It was dark, and Alaska's sight was blurry. She knew she should stop the car, was very much aware of just how drunk she was and how wrong it was to drive now, but the urge to go to the one place she wasn't allowed to forget visiting was stronger. Her thoughts were wandering through dozens and dozens of different dimensions of sorrow and guilt, each endlessly painful, drowning her like a little child in the sea.
"that which the sea breaks against"
She had chosen the name herself, but never had she expected it would fit her so much. It was her own fault, really. In the end, she was responsible for all the bad things that had happened. Her mother had died because of her. Maria was expelled because she was too much of a coward to own up to what she did. She knew she always messed things up, knew everyone she met would always be hurt by her, everyone. Her dad, Maria, the Colonel, Takumi, everyone. Even Jake, whom she had just betrayed with Pudge. Pudge. She didn't want to hurt him too, but she knew she would, knew it too well. It was just who she was: She always destroyed everything.
She would always let everyone down. It was like the world itself had abandoned her, and so, as her eyes were filled with tears, making her sight even worse, she saw a light. Whatever it was, she knew at the back of her mind that she had to stop, or something horrible would happen.
But as she was about to hit the brakes she realised that there was no reason to. Not at all. She would be too late to arrive at her mother's very grave, too late to pay respect to the person she loved so much, the person she had killed because of her stupidity. She had let her down once again. Everyone would suffer in her hands, and she knew that she had to put an end to it, felt this infinite need to leave this cruel world behind and go to a place where she could find happiness again, for this place had taken it from her for years and it would never give it back.
And so she drove, drove faster than she ever did before, and just before she took her own life, she closed her eyes. And in that moment, Alaska Young died with a smile on her face, knowing her dying wish would become true. She would be reunited with the one person she had always loved more than anything else in this world: Her mother.