DEMONS AND NETFLIX
Full Summary: An extremely random crack-fic parody I could not, and I mean absolutely COULD NOT AT ALL resist to make. Originally, this was an intended idea to be placed for my other humor fic 'Hell of Rock', but I decided against it. So I'll make this an independent fic. So now Kirsty, Pinhead, and the others have all gathered about to watch these strangely titled films called 'Hellraiser' that seem to be based off of them. The end result is chaos. Includes some OC's just for the kicks.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Hellraiser or its characters. Just Evelyn Spencer, Shana Harley/The Feline Cenobite, Leviathan's Mother, Hannah Monroe, Connor Summerskill-Spencer and the Pizza Dude...all in which are my OCs.
Please Note: The films will be Hellraiser 1-4 and 6 alone. AKA Hellraiser, Hellbound: Hellraiser 2, Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth, and Hellraiser 4: Bloodline. Oh, and Hellraiser 6: Hellseeker. I did NOT like HR5: Inferno, and from what I've heard of myself, HR7, 8, and definetely 9 are completely stupid.
And for Another Thing: Kinda look to this as something a bit of a sequel, very slight sequel to Hell of Rock. But rest assured there are NO SPOILERS to 'Hell of Rock', it's just implied cos, well, very slightly implied as something to happen after HOR, since well, Kirsty and Pinhead are..well...together an' stuff. But also AU from HOR because in HOR, Doc isn't a Cenobite (Camerahead) and Channard didn't become a Cenobite in the original way of HR2. Other than that, enjoy!
"Can somebody please explain to me the sense as to WHY in the HELL are all your friends are gathered at our place? !" Kirsty Cotton demanded with an angry frown, placing her hands firmly on her hips, and tapping her foot. Usually, Kirsty herself never seemed to mind unexpected guests or those kind of guests that arrive at last minute or at a random moment.
But the exception to it, boyfriend or not, was finding none other than Xipe Totec, otherwise known as Pinhead, specially known as by her as the lovng adoration nickname of 'Pinny-Poo' and not to be addressed as that by no other- okay look, the point is wouldn't you be pretty pissed to if you found your boyfriend or girlfriend having invited his mutilated 'friends' from Hell?
"Kirsty! Er...greetings my sweet child, so wonderful to see you have arrived home so suddenly early from work...erm yes!" Pinhead grinned cheekily and nervously, the sweats drop from his head normally seen in anime shows quite obvious.
"Pinny-poo...sweetie, yes. How to put this delicately?...I SAID WE WERE INVITING A FEW FRIENDS OVER! ! !" the brunette haired woman groaned, obviously not having meant that Pinhead's entire Gash of Hell running amonk wildly in her own house. The mess afterwards would only be a nightmare, judging from how horny Pistonhead was, wrapping his arms around Dreamer's waist while she (unfortunately) attempted to make snacks...only to cause a nonsense problem in the kitchen..as in she managed to somehow set cereal on fire, make popcorn that had freezer burn on it, uncooked soda, and moldy...napkins? ! Definetely a face-palm worthy sight and something the chefs of Food Network would most certainly frown upon or die of the sight.
Ah but it proceeded to get more interested, seeing as though for an apparent unknown reason, Channard was found in her corner, admiring a photo of a beautiful woman...Pinhead's sister! Oh my! A lovely dark haired, fair skinned woman named Evelyn- and boy was it quite the interesting crush. And you figured it was already strange enough Channard had a rare photo of Pinhead's human form, Captain Elliot Spencer, yet now it turns out the former physchiatrist has an apparent habit of sending the corny roses and box of chocolates to a ninety something year old woman who has three kids, twelve grandchildren, and, yes, twenty great-grandchildren...but hey! According to the Cenobite with an obvious tumor upon his head, as long as the husband was dead (And indeed Evelyn's husband was deceased) that was all that mattered much to disapproval of Pinhead himself. And it wasn't because this was the jackass who unfairy killed him and his Gash all those years ago...it was because Pinhead still believes that Evelyn is 'too young' to date.
So- who did exactly invite Channard anyway?
Didn't matter much for Kirsty, because there were other things to be concerned of; Such as for a matter of fact that Camerahead was the one attempting to set up...well whatever was about to be set up on her television, which was something that made Kirsty worry that this was something she should honestly worry about. Considering how nervous Pinhead had appeared it almost seemed as though they were going to see something she would normally disapprove of behind her back. Then why bother watching it at her house in the first place? Well, the Labyrinth itself lacks technology unless you are lead to believe that Leviathan is able to make some kind of a Wi-Fi connection through all that diamond floatyness.
SCRRRRRRATCH! ! !
The sudden loud tearing noise of her curtains made Kirsty jump, startled of course but more or less angry as to who was behind this. Though they she had a typical name in mind, and as soon as she turned around, she was right in what she believed. The Feline Cenobite, formerly a beautiful African American woman, now the young Cenobite woman with cat-like abilties and similar physical looks (specifically the eight to nine inch knives for fingernails to name)...as well as the behavior in which her feisty anger, aquaphobia (though normally reasonable let alone to how mutilated she was), and- well, scratching up curtains.
"Hi Kirsty!" she grinned happily, her whispey voice charming through with the slightest cty accent remaining somewhere through that she had personalized her neck by giving a deep gash and open throat to make as though a 'collar' for herself. Her razor sharp white teeth blarred happily, until she noticed Kirsty "unamused" face. Kirsty arched a brow, as Feline turned around the sight of the scratched and tattered curtains, turned back and grinned widely and nervously.
"Oh...yeah. Uh, nice curtains." was all she said, brushing away her unique red bang- well the one she had dyed as a human, now the only hair remaining on her- though with her partial scalp split open..it kinda included like bloody muscle and skin- from her bright, glowing hazel eye before smiling and running off towards the couch.
The chaos of the current moment could go on: Varying from Barbie putting that whole flame thrower of a mouth to clever use by making personal smores, CD searching through her CD collection, obviously tempted to steal some heavy metal and love songs (for the lovely lady consort-kitty Feline; Ah, you see the two had been lovers engaged before suddenly, and rather forcibly been turned into Cenobites within a year's difference of one another.), Angelique whining about her deserving to be re-promoted as her title throne of Princess, Butterball, Chatterer, and Nikoletta plotting mischieviously their overdue revenge upon Channard, until Chatterer and Nikoletta simply proceeded to make out behind the couch and Butterball left to steal the possible stash of Kirsty's homemade cookies baked the other day, and other imaginable nonsense.
Until FINALLY they all took notice to the angry Kirsty Cotton besides a nervous and stuttering Pinhead, and oblivious but wicked Feline.
"Oh." was the first reply from someone, but no one quite knew. So, with that did an awkward pause set in. Kirsty, semingly calm at first, smiled sweetly.
"Hello all..." she began, while Pinhead gulped. Having known her best, he obviously this was one of those evil 'Its a trap' emotions. Seemingly sweet turned screaming nightmare.
Which was exactly what he predicated. "Wonderful mutilated friends as you may be...WHAT THE HELL ARE YA DOING HERE? !" the Cotton woman screeched, obviously about to continue when there came a sudden knocking on the door. Narrowing her brown eyes, obviously still steamed about the situation, Kirsty slowly turned her head to where the door was and shouted: "It's unlocked!"
Slowly opening the door, with Pinhead the first to see who it was, groaned. "Not YOU!" he mumbled loudly, rubbing his forehead somehow without touching the pins on his head.
"Indeed it is, my demon friend." chimed happily the English accented voice of none other than Captain Elliot Spencer. The former human side of Pinhead, grinning happily while Pinhead simply walked towards the nearby wall, about to slam his head against the wall for being unable to (for some weird reason) stand his human side.
But, Kirsty made the kind of typical face of 'Behave-yourself-or-you're-in-big-trouble-mister', so Pinhead had no choice but to back away and hold down his tongue as he returned towards the couch. But not without sulking his shoulders and mumbling about how unfair it was.
Elliot grinned satisfied, leading through his lovely wife, the light brown haired reporter, Joanne 'Joey' Summerskill, and in her arms was their one year old son, Connor Summerskill-Spencer. At first, from the sight of the others, her reaction was mixed. Simply because
"He's getting so big!" Kirsty gushed at the blue wide-eyed baby boy, while Joey happily smiled.
"Augh, I can hardly believe it-"
"BOOOORING! ! ! When's the movie startin' Doc?" Pistonhead obnoxiously piped up, grinning widely while Dreamer frowned and burned him suddenly with her spare cigareete. He yelped, turned to her as she proudly smirked.
In whilst between that, Channard turned his back to face all in the room, quickly hiding away the photo of Pinhead- rather Pinhead and Elliot's sister, Evelyn in an obvious fashion before grinning.
"Erm, yes?" Channard quickly spoke.
"NOT YOU. The other Doc." the former nightclub owner groaned, pointing over towards Camerman who suddenly caused a large electric shock, and sent himself flying back agaimst the wall of Kirsty's living room.
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ! !" he yelped suddenly, half hysterical in a mad fit of laughter, and the other tone for it being otherwise completely painful. He was a bit of a charred mess, his moustace all funny looking from the electric shock as he grinned lopsidedly.
"Great Scott! It works!" he declared with a proud quote from Back to the Future. Joey smiled, rather amused as she shook her head, while Kirsty was in concern as to whether or not he was okay. It was bad enough the unexpected guests in her house were mutilated to the impossible point, she didn't need any of them dying. Still, she had to admit from her immature view that was rather hilarious. The other Cenobites sure found it hilarious, whether from giggle and grin to hysterical fits.
"Just what did you guys set up anyways?" Kirsty asked softly and curiously, as Pinhead quickly leaped off the couch (surprisingly not having tripped over his cassock) and boldly smiling to his girlfriend.
"Ah Kirsty my sweet, we have pieced together the cubicle technologically advanced object from a foreign country as their infamous exoprt."
Well...there comes the awkward moment when nobody knew what the Hell Pinhead said. And everyone used to think Elliot was the bad one at misleading people with his extended vocabulary, this is a new take right here!
"What?" was all Kirsty could honestly respond, both of her eyebrows raised high.
"I understand Xipe! I understand you completely!" Angelique desperately shrieked giddily, still never willing to quit from the nonsense horny flirting to make Xipe Totec hers. Oh but there are far worse monsters ou there in the flirting world for Xipe, both he, Kirsty, and Angelique were well aware of this considerable 'woman' who we shall soon meet.
"Oh, you set up a Wii?" Joey asked, basically re-translating it for all the others to completely understand. Most exchanged simple glances, as Nikoletta and Chatterer peeked up from behind the couch, both grinning lopsidedly and acting as though nothing had happened for hopefully no one to have noticed.
"Hello Kirsty!" Nikoletta chirped, not hvaing known the others were already past the part of chirpy greetings to Kirsty. Though this time Kirsy waved back and smiled, while all the other Cenobites rushed for the couch. Quite an interesting fight this way; Considering how Pinhead literally made a 'V.I.'P reservation for Kirsty's seat and left with a rose, Feline lashed out her claws and become basically O.C.D to the seat she wanted to claim for her and her consort, Channard wanted to (yes I'm serious) sit next to Pinhead just so he could ask if his sister was interested in seeing anyone, Elliot tried to have Joey and Connor get their own spot somewhere on the couch, and everyone else otherwise errupted in a fight to beat the living crap out of each other. Well except for Joey and Connor ofcourse!
"Ladies? Gentlemen?" Pinhead questioned, the only one not involved in the fight. Unamused by it, he folded his arms, noticing how even his precious Kirsty had accidentally gotten herself entangled in an ugly thrall against Angelique.
For goodness sake it's just a COUCH!
"Kirsty? Gash? Anyone?" he questioned, his voice piping higher and higher, obviously on the verge of a bellowing.
"ENOUGH! ! !" he shouted, loud enough to shatter Kirsty's windows. All the other Cenobites, who had each other's necks in one another's handsand ready to go in for a kill, froze.
"Can we not be settle for once?" Pinhead questioned.
"I agree!" Elliot piped up, nodding at his demon side.
"I want a couch seat." Dreamer muttered, pouting her lip and folding her arms.
"Well...there must be some sort of way to work this out.." Kirsty suggested.
THEORY #1
Well, I'll be basic in this one. Anyone who had a girlfriend, the girlfriend to sit on the lap of the boyfriend.
It seemed to work at first for most...though those who were single Cenobites were rather discouraged.
That- and all it took was one certain couple (horny, dysfunctional, involves pistons and dreams) couldn't keep their hands. Therefore, all followed through, unable to resist having a little fun- and pretty soon it got pretty awkward to find all the couples managing to make out on the couch.
That, and about 10% of Connor's innocence must've been shed that day at the meer sights.
THEORY #2
Flipping a coin, playing 'Rock Paper Scissors', and 'Eenie Meenie Mo' was nearly impossible.
"Rock..Paper..Scissorts..Say.. Shoot!" Pistonhead went against Barbie, which Barbie had won.
"You cheated! You OBVIOUSLY waited one second before me dammit! Rematch!" Pistonhead whined.
Therefore resulting in him receiving a nasty burn to the booty.
"Call it." Kirsty simply said as she tossed a coin in the air.
"Heads!" Nikoletta shouted.
"Tails!" Joey declared.
"SIDEWAYS!" Butterball interjected, in which somehow, in the most impossible way, the coin was frozen on remaining to it's side. All three women gawked simply before saying at the same time;
"How? !"
"My Mother said to pick the very best one and you are chosen!" Pinhead sang, and though may sound a bit off, trust me, the beginning of the song was WAY altered for that matter.
And much to the annoyance of the others, once again he was pointing at Kirsty!
"YOU ARE FREAKIN' CHEATING! ! !" Pistonhead still kept accusing.
"Just cos she's your girlfriend doesn't mean you can always let her win!" Dreamer complained as well.
"Oh...you mean you cannot personally choose who you wish?" Pinhead asked surprised, making the others groan.
THEORY #3
"Oh come on people! Can't there be a little senseless voice of reason around here? ! It's just a bunch of seats we're going into War with! Really? !" Nikoletta groaned, officially the first one to snap annoyed by everyone's suggestions.
"But..." Pinhead peeped softly.
The open throated Cenobite, who seemed to be possibly at her special week, gave one helluva nasty death glare at the pin headed Cenobite.
"WHAT? ! WHAT IS IT NOW? !" she shrieked, after being the supposed 'voice of reason' just a minute before.
"...Nevermind." Pinhead squeaked.
And at that moment, it all became rather tense, and everyone eyed one another. Almost as though mouthing silently the numbers on cue (and meanwhile Connor had fallen asleep, bored by his parents and aunts and uncles senselssly stupid ways) by three, someone screamed "GO!" and all had desperately ran over.
Well...you might not wanna know how ugly that ended, with everyone smashing and tackling each other. But it ended with Kirsty getting her rightful V.I.P spot Pinhead had made in the first place cos...hey! It is HER house! Joey, with a starting to wake up Connor on her lap, got lucky as well, Feline purred and snagged for the right arm of the couch and somehow was able to be perfectly comfortably with her consort CD as well...(in which if anyone objected so would receive a nasty lash), while Nikoletta and Chatterer get the left side. Actually, come to think of it as we count- everyone got a spot...
...except for Pinhead!
"I don't believe this! ! !" he gasped, offended.
"It is just a couch though, isn't it?" Pistonhead grinned wickedly, while Pinhead gave a glare of 'when-I-retake-over-the-world-you-are-SO-gonna-die-first' face.
"Okay, so let's check on Netflix." Kirsty managed to guide through with the remote, in which while all the others (except Joey, Dreamer, Feline, CD, Barbie, Pistonhead, Camerahead, and Kirsty herself ofcourse) gawked in mystifed wide-eyed gazes of technology.
"It's so amazing!" Nikoletta gasped giddily.
"Just to think Kirsty; One day they shall invent small rectangular, flat shaped objects that are able to record playbacks of favored purchased music with this 'wi-fi' access and oh so much more wonderful use!" Pinhead dreamt happily.
"..You mean the iPod?" Joey arched a brow.
"Hey...Pinny-Poo, since when did you star in a movie?" Kirsty said suddenly, drawing everyone's attention.
"Whatever do you mean child?" the pin headed Cenobite turned to his girlfriend's side, and then gasped at the sight of what was now marked for the 'Recently Available' suggestions.
This mysterious movie marked as Hellraiser, with a pissed off looking Pinny holding the Box for the cover!
"Well I..I mean I don't...well certainly there...there...THERE MUST BE SOME LOGICAL EXPLANATION! ! !" Pinhead stuttered.
"I. DON'T. UNDERSTAND! ! !" Feline and Channard screeched at the same time. Ah yes, our Channard friend chose strangely a back seat just so he could continue to admire the photo of Evelyn Spencer, Elliot and Pinhead's sister, in private.
"Illuminati!" Butterball said wide eyed and panicked, making everyone silent throughout the room with the conspiracy theory in which everyone started to believe him.
"Oh Leviathan! I bet they allied with extraterristreals!" Elliot gasped, mortified. His loud raised voice that had turned suddenly managed to awaken poor Connor, as Joey gently shushed him and shook her head.
"Oh great! Elly, not you too!" she moaned.
"Elly?" Pistonhead eagerly repeated, with obvious intentions to use that nickname against Elliot, until Dreamer stopped him with her own secret nickname.
"Pisty, shut up right now." Dreamer simply said, and grinned at the quick results in reaction from the others. Feline, in which case nearly fell off the couch unable to breath from hissing laughter, whilst Pinhead knew he certainly he some interesting but pointless news to tell Leviathan later on...
"Wait! There's more!" Kirsty gasped, looking to this Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 that featured once again, a cover to Pinhead but with Nikoletta and Chatterer included!
"Argh! Whoever these foolish human producers are- they got my bad angle!" the Female Cenobite growled. Chatterer chatted and groaned something about you could barely see him anywhoo.
"At least you guys are IN the freakin' poster!" Butterball snapped back. In which sadly true for our obese friend, who was nowhere to be found on it.
For the rest of these currently available 'Hellraiser' movies, Pinhead kept reappearing, wth funnier looking angry faces that only made the others laugh, Pinhead more nervous, Butterball and Elliot completely convinced the Illuminati and aliens were behind this, and overall Kirsty completely suspicious.
"Well there's only one way to find out.." Kirsty said, raising the remote high while the others gasp.
"You're not serious!" Camerahead accused.
"You can't be!" Nikoletta gasped.
"Oh no!" Dreamer yelled.
"Oh no!" Joey shrieked.
"Oh no!" Elliot cried.
"Fuck yea!" Pistonhead was the only one to encourage somewhat.
"The illuminati will destroy us all! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL!" Butterball repeatedly screeched in horror.
"Kirsty don't! Who knows what awful sights lay there behind that may not be for your eyes!" Pinhead warned, obviously protective over the sake of his girlfriend.
But it was too late, within a sound of a 'click' the movie loaded, and we were now locked and loaded- ready for this movie.
The magnificent music compliment the title screen that soon appeared:
HELLRAISER
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING! ! !" Pistonhead obnoxiously declared.
"IT DIDN'T EVEN START YET YOU MORON!" Dreamer growled.
"Shut up!" someone said.
"What don't you? !" Pistonhead replied back.
"WHAT WAS THAT? !" that 'someone' revealed to be Feline, who lashed her claws out threateningly while CD restrained his well...pshycopathic kitty demon girlfriend.
"I'll be quiet!" Pistonhead squeaked.
"SILENCE!" Pinhead hissed.
And soon it all began...
Hee hee, the Cenobites are SO much fun to write. Oh boy, if they're this crazy now just IMAGINE what more chaos, OCs, and reactions are to come.