Author's note: I'm jamesnlily4ever and I have other fanfics out there you are welcome to check my profile but that's not really important. I hope you whoever you are enjoys this fic I'm still debating whether this should be a one-shot of not or whether I should go back and explain all the events up to the en of this chapter. I am warning you now that this fic is PG-13 for reason (suicide) so if you're sensitive to this kind of topic please feel free to look away. I look forward to hearing your opinions; CC is always welcome but just no flames K? Also please note in this fic it is R/Hr but when they were in a relationship she had gone back in time so they were the same age then she got transported back to the present time. Just in case anybody was confused by that. Thank you for taking the time to read my fic. I hope this moves you guys.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot, enjoy.
Chapter one
You walked away from my love and me
I was broken shattered and you didn't give a fuck
I loved you I needed you I wanted you so bad
But now all I have are memories that haunt the life I had
I know you still love me, so why do you turn away?
Why did you let me leave, why didn't you make me stay?
Why don't you come after me and tell me the truth?
Why don't you save me from what I'm about to do?
Hermione slowly stepped out of the castle doors feeling an instant coldness engulf her body, chilling her bones. She wrapped her bruised arms around her body trying to secure some kind of warmth she knew no longer existed, not in her and not in the world that she lived in. A world that was robbed of innocence. A world that none of them asked for, a world that she didn't want to be a part of not anymore not if she was alone in it.
She walked dejectedly unsure of where her feet were carrying her, each step brought her closer to nowhere as her feet crunched underneath the hardened snow that was falling around her, yet she did not feel the cold, her body was numb and had been for a long time. She doubted if it was even possible to feel warmth anymore, not on her body but in her heart that had been frozen in time and in love with the one she had left behind. Her eyes glanced around taking in her surroundings; sure she was on the same grounds but they looked so much different then they had in 1978. She allowed only for a moment to let herself to escape back to the memories, memories were all she had left. A flicker of a smile could almost be seen passing across her face, but that was quickly replaced by the somber look she always wore, a mutual expression that betrayed her true emotions is that even what it was, emotions? Funny she didn't think she had emotions anymore. Anything that she had ever felt or would was left there behind with him.
Her feet carried her steadily away down paths that she had never traveled before winding her way past tall foreboding tees tempting her to turn back, turn back to what? She thought to herself, even though she knew not the path she was taking she knew where it would lead she had seen James and Sirius take this path with Remus before, she also remembered the time that had followed after it. She brushed her hands along the needles of the pine trees she passed letting her fingertips pass over the sharp needles, only mildly aware of the fact that they were leaving gashes on her hands. She came to a clearing in the center of the path that seemed almost surreal. There was nothing but the dirt and the faint gusts of wind that continued to blow flakes of snow encircling the bottom of her robes. But somehow no snow had managed to fall onto the clearing it was entirely unperturbed by the flakes floating along the sky.
Hermione slowly allowed herself to kneel down her weary legs coming to a rest on the dirt ground staining her pants but she didn't care, she found she didn't really care about anything anymore. She allowed her hands to drop resting at her sides, the tips of her gashed fingers grazing the ground. She opened her hand and ran it along the ground clutching the dirt that surrounded her and slowly brought it to her face allowing it to slip through her fingers, just as she had let everything else around her slip away. It wasn't as if she had a choice it couldn't work…Not now. He had said it himself. She replayed their conversation in her mind over and over trying to convince herself that it had never happened. The words still hung in the air like a poison piercing her heart over and over again, it was only a month ago that things had been so different…So very different she had smiled and had seen him smiling back at her. The final remnants of dirt fell to the ground joining with the rest before the wind carrying it away before it's time clutching it in its' grasp never returning it to it's original state, leaving it forever changed. She shifted her weight and sat on the hard ground in the exact spot where she had disapeared only hours ago.
She ran her hand over the smooth rock sitting behind her and was flooded with memories of his face. She felt a single solitary tear begin to fall down her cheek, staining her pale skin, slowly it ran down her cheek and onto her lips she could taste the salt as she ran her tongue around the edge of her lower lip. She knew no more tears would fall her pain was too real, so sever that tears weren't enough to express her pain and inner torment that was all her own. She never cried for everything that had happened to her, she didn't cry for the war, for those who were lost, for those that survived, but most importantly she didn't cry for love. Not anymore. No she only let one tear fall no more no less.
She ran a hand through her hair pulling it through the knots (she had neglected her appearance long before the war.) A particularly large gust of wind blew past her pulling her cloak with it. Hermione reached her hands up and unfastened her cloak from her pale body allowing it to be pulled away across the ground littered with frost bitten leaves no longer playful shades of red and orange but a crackled and faded brown, reminding her of good times that had long since past. She reached out her hand and clasped the leaf closing her hands around it and feeling shards of it break off in her close hand she opened her hand to the wind and allowed the shards to be carried away. Oh how she wished she could do the same. That's why she had come out this night, tired of feeling the pain that surrounded her, endlessly haunting her with memories of a life that no longer existed not here in 1998 anyway. If only she could have stayed back in time she could have changed it all she could have saved them. She could have saved him! Now she had nobody, she was a stranger in her own time an unwelcome visitor. There was no comfort the world had to offer no rest for the weary and no end for those in pain. Well if the world wouldn't let it end she would make it end herself.
Hermione had been contemplating this for so long and she knew it wasn't right but she couldn't take it anymore she had suffered for too long and she was tired of being strong, she was tired of facing rejoicing people picking up the pieces of their lives and moving one. At least they had someone to move on with she thought to herself bitterly. She had lost the only one who she had ever truly loved. The one man who had showed her how amazing life and love could be the one man who made her feel more beautiful then any man ever could. She closed her eyes and as the wind blew by she could feel the touch of his lips upon hers the feel of his touch on her skin and she shivered remembering the contact. But came crashing back to reality when she could have sworn she felt him, but turning around she saw nothing.
"Damn it!" She whispered barley hearing herself above the steadily growing gusts of wind. She slowly picked herself up off of the ground and screamed she screamed for everything that she had had to endure and all the pain she had to keep inside as she reached for her wand and with shaking fingers brought it towards her body. She had done what she had come to do and now nobody would be able to find her nobody knew where this place was except. No she wouldn't let herself dwell on memories. She took a deep shuddering breath and slowly muttered the curse…It seemed like hours before a blinding flash of light shone across her face and she felt her head growing cloudy and felt her body begin to fall her head swam with dizziness as her body grew heavy. The last thing she saw before her body fell to the ground was his face not his present face but the one she had fallen in love with when he was seventeen. She looked into his eyes and murmured
"Remus?" Then she smiled as her mind emptied of all thought and her body hit the cold hard ground.
There her broken body lay, a partner with her broken soul.
Author's Note: I hope you guys enjoyed it and I hope to hear from you in reviews. Should this stay a one-shot or would you like to know more? One thing I would really like to hear from you guys is whether or not you guys were moved by it in any way whether it mad you depressed or sad or if you felt anything. Thank you for taking the time to read my fic.