eyes.
"There you go; that's my girl." He has to blink because his vision goes blurry; a tear runs down his cheek. "I thought those lessons with Sakura were stupid because she made me pretend to be the mom first, but now I'm glad I stayed for them. You remember it, right?"
She takes one more deep breath before pushing again at Tsunade's encouragement.
"Of course you do. You were always smarter than me. You took everything more seriously than I did."
"I see the crown, Hinata," Tsunade's voice announces.
He looks up, excitement running through him. "Our baby's coming out! You gotta be feeling excited now, Hinata. Push again, Sweets. Come on, just a bit more."
"Aaaaahhh!" Her hand squeezes the sheets as she strains, pushing with everything she has. His right hand moves to touch her face as he leans in closer to her, left hand still brushing through her fisted fingers.
"That's it, Hinata. God, I love you so much. You can do this- you're almost there."
"And, he's coming faster now," Tsunade says with the hint of a smile in her voice. "Oh- it's a boy, Hinata. Just one more: Push once more."
Hinata lets loose a strangled scream as she curls forward, drawing the sheet up with her as she pushes, pushes, pushes-
The room goes silent for a split second, and then Hinata slumps back in the bed as the sound of a baby's cries fill the room.
"Oh, Hinata." He chokes, smiling now as he watches Tsunade hand the screaming infant to Shizune. "He's beautiful. Hinata, our baby is beautiful."
"Tsunade-" Hinata's voice is weak, and he looks down on her with all the love he can fathom. Her eyes are tired, slipping shut. "Naruto; where is Naruto? He'll be- he'll be so happy it's a boy."
A sad laugh escapes him as he kneels down on the floor beside her and bows his head on her limp arm.
"I am happy, Hinata. So much more than you can imagine."
"He's still out on his mission, remember, Hinata?" Tsunade says gently. "I'm sure he'll be home soon though. He knew you were due any week now: He'll beat up the bad guys and come running home as fast as he can."
Hinata's face lights up and he feels a grin sprout on his face in response.
As Tsunade helps Hinata through the post-delivery procedures, he stays by his wife's side. Watching her, he can't help but feel sad. She will never know that he was here for her, that he kept his promise. Because he knows now- he understands. And as much as the truth hurts, he knows that no amount of screaming, complaining, or begging can undo it.
What matters is being here for as long as he can; being with his wife, seeing his first and only child come into the world.
Shizune steps back into the room.
"He's a healthy baby boy, Hinata. Everything seems to be in order. Would you like to hold him?"
Hinata smiles as she hums in response. Slowly, she lifts herself to a more reclined position, arms trembling from exertion. Tsunade moves around to help her and he cocks his head, watching as the old hag so gently fluffs the pillows behind Hinata's back and helps her sit up. When Tsunade moves back to the end of the bed, he leans forward, excitement bubbling within him as Shizune comes around and places a bundle of blue blankets in Hinata's arms.
Outside the room, a sudden scuffle seems to break out: voices raise and the sound of feet hurrying down the hall intrudes on the joyous meeting between mother and infant.
"Tsunade, what's going on?"
The Hokage ignores the pale girl and heads for the door, anger written on her face.
She flings the door open, already streaming curses. "Shut the hell up, out there! This is a hospital-"
As she moves to step outside, several figures push forward at the door. A few nurses are muttering indignity at the foremost one- a man with long brown hair and a ribbon tied around his forehead. He is panting, but doing his utmost to remain dignified. His pale eyes flicker to take note of the inside of the room, and Hinata gasps.
"N-Neji?"
The man at the door flinches before nodding to her. "Hinata." Then he returns his attention to Tsunade. "Hokage, I need a moment with you. It's urgent." His voice wavers, and the Hokage's face goes blank.
"Shizune, make sure Hinata is comfortable. I'll be outside."
"Tsunade-" The Hokage ignores the call and simply shuts the door behind her.
He can see the confliction in Hinata's beautiful pale eyes- the unease that has settled over her- but soft rustling from the tiny bundle in her arms draws her attention, and his own.
That little pink face has him utterly entranced. Hinata is glowing, her happiness written all over her face as she nestles the baby to her chest, eyes closing. He can feel it- her love and joy radiating from her in comforting waves as she cradles that tiny body close. Her soft voice breaks the silence in gentle coos; she is whispering sweet nothings into their baby's ear, and the sight and sound have his face breaking out into a grin of utter contentment.
His wife. His wife and his child. They are perfect.
Reaching out a hand to touch his son's face, a sudden spasm runs through his body, sending a shock of rippling pain throughout his entire being. A cry rips from him as his hand retreats to clutch at his heart. The pain concentrates in his chest; and then, as quickly as it had come, it is gone.
"Naruto?"
His heart rate spikes and he lifts his head, bewildered. Hinata is no longer looking down at the baby in her arms. Her tired pale eyes are alert but confused, head raised as she scans the hospital room.
"Hinata?" he whispers, and immediately her head whips around. Fearful lavender eyes stare straight through his fading blue.
"Naruto." Her voice wavers. For a moment, he thinks that she can see him, but then her eyes move past him to the corners of the room. She is breathing shallowly, and he wants nothing more than to make her see him, for her to know that he is right here with her.
"No. Naruto!" Her head turns to look at the closed door. "Tsunade!"
The desperation in her voice pulls at his heart. She fidgets in the bed, repeatedly scanning the room, but always coming back to where he sits beside her. She can't see him- he knows that- but he leans forward anyway, placing his hand lightly on top of her leg, giving her as much strength as he can.
A second throb of excruciating pain pounds through him and his teeth clench. At the same time, Hinata flinches and nearly screams, "Tsunade!"
The door opens and Shizune enters just as the baby begins to cry.
"Hinata, are you okay?"
"Where is Naruto?"
Shizune freezes and glances back at the door she had closed behind her. "Ah, well, Tsunade is with Neji right now and-"
"Shizune, please. Something is wrong. I can feel it. What's going on?" The cries of their baby echo in the small room, and she moves unconsciously to settle him, rocking gently back and forth.
Feeling helpless, he pulls back and watches, hand still clutching at his chest. Something new is coming, but he'll be damned if he lets it happen now. Not when his wife is clearly upset, when he knows that any moment now she'll be getting news that they both don't want to hear.
"I'm sorry, Hinata, but I don't know what they're discussing-"
A loud bang resonates throughout the building. He jumps, as do Hinata and Shizune.
"What on earth?"
As Shizune moves to the door, it creaks open. Eyes blurred with tears and fist dripping a mixture of blood and white paint chips, Tsunade slowly steps inside.
"Tsunade! What happened?" Shizune pauses, then rushes to her friend's side. "Your hand-"
"Shizune."
Tsunade's voice buckles. Her eyes move to Hinata, and he can see the aching pain in them. Even with her diamond, she suddenly appears to be very old.
"Tsunade?" Hinata's voice is small, timid, fearful.
For a moment, the Hokage is silent. Her agonized eyes seem to convey a silent message to Hinata's query, and for a moment the room is silent. Then, Hinata inhales sharply.
"No," she moans.
"Hinata-" Tsunade's voice breaks.
Lowering his eyes, he feels his heart break as Hinata's breathing grows erratic. The sheets rustle as her legs draw up beneath them.
"No. No- Tsunade-"
"Hinata, I'm so sorry. There was a- he-" her strong face breaks down into a sob and Shizune wraps an arm around her. "I should never have let him go."
"What happened, Tsunade? Tell me! Is he hurt? Where is he?"
Tsunade is shaking her head, and he feels his gut clenching. This is it- the answer he has known to be true. He doesn't want to hear it though- even more, he doesn't want to see Hinata get the news.
"He accomplished his mission, Hinata."
Everyone looks to the door at the sound of the masculine voice: Neji has reappeared, his normally stoic countenance somber.
"He freed a village in Wave country from oppression under the missing nin he was sent to recover." His voice is steady, but it's obvious he feels uneasy speaking. "But, there were complications. The missing nin had recruited a band of other missing nin from our bingo book- high profile killers. There must have been at least twelve altogether. They surprised Naruto, and when they couldn't overpower him, they used… bait."
"What?"
"When they realized who it was they were dealing with, the missing nin realized they would be heroes to the underworld if they took out the ninja who defeated Pain. So, they forcibly took all the children of the village and threatened to kill them if he didn't give himself up within a limited time frame. Each minute he took to decide, they killed a child. It was… a bloodbath. And you know Naruto- he doesn't think about things. He just jumps right in."
Neji paused, visibly shaken. Unsteadily he released a long breath. "The villagers said he didn't hesitate once he realized what was going on."
"No!" Hinata's scream tore straight through his heart.
"He took most of them down by the time we arrived to back him up, but…"
"Please. Please, Neji, stop lying to me."
Hinata's words break down into erratic sobs.
The hospital room seems to shimmer before him. Something new is pulling on him; but this time he knows it is not to a place he can walk to. Keeping watch on Hinata's agonized face, he fights the feeling tugging on his body. He refuses to leave now- he can't go until he has ensured Hinata is alright. He needs her to know that he is here, that he made it; that he kept his promise to her.
"Don't cry, Hinata."
Panic threatens to enfold him. His words- they wouldn't vocalize. Instead, they issue from him as resonating thoughts that seem to swim around him.
"I'm here. I'm right here, baby."
"He died a hero, Hinata."
Hinata's cries escalate into an aching scream at Neji's soft words. She pitches back, away from the hands of the accompanying nurses. Tears stream down her face as she moans.
"No! You're lying, Neji. He promised." Her voice is trembling, barely understandable through her racking sobs. Her agony scores straight through him. "We promised to have a family together, to watch our kids grow up and love them- to love them together!"
"I did promise, Hinata, and I never go back on my word." She dissolves into a mess of tears, shaking away wildly as Shizune moves over and attempts to place her hands on her in comfort. He wants so badly to hold her, to wipe those tears away.
His hearing grows muted, and it seems now as though he is being pushed beneath a sea of thick fluid. Shaking his head to ward off the inevitable, he fights to clear his ears and make his presence known.
"He said he would be here!" If only she knew.
"I'm here, baby." His very thoughts are trembling, wavering in the air around him. "And I'm always going to be."
Another sharp pain streaks through him and he knows his time is almost up. His hands in front of him are blurring, but he reaches out anyway to trace the features of his wife's face, acting as though to smooth the hair away from her eyes and tuck it behind her ear like he does every day. But his hand simply phases through, and the hair remains shielding her face as she tucks her body down and continues to sob.
"I love you so much. Don't worry, cause where I'm going I'll be able to watch over you every moment of every day. You won't ever be alone again, Hinata. I'll be with you."
His breathing grows thin. Before his eyes his fingers begin to disappear, dissolving into thin air, leaving traces of light behind.
The sight scares him, and he flings himself forward, wanting to hold onto his family for as long as he can.
In her arms nearly hidden by the folds of her hospital gown, bleary, vibrant blue eyes blink open. Instead of resuming his crying, the infant squints and flaps his arms beneath his wrappings. Then, those curious blue eyes look his way, and he feels a sob press at the back of his throat as their baby- his son- looks straight into his own eyes, holding contact.
A warm feeling is slowly spreading through his body, but that look- the way his son is looking straight at him- fills him with an indescribable energy.
"You- you see me, don't you?"
The tiny mouth opens in a gurgle, but the babe doesn't look away. Warmth ghosts his cheek and he feels a tear fall to the ground, sinking into the sheets even as his body continues to disintegrate into shining, dusty particles. His son could see him- was it even possible?
"Take care of her." Another tear falls. His body is nearly gone. He doesn't want to leave yet- not when everything is just beginning. It's all so precious to him- the family he never thought he would have. "I'll be watching over you. So never forget, okay? Daddy loves you."
He smiles and those tiny, matching blue eyes scrunch up in a bubbling grin.
Hinata's arms tighten at the movement of the baby in her arms, and when she looks down to see him giggling and bouncing his arms and legs beneath his blanket, her head whips around to the empty side of the bed where his glee is focused.
"Naruto?"
There is nothing there, but she can swear she feels the phantom trace of a hand on her cheek. Tears bunch in her eyes.
"Naruto, please!"
The room is silent. In her arms, her precious baby boy grows still once more. Shaking, she gathers him to her breast and holds on for dear life. As she bows her head, she catches sight through the blur of tears in her eyes of a discoloration in the sheets beside her. Maneuvering one hand from beneath her son, she reaches out to touch it. It's not a blemish on the sheets as she had assumed, but simply a very small wet patch.
It shouldn't have been so captivating, but her fingers curl over the tiny spot, and for some reason it makes her heart ache. Her mind is tired and her body exhausted, but she doesn't feel betrayed any more.
"Naruto."
A tingle runs up her spine and she opens her eyes. A cool draft seems to blow past her, sprouting goosebumps along her skin. In her arms, her son coos gently and attempts to flap his arms once more. Her eyes are wide.
A warm feeling settles in the pit of her stomach. For a moment, she can't believe the feeling that passes through her. It is too abstract- too emotional to be put into words. It is both comforting and devastating, and when it passes, she breaks down, shedding new tears over the drops that had soaked into the sheets beneath her curled hand.
()
End
()
A/N: Hmm, yeah: sad story is sad. I honestly had no idea how to end this. It just got so depressing. I couldn't bring myself to be overly cliché and give it a happy-go-lucky "I know he was there and it makes me so happy" ending. Hinata just lost her husband, her confidante and friend at the time as their son's birth. How can she be happy? So, you get a crying Hinata at the end. Yes, I am a cruel person. It's been said before. I love the angst though. So there. :P Also, I wasn't sure how Naruto should die. I'm sorry if that part seemed overdramatic and slightly unrealistic, but I thought it seemed fitting considering Hinata was having a baby and Naruto is the type of guy who wouldn't hesitate to help out younger kids who are in trouble. He seems like the type who would willingly sacrifice himself in that type of situation. So, there you go. :)