This was an idea that wandered into my head a while ago but I have been wrapped up in other stuff and haven't gotten around to writing it. Part of it is me stalling while I try to remember fully what my plans for Melancholic Melody were. So yes, I plan on working on that story again, but at the moment, this is my little procrastination.
Purposely not being straight-forward with the pairing. Sorry if this causes issues for the super gung-ho people who become totally and irrationally distraught if a story isn't the "only pairing I will read". I won't be childish about reviews like in Melancholic Melody, but I most likely won't read any of my reviews until I get close to completion of the story, just in case. XP
Timeline is tricky on this one. It's not current (manga chapter 631 as of this post), but it's not too far back, either. I'd need to re-read some of the older shippuden chapters to give you a proper timeline but hopefully there's enough exposition to wing it.
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What is stress? What does it look like? What does it feel like?
Sakura had thought she understood well what stress was. It wasn't until the last few years of her life that she really got a good feeling for it.
Stress was being abandoned by someone you thought was a beloved comrade. Someone you held close to your heart. Stress was hearing he had become a missing-nin, working under Orochimaru. It was working under that crazy but endearing Slug Princess of a Hokage, feeling like she might be her death.
Stress was thinking that three years of training would prepare you, only to find you're as helpless as ever in bringing him back. It was learning what was sealed inside one of her best friends and how ignorant and unhelpful she was toward him all this time. Knowing that the Akatsuki wanted Naruto, had Sasuke, and then watching as they obliterated Konohagakure.
It was watching Sasuke so drunk with power that he would kill his own new teammates in front of his old ones. Seeing the look of betrayal on Karin's face, that same betrayal she'd been harboring for years now.
It was spending another year after that helping to clean up. Helping to heal others. It was fourteen hour shifts and drowning herself in missions to numb the pain. It was forcing herself to move on even as her mind and heart lingered on thoughts of her lost friend.
Stress was the dark circles under her eyes, marked darker by each minute of sleep she missed, reflecting on the whispers and hate about the murderous Uchiha Sasuke. It was the way her hair hung limp from neglect, less inclined to be immaculate in her appearance while her mind swam with the losses they had endured to this point and how helpless she was in changing those events. It was the ribs that were slightly visible through her skin from her lack of eating, finding it hard to stomach anything when she thought of all the other shinobi who had managed to do something for their village or their loved ones. Like Hinata, who had boldly thrown herself in front of Naruto, declaring her love in front of Pain and swearing to protect Naruto from him.
Stress was the state of her apartment, which was messy, dark, and lonely. It was the empty eyes that would stare out of her window toward the Uchiha sector of the village each night before sleep, watching under the moon at the stillness, deeply wishing to see movement, any sign that Sasuke had come to his senses. Hearing that he'd killed Itachi but he still didn't come home.
But it was also anger. Oh, it was blazing anger. Despite feeling weakened in some ways compared to her comrades, she knew she was strong. She knew she was brave. It was just hard to be that way in front of their old teammate and that infuriated her.
She felt anger at so many things lately, but she kept it to herself. Her own guilt prevented her from proper care of herself outside of regular training. Her anger kept her from being social, slowly closing herself off from people. No one understood. No one could understand the complicated feelings she held. Not even Naruto. It was close, but he couldn't fully grasp what it was like for her, the woman abandoned by him. Not just from the village. Naruto could understand that. It was more that she knew by now that Sasuke could hold no love for her. She'd even offered to leave the village with him, to be beside him, and he'd rejected her. He'd thanked her, sure, but never once did he consider her offer. She wasn't nearly important enough.
She shook the thoughts from her head, laying down on her bed with a hand placed against her forehead and looking out the window. She barely remembered to set her alarm, rubbing her forehead with some chakra thrumming in her fingertips to numb the headache. Sighing she fell into a fitful sleep.
Her sleep didn't last long though. Being a light sleeper was a large part of being a shinobi and she felt a chakra signature moving through the village. She would have looked into it more if she weren't still half-asleep, though a distant part of her brain at least tracked that chakra, as it was stronger than a lot of the ordinary chakras around her. To the frustration of her subconscious though, the chakra disappeared entirely before she could get a bead on it. She assumed that it had been dealt with and once again drifted into darkness. She'd have to be up in a few hours for another shift anyway.
Granted, it was a shift she volunteered for, but still.
She didn't last long again before gasping and sitting up abruptly. Her eyes were lined with tears, sweat lightly coating her body. Her heart hammered in her chest before she let out a single sob of frustration and wiped her eyes. In frustration, she found herself growling under her breath, "Ugh.. again.."
"Again? I suppose you find yourself awoken this way often?"
Her body tensed at the quiet but deep voice coming from just outside her window. Her immediate reaction was to reach for a kunai, cursing that the chakra she'd lost track of earlier was now right outside her window. She caught a flash of light off a weapon from the person and thought better to lunge out her window at him.
"I wouldn't if I were you."
The voice bothered her deeply. She knew it and yet she didn't. It was whispered, barely letting her hear the voice itself and making recognition hard. The chakra possessed no killing intent toward her though and she let the tip of her kunai lower very slightly, "Who are you?"
The figure, nothing more than a silhouette just outside her field of vision, gave a short chuckle. There was no verbal response though and she finally just assumed she would not be getting an answer. After a short moment, she heard his voice again, "You were calling out for someone in your sleep."
She tensed, having a feeling from how these nightmares went that she knew exactly whose name she had been calling, "It's really none of your business."
The voice sounded polite and almost apologetic, "I meant no offense, of course. I simply wondered why you would call for a known serial killer."
"Once again, that's my business," she snapped irritably, wondering if this was Kiba or someone else playing a practical joke on her. At any rate, it wasn't funny, especially at this time of night. She really hoped people weren't going to make a habit of coming and interrupting her in the middle of sleep about her life choices, "Regardless of what he's doing now, we just want him to come home. At least I do. And Naruto. He can answer for his crimes and then we can try to patch things up."
There was a silence before the voice murmured bluntly, "That's rather naive."
She glared angrily at her window, starting to lean over a bit to try to get a better angle out of the side of her window, but the figure had their back to the exterior wall of her apartment, making it difficult in the lack of light to make him out, "I'm aware of what it is! I didn't say it was rational! It is what it is."
The figure felt an eyebrow raise up in surprise, though of course Sakura wouldn't see this, "Once again, I meant no offense. It was merely my curiosity."
She gripped her kunai tightly again, narrowing her eyes, "Yes, well, you know what they say about curiosity..."
The voice sounded calm and slightly amused, "I rather like my nine lives, or maybe it's eight at the rate I'm going. Either way, I will take my leave of you then."
She felt the chakra disappear again, staying tense for many long moments before she let her stance relax, satisfied that they were gone. She could feel Genma and a few other shinobi making rounds near her location anyway.
She laid back down with a feeling of extreme annoyance. She wasn't sure what that was all about, but the last thing she needed was someone making a habit of having late-night chats with her. Sighing and seeing she only had about two hours left before work she dragged herself out of bed reluctantly and readied herself, soon heading out the door.
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Sakura returned to the village around seven in the evening, feeling sweaty and exhausted, just wanting to give her report and head back home. She usually couldn't sleep but she hoped it would hit her tonight.
That morning had been crazy. Two different teams sent out on what should have been routine missions, only to get intercepted by some group that called themselves Twilight. Obviously a reference at the meaning of Akatsuki, Dawn. Though at first it looked like just another Akatsuki copy group, it was obvious really quick that it was just a bunch of shinobi that were either missing-nin or had been too much of failures to be decent shinobi and had to resort to being bandits. All they seemed to do was kill as they please and steal. It was disgusting to her, really. So her morning had been spent healing the survivors of that particular encounter, then the rest of the day had been spent dispatched with Kiba, Neji, and Kakashi to deal with whatever members of Twilight they could find. Some of them were rather skilled, she'd give them that, but a good deal of them were weak cowards once the strong ones were dealt with and managed to run away.
She followed the team to Tsunade, sort of zoned out as Kakashi explained the situation to her. Her thoughts drifted to the other night. She wondered what the deal was with the intruder outside her house. Her eyes lazily drifted to Kiba and Neji. Kiba might play such a practical joke on her, but she couldn't see Neji doing anything of the sort. As for Kakashi, well... she figured she'd have seen his face stuck in a book in silhouette easily enough. The thought almost made her chuckle.
"Sakura?"
Sakura snapped out of her thoughts to see the team and Tsunade staring at her, making her cheeks light up red, "Umm, yes, Tsunade-sama?"
Tsunade shook her head, "I was asking if you'd given any thoughts to the jounin exams. They'll be coming up soon enough and you've had several recommendations."
Sakura would have jumped at the chance, but she cautioned herself to think it over. Yes, it would give her access to higher rank missions. She might even have a better chance of coming across Sasuke in her travels. However, she knew there were risks with taking such missions. The hours for a jounin were also much more demanding, basically being on call at any point, night or day.
She gave a slow nod, "I'll consider it. It would be nice to advance, but I don't think it's a decision to rush."
Tsunade nodded at the wisdom in her statement and put some papers aside from the recent report, "Alright. The jounin exams will be in about a month, so you have plenty of time to think about it. You four are dismissed. Get some rest."
Rest. Right. She certainly hoped.
She walked out of the Hokage's building with the team, the four of them splitting up toward their respective homes. Kiba walked with Sakura for a bit as their homes were in a similar direction for a few blocks. After a moment, Sakura turned her head to look at Kiba, "So, odd question, but what were you doing last night? Around... four, maybe?"
Kiba raised an eyebrow, wondering why Sakura was asking, but shrugged, "Me and Akamaru were sleeping." Akamaru barked and wagged his tail as if to emphasize that statement.
He tipped his head a bit, his eyes still confused, "Why do you ask?"
Sakura laughed nervously and shook her head, "Oh, no reason. I thought I heard someone moving around the village last night, didn't know who was sleeping and who was out training or whatever."
Kiba shrugged, finding it a little odd, but taking her reason with no complaint.
The two split off toward their respective homes, Sakura thinking. It hadn't been Kiba, then. Unless he'd been lying to cover his ass, but his confusion had looked all-too authentic to her.
Her eyes scanned the outside of her apartment, as if expecting to see someone perched outside her window. Of course, no one was there. That was just silly. She went inside and found to her annoyance that she wasn't tired enough for sleep. Unable to think of anything to do, she decided to take a shower.
She stripped down and started the water, not even waiting for it to get hot before she slipped in and under the water. After the last mission they had, the cold water actually felt rather good. She sighed when the water finally turned hot, feeling nice on her aching muscles. Yes, this was definitely what she needed.
She grabbed her bar of soap and started washing, her eyes moving to a few bottles in the corner. Neglected shampoo and conditioner. She couldn't remember the last time she touched them. Lately she'd just been soaping up her hair for the sake of hygiene and that was it. She found it... pointless, to worry about her appearance. It wasn't like anyone cared, or that she cared if anyone cared.
Something felt odd with her that night though and she decided to break into them for the first time in a while.
She eventually came out of the shower, toweling her hair dry and giving it a brushing out. It wasn't a bad feeling, having her hair groomed. She didn't much want to start making a habit of it again, but it was... nice.
She found her stomach growling and padded into her kitchen nook for some food. She wrinkled her nose at most of the food in her refrigerator being past expiration. She really needed to stop eating out so much. It was making her lose track of her own food.
She managed to find a cup ramen Naruto had brought to her recently and sighed in relief, boiling up some water. She poured it in and waited, her eyes traveling to the ceiling.
Naruto.
After the last fiasco with the village being destroyed, he'd gone off to train with Yamato and Sai. Tsunade kept Kakashi and Sakura in the village for different reasons.
She sighed. How much stronger could he possibly get. How was she ever supposed to catch up to him? Granted, he was still technically a genin and herself a chunin, but she wasn't dumb. She knew that didn't matter. He was easily jounin level, he'd just been gone a long time. She wondered if there was ever a case of a shinobi going straight from genin to jounin. It seemed like a waste of time for Naruto to wait for the next chunin exams when the jounin exams were just around the corner.
She sighed and ate her ramen, now done. Maybe she'd do the jounin exams after all. It would help her catch up, at least a little. Though a small part of her brain felt it was a superficial title.
She finished and laid in bed, her eyes moving to look at the moon. It was almost full. Maybe a couple more days and it would be completely full. She let her eyes drift shut, trying to will her body to relax and get some rest.
There was a flicker of movement just outside her window and the very, very soft creak of a foot landing quietly on her windowsill. Instinctively her eyes flew open and a kunai was already gone from her hand, sailing out the window and into a nearby telephone pole.
A deep voice sounded amused, though just as quiet as it was the other night, "You're quite jumpy."
"Well I'm not exactly used to having strange people just park outside my window," she replied dryly. Another kunai was ready between her fingers, watching her window intently.
The voice once again sounded amused, though no less apologetic, "I apologize. I'm not used to announcing myself when hiding outside someone's window."
Despite herself, Sakura couldn't help the small lift at the corner of her mouth, "So this is a habit of yours, then? Stalking outside people's windows?"
She heard a slight chuckle, then the voice, "Not a habit yet. I suppose it's starting to look like one."
Sakura looked at the clock then raised an eyebrow in disbelief, "You must be the bravest peeping tom on the planet, to be doing this at only nine."
"If I don't wish to be seen, I'm not seen," the man didn't sound arrogant, merely like he was speaking an absolute truth. She supposed it was true, or he wouldn't be here a second time. Thought that lead to another thought...
"You know, I really should capture you, or call the guards. Something. I don't think you're supposed to be out there. Unless this is a prank from someone I know. Then maybe I should climb out and kick your ass."
There was no response for a moment except for a few odd noises that she soon recognized as someone trying to suppress light laughter, "You're certainly... direct. Not a lot of people say exactly what they're thinking."
Sakura shrugged at the statement, "Why sugarcoat things in life? It's the same as lying to me. Dishonest. When people are forward about their feelings and intentions, it's easier to build bonds of trust."
The other shinobi nodded a bit at her statement, "I suppose this is true. Though shinobi are masters of deception and hiding, so it hardly fits." Then the voice got a somewhat amused sound to it again, "So then... does that mean you're trying to build a bond of trust with me?"
She huffed, "Hardly. Though I suppose if you were here to kill me, you would have done so instead of just sitting out there." She finally lowered her kunai an inch, watching her window carefully still, "So my question is... why are you here?"
The man was silent for a moment then murmured, "I'd heard about you. From different sources. You affect people almost as much as Uzumaki Naruto does. You seemed intriguing and I was curious as to what kind of person you are."
Sakura was surprised at this statement. She wasn't really anyone particularly remarkable, so why would any word spread about her? Then she felt a bit defensive. This person knew Naruto. Too many people who knew about Naruto also wanted to take him away. At the very least, after seeing Naruto wasn't here last night, he probably wouldn't have returned so soon hoping to find otherwise if Naruto was really his goal. Furthermore, a shinobi would have done their research ahead of time and would know Naruto was gone. Even still, his statement left her uneasy, like there was still something being hidden from her, "Why do I get a feeling that wasn't the entire truth."
The man chuckled a little, "My apologies. Unlike you, I'm afraid I'm too used to deception to tell a pure and entire truth."
She found herself amused somewhat, "Though you're able to be honest about a deception, it seems."
"Touche."
The two chuckled a bit before Sakura thought about it, "What exactly did you mean, anyway? What did you come to learn? You realize that as a shinobi, it would be reckless to just give information about myself to a stranger. That's just asking to have it exploited."
There was a pause before he replied, "I realize that. I'm just curious about your personality, I suppose. Your hopes, your fears."
Her voice came out wry, "Oh, is that all?"
His voice held a small smile, "Pretty steep, I suppose."
"Extremely."
He was silent for another moment, then turned to look at his neighbor on the windowsill, touching the leaves lightly, "I see you like plants."
Sakura let out a small laugh, "We're going to talk about my plants?"
"Is that prying too deeply?"
She sighed a bit, trying not to laugh, "No, I suppose not. Yes, I'm a medic. I used to keep just herbs but I also like keeping flowers around here for some color."
"The flowers are wilting," he mused.
She shrugged, feeling a bit uncomfortable, "Yeah, well... shinobi are busy and all that."
"Yet the herbs are well-kept."
She let a bit of annoyance seep into her tone, "Yes, well, the herbs actually have medicinal properties. The flowers are just decoration. With my schedule, if it comes down to watering what I have time for, obviously I'd prioritize the plants that actually have use."
He gave a sort of "hmm" noise, not really agreeing with her but not willing to turn this into an argument. After all, if one already had some water, they weren't going to water one and not the other. An extra second or two meant nothing. There was obviously another reason she was neglecting the flowers. Some personal reason, maybe?
"Do you see a bit of yourself in those flowers?"
She frowned and looked at her window, "What is that supposed to mean?" She noted her voice sounded a bit more defensive than she wanted.
"Well, I just wonder if your refusal to take care of the flowers hints toward a lack of self-worth. If you are frustrated with yourself and are taking it out on the flowers you cared enough to obtain but not to care for."
Sakura's wrist snapped and the kunai flew from her fingers toward the shadow. The shadow moved before he was hit and disappeared from her view entirely. After a few minutes, it seemed he wasn't coming back.
She laid back in her bed, surprised to find tears of frustration in her eyes, just at the corners. What he said was wrong. She had self-worth. What the hell did he know anyway?
So then why did it feel like he'd struck a nerve? He'd gotten such a sharp response from her. Maybe subconsciously she agreed with him. Her eyes moved to the flowers, a sad look to her eyes. She shook her head after a moment and tried to drift off to sleep. Whoever it was, they didn't know a damn thing about her.
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So there's the beginning. Hope you're interested. Will be interesting to see how long it takes my cover to be blown. Lord knows I can fail pretty catastrophically when it comes to trying to conceal someone's identity.