So this story came out of nowhere, and then I couldn't stop. It's only three parts, and I'm done so the updates will be quick! Hope you enjoy!
Part 1
Elena's P.O.V.
This was what my life was reduced to.
This was who I was now.
All of my parents were dead.
Jeremy had technically died.
Damon had almost died.
And Stefan was gone.
Our attempts at finding him were futile. No spell worked. Klaus was too powerful. The worst part was that Stefan did not want our help. Damon tried everything he could come up with, we researched every angle, but it was pointless. He was with Klaus and if Klaus didn't want Stefan to be found he wouldn't be. Every image Bonnie saw in her mind when she would work to locate them showed Stefan loving every second of who he was. Damon warned me that Stefan loved the kill, that it would be bad. I didn't want to belive it, but it was all true. I should still want to save him. I should want him back.
But I dont...
Not after I saw the news with the hundreds of deaths, everywhere. I don't even believe Damon on his worst day could do this, or at least he couldn't anymore. But here I was being the safest I've ever been with Damon, and afraid of Stefan, something I never thought possible. There roles were reversed tremendously. And the worst part was that I didn't mind it anymore.
After about three months of wondering and waiting and looking I asked Damon to stop. It was too much for me to handle, and I didn't want to anymore. I had to try and live my life as normal as I could. When Stefan was ready, if he ever would be that he knew where home was. Damon tried to make everything as easy as he could for me, for everyone, but things still weren't the same. I guess they never would be. I had to stop hoping for it. I still had Jeremy, Ric, and my friends. We all survived, and I had Damon. Ric was coping with Jenna's death, Jeremy and Bonnie were an amazing coupal, happy, the way they should be, and Tyler and Caroline were working things out, deciding what to do with their feelings considering how different they were. I thought that was the beauty of it. We were all opposites. Bonnie was a witch and Jeremy a human. Caroline a vampire and Tyler a werewolf. Stefan and Damon were vampires and I was a human. Now just Damon the vampire and me the human.
Fast forward to four months later...And I was sleeping with Damon Salvatore. I had been since shortly after I asked him to stop looking for Stefan.
The first time it happened we were fighting, something not unusual for us. His tenacity to keep me and everyone safe with no regard for himself didn't sit well with me. I couldn't lose him.
"Dammit, Damon, you need to stop. Stefan is not comming back, I'm the one that shouldn't want to face the facts."
"He did this for me, Elena."
"He did it for you to live. I won't lose you too."
"Not even if I could get you precious Stefan back?"
"I want Stefan here too."
"I know that, so let me do this."
"Can I stop you?" He closed his eyes for a moment, as if wishing I would say something, as if there was something. I did the only thing I knew would make him second guess leaving me. I walked over to him, and if looks could do damage we would have been doing plenty of it, and then I kissed him. He pulled back and looked at me as if I finally lost it, maybe I had, but I didn't care. I pulled his head down to mine, that was all he needed. To be sure I knew what I was doing. Being with Damon was something I couldn't even describe. The violent monster was gone, almost, he wasn't careful, afraid that I would break, but gentle. When our skin touched I felt on fire, as alive as I think I could be. His eyes never left mine, and I couldn't break his gaze even if I tried. It was like we were permenatly connected. We always had this weird, undescribeable connection, but this just solidified it. Damon always looked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, but with me, in those moments he never looked more light, and at peace.
I said it was a mistake afterwards.
"I'm sorry. That shouldn't have happened. It was a mis..."
"Don't. Just leave."
I could tell by the look on Damon's face it cut him to his core. But every night I would end up in his room, and he would never send me away, but he never pushed either. We would tear each others clothes off and I would get lost in him just as much as he would with me. It wasn't fair to either of us but we never stoped. Hell neither of us wanted to. Damon thought I just needed a distraction and I did, but it was more than that. I fell in love with him. Maybe I loved him before I started to sleep with him, but I never wanted to acknowledge it. No more, I needed him, and I needed to show him that in some way. Never have I ever had that much pull to one person. Never has anyone been so devoted and in love with me. Not even Stefan could compare to Damon anymore. Maybe he never could and I just never noticed it.
"Damon, I care about you but I love Stefan, it's always going to be Stefan."
I had it very wrong. But I couldn't admit it. Not out loud. Never out loud. Only with actions.
"I will always choose you."
The words that he didn't know meant so much to me.
"I know you love Stefan. That it will always be Stefan but I love you. You should know that."
Little did he know that I really did. I meant it when I said I know.
I died the night of the sacrifice...all of his complusion wore off. I remember every word he said that night he brought me my necklace. It was the most unselfish act I thought he ever did, until I found out he went to save Tyler and Caroline. All because of me. I understood his need to make it up to me, but not at the cost of his life.
"I love you Elena and it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you. Why you can't know this. I dont deserve you but my brother does. God I wish you didn't have to forget this but you do."
And now I dont. That single confession invades my thoughts and my dreams. But I can't tell him. It wouldn't be fair to Stefan. It wouldn't be fair to Damon either. Because if I told him I remembered I'd be forced to admit a truth. A truth he might not believe because he would think it's only because Stefan is gone and he's not. He would be second best. Again. I can't do that to him. But I can't stay away from him either.
Alaric moved in with Jeremy and I. I've barely been home though. It doesn't feel like home anymore. Not with out my parents, not with out Jenna, but I go back because of Jeremy, and because Alaric stepped up when he didn't have to. Mostly I stay here with Damon. Not as many bad memories at the boarding house. Even Ric and Jeremy spent alot of time here. So did Caroline and Bonnie. This was were we all felt safe. This was where we could be normal. In Damon's home. The maniacal vampire we all once hated and feared. He was now our salvation.
"Salvatore as in savior." He once told me. Now he was.
Here I was in Damon's bed, with his head laying on my chest, my arms around him and his one draped over me. Both of us twisted in the sheets and him fast asleep. I hated when we layed like this, but he loved it. I loved to watch him sleep. It was the one time he looked completely innocent. Except for that I couldn't see those beautiful blue eyes that told me I was safe, that he would never let me go if I'd just say the words. Every emotion Damon felt showed in his eyes. All I had to do was look in them to know what was going on with him. It was now that I'd say the words that I couldn't tell him in my head over and over till I fell asleep.
I love you, Damon. I will always choose you, too. You were never second best to me.
I could now mirror his words. Say what he has said and mean it whole heartedly. I was sure now that what I felt for Damon was irrevocable. That was how I found it so easy to stick up for him, save him, and inevitably forgive him.
Maybe one day I would tell him. Maybe if I was afraid he would leave me if I didn't. Maybe one day because I was so afraid to never be with him again I'd need an eternity and only he could give me that. He loved me enough to give me that. Enough to never refuse me. And I took advantage of it. I was never the perfect girl he put up on that pedestal, god only knows why he did. I never deserved it. He knew that I wasn't perfect, he would call me out on being stubborn and impatient and so much more all the time and I did the same with him, but I still felt as if he saw me with rose colored glasses. Somehow to him I was still an unperfect perfect, faults and all, and I loved it. Maybe I wasn't sure how he could love me so much to change who he was. To be the better man that I always wanted him to be. Or maybe it's just that he was the better man, and that's who he was trying so hard not to be. These days he didn't even try anymore. He would never get use to being the good brother, and maybe he never would be, that was okay with me. He was my anti-hero.
"Elena, why are you still awake?"
"I thought you were sleeping."
"I was, but your heart is racing. It woke me up. Super hearing, remember?"
"How could I forget? Your always listening to me. I can name plenty of times." I tell him rolling my eyes.
"Not always. Don't deflect."
"I'm not. It's really nothing."
"Your a terrible liar." He adds looking up at me.
"So are you." I don't add the 'only when it comes to me' part. I use him enough the way it is.
"Are you thinking about Stefan?"
"No." He looks up at me, his face contorted. He was trying to figure out if I was really thinking, missing Stefan while I was in bed with him, but I wasn't. "I'm not Damon, I promise."
"Then what?"
"Just everything. Graduation is in another month."
"I know."
"I have no idea what I'm going to do."
"Live your life."
"Easier said than done, and I think I've been doing a good job lately."
"Yes, you have been making an effort. Stop trying to take care of everyone and do what you want."
"I have no idea what that is."
"Well I don't either. It's your life to figure out. Don't look at me. You and Barbie could open up a 'How to Survive the Supernatual' class. God knows, the two of you have enough experience."
"Your an ass." He always knew how to make me smile, if not laugh.
"I never claimed to be anything else."
"No, but you are."
"We are not having this converation. This is about you. You woke me up."
"Now who's deflecting? Hypocrite."
"Let's not fight, for one night, huh?"
"Fine." We usually couldn't agree on much, but I had been taking out most of my anger on him when he didn't deserve it.
"I got you a graduation gift."
"You did?" The gesture suprises me. I didn't expect anything other than for him to show up to it and come over afterwards. Caroline planed a party for her, Bonnie, Tyler and me.
"Yep."
"What is it?"
"Not telling."
"Then why did you bother to even tell me about it to begin with?"
"So you have something good to look forward to."
"Thank you." It was those little things that made me never want to leave his side. Because before we became friends I was afraid of him. I don't know how he changed so much but still stayed the same.
"Go to sleep. It's late." He says as he rolls over on his back and streches his arms out for me. It's funny, he has this huge bed that we could sprawl out on, but we take up a small space in the middle, never moving away from each other.
"Goodnight." I curl into him as if it's the most natural thing in the world. And it is. Our hands fit. My body fits and molds perfectly into his. How is it so easy to be with him but not be at the same time? Damon and I were friends, but as time went on that line got more and more blurry. Just like that thin line between love and hate. The more he made me mad and told me what to do the more I hated him and the more I loved him.
*X*X*X*
"What is going on with you and Damon?" Caroline asks, which I knew she would, but avoiding time alone, shopping with Caroline was inevitable. Because now we could actually do those things now without have to constantly worry about the danger.
"Nothing. He's just been a great friend."
"Elena, you are a bad liar."
"So Damon has told me." I sift through the clothes, pulling out anything just to show her to try and distract her. Sadly it didn't work. If there were two things Caroline was a pro at it was shopping and talking.
"See, right there. Just the way you two are anymore."
"Stefan and I never broke up." What a poor excuse that was.
"Elena."
"Caroline." I glare at her.
"I come over to the boarding house and I see the two of you."
"We see you too." Stating the obvious was not going to get me anywhere, I don't know why I was bothering with that petty line.
"That's not what I meant and you know it. Wether your guys are sitting and reading or cooking together, or just out for a bite to eat. There's more."
"We are friends."
"Your more than that. He sits next to you and your feet rest on his lap so you can be comfortable. His hand rests on your leg like it's suppose to be there. It looks so natural."
"There is nothing wrong with that." My thoughts excatally. It was so nautral.
"He cooks for you and Jeremy all the time when he doesn't even need to eat so you can still have family nights."
"He cooks for Ric too, and everyone usually comes over. Plus I'm not a great cook."
"He orders for you because he knows what you like."
"I think he's going to start compelling our waiters because I always say no pickles and I still get them." I laugh at the thought, because I could actually see him doing it.
"He eats them for you."
"Care, what is your point?"
"My point is everything that Damon is, he is because and for you. I'm not here to judge you. Is there something going on?"
"Sort of, but not really."
"What does that mean?"
"I'm sleeping with him." I finally cave. It was about time, it was so hard to keep it to myself, and I had been for way too long.
"Elenaaa!"
"Shh!"
"He's not here, Elena."
"Just because you can't see him doesn't mean anything. Plus other people can hear."
"He's not here, and no one else is paying attention to our conversation. Remember, vampire here?"
"Right." Why was I so afraid to have it said out loud?
"Now spill."
"We aren't together. We are just letting loose together. It's nothing." I really hoped he was not around to hear that. Lying about my feelings for Damon use to be so easy, but now it bothered me that I was lying about it. The words tasted like vinegar comming out.
"Stefan doesn't deserve your loyalty anymore, and I don't believe it means nothing. Damon loves you."
"I know."
"You know what?"
"Both."
"Then what is the problem?"
"I can't do it. How am I suppose to be with Damon after everything?"
"He's different..."
"That's not what I mean. I mean that I loved Stefan and now this...whatever it is with Damon is not fair to him. I betrayed Stefan with his brother, his brother that loves me. And his brother that is the only place I feel safe and normal. I don't mean just safe, I mean safe from Stefan. When I'm with Damon there is nothing I can't do and it scares the hell out of me. I'm afraid of how lost I could get with Damon. He makes me feel everything. He was always like fire, you want to feel it, to see what it's like, you can't touch it or get too close because you know your going to get burned, but sometimes it's just so consuming that you can't help it. Then you realize that your not getting burned, that your loving the way the flames feel."
"Wow. That is definately not nothing. That is more that something."
"I know."
"Tell him how you feel."
"I can't." She nods an understanding nod even if she doesn't and we drop the subject.
*X*X*X*
Damon's P.O.V. - A few weeks later
Three months since I almost died.
Three months since my brother pulled another heroic act and traded himself for a cure for me, his sadistic skrew-up of a brother. I wrecked as much havoc in his life as I could. Never gave him peace when I had the chance to hurt him. For a hundred and forty-five years. Then I come here and we start to have something that kind of resembels brotherhood. We will never be as close as we once were but it was still better than nothing. I was content with dying, it was what I deserved. Stefan was good, and...well I just wasn't. No matter how much she said I was. I caused problems when there shouldn't be any. She could have been happy with Stefan, because hell they both deserved it. Elena wouldn't forgive me, or so I thought.
"You should have met me in 1864. You'd have liked me."
"I like you now. Just the way you are."
"I've made alot of choices that have gotten me here. I deserve this. I deserve to die. It's okay, because if I'd have chosen differently I wouldn't have met you. I'm so sorry. I've done so many things to hurt you."
"I'ts okay. I forgive you."
"I know you love Stefan. I know it'll always be Stefan. But I love you. You should know that."
"I do."
That conversation, her words play over and over in my head. The fact that she had so many tears for me. The way she held me, held onto my hand, layed her head on my shoulder. Her lips on mine. That damn kiss, the first time she kisses me just had to be out of pity, didn't it? I have no idea why she did it, where she even found the capacity to tell me what she did, but then again this is Elena, and she has the biggest heart I've ever seen. I've wanted to ask her about it, but I refuse to bring it up. She was still greiving for Stefan.
Eight months with out Stefan...
Eight months of trying to be the better man. The good brother to make up for Stefan's absence in her life. For everything I've done, for everything she's lost.
And now five months of sleeping with Elena. Never bringing that night up. I had thought she lied to me. I thought it was a pity kiss.
It's still a possibility that she's only using me as a distraction. A way to let off steam.
But now she sleeps with me on the nights that we don't even have sex.
I have no idea why she stays here with me of all people.
Could be because I push her which causes a fight, which is the only time I see all the fire back in her eyes. Maybe it's because I don't walk on eggshells around her and treat her the same as I always have. Maybe because she needs someone to blame and to punish and to take everything out on.
I'm here with her by default. Because Stefan is just too damn good, and always does the right thing. I know that she could never love me, but this is more than I've hoped for. Even if she doesn't love me she still feels something for me other than hate, I could live with that. How she doesn't hate me is beyond me. I've done nothing but destroy what she loves.
I should leave her. Go find Stefan, possibly get us both killed by doing so but if not at least get us both out of her life for good. It would be much better for her without us. But I can't walk away from her. I never could. Not even when she despised me. Ever since I met her, her love is what makes me survive. I have to be here for her. Even if I'm not the good brother, I have to try. For her.
"Is it Happy Graduation or Congratulations Graduate?" She's sitting at the counter in the kitchen and looks up and smiles at me. She's watching everyone out the window and eating some of her cake.
"I was starting to think you wouldn't come." She hugs me and sits back down. The whole hugging thing never got old, and now I would wrap my arms around her every chance I got. It was something she did because she wanted to, not because something happened like the previous times. Even in front of people she did it, it didn't matter what it looked like, she still did it.
"And miss seeing my favorite human graduate high school? I think not. Nice ceremony by the way, best I've ever seen and I've seen alot." I pull up a chair next to her.
"Here I thought Ric was your favorite human."
"Not by a long shot."
"Liar."
"Okay, maybe he's my second favorite. Having fun?"
"It's not bad. Just people overload. I can't wait to go home. Can I ride back with you later?" She catches me off gaurd with that statement. The boarding house was home?
"Sure, how about your car?"
"It's at Caroline's. She drove me and Bonnie since we all got ready at her place."
"Want me to get it for you?"
"Are you saying you don't want me there?"
"No. Did you hear those words come out of my mouth?"
"No."
"Then don't put them there."
"I'm not. I just don't want to over stay my welcome."
"We are way past that." I tell her as I steal her fork and take a bite of her cake and she looks at me with a frown. "Relax, I was kidding."
"Where's my gift?" She takes her fork back and continues eating.
"What gift?"
"You said you got me a present."
"So you do listen to me?" I smile at her and she smiles back. Her heart filled smiles were making more appearances these days.
"Sometimes."
"Be ready at nine a.m. Friday. Pack a bag."
"For what?"
"Just do it."
"I can't leave."
"Yes, you can. You need it."
"Need what?" I choose my words and repeat something I once told her.
"A time out." Her eyes light up at my words. I was starting to do things right these days.
"I'll be ready." She gives me another bite of her cake before she eats the the last bite. Things were so normal and easy between us, sometimes I wondered if she just pushed out the fact that I was not human and looked at me just as that, human. The way only she did.
"I was hoping you would say that. Let's go and get this thing over with."
"It's not that bad." She tells me as I drape my arm over her shoulder, she wraps her arm around my waist and leans into me. If this was all I got from Elena, being what she needed right now, it was good enough for me. Because it was the best she could do, and I was getting that best, even if I didn't deserve it.
"Sure it isn't. Barbie planned it." She laughs a perfect laugh and we head outside.