Author's note:
Hello, all! Let me get to the point here; this is a fanfiction of the popular doujinshi Angelic Days which is a doujinshi of the seriesNeon Genesis Evangelion. The reason I'm not just doing a regular fanfiction of the original series is because--to put it plainly-- THIS VERSION IS SOOO MUCH HAPPIER!! I liked some of the elements in each (the doujin and the original series) therefore I used both in this! On the surface, it looks as if I used the doujin for all of it when it is just the base! The title is important too because as Kaworu said after humming "Ode to Joy," 'I think this is the highest accomplishment of the Lilim culture' which is from the anime!
What was the point in making this fanfic? I wanted to revive Kaworu so he could say a real, meaningful, 'I love you' goodbye to Shinji! But, looking past my fangal wiles, I didn't like the way Kaworu disappeared in the doujin more than the anime/manga!! DX I do think forgetting all about him was worse than killing him and just granting all his wishes! So, to undo this wrongful deed, this fanfic was created! I am on a mission here--not only to entertain you, but to rightfully bury Kaworu in his grave:D
So now, without further ado...
Neon Genesis Evangelion: Angelic Days fanfic
Title: He Was Our "Ode to Joy"
Shinji was walking to the lake to meet up with Asuka. They had just seen each other for the first time in years yesterday and had plans to spend time together. Both of them knew what they felt towards each other but right now, Shinji was hesitant in thinking of where in their relationship they were. Sure, Asuka acted like they always had as kids but after they had confessed their love to one another, he wasn't completely confident that she would hold him like she had for that one, fleeting moment before they were separated. It feels like almost nothing has changed... But something is obviously different. Shinji decided as he began to stride faster after the lake came into his field of vision. Asuka made sure to phone Shinji at least once a week all the years they had spent at NERV--the same organization they had been connected to before, but on different sides of the globe. The same conversations they had were there but not the physical contact. But somewhere in Shinji's heart, he knew the minute he saw her, all the doubts would wash away leaving them to be as passionate as their hearts could allow. Although he thought of this, he needed to clear his head so he arrived at the lake an hour before Asuka would show up, exploding with excitement.
This was not the lake near the NERV facility Shinji, Asuka, and their classmates used to walk to from school. Shinji sought out a place that no one knew about so he could have some peace and time to think to himself. But the quiet lake soon was revealed to Asuka who followed him one day.
Shinji was aggravated and it showed on his face when he sighed and mumbled, "What are you doing here, Asuka?"
She looked into his grimace and sneered, crossing her arms, "Can't I wonder where you're going every once and a while?"
"Not if I don't want you to follow me! Following is different than wondering! Jeez, you're so nosy." Shinji looked away, almost as if what came out of his mouth before wasn't fazing anyone.
Asuka was ready to go off. "Don't you lecture ME! I have the right to do whatever I want! Remember that!" She humphed and plopped down on the ground beside him.
Shinji didn't react and just leaned back onto the tree behind him. She sighed and tilted her head to stare up at the sun through the leaves of the tree. The sun's rays proved powerful and Asuka shielded her eyes with her hand, continuing to look up and focusing on the leaves. All of the leaves were of various hues of green due to the shadows and the light from the sun. She smiled at the color swirling around her, stretched her arms, and turned her attention to Shinji once again.
"It's pretty," Asuka exhaled.
Shinji turned to look at Asuka's peaceful expression. "Uh, ye-yeah," He blushed and averted his eyes.
She got quickly to her feet and placed her hands on her hips, her back facing him.
Shinji watched her for a whole minute before Asuka broke the silence with a softer tone of voice, "I won't come harass you here," She turned, unveiling her sly smile. "but you wouldn't mind if I came here with you when I asked, would you?"
He couldn't help but smile. "No, I wouldn't mind."
Even thinking of that moment made Shinji grin. He began to jog briskly to the tree where he shared the memory with Asuka so many years ago. He stumbled to a stop at the base of the tree and crumpled to the ground. Shinji breathed deeply; not because he was tired, but to take in the senses around him. The area and the lake itself seemed to have frozen in time although Shinji felt the slight chilliness of autumn in the air.
After taking what he thought was a solid look around, Shinji shut his eyes, lying his head on the trunk of the tree. His hands felt, kneaded, and pounded the dirt on the ground. His ears picked up the sound of a small sparrow perching and bouncing on top of the branches above him. His nose was tickled by the wafting aroma of fall flowers. Getting too caught up in clearing his once-cluttered mind, he gently shook himself awake, opening his eyelids abruptly. He fumbled for his cell phone which had shown him the time. Asuka would be arriving soon enough. He had to be awake when she got here. Now wary because of all the anticipation, his eyelids began to droop like heavy weights. He kept trying to snap himself out of it, but his attempts were to no avail.
Suddenly, the tiny sparrow let out a shrill shriek, surprising Shinji but not entirely so that sleep's impending spell was still upon him. But, while he was aware, he spotted something in the middle of the lake that caught his eye. The once-undisturbed water rippled more and more. An unseen spout of water was sucked up into the air. It looked as if an invisible vacuum was collecting gallon by gallon of liquid once an orb had taken shape. The orb elongated into an oval and began to glitter. Even though what was in front of the boy was unnatural and outrageous, Shinji continued to fight for consciousness.
The oval's light persisted in growing intensity until it illuminated sharply and purely. Now, the silhouette of a boy younger than Shinji formed, suspended above the lake. The unknown identity glided in the air toward Shinji, the tip of his foot creating slivers quickly disappearing in the water.
Shinji was shocked, seeing bits of this while his awareness was fading fast.
The unfamiliar yet somehow familiar person reached the bank when Shinji succumbed to deep slumber.
Shinji... A voice called.
"Shinji?" said Kaworu, whom Shinji recognized in this realm was his childhood friend.
The younger, fourteen-year-old Shinji held his knees to his chest with his chin wedged between them. He stared intently out into the lake, where he still was, and was very quiet. Although he was still at the lake, it no longer held it's peaceful, tranquil essence. The sky was stuffed with gray clouds that hinted the threat of a downpour. Especially on a day like this, the gloom would effect him the same way the weather had. His mind was the sky, desperately wanting to blow away the cluttering clouds.
Finally, Shinji murmured, "Yes? What is it Kaworu?"
Kaworu had examined Shinji's strange behavior. He was subtle when he studied him with his blood red eyes, concern now filling them. "What's wrong? If you have something on your mind, it's fine if you would like to share it with me."
Shinji did not move nor did he change his expression. Meekly he replied, "I was just wondering why."
Kaworu's face contorted with confusion. "Why what, exactly?"
Shinji re-adjusted his position and was now sitting normally, his legs outstretched and his arms dangling hopelessly until they reached the ground. "Why am I here? Living here? I could have a completely different life and be more successful. But I'm not. I'm me. Plain old Shinji. So I feel like a burden. Why are you here? I'm sure your life would be just as good without me in it. Why does the world exist? What is anythings' point?"
Kaworu listened politely and when Shinji had finished, it was his turn to stare into the depths of the lake. He smiled sweetly but sadly and posed the question, "You aren't happy, are you?"
The frustration was too much. He covered his ears and yelled, "STOP WITH THE DAMN QUESTIONS! HOW SHOULD I KNOW IF I'M HAPPY? WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT?" Shinji's anger startled him so he let it begin to subside. "... Just... Answer my questions..."
Kaworu saw how Shinji glared at his hand on the ground, his head down wearing a remorseful face. Kaworu turned to see the lake again and answered, "No one who is truly happy asks something like that. Those who are happy look at the small obstacles in life. People who are depressed wonder why because they want to solve that question that all men ask themselves. It is too heavy a weight to bear alone. Live your life, Shinji. Then you can look back and get your answer."
Not expecting such a long and wise response from Kaworu, Shinji's face seemed blank.
Kaworu just smirked. "Feh," He laughed. "Is that good enough for you?"
Shinji returned to his regular bashful state. "A-Almost. If you suddenly disappeared in our lives, how do you think everyone would react? I've gone over it in my head a few dozen times if I disappeared and I don't see anyone worrying."
"Interesting that you bring that up," Kaworu whispered to himself.
"Huh?"
"Oh, well, I think it wouldn't be that big a deal if it were me doing the disappearing. But I would hope someone would be at a loss." Kaworu turned to Shinji, a quizzical look on his face, which discretely pleaded for an answer.
"Anyone would miss you, Kaworu. You're talented at the violin and you're smart. When you get older, you could do anything. I really admire you." Shinji smiled and received a wider smile back from Kaworu.
"Thank you, Shinji. But you didn't need to be that generous. I am just happy that you accept me as your friend."
Shinji looked away, embarrassed by Kaworu's kind words. During this pause, Kaworu took advantage of the flustered Shinji by grabbing his side and pulling him closer. Shinji was wide-eyed but didn't fight it.
Kaworu bent in close to Shinji's ear and purred, "I'd be devastated if you up and disappeared. And an answer to why I'm here on Earth is you. I was born just to meet you. I can't imagine a world without you in it. There would be no world without you."
Kaworu placed his left hand on top of Shinji's shoulder and his right on his back. All Shinji's reaction was was his awed expression with a slightly accented blush on his cheeks. Kaworu moved his face closer and closer to Shinji's and gazed into his eyes lovingly. Their noses brushed together and their moist lips united.
After the kiss, Kaworu released Shinji entirely. They kneeled before eachother, uncertainty grated the atmosphere. A minute later, to Kaworu's surprise, Shinji clung to his body and began to mutter in a doubtful voice.
"I... Kaworu, I--" Shinji attempted.
Kaworu clasped his arms around him and held Shinji tightly and securely. "Say whatever you want about this," His mouth went dry.
"I-I... I feel the same. Don't let me go. I want to be needed by you, Kaworu."
Kaworu moved one of his hands to caress Shinji's soft cheek. Just then, Shinji saw a sad, defenseless look shadow Kaworu's face; something he had never seen in his friend before. Shinji's stomach unsettled and he frowned.
"Ka-Kaworu... What is it?" Shinji dared to ask.
Shinji had loosened his grip on Kaworu to look into his friend's face. Kaworu had to look anywhere but at Shinji. He wouldn't be able to bear Shinji's sadness once he announced his plan. He told himself that for Shinji to really grow happy, he couldn't be his loved one and had to leave his life forever. It would only cause sadness and pain for the both of them to stay together.
Kaworu traced his hand from Shinji's cheek to the bottom of his chin. "I'm going to have to leave you and everyone else."
The world Shinji was in felt as if it were crashing. "Why? You can't! I won't let you!" Shinji grabbed onto Kaworu possessively. He started to sob with Kaworu's attempts to console him.
"'Why, why, why?' Please, try to go through this hardship without questioning it. Go along with the ride," Kaworu ran his fingers through his friend's hair and gently kissed the top of his head. "I want you to go through your life this way, accepting the good and bad, and holding onto whatever good comes your way. If it has to leave, wave goodbye. But those that are destined to truly make you happy will stay with you forever."
"But Kaworu," Shinji yelped. "You are the one that can make me truly happy! I don't want anyone else! Please, stay with me!"
"I want what is best for you. I don't want anything bad to happen to a person as wonderful as you. Listen. People do not see you as you see you. Maybe if you live your life with someone who thinks of you as a great person, you can learn to see yourself that way. That is the hope. I do not belong here which means I will return home."
Shinji lifted himself from Kaworu's arms. He saw how sure and determined he was.
"Your's is the most lasting impression on me, Shinji Ikari. That means it is a given I will remember you always." Kaworu smiled reluctantly.
"Kaworu..." Shinji sighed and closed in on Kaworu's lips.
Kaworu allowed Shinji to kiss him as deeply and affectionately as he desired. They tasted the inside of eachother's mouths as their tongues intertwined. Shinji and Kaworu gasped as their mouths unlocked.
"I can never forget today," Shinji said with certainty, finally beaming his own smile back at Kaworu.
A lone tear trailed down Kaworu's face but he smiled in spite of himself.
I will be the only one who will remember, Kaworu thought. Because he'll miss me, I'm going to erase his memories so that I never existed along with everyone at school. If I am an angel, why do I not look like one and think like one? If I couldn't shape-shift into one of the Lilim, I would have never had to hurt Shinji. But what a wonderful thing, finding my life's purpose; the one I love. Ha, I sound as if I am one of the Lilim—asking why and pretending I can have their emotion called "love."
If I could be one of the Lilim, I would have said, 'I love you, Shinji Ikari.'
"Shinji! Shinji!" cried another voice...
Shinji was gently shaken awake by Asuka.
"You-you were crying in your sleep," Asuka informed Shinji, grasping his hand. "I kept trying to wake you up but you wouldn't. I was worried. Are you alright?"
Shinji sat up, rubbing underneath his wet eyes. He wasn't fully aware and whispered, "Kaworu..."
Asuka stared at him strangely, her hand still attatched to his. "Who?"
Shinji remembered Kaworu's words. He forced a half-smile and said, "... No one."
Twilight had set upon the area, the sunset reflected by the lake. The shade of the tree was chilled and dark. Another tear dripped from his eyes, unseen by Asuka because of Shinji's semi-wet eyes and swelled puffy cheeks.
They were silent beneath the tree. Shinji decided to perk up to cheer up Asuka whose mood must have been swayed by his reaction to the dream. So he let go of her hand and rose, looking down at her with a confident smile, offering his hand and help up. She seemed dazed at first but then accepted his hand and pulled herself into his arms.
Both walked off, arms locked, fingers interlaced, and as happy as could be.
THE END!
Final Author's Note: Just so you know that while I was writing this, the Angelic Days series hadn't come out with the 5th manga yet but I read it recently (takes place in Yui and Gendo where Shinji and company's age with Kaworu unchanged). And I didn't know there would be a 6th coming!! Oh, dear! But did this at least make a good story? I really, trully hope and pray so! Thank you for taking your time to read this!