I hate myself for writing more of this BTR stuff. I wish this stupid obsession would go away.
Anyway. So this is a three-shot, and will be updated. Twice, actually. So. Yeah.
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush or the characters. Also, this is based off of the characters, not the actual real life people. Although if real life Carlos and Logan just happen to get married one day, I goddamn called it.
Warnings: None? I think?
Review if you so choose. Reviews are appreciated but not demanded. Although to be honest, they kind of remind me that I have stories that I need to update. Sometimes my stories don't get updated for half a year just because I forget they exist. Yes, I'm one of those writers.
Also, let me know if there are any spelling/grammatical/plot mistakes. I hate those with the burning passion of a thousand suns.
So. Read and stuff.
"You ready for this?" James asked, glancing up from where he was straightening Logan's tie for the fifth time. Once it was practically perfect, James grinned and stepped back, leaning slightly against Kendall's shoulder as he examined the groom-to-be.
"You look great, man," Kendall spoke up, reaching over and clapping Logan on the shoulder proudly. "Camille's a lucky girl." He and James glanced back as the door to the groom dressing room creaked open cautiously. Katie's head poked in, squinting in case any boy within the room was naked.
"Hey Katie," James greeted. The girl, realizing that everyone was decent, squeezed her way into the tiny room.
"Hey guys. You look nice," she said to Kendall and James, glancing at their crisp tuxedos in approval. She looked around, spotting the third best man, Carlos, across the room, looking almost like he was about to cry. Katie bit her lip, but turned to Logan and grinned widely. "Are you ready?"
Logan nodded quickly, looking pale but smiling slightly. "Yeah, I… I think so."
Katie smiled back, glancing back to Carlos briefly. "Okay, I want a hug from each of you, and then let's go." She grabbed James first, squeezing him quickly before moving on to Kendall, and then Logan. She hugged Carlos last, and it lasted for a notable few moments more than the other three had. Logan could swear she whispered something to the sulking boy, but he shrugged it off as Katie backed off and grabbed her brother's elbow. "Come on, let's go get Logan hitched!"
She trailed out of the dressing room with Kendall being dragged behind, and James strutting out fashionably. Logan smiled as the three left the room, and took a step to follow. But something wouldn't let him move forward. He tried taking another step, but it felt like his body was being held in place.
Glancing back, he found Carlos was clutching the back of his jacket with one hand, head hanging sadly. "Carlos?"
"Logan, I…" The groom twisted back to face his best friend, tilting his head in concern. "Look, I just have to- I gotta-"
Without another word, Carlos looked up and grabbed the other boy by his jacket lapels, tugging him forward and smashing their mouths together. Logan gasped in shock, immediately gripping Carlos's upper arms and trying to pry him off. But Carlos held on tight, tilting his head for a better angle and pressing his tongue to the crease of Logan's lips.
Logan kept trying to heave his friend off, but stopped dead when he saw a singular tear trail slowly down the tan boy's cheek. Carlos finally pulled back, eyes shut tightly and squeezing Logan's jacket lapels impossibly tighter.
"Carlos," Logan eventually breathed, wincing as another tear fell from the other boy's eyes at Logan's pained tone.
"I-I know, I'm sor-sorry," Carlos muttered through a broken sob. "I just needed to-to do it, before you become Camille's forever." He took a clumsy step back, letting go of his best friend. Carlos quickly smacked away his tears, taking a deep breath and looking him in the eyes. "So I did it. Now we can forget it ever happened, right?"
Logan gaped slightly. "Uh, y-yeah. It's… uh… it's cool," he stuttered out, forcing himself to smile.
Carlos grinned and walked out, quite like nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred. Logan stared at the spot he had stood in just seconds ago, before shaking himself and following after his best friend.
Logan stood at the altar stiffly, smiling shyly at the seated crowd before him. Stereotypical wedding music began blaring from an ancient piano, and the large doors at the back of the church swung open gracefully. Out came the tiny flower girl, a niece of Camille, throwing flower petals everywhere and giggling adorably. Following her came the bridesmaids, followed by Jo, the maid of honor. Finally came Camille, clutching her father's arm excitedly.
She looked gorgeous. Her long hair was loose, falling into perfect curls all down her back. Her dress was sleeveless and shimmered slightly under the dull church lights. Camille was positively beaming at Logan, and the boy's stomach churned oddly at the realization that his entire future was walking slowly towards him in an expensive white dress and with pure love written all over her face.
Logan swallowed heavily, glancing to his side at his best men for reassurance. Kendall caught his gaze and smiled proudly, giving him an encouraging nod. He sent a shaky half-smile back, before switching his gaze to James. The brunette was already looking at him, and gave him a quick thumbs up and winked. Logan smiled a little more.
Then he looked at Carlos. The tan boy stared back at him with just the very corners of his lips slightly quirked up. Logan whimpered very quietly. The girl of his dreams… well, at least, his long-term girlfriend… was walking down the aisle, ready to become his forever. This is what he always wanted. Camille was beautiful and spunky and brought out his wild side on occasion, and everyone knew they were a good match.
And Carlos had agreed to forget that kiss happened, so Logan could marry his girl and still keep his best friend, like nothing ever went wrong.
But a massive reality check came and slapped him across the face as he gazed hopelessly at his best friend. He would never be able to forget something like that. His best friend, his best man, for chrissakes, had kissed him minutes before he was to be wed. That's not something that could just be shrugged off and magically deemed as Never Happened.
Carlos had to know that, right? If Logan couldn't forget it, then there was no way that Carlos could. Logically, if Carlos had the feelings that Logan was pretty freaking sure he did, then a kiss like that… it could even mean the world to Carlos.
Camille was just five feet away from him now, pecking her father on the cheek as he let her walk up to her soon-to-be husband.
Logan smiled lamely at her, flashing a peek back at Carlos quickly.
And then he saw it. Carlos may have been sort of smiling, and he may have cleared away any traces of his earlier crying, but he couldn't hide the absolute look of heartbreak in his eyes.
Logan skimmed through the situation at the speed of light. Carlos obviously felt something for him. He had two options now. He stared at Carlos. Logan could stick with everything before him- his beautiful fiancée, his almost father and mother in law, who have practically adopted him into their family with loving arms, and a perfect, organized, relatively planned future.
He looked at Camille, who joined him eagerly at the altar and gripped his hand with one of her soft ones. Option two forced its way into his mind, even as he looked at the image of perfection right at his side.
His other choice: he could throw everything he had away, just to take the wild chance that he and Carlos could be something. He didn't even know if he felt anything like that for his best friend, and he was nowhere near positive that anything they started would last. He was relatively sure that many of their friends and probably some family members would turn away scornfully. Camille would hate him for the rest of his life, all because he took a chance that he probably should never even consider.
Was it really worth throwing away everything for the slim, unpredictable chance that he and Carlos could somehow have an unstable, unplanned, and risky future together?
"And do you, Hortence Logan Mitchell, take Camille to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Logan snapped his gaze towards the reverend, who had apparently already gone through half of the ceremony and asked Camille if she took Logan.
Camille squeezed his hand, grinning at him expectantly. Logan looked from the reverend, to her, and back to the reverend. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, before looking at Carlos questioningly. The Latino boy was staring back at him, eyebrows scrunched and the fakest of tiny smiles on his face. Logan stared right at him, and felt his head shake before he could even vocalize anything.
A collective gasp rang throughout the church. Logan didn't remove his eyes from Carlos. "N-no. I… I'm sorry." He managed to tear his gaze back to Camille, heart shattering as her eyes widened and her lips trembled. "I'm sorry. But… I can't." Without any explanation or excuse, he wriggled his hand out of Camille's strangling grip, and turned to face everyone sitting in the church. "I'm sorry everyone. But… I just can't." He stepped shakily down the several stairs, and ran up the aisle and out the door. He didn't once look back.
Logan was sitting on a swing in the local park when Kendall finally found him. Kendall flopped down onto the swing next to him, gripping the chains and twisting to fully face his friend. Logan didn't even look up.
"You know, most grooms generally say that they will take their bride as their wife," Kendall began airily. Logan closed his eyes. "I'd ask you why your answer was different, but I already know." Logan actually glanced up at that, looking at his friend questioningly. Kendall smiled softly. "Carlos locked himself in the church bathroom an hour ago, crying and repeatedly saying that he ruined your wedding, and that it's all his fault." Logan dropped his head again, letting out the slightest sigh of relief. He had thought, momentarily, that Carlos had told Kendall what happened just before the wedding. "I mean, I totally agree with him. This definitely has something to do with the fact that he kissed you," the blonde boy continued thoughtfully, and smirked as Logan's head shot back up, eyes wide.
"He told you?"
"He sort of screamed it when James and I were trying to bang down the door. Camille kind of heard it too."
"Oh no," Logan moaned, scrubbing his hands furiously over his face.
Kendall sighed. "Look, Logan… I'm not going to tell you what you should do, because honestly, I have no idea what- or who- you really want. But I just want you to know, that if you end up with Carlos, James and I have totally got your back, okay?" He waited until Logan slowly looked up at him to smile genuinely. "So whatever you do, even if it means not being with either Carlos or Camille, we'll always be your best friends, okay?"
"Okay," Logan agreed softly, staring at the ground.
"There they are," a voice said loudly, causing both boys to peer past the monkey bars. Logan's stomach twisted as James strode over triumphantly, a shivering Carlos following meekly behind. Kendall placed a gentle hand on Logan's shoulder, causing the small boy to shoot him a questioning look.
"Remember what I said, okay?" Once Logan nodded, Kendall pushed himself from the swing and met James halfway. "Hey Jamie."
"We were starting to think we'd never find you," James greeted, sliding his hands smoothly into his pants pockets. Kendall smirked.
"Well, I'm pretty hungry… care to join me for a milkshake?" he offered, nodding in the general direction of a Dairy Queen. James quirked an eyebrow.
"Sounds awesome." He turned back to Carlos. "Call if you need us, alright?" Without bothering to make sure Carlos wasn't about to collapse from nerves, the two calm boys headed off, leaving their two friends awkwardly behind. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Carlos forced himself to walk forwards and fell to his knees before Logan, ignoring the fact that he was kneeling on dirty woodchips in a pricey tuxedo.
He immediately began to cry again, hands clutching wood chips frantically at his sides. "L-Logie, I am so… I feel so horrible… I swear, if I knew I'd mess everything up, I would never have-" He broke off when his throat squeezed shut with sobs. Logan's own throat clenched as the sight yanked at his heartstrings.
"Carlos, it wasn't… I mean, you didn't… it was my fault. I messed up my wedding, not you," he hissed out brokenly. When Carlos's tears didn't subside, Logan slid off of the swing and sat across from Carlos, placing a cautious hand on his shoulder. When that didn't work, Logan let his hand fall back to his own lap and he began fiddling with a particularly thick wood chip. "How was I supposed to just forget that?"
Carlos shrugged. "It was stupid," he muttered. "I'm really sorry, Logie."
Logan bit his lip. "Why did you do it, Carlos?" he asked cautiously, although his logic was insisting that he already knew, that the fact that Carlos had feelings for him was obvious. But he needed to hear it. This entire situation seemed so surreal, so fuzzy, and Logan had to know what was true and what was just… not.
Carlos covered his face with his hands, shoulders trembling a little as he shook his head a little, not wanting to answer. Logan took in a shaking breath, and his lungs began to ache a little. This whole thing was killing him, because he had no idea what he wanted, or if he should even keep this stupid conversation going, but he couldn't physically force himself to stand up and run away from his best friend.
"Carlos. Why did you kiss me?" The trembling boy before him mumbled something, but Logan only heard muffled words through his palms. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he reached across and peeled Carlos's hands from his face, feeling a little sorry when he saw how miserable the other boy appeared. Carlos took a quaking breath, refusing to look up at Logan and trying desperately to pull his hands back. But Logan held firm, ignoring Carlos's pathetic whimper of distress. "Carlos!"
"I'm in love with you!" Carlos suddenly burst out, eyes flicking up anxiously to the paler boy's face. "I…" He collapsed backwards dejectedly, flopping face-up on the ground. His hands, torn out of a thunderstruck Logan's grasp, resumed their protective place on his face. "I'm sorry," he added softly.
Logan had no idea what to say. He tried multiple times to reply, even hoping for a simple 'oh', but his tongue felt swollen and his throat seemed to be squeezing in a constant, rhythmic beat.
They stayed in the silent position, Carlos sobbing mutely into his fingers and Logan still sitting in front of him, staring blankly somewhere between Carlos's feet and the woodchips that seemed to put so little distance between the two young men.
Out of nowhere, a few bits of wood snapping sounded from Logan's right. His head whipped over to see what the sound was, and his stomach seemed to implode when he saw Camille standing there sadly, wedding dress slightly tattered and dirtied around the bottom, makeup smudged all down her face, and looking completely shattered. She unsurely shifted her feet, swaying side to side and wringing her fingers together in front of herself.
Logan immediately stood up, brushing the clingy woodchips off of his tuxedo hastily. "Ca… Camille," he began breathlessly, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Carlos's shoulders stiffen.
The gorgeous girl stepped forward. "Logan… did he really kiss you?" she asked quietly, pointing vaguely to the figure still lying on the ground. Logan closed his eyes, feeling his knees about ready to give out. He didn't dare to open his eyes; he didn't think he could take the emotions on Camille's face. "Did it mean something?"
Logan's eyes shot open at that, and Carlos sat up a little, hands slipping from his face as he stared at the poor girl. "Camille, look, I am so, so sorry, and it's all my fault that Logan messed up what he was supposed to say, so you guys should go back and do it all again, but I'll wait outside, okay? And I swear, I didn't mean to mess things up like this, so please, please don't be mad at Logan-"
He was abruptly cut off when Camille stormed over, bent down, and slapped him across the face with all of her might. But immediately after, she gripped his chin and rubbed a thumb over his newly red cheek softly. "Carlos, I don't know why you did what you did, and a part of me hates you for being able to screw Logan up so much with a single kiss." She paused, sparing a glance to Logan, quickly looking back to the crying boy on the ground. "But I know that you didn't mean to destroy my wedding. I sort of wish that you had done something less stupid, like kissed him at his bachelor party last night when you were drunk and had an excuse. But… if this is one of those things that we can forget ever happened, I'm willing to try getting married again." She straightened up, turning questioningly to her possible groom.
Unfortunately, she had completely missed it when Logan's face fell, as his entire being screamed impossible when she suggested they forget it ever happened. Logan was so unsure about everything that was going on, it was beginning to give him a vicious headache. But the one thing he was absolutely positive of was that he would never forget the fact that Carlos kissed him, for as long as he lived.
But Camille was giving him a second chance. One that Carlos had, seconds ago, been begging her to give him. So if Camille was willing to try again, and Carlos wanted them to try again, then why the hell shouldn't Logan go for it?
Ignoring the aching feeling in his chest that told him this was wrong, and that he had bolted from the altar for a reason, Logan exhaled sharply and nodded. "Let's go get married," he said softly, heart only halfway fixing itself at Camille's bright smile. She reached down and tugged Carlos to his feet, who pulled out his cell phone to call James and let him know.
As Camille began dragging her future husband away, Logan glanced back unsurely to Carlos, who was explaining everything to their other friends. He turned back to his fiancée, wondering if this was the right decision after all, if it had been the only decision to begin with.
But he could swear he heard Carlos whimpering a little into his phone, mumbling to James, and Logan had to force himself not to cry when he heard a bit of the conversation.
"Yeah, I'm serious," Carlos murmured to James, keeping his distance so the other two walking in front of him couldn't eavesdrop. "I know, but this will make Logan happy, and that's all I've ever wanted." There was a pause, and Logan had begun to convince himself that maybe Carlos had exaggerated his feelings, if he was willing to just hand Logan over to Camille without a complaint.
Except he heard Carlos sob, and the last few words he said to James sent his head spiraling once again. "I love him so much, Jamie, but this is the way it's gotta be. I'm just not enough for him." Logan's fingers and feet went numb as he processed Carlos's last statement, but refused to look behind him even once on their walk back to the church.