The Making of a King
The 'Making of a King' is the first part of the companion piece to 'Isolda' . In the film 'Tristan + Isolde', I never understood how Isolde chose Tristan over Marke.
I hope my stories go some way to correct this idea.
My time scale is a mish mash of Malory's Arthur and the older Geoffrey of Monmouth's legends .But then the timescale is not important; it is the life of the people.
.The song I have chosen with this is the traditional Welsh hymn Calon Lan and I have given the English translation. If you don't know it, you can find it on you tube
watch?v=8DfCA0aP7yQ,
'
Note :
Non , Nonny: Abbreviation of Rhiannon .
Fach : little one .. a Welsh endearment.
Cariad: Welsh for Darling
Rhiannon's rhyming couplet comes from traditional Welsh stories where Guinevere is not quite as pure as Malory paints her... The lady has quite a past...and future.
.
In the film Marke was played by Rufus Sewell.
I fell in love with Marke. I hope you will too.
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Calon Lan
Nid wy'n gofyn bywyd moethus
Aur y byd na'i berlau mân:
Gofyn wyf am galon hapus,
Calon onest, calon lân.
Cytgan:
Calon lân yn llawn daioni,
Tecach yw na'r lili dlos:
Dim ond calon lân all ganu-
Canu'r dydd a chanu'r nos.
Pe dymunwn olud bydol,
Hedyn buan ganddo sydd;
Golud calon lân, rinweddol,
Yn dwyn bythol elw fydd.
Hwyr a bore fy nymuniad
Gwyd i'r nef ar edyn cân
Ar i Dduw, er mwyn fy Ngheidwad,
Roddi i mi gallon.
A Pure Heart
I ask not for ease and riches
Nor earth's jewels for my part.
But I have the best of wishes
A pure heart , an honest heart.
Chorus :
A pure heart so true and tender
Fairer than the lilies white.
The pure heart alone can render
Songs of joy both day and night.
Should I long for earthly treasure
It would fly on speedy wings.
The pure heart a plenteous measure
of true pleasure daily brings.
Chorus:
A pure heart so true...
Eve and morn my prayer ascending
To God's heaven on wings of song
Seek the joy that knows no ending
The pure heart that knows no wrong.
Chorus :
A pure heart so true and tender
Fairer than the lies white
The pure heart alone can render
Songs and joy both day and night.
.
The Making of a King
.
I was nine years old when I went there first.
And saw them first.
My father had guided my earliest steps , my father it was who sat me on a horse and put a sword in my hand, taught me right from wrong , duty, honour, faithfulness and... love.
Bu it was there that I first saw he whom I was to take as my model all my life.
And it was there that I met he who would mould my life and make me the man I am.
I loved all three.
.
We went there to his marriage and as a gift to my sister who also was soon to wed; to Maelau, bound lord to my father.
We had been born late in our parents' marriage, she first, and I, six years later.
.
My mother did not want me to go. My father said yes.
Mammy tightened her lips in the way she has when she is preparing to do battle. She said I was too young; it was too far.
Daddy shrugged. "They are your kin."
"They are yours too." she said tartly.
He hid his smile behind his hand: "Ah, but yours are closer than mine! Oh come, Rhiannon, the King has requested that the boy should come."
"That is what I do not understand. Why? He is only nine."
"Would you deny the boy?"
So because I was petted and indulged, spoilt I suppose, I went with them.
My father, the second Constantine , Duke of Kernow , Breidzh, and the Isles Beyond, descended through Catto, and the first Constantine, High King of Britain, back to Macsen Wledig, Emperor of Britain .
My mother, Rhiannon, Princess of the Blood Royal of the Cymru whose line also goes back to Macsen.
My sister, Gwennith.
And I, Marcus Cunomorus... Marke of Kernow.
.
We rode for several days crossing the first of the three great moors, then the Tamar that is Kernow's border with Dyfnaint.
If I grew tired, I said nothing.
Coming out of the wetlands of the Summer country, I saw it on its hill, rising out of the mists, its walls and towers glittering; seemingly floating in the sunlight.
Camelot.
I had heard tales of it, the magical city raised by the King's Enchanter but nothing I had heard had prepared me for it.
I rode in my father's train, my eyes and mouth open. I had never seen so many people, busily thronging its paved streets! So many houses, workshops, even merchant shops. Its streets constantly swept and washed in the Roman way, so that they were clean and smelled fresh.
Through the high inner walls we went, to the great steps that led into the palace. We dismounted, my father dismissing our train and the King's Seneschal, Sir Cei, led us into the great hall. As we approached the dais, a man rose and bounded down the steps towards us.
Tall , broad but spare, red-gold haired with a fine darker gold beard , blue eyes, set in a face of great beauty , a soldier yes, a warrior king of immense strength and authority.
He wore no crown.
He had no need. Even I, a child, knew this was the High King of Britain.
Power shone out of him. Integrity too, and something more elusive.
Goodness.
The Symbol of Right and Justice for all.
Arthur.
.
"Cousin," he came to my mother and to my astonishment, kissed her with the double kiss of kinship.
"Conn," he turned to my father and they embraced, right hands on the other's shoulder.
To my sister, he said, "Gwennith, how you have grown since we last met, a lady now, and soon to be wed.
And Marke."
I looked up at him.
He took a second look at me and smiled, an amused look. one almost of recognition on his face.
"Come." He rested his hand on my shoulder and led us to the dais.
"Mother, our cousins are here with the Lady Gwennith... and may I present to you, the Lord Marke." It seemed to me that there was laughter in his voice.
"Marke, the Queen, my Lady Mother, and my sisters, Morgause of Orkney and Morgan of Rheged."
Ygraine the Queen, sat as straight as a stick and though she seemed very old to me, she was still very beautiful but cold, ice cold. Arthur's sisters stood behind her.
The resemblance between them and to him was strong.
All golden and shining in their beauty.
But I, wrapped all my short life in the warmth of a loving family, I could not understand the coldness that surrounded them.
Neither did I understand the sharp hissing intake of breath, their surprise.
"Merlin." The King called softly and he appeared as though from nowhere.
The King's Enchanter.
When they talk today of Merlin, it is of an old man with straggly grey hair and long beard in a black star spangled cloak and pointed hat.
I never saw him thus. I see him always as I saw him that day.
Dressed as he always was, in a black kid tunic, belted with a silver buckle, black leather breeches and boots. I never knew him to bear arms, though something told me that he would be more than capable if called upon.
He was younger than my father; tall, taller than he, taller than Arthur. Thin, lithe, he moved as gracefully and as silently as a panther. Clean shaven in the manner of the Romans with thick black curls pouring over his head to his collar. Black sweeping eyebrows, a long straight nose, cheekbones you could cut cheese with and a wide sculptured mouth; he had a beauty like none I had seen before.
But it was his eyes that held you, big and green, fringed with lashes that were almost feminine in their length. At least, I would think that any girl might envy them.
Like Arthur, power poured from him, though his was a power of a different sort, the sort that made men feel uneasy ; that made men want to make the sign ; the power of sorcery, of magic. A Seer.
All men in Britain and beyond knew of Merlin the sorcerer.
And feared him.
I too, was afraid of him.
I was astonished again when he too, stepped down from the dais, and held my mother.
"Sister, Non cariad. And Conn."
He kissed Gwennith on her brow, "Gwenny, grown into a beauty, like your mother."
He looked down at me and further to my amazement, he laughed.
He turned to Arthur, "Ambrosius's seed does not fall far."
My mother held me to her.
"The boy is tired; he has ridden far. He needs his bed. Will you excuse him, my Lord?"
.
Early to bed, early to rise.
I was up with the first lark and slipped silently out of our chamber. I found my way to the kitchens.
I knew that the kitchen doors of any castle would be open, whereas all other doors would still be barred.
Someone gave me an oat cake and a cup of milk; I helped myself to an apple from a bowl and I was out.
I wandered through the empty courtyards, looking everywhere, examining everything till I came to the battlements. I climbed up the ivy, and found toeholds up to the parapet.
I heard the clink of metal on stone and leaned over to see.
"Hey, careful." a voice said and a hand on my tunic yanked me back.
It was the King
"What are you doing up here at this time of the morning?"
"I was awake and I wanted to see... Everything ..um Sire."
He smiled at me.
"I also. Come, I will show you."
He took me over the walls, down the scaffolding, through arches, talking, pointing, showing me everything.
"They are building in stone; I thought it would be slow but it is fast." I was eager to know.
"Yes, when I decided I would build my capital here I knew it should be stone, I sent word out over the country, to Brittany, Gaul. Especially Gaul; they build more in stone than we here in Britain.
For masons, carpenters, smiths, sawyers, engineers ... and they came. And we made ready during the winter months for the spring start.
There was a Roman settlement here and we used their foundations, the water channels, the hypocausts, and the dressed stone that were here. And the people, my people who live here, helped to clear the land.
Many hands make light work, you see, Marke. I set my troops to make ready the roads ... And, of course I had Merlin."
My eyes widened." Merlin? Then it is true? He raised it by magic?"
He laughed "Well, if you call mathematics, measurements and calculations, magic; yes. Perhaps it is magic. It is a magic I do not possess. He showed us where to build, how to build and taught the men how to raise the walls. Yes, I suppose it is a magic of sorts."
He took me over all, showing me, talking all the while to me and sometimes to himself until we came again to the inner courtyard.
"My Lord King," Merlin came behind us. "King Pellinore seeks you."
"Ah! Yes. I will come now. Will you take the boy? He has an inquiring mind."
The King left us.
We turned to cross the courtyard with Merlin's arm on my shoulder, guiding me and I shook a little at his touch.
"Marke," my mother called sharply. She hurried towards us.
"Merlin. Where do you go with him? What is it you will do?"
"He is bright. He has in him the desire to learn. He has the right. He is of the blood. Who are we to prevent him?"
She hissed at him.
"He is given to the Christos. I will not have you teaching him your ways and the ways of your god." He smiled gently at her.
"Non, Nonny fach, would I hurt him or any of yours? Come with us and watch, if you wish."
He led us to a door in the far corner of the courtyard and he took a key from his pouch.
The room we entered was brightly lit by three large windows, its walls painted white, but then everything about Merlin was light as befitted one who followed Mithras, the soldiers' god.
The god of light.
I tried to look around without my mother telling me not to be rude.
"Do you know who I am, boy?"
I nodded.
"You are the Prince Myrddin Emrys, twin to my mother; and you are Merlin the King's Enchanter. But I did not know either until yesterday."
He nodded slowly with the faintest of smiles. I tried to think who it was that he looked like. It was not Mammy, for all they were twins: she had light brown hair with dark eyes and she did not have his height.
"You may look if you wish, and ask too."
The room held a small stove with a brick oven. A large table with stools around it, held odd-shaped things covered with velvet cloths, and parchment blocks. Two walls held shelves filled with scrolls, boxes, vials, and bowls. Dried herbs hung from the beams.
My mother sat on a stool, watching, watching all the while.
"What are these, sir?"
These were pieces of parchment with writing on both sides, roughly bound together.
"They are called books. Binding small pieces of parchment together like this, means I can use both sides and makes it easier to read." I looked at them.
"Have you read all of these, sir?"
"Yes."
"And the scrolls?"
"They too. Can you read, and write?"
"Yes sir, and count too."
"And do you like to read?
"Yes sir, but not as much I would like. I have other duties...things to learn..."
H e smiled another of those smiles that I felt I knew from somewhere or somebody.
"And those, what are those?"
He took me around to the third wall. Two great sheets of parchment with writing and drawings on them and a man sized sheet of highly polished steel hung there.
"This is a map of Britain. See! Here is your home, Castle D'Or, and here Camelot and here... Cymru: Maridunum where your mother and I were born. This is to show the geography of the country. Know you your geography? No? I will teach you. And chess.
"Why sir?"
"Every commander should know them, Marke. Geography tells you where to go and chess teaches you Strategy ...what to do when you get there. "
We moved to the next.
"This is the chart of the blood line of Macsen Wledig, Emperor of Britain- here, the first Constantine," he ran his finger down to where a dragon leapt.
"and here, Aurelius Ambrosius, High King of Britain, your mother's father and mine; and here, Uther his brother, who was Arthur's father.
There, Arthur ... and here, you."
I studied it, wondering.
"Sir, um, your father was High King, um, if so, why are you not King?"
My mother gasped "Marke!"
He gave a rueful smile, and turned to her.
"Arthur was right. He has an inquiring mind.
"My father may have loved my mother well but he was in hiding from his enemies and he neglected to marry her. Bastards do not inherit kingdoms, Marke."
Again I looked at him curiously.
"Do you wish it were not so?"
His smile was thoughtful then.
"No ...no! If I were King, I could not do the things that I wish to do, and besides, Arthur is a much better King than I would be."
I looked at the chart again.
"Did you know him, sir? Ambrosius?"
Ambrosius, the great High King, beloved of our people. They say that Merlin raised the Giant's Dance on the great plain for him as his grave stone. Raised it, they say, by music and song.
"Yes, for a few short years. I was seventeen when he died."
"What was he like?"
"Brave, strong, wise. A soldier. A commander. A brilliant leader of men, like Arthur. A man to follow."
He took me to the sheet of steel. I saw a tall man, his hand on a boy's shoulder.
A reflection.
"Tall, dark... Like me...and you."
I looked at the mirrored steel and saw the black curls, the long straight nose, the wide mouth , green eyes, like mine, in a face that would be my own one day . The scar slicing through the brow.
Like mine.
I touched it and laughed. "How did you get yours?"
"I'd rather not remember. How you?"
"I fell off my pony when I was five."
"I'll wager you were a better horseman then, than ever I was."
He stopped suddenly, and then lifting me, sat me on the table.
"Are you afraid of me?"
"No." I said and I knew I was not. He put his hands on either side of my face.
"Look at me then. Look at my eyes."
The room faded as I looked.
"Merlin" I heard faintly my mother's voice.
"Goodness, power, strength. A great burden, yes but strength enough to carry it. Grief and joy. Yes, great sorrow but great happiness also will be yours.
His voice had altered. Strange, hollow, like the echo in a cave.
"A crown. Yes, when it comes time, the Kingdom will be safe in your hands. For the few short years it will need, it will have peace.
"Learn Marke, look, listen and learn; from everybody and everything...
Eyes and ears open: and mouth shut."
"Merlin, Give me my boy."
My mother's voice, taut and high, broke the tension. He let me go.
"He is yours, Nonny, and he will be yours till another woman takes him from you."
She took me from the table and pushed me before her out into the sunshine.
"What did he mean, Mammy?"
"Never you mind! I knew no good would come of coming here."
"He said he was a bastard. Are you a bastard, Mammy?"
She clipped me across the ear but gently.
"In my homeland, the land of the Cymru, there are no bastards, only unacknowledged children. Our father did not know of us to acknowledge us before our mother died."
"But... "
My father and the King were crossing the courtyard towards us.
"Hush you now.
"Rhiannon, I cannot ride with Marke this morning. The King has asked me to sit with the council. Will you take him?"
Merlin had come behind us with his soft cat tread. He nodded almost imperceptibly at the King.
"Let the boy be," the King said carelessly, "He may join us, if he wishes."
I trooped after them to the Round Chamber, my eyes everywhere. White. Octagonal with eight tall glazed pointed windows, light streaming in.
"... Round Table, where all are equal."
"But you are King." I heard my father say.
"But that is the point, Conn. Do you not see? There is no head at this table. Each may speak equally. Where any man may come with his complaint..."
I sat on the floor between the King and my father, my eyes wandering around the chamber, seeing the men who were legends to me. Arthur's Companions: Bedwyr, Cei, Ector, Lamorak, Lionel, Bors, Percival sat around the table; the bright colours of their Banners glowing against the white walls.
"...that every man may know that Might is not Right..."
I saw behind the King, his great Standard, the red dragon clawing its way across its gold background.
"...know that the King's Justice is for all, that Justice is every man's right..."
I saw it below his banner.
I stood that I might see it better.
I stood between my father and the King.
"Marke" I could hear the anger in my father's voice, then the King's, softer, "What is it, boy?"
I moved towards it.
"Is that it Sire?"
It glittered and shone where the sunlight caught it. I held my hand up to shield my eyes from its brightness: a topaz pommel at its end, the silver shimmer of the quillons crossing its golden hilt, the dangerous shine of its blade.
The lethal glittering beauty of it.
And I read out the name engraved on it.
EXCALIBUR.
.
The next days flew by.
I watched the great at their training under Arthur's masters at arms. The jousts, practice in the tilt yards, at the quintains, breathless with excitement when they laughingly took turns at sword with me.
I listened to stories of old battles and discussions of strategies old and new.
Until it was time and she came.
Guinevere was tall and slender. Her hair, long and heavy, was a rich chestnut, her eyes, yellow cat's eyes, her full mouth, the red of cherries. So lovely, exquisitely so. Power came from her too but it was a power I did not then understand.
She moved through the Great Hall. Charming everyone, pausing to speak here and there, and coming at last to where I was standing with my parents. She knelt and put her hand against my cheek.
"Such a beautiful child."
My mother pulled me closer and I felt a hand on my hair. Merlin. She raised her eyes to him.
"Ah!" she said, with an odd little smile, and rising, moved on.
In my parents' chamber later, my sister said, "I do not like her."
"Humph" grunted my father. "Neither does your mother."
"Gwynhwyfa ferch Ogrfans Gawr
Drwyg y ferchabm ,gwaeth yn fawr."
My mother muttered the rhyme .
"I do not understand." I said. "I think she is beautiful."
"Yes you would!" from Gwennith.
"Well, she is."
"Bed you!" Mammy said.
In my bed, I thought about Mammy's verse.
I knew it, of course.
.
'Guinevere, Daughter of L'Ogrfans of the Gawr
Bad when young, worse when grown.'
.
I did not understand.
It could not mean her.
How could she be bad?
Even at nine I was in love with her.
But who was not?
.
They were wed. Both clad in cloth of gold, they moved from the chapel to the Great Hall. They glimmered and gleamed. Hundreds of beeswax candles lit the Hall making the jewels on Arthur's lords and ladies dance.
So much food and drink for all; even for the people outside the gates of Camelot.
Music and dancing for all
And the whole of Arthur's kingdom rejoiced.
.
.
I was fourteen before I came again to Camelot .
But from the time we were first at Camelot, Merlin came to me.
He continued to do so wherever I was.
He appeared as though it were magic, though I knew it were not.
He saw everything. My reading, writing, my horsemanship, my arms work. Even my manners and he did not hesitate to correct them. As he said he would, he taught me geography and chess; and a love of music, though I never had the time to master an instrument myself.
I never questioned this.
He was my uncle: why should he not teach me these things?
He taught and talked, I listened.
And sometimes he listened while I talked.
.
My father was to knight me, but the King's Courier came with a message. The High King himself would knight me.
I had been in training almost all my life for this.
From the time my father put me on a horse.
I had trained with my father's knights, under his Master of Arms until at ten, I was sent to be groomed , first as page, then as squire at the castles of my father's liege lords.
.
The ceremony of Knighthood is not for women. They are excluded from the preparations and they are not permitted see their beloved ones honoured.
The days before knighthood are given to retreat, fasting and reflection and the night before is spent with four sponsors in vigil and prayer to God, be it the Christos, the Goddess or the soldier's god of light.
I knelt in the candle-lit chapel before the altar, my hands holding my sword before me as a cross.
My father and Maelau, my sister's husband knelt with me at two of the four corners of the altar.
The King was to appoint my other two sponsors. I did not know who they were to be and was surprised when we were joined first by the King's Champion, then by the King himself, to keep watch with me.
The altar candles flickered from a draught as a door opened and I saw that Merlin knelt in the dark back row of the choir stalls.
He kept vigil with us throughout the night but with the first light he was gone.
.
My father and Maelau buckled me into my armour and my father taking my sword and its scabbard across his hands and Maelau, my spurs and gauntlets, side by side, we slowly paced the crowded length of the Great Hall to where the King stood waiting on the dais.
.
Arthur took me through the vows of knighthood. He and his Champion fastened on my spurs, put my hands in the gauntlets, and hooked the scabbard onto the belt around me. He took my sword from my father and laid it across my outstretched hands and taking the cloak from the table beside him he swirled it over my shoulders.
It was not the blue of knighthood, or the scarlet of Dukedom but the purple velvet of the Blood Royal.
I never questioned this as I have never questioned so many other things that happened.
Arthur nodded for me to slide my sword home into its scabbard.
Excalibur swung in a glittering arc over my head.
"I dub you Sir Marke. "
He held out his hands. I put mine in them.
"I, Marke, am your liegeman of life and limb. In faith and truth I will bear unto you. This I swear before God and my peers".
He turned to the Champion for my helmet and gave it to me.
"Arise Sir Marke."
I was with my mother and father when the King's Champion came to us. Lancelot, the finest, truest, best of knights had come to join Arthur's Table and he was one of my sponsors.
He was tall; though later I was to find that I grew taller than he. His dark copper hair glinted and his warm brown eyes shone. He always smiled but I always found him to be serious, even a little sad.
A little later, the Queen joined us.
"Sir Marke, all grown up and still so beautiful." I flushed. T here was something about the Queen that made me hot and confused.
"'Tis no wonder all my maidens watch you. Will you stay with us a few more days? Maybe we will choose a lady for you. The Lady Morgan perhaps, would be delighted to accommodate you. "
The colour flooded my cheeks as I understood her.
Someone rested his hands on my shoulders
The Queen's eyes narrowed though she still smiled.
"Merlin. " she said, and somehow it was not nice. She left us. Lancelot nodded and followed after her.
.
Later, still elated, I was running up the stairs to our chambers when I heard Gwennith.
She was talking about me. I stopped outside to listen.
"And what she said, Mammy? About Marke?" She was indignant, and so was Mammy.
"I heard! Who does she think she is? She... Choose somebody ...ha! He is only fourteen! He is my son. And when the time comes, whenI think he is ready,I will choose."
"But she was right, Mammy. Morgan was watching him all the time and I think too, our Lady Queen would be happy to teach him herself"
"Shush, Gwennith!" this from Maelau.
Then Merlin's voice,
"One thing is sure, Non. You must take him home."
.
.
There were many skirmishes to come in which I fought beside my father; and battles when I rode with him for Arthur. The Irish were increasing their raids on Kernow while the Barbarian horde continued their invasive attacks on Arthur's eastern borders.
I was young and I did not lose any who were dear to me, so it was exciting and exhilarating.
.
Just before I was sixteen I lost my virginity.
It is the practice that when the sons of great lords are grown, they are taught the ways of love by a lady of the court, a lady chosen by their parents.
The sons of lesser men must fend for themselves and find one who is willing.
I do not which way is worse, the sniggers and knowing smiles of the lords and ladies of the court or the rejections and humiliation that lesser men must take until a kind girl takes pity.
The lady chosen for me was Elaine, a young widow of my father's court. Besides being lovely, she was generous and wise, cutting me loose before I fell in love with her. She was kind also; she did not flaunt it before Drawenna.
Drawenna,
We always called her Drawenna in the Kernowish way although her name in Latin is Triphena. The daughter of a Breton lord whose lands march with my father's in Lesser Britain, she came to Castle D'Or when she was five and I six. We did our lessons together, played and rode together till my time was taken by the Marshal at Arms, and hers to learn how to control a great court, and we spent less time together after I went away to prepare for my knighthood till we were almost like strangers.
We were betrothed from babyhood and we were to marry in May when I was seventeen. The preparations were hurrying on fast.
I had been riding when my mother waylaid me.
"A word, Marke"
I followed her into her solar.
"Marke, it is only a few weeks now to your wedding,"
"I could hardly fail to notice, Mother." I smiled at her to take the impertinence out it.
"Marke," she paused. "Marke, I think perhaps you should take time to be friends with Drawenna."
I was surprised; whatever I thought she was going to speak to me about it was not that.
"We are friends." I protested.
"You hardly see each other, you do not talk. You will be married soon and you will be going to your marriage almost as strangers. It is for you to make the effort to get to know each again."
She pursed her lips for a moment then went on.
"You will be Duke one day. A great lord needs someone close, to talk to, to trust. Someone to discuss problems privily... "
"My lady," her maid came to the door.
"Yes, yes. Think about what I have said, my son."
That is how it started; stopping to speak, sitting beside her at dinner, and the old ease began to come back.
In the first weeks, after Elaine had taken me , I had had girls but as time went, I found that I did not want to just to bed a willing girl. Maybe I was overly fastidious but relieving my body's needs was not good enough. I wanted , what I did not know.
We walked in the gardens, I liked talking to her, making her laugh, just being with her.
And as the weather warmed, we rode together on the cliffs around Castle D'Or.
The first really hot day we rode hard to the next cove and down onto the beach. We flung ourselves down on the sand laughing breathlessly.
"It is hot "I said "I am going to swim."
I stripped to my drawers and ran down the beach. I was splashing into the water when she was there with me in her shift. She kicked the water over me and I retaliated laughing.
The water still had its winter chill and we soon retreated to where the marram grass sheltered us from the breeze. I untied my horse's rug and spread it on the sand.
I threw myself down and Drawenna sat and then lay on one elbow beside me.
I was still laughing from the sheer joy of it when I looked at her.
Drawenna was tall, reaching to my nose and slender. Brown hair, brown eyes and her Breton skin browner than the white skin of us Celts. She was looking at me, the faintest of smiles on her mouth. I looked away fast but as my eyes slid down. I saw the pink of her skin gleaming where her wet shift clung to her.
I pulled her close and she slid her arms around my neck tilting her head, wanting to be kissed, her lips parting as my arms went around her. My lips brushed hers, I murmured with pleasure absorbing the feel of her. Then my mouth closed over hers, drinking her in like a thirsty man and I was lost, wanting it to go on forever.
It was a sweet kiss, sweet as the honey she tasted of. When I finally took my mouth from hers, she clung to me.
"I did not intend to do that." I said shakily.
Her pansy brown eyes looked into mine.
"Did you not? I did!"
She was so warm, damp and soft, and desire leapt in my belly. I dropped little kisses on her face and sucked little gasps of breath from her mouth
I was hard, ready, with a fire in my gut for her.
I looked into her eyes "Oh Heavenly Mother. Drawenna."
The heat and force jerking my body against her.
She took off her shift and lay back and watched me as I took off my drawers. She gave a little gasp and twisted her fingers tightly into the curl at the base of my neck to pull my mouth back to hers...
My need was urgent, I was trembling with it. I took deep shuddering breaths, holding back. I wanted her to be equal, to give her pleasure as well as take mine.
"Yes" she murmured against my lips " Yes."
.She cried out as I entered her.
Sweet Jesu!
The wonder that was Drawenna
The fierce glorious force tore through us,
And the joy and laughter when we were spent.
I smothered her face with tiny kisses. "I love you."
"I know. " she said calmly. "I have always known. I have been waiting for you to find out."
I looked at her bemused.
"You know?! Do you love me? "
"Of course! I have always loved you. From the first day I stepped onto the quay here."
I smiled at her, a tender teasing smile.
"I'll wager you cannot remember it.
"I do! You were wearing a red velvet tunic and cap. My mother stepped back onto the boat. I started to cry and you said 'Don't cry Drawenna, I will take care of you. You will like it here.'"
I stretched out my arm and pulled the rug over me, holding it still, rolled on to her. Resting on my elbows, I watched her face.
"Do you? Like it here in Kernow ?
" I would like it wherever you are."
I kissed her.
"Like you this?"
She smiled.
"And like you this, my lord Marke?" and there was sweet laughter in her voice.
"I like it my lady. I like this also."
She was arching her back.
I breathed against her mouth.
"Do you, my lady?" Her breath was fast, she nodded. I kissed her again.
"I want ..."
"Whatever you want" she said.
"I want you. Only you."
.
The week before our wedding she sat with me at breakfast. She was near to tears biting her lip. In a low voice she said," I must talk to you."
She was waiting for me in the herb garden .My smile dying as I saw her velvet eyes brimming.
"The ladies are talking about the wedding celebrations. About... Bedding us ... Everyone escorting...us ..."
"It is nothing, joking and laughter" I looked at her "I know it is very crude but..."
"They said that the morning after, they hang the bed sheet on the outside walls. To... Show... We have..."
"Drawenna, it is only fun, perhaps embarrassment for a little while..."
She pummelled my chest. "Marke, Marke, do you not understand, everyone will know. I am not a virgin now."
I kissed her.
"I do not care who knows."
"Marke, it will shame my mother ...and yours."
I kissed her brow and shushed her tears.
"Let me think what to do."
.
My father had a scroll unrolled on his table.
This was not a good sign.
He always had a scrivener to do his clerking and although he could read and write, it was something he hated and it put him in the foulest of tempers.
"My lord Father."
"Hm." He grunted.
"May I speak to you?"
"What?" he snapped. With a muttered curse he threw the scroll down and it rolled back on itself.
"What!"
Not a good time but it had to be done.
"Fa... My Lord, about the wedding night ...This bedding nonsense ... This is surely something we can dispense with. It is crude and vulgar...
"When have you been so prim and nice? It is only a piece of bawdy humour. Get some beer inside you and it will be as funny to you as the rest."
I threw my loaded dice. My father doted on Drawenna.
"Drawenna is not happy about this."
"Well ...well, it is nothing! It is something we all go through, ...a few minutes and it is over..."
"And then there is the showing of the sheet ... We do not want that."
"What's the matter, lad? Afraid you cannot rise up to it?" He chuckled at his own vulgarity.
This was not going the right way.
"No Father, my lord, no ...um." He went on chuckling, better humoured now. He began unrolling the scroll again.
"No Father... Um um they can't... Um father um... She's not a virgin."
"She whAT?" He roared."Who says so? Who is it? Who has seduced my little one? Who would dare? I will kill ... I will... I w..."He was purple with fury
"Father ...It was me ..."
He came around the table so fast and clouted me hard around the ear. So hard my head rang.
"Sweet Jesu! Holy Christos!" He leaned on his fists on the table.
He went to the door, and opening it, roared "Rhiannon. And Rhiannon, bring the child."
Mother rushed in and behind her, Drawenna stood in the doorway.
"What is it, my Lord?" Mother was breathless. Drawenna closed the door and leaned against it, her eyes wide with apprehension.
"You had better ask your son." Father jerked his head at me.
"What has he done now? He is always my son when he has done something."
"Ask the child." She moved closer to me.
"Conn? "
"He has seduced her."
There was silence for a moment and with a little scream, Mother swung her hand to slap Drawenna but I twisted her behind me fast and the blow landed on my arm.
"I f you are going to hit anyone, Mother, hit me not Drawenna. There was no seducing, we love each other. We are betrothed. We... just ...anticipated our wedding, that's all!"
"You just... aahh" When mother was angry her Cymraeg accent came out. "Have you filled her belly?"
"No, Mother!"
The thought had not occurred to me till that minute and I hastily looked at Drawenna. Her eyes blinked a denial and I breathed out a sigh of relief.
"Sweet Jesu! What will her parents have to say? Who could blame Cynan If he wants to beat hell out of him?"
Father had calmed down.
"Now, now, Rhiannon. They do not need to know. It has happened, what we must do now is to make the best of things. The question is what to do about the sheet showing."
Calmer now but exasperated still Mother turned to him.
"Heavens, Conn! Have you no idea? Men!"
She shook her head. Father and I looked at each other.
"Every woman from the goose girl to the highest lady in the land knows. A little vial of chicken blood."
.
Merlin was waiting for me in my chamber when I got there, sitting before the brazier.
I was not aware he had arrived.
"I might have known you would be here." I said "You are going to have your say now?"
He shrugged."Should I?"
"If it was not for that archaic showing of the sheet ... It is nobody's business but mine and Drawenna's ."
"That is not so. Drawenna is in your father's care; and you are his heir."
"Oh Merlin. We love each other. We are so... You know how it is. "I flung myself on my bed.
"No I do not. I have never lain with a woman but that...
I did not hear the rest. "You're a virgin?"
"I have said so." I sat up to look further at him.
" Are you impotent or a eunuch? "
Looking back now, my tone must have had all the insolence of youth.
"Neither."
"Then why?"
"Because I chose to. I chose to follow this way."
"The power?"I asked slowly.
"Yes. And..." he was slower to answer now. "I have seen my end ..."
"In the crystal? Through a woman?"
He nodded.
"It will come. I will know when I love... my end...
Marke, what I have to say is when you are young, blood runs hot. When you are older, remember this. With forbearance and understanding."
.
.
The Irish raids on our Kernowish villages started to increase that year as did the barbarian hordes biting into Arthur's eastern borders. Maelau and I often defending our lands while my father rode with Arthur.
When I rode back to Castle D'or after such skirmishes, these days a little sick at heart , my Drawenna was there for me to lay my head on her breast and I would hold her.
And there were stories of the Round Table knights, some of the glory of old but little tales of dissatisfaction creeping in and some of the honour was a little tarnished: and, even in Kernow, whispers about the Queen.
"Is it so Merlin? About the Queen and ..." I would not say but neither would he.
"I do not know."
"You have not seen? In the crystal?"
"Something, yes. I do not know," he said. "again, perhaps."
"Arthur, does he not know? He must hear what is being said. Lancelot is his friend; how could he? "
"Marke, "His voice was slow and heavy. "The King loves the Queen; and Lance. They him. The King must be away . Understand if you can. The Queen is... how may I say... has need of men. Perhaps it is better that it is Lance than any other.
Think you on this, and judge not. "
A second then a third summer with its blue skies came. Kernow prospered in spite of the many raids, its harvests rich and plentiful.
Emrys, our son came and grew; and Drawenna bloomed and was heavy with another child for Kernow.
.
.
We were wearily returning home through the early dusk after a viciously fought victory beside Arthur. A shout from our vanguard alerted us. The evening sky was brightened by a crimson light along the skyline. And then we could faintly smell it. Smoke.
Fire!
Castle D'or !
.
The smoke poured down the stairwell from the guardroom. The flames leapt up at me. I thrust my sword through the dying Irish knight to send him to his god. Even my worst enemy did not deserve to burn to death. Holding my cloak over my mouth, I turned to leave and saw the trapdoor open a little and a pair of enormous eyes watching.
Jesu ! A child!
I leapt across the room and pulled the trap up. I yanked him out.
"Dear Christos! Tristan!"
Lifting him, I wrapped us in my cloak and got us down the stairs.
"Marke." I heard my name as we coughed our lungs clean in the fresher air of the courtyard.
"They are all fled. The fires are under control now."
"The women, the Duchess?"
"Safe in the keep."
"They know?"
He shrugged. "We thought ...you?"
I took Tristan by the hand and we mounted the steps into the keep.
My mother sat in her great chair on the dais, Gwennith on a stool beside her, Melor , her older boy, at her feet.
Leaving me, Tristan ran to his mother.
"My Lady, all is safe now. The Irish are beaten back and all the fires are out."
"And Arthur, the attack? How fared you?"
"We prevailed. We suffered heavy losses but so did they. They fled. Till the next time."
"And the Duke, your father?" Her voice was as clear and controlled as a bell.
I mounted the steps to them.
My Lady Mother ..." my voice broke. "Mammy, Mammy, Daddy is dead and Maelau too."
"You are sure?" My sister's voice was as calm as Mammy's.
Dear Jesu ! the strength of women. How they have to sit and wait.
"Daddy fell at my side. I saw Maelau's life ebb away with his blood."
I put my head in my mother's lap and we three held each other weeping silently, holding each other, sharing our grief.
Until I became of an empty place.
"Drawenna? Where is Drawenna?"
"She was in the orchard with the babe when they came. She ran to set the alarm. She was the first to fall."
"And my boy? Emrys?"
That she did not answer was answer enough.
I rested my head on my mother's lap. I do not know how long. Someone entered. I heard the clink of mail.
"My Lord Duke?"
Then my mother said "My Lord, your commander wishes to speak to you."
My Lord Duke. Not my father; it was I to whom he was speaking.
I turned. He spoke again.
"My Lord, all fires are out. The wounded are being tended. There are things that need ...Will you come?"
My Lord Duke!
I was two weeks short of twenty
.
The days passed. I gave orders: thing were done as they needed. I gave those orders and saw them done without being aware of it. Each night I retired to my chamber and sat in the dark.
I knew that Arthur was sore pressed.
The lords of Dyfnaint too were struggling against the Irish raids.
They fought as hard amongst themselves.
I sat in the dark.
I was crossing the courtyard when he rode in.
For the first time I saw him to be old. His once black hair was white and he looked frail. His servant jumped from his horse to help him down; a copper haired urchin with violet eyes.
"Merlin!"
He looked around him but said nothing. The castle was clean and tidy but nothing had been done to rebuild. I had not cared.
I gave orders for his pack to be taken to the chamber that was always his.
"Viviane's too" he said. "I am on my way to Caer Myrddyn. I stopped to see you. There are things to be said before I leave. "
"Leave? You have just arrived."
Our eyes met, his full of sadness.
I stopped when I realised what he meant. The urchin approached us. Not a boy after all.
"Get rid of her, Merlin!" I said viciously . "or I will!"
He smiled at me and shook his head slowly. He held out his arm to her and she went to him with the familiarity of lovers.
"Marke, I have little time and we must talk."
We ate together in his chamber and we talked and the girl sat in the corner in the shadows.
"They will come soon" he said "They will make you an offer. Take it!
Remember all I have taught you."
"Merlin, have I not had grief enough without losing you too?"
"Do you remember what I said that first day in Camelot? Power. Great grief and great joy will be yours. Take what they offer. Go where it may lead you. Arthur will need you ."
He pushed a linen wrapped package towards me.
I unwrapped it; it glittered gold and red.
I had seen it so many times high on his shoulder, holding his cloak; as he sat beside Arthur in the Round Chamber. It was his brooch; the badge of his House, our House.
The enamelled red dragon shimmered its claws at me.
"It is yours now, Marke. Your destiny."
.
.