1Harry Potter had many titles in his life. The-Boy-Who-Lived. The-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort. One Third of the Gryffindor Trio. Currently, the only one that was on his mind was The World's Biggest Idiot.
What had he been thinking when he left his beautiful nightmare for Draco? Draco was pretty, to be sure, but his appeal ended there. After only two weeks, Harry was wondering how in the world he could make his biggest mistake up to the only man he could ever love. He wandered in to his temporary rooms at the Leaky Cauldron, intending to write Severus a letter, when he noticed the bird.
It was a bird Harry had seen many times in his life. It had been the bird to summon him to Occulemency lessons, the bird to remind him of detentions missed, the bird that called him into action during the final battle. Most importantly, it was Severus's bird. As Harry wandered towards it, it stuck out its leg, silently telling Harry to relieve it of the parchment it carried. As soon as Harry untied the note, the bird flew off, indicating no response was anticipated.
Harry sat down on his bed and breathed in deeply. There on the front was "Potter" scrawled in a handwriting all too familiar. Opening the note, Harry began to read.
I understand now why some find solace in taking a blade to their skin and letting the metallic crimson pour forth. It is not, at is often said, a physical release of a trapped emotion. When have I ever felt the need to release my emotions? No. Do you know why I like cutting? Why I crave the bittersweet sting of cold metal on my flesh? It is because I can cry then without feeling like I am shedding tears over you. I never want to weep because of someone else, especially not you.
You really aren't any better than your father, Potter. Never again will you be Harry to me; Harry was that beautifully insecure angel I found asleep outside my chamber door one morning. Harry was the unwilling savior who just wanted to be accepted and loved for more than the scar adorning his forehead. Harry was the gorgeous man who used to tell me he loved me everyday. Tell me, Potter, what the fuck did you do with him?
I should have known. Really, I bring this upon myself. Had I not been stupid enough to believe that something that perfect could have actually happened to me, then I would not be in this situation currently. As it is, I can only wonder what he possesses that I do not. Of all the people, Potter, did it have to be my godson? You know I could never be mad at him. Merlin knows I could never be angry at you... well you know what, I hope you are happy. Truly. I bask in the arctic warmth of the knowledge that you and Draco will never have what we had.
I know you know I am correct. You are my soul mate, there is no denying it. I've heard you say it more than once yourself. Why then? Why did I wake up on morning, not so very long ago, with a sinking feeling in my stomach and a cold finger of dread around my heart as I gazed around our naked quarters? I just don't understand it.
Maybe Draco will be able to love you better than I could. Maybe he can hold your hand in public and tell you how much he adores you everyday, but let me get one thing straight. He will never ever love you more than I did. More than I do. It's just not possible. You are my heart and soul. You always will be.
You are perfection in my eyes, and I hate you for it.
Well, Potter, I hope this clears some things up. You'll never see me again, if you even care. I can no longer stand to be in a world where you are visible but not mine. It's no sweet torture any longer. In fact, by this time, Albus should be covering my already cold and empty chest with a sheet.
I love you, no longer my own.
-Severus
Almost the second he saw the signature at the bottom and realized the import of what the letter contained, Harry did the impossible. He apparated directly into the great hall of Hogwarts. He could only hope that it wasn't too late.
-fin-