"You're still here, real or not real?"

As my father looks down at my mother lying on her bed back in district 12, he strokes away louse brown strands of hair. Her hand grabs his and with a soft voice, her eyes still closed she replies:

"Real"

A sigh of relief escapes my brother's mouth, a breath he seemed to be holding "You had me for a minute there mom" He smiled tremulous and my father pulled him closer to him. Now it was just me standing on my mother's right side. Her pale face shone with sweat and never had I ever seen my mother in such a state. So vulnerable, so powerless.

But there she lay. Thin and delicate looking. Nothing like the strong independent woman I knew or the girl on fire like the others used to know. Lying on the bad was an ill, restless young woman with her family standing around her at the place that once was her home. Although all the people that made it feel like home were already gone, and now she lay there, struggling to breath.

Every rasping breath she took seemed to go through me like a knife. Her struggle seemed so unfair, not after all she had done, and she had been through. She couldn't leave, not now. She was a fighter. She proved that to the doctors when they had first diagnosed her illness and said it might be terminal.

She had proved that to my father when he had hold her when she collapsed again, telling him she had just lost his balance and smiling through the pain we all knew she was feeling.

Proved it to my brother when he came to sleep beside her at night. When at nights he was afraid to be left alone, that she could maybe go without him being with her. It did feel better to know he was with her, rather than hearing the oppressed choking noises coming from his bed. It can't be easy for a 12 year old boy to have a mother who sometimes couldn't even walk, let alone comfort him. It wasn't surprising he didn't know how to deal with it.

Hell, I didn't know how to deal with it.

Here I was 15 year old daughter of Katniss Everdeen. All too many times I have been told I looked like my mother. The same brown hair, the same strong character, the same stubbornness…

Then why did I feel so weak looking at her with her hair sprawled over her pillow, her hand clammy and warm in mine and her eyes squinted. If she'd opened them, I'd see the same grey ones my brother has. While his were bright with energy and will to live, hers were filled with wisdom and hidden in those eyes were wounds that had cut deep into that soul. I would never admit it though; I always liked to be compared to my mother. Most people said I was a true daughter of my father. Helpful they'd say, kind and strong. I never really understood what they thought was helpful or kind or even strong about me, my father was the one who could always reassure her with his words, my brother with his smiles and innocent matters.

But I'm going to make them proud. I'll make sure of that.

She coughed and I saw dad wince. Elliott, my brother took a sharp breath. Outside there was a sound of glass breaking. Uncle Haymitch was standing outside; he stood there to make sure no one entered. After Annie and Gale left he went to stand outside so that he could scare away anyone else who'd want to enter. The real reason for why he was standing outside was probably more because he couldn't stand seeing mom in such a state. He had always cared for her and dad, made sure she was alright when everything seemed to be crumbling down, it started in the arena and actually never ended. He was also the one who'd tell my brother and me the stories about the war, about the smelly capitol, about Fins sexy father, about Pink Effie (at that point he'd always neigh with laughter which was so funny it always ended with us laughing till our stomachs hurt and our cheeks seemed stuck in the same place).

He had been the first one to come up to me and tell me about what exactly that 'condition' of hers was. I had been 12, just like Elliott. At the time I hadn't quite understand what he meant without his words being slurred and with his usual uncaring matter. He had kneeled 'till he was on the same eyelevel as me and whispered.

"Listen to me Hope; you have to be very brave now. Elliott needs you. Peeta and Katniss need you. Be strong for them, okay? I know you're a strong girl; you're just like your mother. Stay with her, with all of them. Be strong Hope."

My hand looked unseemly next to hers. Where my skin was smooth and had color, hers was lined with scars and blue veins that were sticking out of her unhealthy pale skin.

Dad was softly stroking her brown hair, the same color brown as mine, out of her face. Softly whispering reassuring words. It was not until I felt the soft touch of Elliott's arm against mine that I noticed him coming to stand next to me. He was only a bit shorter than me, always had been long for his age, but at the moment he was standing a bit bent and just a little behind me, like he was hiding, with his arm just touching mine. When I looked over at him I knew it was something I'd never forget, 'cause there he was, my brother, little Elliott, with those big blue eyes that always shined with light and energy, now looking down to not show anyone that his eyes were now filled with tears. Ever so little he moved closer to me and when mother started coughing again I put my arm around his shoulders and pulled him against me, feeling him wincing as the hoarse tearing noise sounded too loud in the small room.

Blinking to hide the tears that were forming in my eyes I pulled him closer as he hid his face in my shoulder and hair. She sounded like she was choking and that her throat was dry, the noise of her ragging breath made me feel like a knife stabbing my insides, cold and sharp over and over again. The oppressed sniffs of Elliott made it clear to me that I should be strong now, I had to be there for him. Just like mom had been there for me. He was only 12 years old and I would protect him, I'd hold him now our mom couldn't.

"shh easy now, it's going to be okay Katniss, just breath." Dad's voice sounded calm and he always managed to make things sound better. He was always there, moms eyes were shut tightly and he whispered words that sounded like salve on a wound. For a moment he locked eyes with me and after glancing at Elliott he squeezed her hands "Katniss" he whispered. Her eyes were closed in pain. "Do you remember Rue Katniss? Do you remember how you sang for her?"

I felt my heart throb. Rue was the little girl that died in mothers arms. Then dad started to sing, the same song she sang when I was little and couldn't fall asleep

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow"

Softly he sang it and her grip on his hands relaxed

"A bed of grass, a soft green pillow"

At that moment I wanted nothing more than the mother I used to know to come up again. To stand up and say that this was not real, that she was okay and she'd be the one to sing.

"Lay down your head and close your eyes."

She'd say that everything was going to be alright, she'd be the one to hold on tight to. Be the strong woman she had always been.

"And when they open, the sun will rise"

I hadn't noticed the streams of tears running down dads eyes until his voice started to quiver. Something in my chest ached and the sharp, short breathing of Elliott next to me confirmed that things were not okay.

She was frowning like she was fighting something we couldn't see, his voice started to sound more horse every word he said

"Here it's safe, and here it's warm.

Here the daisies guard you from every harm."

When his voice broke it was like something broke in me too. I couldn't take the muffled cries of Elliott nor dad's defeated posture so hoping the lump in my throat would lighten I sang the words I heard her sang to me a hundred times.

"Here your dreams are sweat and tomorrow brings them true.

Here is the place where I love you."

Very softly Elliott joined the next lines, his voice not more than a whisper

"Deep in the meadow, hidden far away
A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray"

Her face softened, dad started to whisper things, I only understood a few words "thank you" and "meant more than you'll ever know"

"Forget your woes and let your troubles lay
And when it's morning, they'll wash away."

There was a place just for her. A space she filled, only for her. The aching increased and even though she was still lying in front of me, it was like she was going away.

When I wanted to start the following verse, Elliott's voice sounded through.

"No mom no why are you not answering to dad!"

Holding him back didn't help and soon he was shouting "You promised me! You promised me you'd stay with us please mom stop it!"

"Elliott please she can't-"

"Do you hear me? Why don't you listen! Answer me! You can't just leave me!" His shouting was full of desperation and soon turned in to desperately lost sobs "Please don't leave me mom I need you"

I didn't know what else to do than hold him tight as his shoulders shook. I remembered the time I had been in his position, but it had been her to hold me tight.

Warm tears were falling from my eyes on Elliott's curly blond hair. The defeated look on dads face was not something I'd forget soon.

Her breathing slowly decreased and the pain I felt was sharper than anything I had ever felled before.

She could hear me, she had to hear me. I wanted to make her feel alright, even at her last minutes.

"Here it's safe and here it's warm

Here the daisies guard you from every harm"

And I truly wished that that'd finally happen. If she'd leave us she'd at least be rid of worry and feel rest and finally be at peace.

The soft squeeze couldn't be more clear to me and gave me the courage to sang the last lines, although not as powerful as the first, not as clear as she used to sing it.

"Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you."

All I hoped for was that she'd open her eyes, just one last time. That I'd see those familiar gray again, those eyes that gave a feeling of security and home.

But they didn't.

The room grew quiet, her short breathing softened. It was Elliott's turn to hold me back that time.

"No, not so soon, it's too soon."

"Katniss, wherever you're going now, we won't be able to follow you-"

"Dad don't say that!"

"But one day we'll all go the same way you go. Until then, don't forget that I love you. I'll always love you Katniss"

Like she could hear him, her face softened.

"I love you to mom." Even though he was sobbing, Elliott sounded clear, he was looking at her without holding her like I did.

"Say hi to Prim for me Katniss, and Rue and Finnick and Maggs…" And the list went on and on.

How longer the list got, strangely, the throbbing inside of me softened.

Prim, Rue, Finnick, Maggs, Madge, Cinna, Wiress… Those were just a few names in the book she and dad held. Just a few people converge with.

The names she repeated over and over, like a reminder of what she had lost and that it was her fault. It isn't though, it never was.

So if she'd finally see Prim again, and all the ones she lost she could finally forget all her worries.

"You're going to see them again mom. Say hi to aunt Prim for me."

I hadn't expect any response, but more like a sigh, those last words came out "Will you be there too?"

The lump in my throat tightened and it became hard to breathe again but with a watery smile dad answered

" We will all be there one day."

"I'll be there too mom." Elliott quickly added

"And me too mom." After saying that dad kissed her hand for the last time

"Now it's your time Katniss"

She released a long deep breath and the pressure on my hand was gone,

And so was the girl on fire. There was no sound coming from dad anymore and Elliott held his breath, not quite believing it just yet.

The emptiness of the room was overwhelming.

She wouldn't be here anymore, but I'd hold her in a place where no one could touch her.

As a part of me.

And so the girl on fire was gone, her fire would still be burning

" Rest in peace mom."