Author's disclaimer: I do not ownthelryics to the song 'Novacaine, by Green Day, so I can no longer include it in this songfic. I do not own Teen Titans-but you already know that... What was it that you didn't know, again?
No 'Novacaine! Lobotomy Forever!
(To the tune to Green Day's Novacaine...)
Take away my incentive to write
'Bittersweet' they say I can't pen
They're likefecking vulturespicking at my mind
I can't take FF Admin anymore!
-
Why do I even bother?
I should have given up on you a long time ago.
You don't even like me anyway.
How many times have I contemplated telling you how I feel?
They are numberless.
But you should have gotten the hint by now. It's not as if I don't talk to you.
Or, I should say, try to talk to you. You don't seem very interested.
You feel free to ask my assistance when you need a helping hand.
You don't seem to mind asking my opinion occasionally.
Not that you ever pay heed to my opinions.
I try to show you that I care, I really do.
I guess I am just not very good at communicating.
I'm shy, you know. I was born that way.
Sure-you will tell me that I can choose to be otherwise.
But it's not like that.
I have been like this ever since I can remember.
I can't make small talk. I'm too self-conscious.
I'm afraid I'll mess up.
Then there'll never be a chance to…
I want to describe to you in minute detail how I adore you.
Everything about you.
I feel privileged to be in the same room as you.
But I can't tell you that.
You won't care.
Or, if you do care, it is only because you want me to understand that I mean nothing to you, other than a friend. If I am lucky…
Or maybe you will berate me, calling me childish and foolish.
Maybe you will become angry with me. Impudent of me even to presume upon you, you might say.
But I can't help the way I feel.
I know I am not your intellectual equal, but that doesn't mean I don't have a great admiration for your intelligence.
I am no one special, and I know that.
But I see you all the time, and I can't ignore you.
To ignore you would be an impossible task for any person, I think.
You are glorious, in my eyes.
My shining beacon of hope, my very reason for existence, you are.
I cannot imagine life without being able to be near you.
Even if you do not care for me, like that.
Even if you barely acknowledge my presence, sometimes.
Even if you taunt me with you superiority.
Even if you are openly hostile, derisive even.
Even if you display jealousy of others in intimate relationships, but do not look my way.
When I see even the smallest hint of a smile on your face-even meant for someone else-my day becomes worthwhile, and an experience to be treasured and cherished forever.
Don't worry though, I will never tell another how I feel about you. They would think it an unhealthy obsession.
They would not understand.
I will continue to live my life, content to be near you.
I will continue to love you from afar.
I will continue to hold dear every single kind word you have directed at me.
I will continue to hope that someday, I will possess the courage to approach you with my feelings.
Strike that-I won't ever broach that subject with you. I will never be that brave.
My heart will be damaged beyond repair, should you choose to reject me categorically.
My life would become worthless-even more so than it is now.
My existence would cease to have meaning.
How can I love you so much, you ask. You say that I know little about you. I don't know who you are, inside.
You don't know everything about me, either. I know far more about you than you will ever suspect.
I will never tell anyone. I cannot ever tell anyone. They would not understand that, either.
We will continue to be friends-associates-teammates. Nothing more.
We will continue to live our lives apart.
We will-but I will always have my shining, resplendent fantasies of you and me.
You may find this hard to believe, but I think of you all the time. That is not an exaggeration. There is nothing in the world more important, more significant than you are.
Sure, you don't know, and you probably would be alarmed if you did.
A doctor would probably say that I am a liar, or that I am mentally ill.
But I am sure I am quite sane. And quite literally so infatuated with you that it hurts.
I know that others could love me-some have even approached me.
But there is no reason to try to enjoy happiness with another.
A relationship with someone other than you would be doomed from the start.
My thoughts are consumed by you. My dreams fill to overflowing with you.
My soul is bound to you.
Nothing else matters.
As long as I can remain in your life.
No matter that I am just a footnote in your life-I am content.
I know you will never leave.
You will never find another to love you as I do.
I know.
I will make sure you don't.
No one is good enough for a Goddess.
Even me…I accept that fate has dealt cruelly with me.
I will continue to do as I always have. I will try to please you.
Even if you don't want me to.
Even thought you don't truly appreciate me.
It's okay-I still have you, even though you don't know it.
You're mine.
Forever.
I love you as none has ever loved. None will ever love.
You will probably never know, but I will.
Always.
Forever.
Out of my way, vile FF Admin!
Be gone-gone from my dreams
I get the feeling that they're after me
Thank G-d thet can't take awaymy air
Die FF Admin, die!
Damn the blasted FF Admin!
His censorship's overwhelming
Give an inch, he takes a foot-tells me it will be all right
But then he won't let Vinnie write a thing
Just lobotomize my brain...