by lorien
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Warnings: Draco/Harry slash, humour
Chapter 1: The Decision
SCENARIO #1
Harry: Draco, I think it's time we came out of the closet.
Draco: ?? Okay. [opens closet door and peers out]
Snape: [has come to take dried lizard tails out of his supply closet] [hand is already halfway to the closet door] AAAAHHHHH!!!!
[thud]
Draco: Um, oops? [hastily closes closet door] Harry, you got any smelling salts?
Harry: What was that?
Draco: I think Snape fainted.
Harry: SNAPE?!?
Draco: Well, duh. We *are* making out in his supply closet.
Harry: [groans] Now I know why I'm failing Potions.
Draco: Well, *you're* the one who told me to come out of the closet just when he was about to open the door, you know.
Harry: Would you rather he walked in on us?
Draco: [ponders] That'd have done absolute wonders for your Potions grade, it would.
Harry: Anyway, that's not what I meant!
Draco: Hmm?
Harry: About coming out of the closet, you git. I meant that figuratively.
Draco: Oh. Whatever. So who do you want to tell first?
Harry: [thinks about Ron and Hermione's possible reactions and winces] Uh…
Draco: Oh, Weasley's just gonna *love* this one. [smirks]
Harry: Shut up and get out of here. [shoves Draco]
Draco: Okay, okay, quit pushing. [opens closet door and walks out]
Harry: [follows Draco]
Draco & Harry: [trip over Snape's unconscious body]
SCENARIO #2
Harry: Draco, I think it's time we came out of the closet.
Draco: [blinks] Er, okay. [drawls] Whatever you say, darlin'.
McGonagall: [enters room, muttering to self: 'Now, where are Malfoy and Potter…they're late for the Sorting Ceremony *again*…probably off fighting somewhere…should I send someone to look for them? Not Weasley…he'll probably kill Malfoy himself…hmm…maybe Finnegan or Thomas?…anyway…hey, where'd I leave my wand…?'] [looks around room for her wand]
Harry: [picks up something from bottom of closet] Hmm, this looks like Professor McGonagall's wand.
Draco: [peers at wand] Yeah, it does. [opens closet door and deposits wand in McGonagall's hands] Here, your wand. [closes closet door]
McGonagall: [blinks and mutters to self: 'Did I just see Malfoy pop out of my closet?'] [shakes head and rubs eyes] [mutters to self: 'I must be working too hard. Should ask Albus for time off…like say, maybe a…year…or so?] [turns to leave the room]
Harry: [whispers] Draco, you *idiot!*
Draco: What?
Harry: McGonagall?!?!? You almost got us caught by McGonagall!!!
Draco: [grins] Well, you wanted us to come out of the closet.
Harry: To our *friends*, not the *teachers!*
Draco: You should be more *specific* next time, Harry dear.
McGonagall: [continues muttering to self: '…but I could've *sworn* that I saw Malfoy…sigh…maybe I should check…after all, I *am* supposed to look for him and Potter…maybe he's seen Potter…yeah right…maybe he's killed him and left the body somewhere…']
Draco: [hears McGonagall, smirks and whispers to Harry] Well, your body's here alright…but it's not very dead, is it?
Harry: [pokes self] No, not very dead at all.
[Dean and Seamus enter the room]
Seamus: You called for us, Professor?
McGonagall: Yes. Could you two help me look for Malfoy and Potter, please? Those two are late for the Sorting *again*.
Dean: Sure, Professor. [grins] They're probably at each others' throats again. Well, let's go, Seamus.
Draco (still in closet): [smirks at Harry] At each others' throats…among other body parts. [leers, grabs Harry and kisses him]
Harry: [a bit panicked] Drac, not *now*!
[they scuffle]
Seamus: [cocks head on one side] Did you hear something?
McGonagall: Hmm…
Dean: [blinks] No. C'mon Seamus, let's go and find those two, or we'll miss the feast!
[Dean and Seamus leave]
McGonagall: [ponders] Well, just to be sure… [opens closet door] AAAAHHHHH!!!!
Draco & Harry: [jump apart] AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
Harry: [thwacks Draco] I *told* you it wasn't a good time to jump me!
Draco: I didn't hear *you* complaining. [smirks]
Harry: Well…
McGonagall: [looks like a zombie] I just found…Malfoy and Potter…in my closet…half-naked…making out…[runs out of room] ALBUS, I NEED MY LEAVE AND I NEED IT *NOW*!
SCENARIO #3
(In a closet in the Divination classroom)
Harry: Draco, I think it's time we came out of the closet.
Draco: What, like now? [looks down at self] But I'm not wearing any pants!
Harry: Very funny. You know what I mean.
Draco: Yeah, yeah. I don't particularly want to go out there now, anyway. The perfume stench is overpowering.
Harry: Tell me about it. I still dream about it at night. [shudders]
Draco: I thought you dreamt about ME at night.
Harry: [smirks] Yeah. *Awful* nightmares, those.
Draco: *Hey!* [shoves Harry playfully]
Harry: [loses balance]
Trelawney: [stares deep into crystal ball] I predict that two of my students will give me a nasty shock today. [blinks] Oh, dearie-my. I hope that dear boy Harry Potter won't die in my class.
Draco: [snickers] Dying *again*, Harry? This must be the thirtieth time she's predicted your death this month.
Harry: Forty-second, actually. [tries unsuccessfully to regain balance, and falls against the closet door]
Draco: Oh…shit. [lunges towards Harry to stop him falling out the closet]
[Closet door opens, depositing Harry (without his shirt) and Draco (still without his pants) in an undignified heap on the Divination classroom carpet.]
Trelawney: [blinks at the two boys]
Harry: Er, hi, Professor.
Draco: [looks around for his pants]
Trelawney: Ah. I did predict that two of my students would give me a nasty shock today…[voice trails off] [eyes roll up into head, and she faints]
[thud]
Draco: [looks offended] She called us nasty!
Harry: [snickers and pokes at the unconscious Professor Trelawney] I never liked Divination anyway.
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TBC...Next chapter: Ron's turn for a nasty surprise! *grin*