AN: Though I've been reading fanfiction on this site for over a year, I've never written anything before, probably feeling that my skills couldn't compare to the real talent some people on here have. But I've been so crazy about Downton recently that this plot continued to nag me until I wrote it down, so here goes. I've planned this as a multi-chapter fic, obviously if anyone is interested. The first chapter is entirely from Elsie Hughes's POV, and the story starts after the events in episode 4 of season 1. Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, blah blah.
After yet another tiresome argument with Mrs Patmore, over such a trivial matter as the key to the store cupboard, resulting in a throbbing headache on her part, it was no wonder that Elsie Hughes, housekeeper of Downton, could barely focus on her remaining tasks that day. Then again, that represented just part of the reason why she was so unfocused. Returning to her parlour in the evening, Elsie felt all the emotions she had tried hard to supress during the day enveloping her in full force now. Her thoughts invariably returned to the fair, to Joe Burns, and to everything that had happened recently.
She had agreed to meet Joe, and deep down she had been certain he would propose again, and maybe even pictured herself saying yes. But in the end, the answer had been different, because she was a different person now. 'I've changed', she had told Carson. Oh, how she'd changed! But not only in the obvious ways, like the transition from farm girl to housekeeper; no, the greatest change had occurred in her heart. Joe Burns was 'still a nice man', but he wasn't the man she loved, so Elsie refused him once more, on the pretext that she didn't want to leave Downton. Or was it a pretext? Mrs Hughes genuinely wished to remain, but her motives went deeper than just her position in the household. She had been housekeeper for many years now, and in all honesty, it didn't bring her much satisfaction anymore. Her life revolved around a terrible routine, broken only by the occasional trouble caused by Thomas and O'Brien, which could hardly be considered an improvement to her day. In Elsie's case, no one could speak of attachment to the family, either. Granted, she did respect them, but her sentiments went no further than that. Why Charles was so fond of Lady Mary, for example, was incomprehensible to the Scotswoman. What about attachment to the rest of the staff, then? Well, yes, she could admit to that. Elsie liked Anna, especially given that the girl reminded her of a younger self, and sometimes treated William as if he were her son. And Charles…On a normal day, she wouldn't let her thoughts trail that way, but now, due to exhaustion, the woman had no power whatsoever to control the subject of her musings.
Charles Carson was her main reason for staying, truth be told. No one she knew understood her better than he did; no one could help her more than he did; no one made her feel the way he did. It was the little moments that mattered to Elsie: how Charles helped her reach items placed above her height whenever he happened to be around, how he always knew when she needed a glass of wine after a particularly demanding day, how he always scolded the other members of staff if they were gossiping about her, how he constantly assured her that she didn't look a day older than when they'd first met, despite the fact that she found new wrinkles and grey hairs every day by a simple glance at the mirror. Yes, she loved him; that is why her heart almost skipped a beat when the housekeeper thought she traced a hint of jealousy in his words after she'd explained she had agreed to see Joe again: 'And he was horrible and fat and red-faced and you couldn't think what you ever saw in him.' But then Elsie decided she was only fooling herself, that it couldn't have been jealousy, and that she would never have his love. Nevertheless, she stayed, content with having his friendship at least, giving up the chance of becoming Mrs Burns even though she knew she would never be Mrs Carson, regardless of how much she wanted to.
'It is Elsie, isn't it?' When Joe had called her by her Christian name, it pained her to realise that she and Charles would never go past Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson. They would probably never dine together at the Grantham Arms, he would probably never win a doll for her, but Elsie Hughes's heart was still adamant to choose him over Joe Burns.
Sighing, the housekeeper stood up from the chair where she had been so lost in thought for the last half an hour, and went on to write replies to some of the letters she had received over the past week. After all, life goes on even when great decisions, bound to alter its course, are made. Just as she was finishing a reply, Elsie was startled by a loud knock on her door. Opening it, she was surprised to see the very man who had occupied most of her thoughts over the last few days standing in front of her. Although, maybe it would be more accurate to say 'most of her thoughts over the last few years', really.
AN: Please review if you have the time. It would mean a lot to me.