Tempering Joy
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Temperance, n.
1 moderation in action, thought, or feeling; restraint.
2 a habitual moderation in the indulgence of the appetites or passions. b moderation in or abstinence from the use of intoxicating drink.
[Middle English, from Latin temperantia, from temperant, temperans, present participle of temperare to moderate, be moderate
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Christine remembered the day her daughter was born.
So tiny and perfect, the little girl made her heart full to bursting with happiness. Her baby; her Joy. As she held the infant for the first time, marvelling at the tiny fingers and delicate fingernails, she knew that she would do anything to keep this amazing little creature safe and happy.
For a while everything was beautiful and contented. Joy started smiling and walking and she said her first words (Mommy, Daddy, Kyle). Christine forgot the past while she watched Joy grow alongside Kyle, her adoring and adorable big brother. She loved her children and her husband and they loved her back.
But then… the dream was shattered. They weren't safe because their past had come back to find them. Tranquillity became fear; fear that it would all be taken away, that they wouldn't be able to keep their children safe.
Kyle's eyes seemed older after his father told him that his name was Russ Brennan. It was first time he had ever known that there were things his parents couldn't protect him from; things that they were frightened of. Christine's smiling, curly haired baby girl was so confused that no one called her Joy anymore. She felt the fear and tension around her, but was too young, too innocent, to understand it. Eventually she forgot her old life, and her former name, as was to be expected. Christine never forgot.
Watching her daughter as she grew up, Christine often felt the urge to call her Joy. After all, joy was what she felt when she first held her daughter in the hospital, what she'd felt when she took her first steps, said her first word. Joy was what she still felt whenever her daughter smiled that same wide, beautiful smile that she remembered on her baby girl in another lifetime. But she had to keep her children safe. Hidden, even from themselves.
That was why she named her daughter Temperance. Every time she heard the name, or thought it, she was reminded of why she had to restrain herself from calling her perfect little girl Joy ever again. She had to give up this part of her daughter, or lose her completely.
No matter how much it hurt.