"How long have you known."

"Since Kate and I came back from Barbados. There was a letter waiting for us. Christian, she told us everything, and I mean everything. How do you think mom and dad found out about Elena?" Of course, it all makes sense now. "Kate was ready to kill you. I have never seen Kate so distraught; you had run her best friend out of the country. God, Chris what were you thinking. You got the girl pregnant and then asked her to abort it. As if that wasn't bad enough you then told her she could go back to being your sub after she'd gotten rid of the babies." I was such a different man back then.

"I didn't know they were twins."

"Oh yes, it's easier to kill one baby." I flinch at the disgust in his voice. "Ana told Kate she was right about you, and she was sorry she didn't listen. She was such an innocent girl. Why did you go after her and worse when you found out she was a virgin you still went through with your plans to make her your sub. You should have sent her back to Portland and had your pimp send you a seasoned sub." I always thought my parents issue was Elena, now I know it was how I dealt with Ana and the pregnancy. What parent wouldn't be disappointed?

"I don't have any words that will make this sound any less horrible than it is. I was going to ask you to help me see her. I'd gone to the apartment several times, but she wouldn't answer the door. Little did I know she'd already left the country." He looks at me for the first time. "That Sunday at dinner when Kate mentioned Ana had left the country for a job in Europe. I knew she had left Seattle I just had no idea where she had gone. Kate saying it was Europe narrowed done the search. I was desperate to find her; I realized how badly I had behaved. I was going to beg her for a second chance. Flynn and I had started working on my fear of becoming a father; I had nine months to get myself in a position where I would be fit enough to be a father. I looked for her; I search for her. Hell, I went to Kavanagh Media begging Kate to tell me where Ana was. Welch, Barney, Taylor spent years looking for her. Do you have any idea how many laws I broke looking for her? Please Elliot, I just want a chance to tell her how sorry I am." I plead. Something I've gotten used to doing lately.

"Shit, Chris I wish I could help, but she doesn't want to see you. She doesn't want anything to do with you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay; I am the one who should be sorry. What are they like?" His beaming smile breaks my heart.

"Ray…"

"That's his name?" After her dad.

"Yeah… he's your double with Ana's eyes. It's like looking at you at that age. Except…"

"I know… looks like a four-year-old should." I say.

"Incredibly smart, they both are. Will talk your ears off… Chris…"

No, no carry on." The hurt I feel must show.

"The girl is Phoebe. She's Ana's double with your eyes. Has got the puppy dog look down to a science and they know it. If they want something and the answer is likely to be no, Phoebe is the one that comes and asks." He smiles, and I can't help but feel sick to my stomach. I have missed so much and if I don't find a way to get Ana to forgive me I will miss more.

"Anyway… thanks for coming out. I should let you get back before Kate comes out looking for you." He gets out of the car. "If anyone can get that girl to forgive you, it's you. Don't give up." He says before shutting the door. I don't intend to.

MAY 26TH 2011- FOUR YEARS 9 MONTHS EARLIER

"Are you having second thoughts?" I ask as she's very quiet and hasn't touched her cup of champagne. "Ana, come on talk to me."

"You know Kate, and I are packing," she says twisting her fingers on her lap.

"Yes, it's rather obvious," I say with a chuckle.

"Well… I was emptying the small trash can in my bedroom when I noticed something wet at the bottom." She says nothing for a while.

"Ana just say what you need to say." I almost shout.

"Thecondomsplit." She says it so fast I have trouble hearing her.

"Ana," I warn.

"The condom split." I almost drop my teacup. I feel the room spinning, and I see her mouth moving, but I cannot hear a word. "Christian, Christian, put your head between your legs." I do as she says, and I feel my breathing coming back.

"Are you sure?" I breathe.

"You tied the end of the condom, and I could see the small split in it... so yeah." The condom split. I can't be a father; I mean what kind of father will I be. I beat small pale brunettes most weekends for fuck sake.

"Ana' I'm not cut out for fatherhood."

"I'm twenty-one, do you think I want this. I graduated today; I have no life experience…" I stop my pacing and look at her with a smile.

"Good, good, we are on the same page. If it does turn out that you are indeed pregnant, we will just get rid of it." I look at her, and she looks back at me in horror. "What, you want to keep the baby?" I ask in fear.

"I'm not killing this child. This child is innocent it has done nothing wrong. How could I live with myself knowing I killed my baby?" She rants. She can't possibly be serious.

"Neither one of us is ready for parenthood," I argue

"We have nine months to prepare." She counters.

"Ana, either you get rid of it, or we are done. I do not want anything, and I mean anything to do with it." She looks up with glazed eyes. "For fuck sake, I do not need your fucking tears right now." I take a deep breath and sit beside her. "Ana, think about this logically. We are not ready for this. Getting rid of it is the best thing to do. We can go back to this after it's all said and done." I point to the contract. "We will have fun. You just graduated college; your life is just beginning. Do you want to be saddled with a baby right now." I implore her to see reason.

"I'm not having an abortion," she says defiantly.

"You silly child." I bellow, and she flinches. "If you want to keep it, keep it, but I will have nothing to do with it. You are on your own." I storm out of the apartment. I take the stairs and out of the building, glad to have Taylor still here.

"Escala." I bark at Taylor calling my lawyer. "Ned, I want you at my apartment right now. We have work to do." I bark and hang up.

Within hours, I have the papers drawn up giving up any rights I have to the child I include a check for five million dollars and wash my hands off her and the child.

JUNE 9TH 2011

"You did what?" Flynn asks looking at me in horror. All the years I've known Flynn he has always had a neutral or impassive look no matter what I tell him and right now it's nowhere to be seen.

"Flynn, I'm not cut out to be a father. I am a…"

"Yeah… I have heard it all before. As excuses go, you have convinced yourself of being a sadist. You are a lot of things Christian." He takes a deep breath and looks at me with such disappointment. "I never thought you of all people would walk out on a pregnant girl. If your birth father had stood by Ella, I firmly believe you will never have those cigarette burns on your chest and back." I feel my food making its way back up. Oh god, what have I done? "From what you've told me about Ana she will not take your money." She wouldn't, she hasn't, the money is still in my account.

"Oh god, Flynn what have I done." I'm almost in tears. "The very thing I swore I will never let happen to another child if I could help it. Hell, my family has a charity to help young girls in this very situation." I put one there.

"It's not too late to go to Ana and beg for forgiveness. Come back here and will work on getting you prepared for fatherhood." I bolt out of his office, and I'm grateful she's now in Seattle. I pull out my phone and get the address. I'm there in no time and take the stairs to the third floor. I bang on the door. "Ana, it's Christian." I bang again and again, and I get nothing. I know she's here Elliot helped them move. Shit, I can't call him or Kate they are in Barbados. "Ana, please open the door. I know I behaved badly." I bang on the door several times and get no answers. "God, Ana I'm sorry I know I said some god awful things to you... please Ana. I am so sorry, Ana I am pleading with you." Still she doesn't answer. I really made a mess of things.

"Dude she's not here. I saw her leave with her luggage." The guy across the hall informs me. Of course, she's visiting her mother in Georgia. She will be back Friday.

Except she never came back.