Hi everyone! So this is a one-shot I just came up with and thought I'd share it. I tried a different writing style than my other stories, just experimenting. Anyway, I hope you like it! It takes place after the Now or Never finale. Please review and tell me how you liked it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.
She walked through the halls of the school that seemed as if they were enclosing on her; narrowing and becoming thinner in its path. Her heart beat was erratic as she began to feel suffocated and breathing became a much harder task. She took a moment to focus; listening to nothing but the beats of her heart and the steady breaths going in and out of her lungs. She placed a hand on the nearest locker to maintain her balance. Her stance was still. Her head hung low; eyes staring at one single tile on the floor. Her hair that was normally a luscious waterfall was now a knotted mess in which it complemented her bloodshot blue eyes and tearstained cheeks.
"Everyone has a bad day," she thought to herself; however it did nothing as negative thoughts and memories continued to flow through her mind. Nothing seemed to make sense to her. Everyone viewed her as a perfect saint, and for a while, she believed it too. That is, until so many bad things began to happen to her. Her parents divorced, her only sister is in Kenya, and now her mother was getting remarried. It felt like forever since she had anything good to hold onto, yet she managed to hide all her sorrows. She'd cover up all her problems and pretend she was still the perfect person everybody saw her as. But now, all hell broke loose as she cracked under the pressure.
Brick after brick were being dropped on her shoulders as if they were falling from a hundred story building, until she finally decided she couldn't take it anymore. She kept her distance from others, so no one knew the reality she was living. Yes, it was a reality that brought a tragedy all on its own. She kept to herself; building a wall that would keep away anything that could potentially hurt her.
She took slow steps watching where she placed her foot to be sure she wouldn't step on any cracks: she knew all too well what it was like.
Mere whispers lingered throughout the halls about her, and once one reached her hearing range, her head snapped up immediately. Quick accusations were put in her head. She feared people would find out the truth about her distressed life. The careful mumbles and whispers tugged around her neck, almost choking her in the process. She was speechless and more tears collected at the bottom of her eyes, threatening to spill over. She tried her hardest to keep together and hold her sobs back.
"I heard her mom is marrying her boyfriend's dad."
"Yeah, can you believe it? Little miss perfect doesn't have a perfect life anymore."
Those were some of the whispers she encountered while she made a run for the closest bathroom. Eyes stared at her; examining her every move as cautious as can be. Her feet passed one another as fast as they could until she was able to lock herself in an open stall where she allowed herself to cry.
He stood against the lockers, secretly cursing out anyone who whispered about her. He watched from afar while she broke. As much as he deeply wanted to comfort and protect her like the old days, he knew he couldn't. He had problems as well. He was a hoarder, whose first girlfriend died in a car crash in which he blamed himself for and was just recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It wasn't long before he broke. But then he got help and saw a therapist. And now he is determined to never go back to that unhealthy mind state he was in.
He cared for her and still loved her, even if she didn't know it. All he ever thought about was her; she was in his mind twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. They talked, but it did not compare to the great love they once had. He wanted it back, but what he didn't know was that she subconsciously did too.
"How could I have let this happen?" he questioned himself, thinking about how he drove her away.
His thoughts backtracked and faded away, as he saw her running down the hall with tears streaking her face, marking her flawless skin. He pushed himself off the lockers now leaning to watch where she was headed. When she pushed her way through the door to the girl's lavatory, he knew all he had to do was wait for the coast to be clear. He was going to make things right. Resuming his position, he ran a hand through his dark brown shaggy hair, unable to get the thing he always thought about off his mind.
She sat in the stall hugging her knees tightly as uncontrollable tears continued to flow like a river. Horrid thoughts poked her brain while her fingers played with a rubber band wrapped around her wrist and she eyed a spare razor blade hidden in her bag. She knew what she thinking was wrong. Her sister, Darcy, has been through it and the effects were harsh on her and her family. She has only tried it once and in that minute of pain she thought she was able to escape her problems. However, that wasn't the case when she couldn't stop thinking about every other thing on her mind.
She contemplated on doing it again as her hand crept down the pocket of her bag to reach for the blade, but there was a rough knock on the door of the bathroom. She sprang up from her position, startled by the noise.
"Clare?" a voice questioned. She was shocked someone was asking for her, yet she was more shocked at who was asking for her.
She unlocked the stall gathering her belongings and slowly made her way to the bathroom door, anticipating the outcome. She turned the handle with shaking hands and opened the door to reveal the owner of the voice that had just called her name.
He stood still, a couple feet away. It felt like someone had hit him hard in the gut once he saw her pained expression. A worried look flashed on his own face, looking down at the girl.
"Eli," she breathed and he instantly felt the butterflies in his stomach at the sound of his name in the soft stressed voice of hers.
He took a second to build up the courage to speak. "What's wrong?" he asked quietly looking deep into her pale blue eyes. The same eyes that were normally lively glistening were now drained.
"I-i-it's just been a lot," she stuttered, not exactly sure what to say, yet she wanted to open up to him and have his arms comfortingly around her.
He just nodded in understanding of her feelings. "Let me take you home," he offered.
She agreed in relief to be getting away from the suffocating school. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm with his hand and she leaned against him resting her head on his shoulder.
They walked to his car in a silence that only helped them relax. Being with him, she felt secure as if nothing could make her unhappy. She was glad he was there for her. She felt like she was losing everyone and out of all people she wouldn't have thought he would've cared. After everything she put him through, she figured he would be the last one to help her.
But he did care, he did more than care; he loved. He loved her with all his heart and nothing could make him stop loving her. He was full of joy when she allowed him to comfort her and take her home. He thought maybe, just maybe he could start a new slate with her.
They approached her empty house and she didn't want to go in. She desperately wanted to stay with him. She couldn't be alone; she didn't know what she would do if she was.
She turned to him and spoke politely, "Thank you, Eli."
Before she could unlock the car door, he put a hand on her forearm. "Clare, you know you can talk to me, whenever you need to," he was concerned about her well-being. He saw she needed someone to talk to and ease her pain.
"Thanks again. Do you want to come inside?" she asked in hope that he would say yes in which he did. He put the car in park and quickly made his way to help her out of the car. She willingly accepted his hand and she kept it intertwined with hers until they reached the front door.
Walking into the home, he felt a strange vibe. It was as if it weren't her home. Which it wasn't; it was a new family's home; one where she did not want to be a part of.
"Would you like anything to eat or drink?" she asked. He thought it was sweet how she was able to be a good hostess while she was secretly breaking on the inside. He always admired her for that; thinking of others before herself. But he wanted her to be happy too.
He shook his head, "No I'm ok, but thanks." He walked into the living room; it was different since the last time he was there. She followed him; watching his every move. He sat on the couch and patted the spot next to him, motioning her to come over. She did so, being careful not to get too contented. He examined her tense movement.
"So, how have you been holding up? With the wedding, I mean," he questioned wishing he'd get a detailed response.
"Not too bad," she said quietly.
"Clare, I know you must be hurting inside, please just talk to me?" he asked kindly as she turned to face him. "You can't keep everyone away," he stated. She took into consideration of his words and knew it was time to open up to someone, and who better than her one and only love ;even if she didn't know it yet.
"Ok," she started, "You're right. I can't stand the thought of my mother remarrying another man. It was hard enough with the divorce. I-I just can't picture living the rest of her life with anyone but my dad. And sure the fact that it's Jake's dad makes it worse, but the it's not the part that makes me...depressed," she paused for a moment to allow him to process everything she was saying. He listened carefully to every word that rolled off her tongue. She continued, "Its just that my mom doesn't seem to care anymore about what I'm feeling or going through. In her eyes, I'm selfish, and an unworthy child. I...I just don't know what I'm doing wrong." She finished with cries. He was now hugging her, doing his best to understand everything. He hated seeing her cry.
"It'll be alright," he mumbled into her ear. Her embrace on him became tighter and she did not want to let go. Neither did he; he wanted to spend the rest of eternity in her arms.
She leaned back to speak through her sobs, "How can you be sure it'll be alright?"
"Because, I will be here for you," he stated reaching up a hand to wipe away the tears rolling down her cheeks.
"But, I have these thoughts; bad thoughts," she began, still debating if she should leak this one piece of vital information. He looked at her more concerned than ever. Thoughts of his own ran through his mind at what those thoughts might have been and it made him all the more frightened. She stopped and looked away.
"What is it?" he tried to egg her on.
"It's nothing, it's never mind," she couldn't tell him; he would only think of how weak she became.
"It must be something," he tried to get her to look at him and she only pulled back. "Clare."
His nagging had gotten to her and she finally caved in, "Alright! Sometimes I feel like hurting myself. I feel like I don't deserve to live. I just want to get away from all the pressure, all these problems!" she exclaimed throughout her sobs. He was startled not sure what he could say.
"Clare, you could get help. It's not healthy to be suicidal," he attempted.
"You think I don't already know that?" she got angered but calmed down, "Look, I don't mean to yell at you; you're trying to help me. Just no one can know about this. If people found out, there would be more rumors floating around about me. They'll see me as weak, and I don't want that," she expressed.
"Clare, you are anything but weak. If anything this only makes you stronger. You are my inspiration. I love you, Clare." He said and that last part slipped out in the heat of the moment, but he didn't regret saying it.
She stared at him, shocked at his words. He still loved her. It'll all came clear to her when she accidentally replied, "I love you too, Eli." Her frown was replaced with a sincere smile graced upon her lips as he let his own genuine smile be shown. He took her into his arms once again kissing the top of her forehead.
Finally, one good thing had happened to her; something she could hold on to and think about in her times of sorrow; something to get her past the hardships. She became determined to not let this one go ever again. She realized not everyone is perfect and it's quite impossible. However, the closest she can get, is to just be herself.
He was the first and only one she opened up to. She had found it's not healthy to bottle up her feelings and she needed someone she could trust to let it all out. With the reconnection, she knew she wouldn't be hurting herself again.
He had his love back and promised himself he wouldn't lose her again. They would be together throughout the good and the bad, helping each other in every step of the way. Their love had rekindled and one day, over time, it will be the greatest love ever known.