Disclaimer= I do not own Degrassi or Wayne Brauning's thoughts about men and abortion.
A/N= This chapter is going to be about how Declan is grieving and what he is doing to help the grieving process. Its one of those "set up" chapters.
5 long years had passed since Declan left Smithdale and everyone he knew for a quiet bode across the ocean. As everyone well knows, people have their own ways for dealing with drama. they deal with drama, (grief), and shock in ways that feel right for them. Declan didn't know what to do. As you all know, he had 1 girlfriend before being established at Degrassi. That girl broke his heart, and he was a mess after that. Then came the advances from Jane before she ended things. It was Holly J's turn to break the Declan Code; I mean Declan solved her puzzle, you know what I mean! Clare came and it all changed for Declan. They shared similar interests and whatever new thing he got into, she liked. It wasn't discussed before, but they really CAPITALIZED on their PDA. They split faults in the room, Clare became pregnant, Clare aborted, which made Declan pack his bags to leave. Everything fell into place for Declan before the shocking news. He was going to be working for a couple of years and then he would've gone to graduate school. Those plans were scrapped and Declan could've care less about Smithdale, Degrassi or any of his friends and/or family. He went overseas and hasn't talked to anyone for 5 years. Declan talked to one of his contacts overseas and his contact let him stay at one of his houses. If you thought that Declan would go emo, stay in the house 23.5 hours each day, you thought wrong. With the help of a therapist, he gradually left his house to work some jobs. The therapist made sure that the jobs were far away from women and children and that idea worked well to improve Declan's psyche. For 5 years, what were 6 a week visits eventually turned to a 3 a weeks. Declan was a very appreciative of the therapy sessions. He would never forget what his therapist told him the very first time he went to his office and after a long cry:
How can one grieve for a child who has simply vanished?
Fathers of aborted children are like my friend. The fathers must struggle with how to grieve the loss of a person who "disappeared" from their lives. The fact is this person, who truly did exist and touched their lives - - with longings, memories of fear or joy, visual images, bodily sensations, and dreams of what could be - - is now gone.
The lives of aborted children touch people in different ways, but no one is untouched. One woman did not want the abortion, began to lactate. Her motherly instincts were stirred. She continues to wish that this baby who would now be grown, were sitting at her table. Her husband EIGHTEEN YEARS LATER, still grieves over the fact that he did not fulfill his role as the protector of his unborn child.
Every man and woman of an aborted child knows the truth. Their children are gone forever and cannot be brought back or replaced. There will always be avoid in their lives - - a void made more painful by memories, regrets, and dreams of what their child might have been.
Grieving for an aborted baby is different from the loss of any other loved one. Abortion is not part of any natural process like miscarriage. It is not a mysterious disappearance. It is the deliberate act of taking the life of a defenseless person.
During his time overseas, Declan found some faith. Every Friday morning, he would attend mass at the church by his house for about an hour. After the message was said and everyone had left, he would go to the front of the church, kneel down before the steps and say four words four times from his quadlingual mouth.
"Pray for my son."
"Reza por mi hijo."
"Preghiera para mio figlio."
"Prier je mon fils."
The combination of prayer, work, and therapy helped balance Declan's life during the past 5 post-abortion years. As aforementioned, he could not care less what was going on back in the C. No matter how much he isolated himself, Declan knew that he would have to go back and face everyone and come with an explanation.
Sometime during the next month, Declan was walking around the downtown during a festival when some flyer boy approached him.
"Do you like music?"
"Yes, all kinds."
"Great to hear, come see Manny Santos, international superstar, tonight at the stadium. She's performing at the stadium as thanks to the people while the filming for Mewesical Greek went on. This will be her final performance before she goes on tour."
"Alright," said Declan as the flyer boy handed him a flyer. He scanned the paper and was focused on the "MANNY SANTOS" that was in large bold font.
"Where have I heard this name before... OH YEAH, I REMEMBER HER!" Declan has a flashback to when he greeted Jane one day while at Degrassi, and Manny was walking with her.
"I haven't heard her sing, but I take it she can sing well enough to sell out a stadium. Lets see how this show is." Declan goes to the show and has a pretty great time, bopping his head to Manny's renditions of "Good Times" and "I'm Like Whoa," but with substitute Greek stuff added in of course. Because everyone wanted an autograph from Manny, the stadium had to pick people while on a mic because her sig was of high value. Declan was picked and he waited patiently as his turn eventually came for an autograph. When he was up; it went a little something like this:
"Whats your name?"
"Coyne; Declan Coyne." At that moment, Manny dropped her pen and looked up at Declan, who shrugged and said "whats up" to her. Manny snapped her fingers and 'bout a couple of her goons swarmed Declan and took him to a limo in some private parking lot.
"What the hell are you guys doing?"
"Relax man, they weren't going to hurt you," Manny said as she entered the limo from the opposite side.
"What do you want with me?"
"Can't two old friends reminisce?"
"We were never friends Manny; we only talked like one time in the span of several years."
"Okay, can we talk right now?"
"I guess..." There was some silence before Manny spoke.
"How are you holding up?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb..."
"I'm not sure if I should talk with you about this - -"
"I'm probably the best person you can talk to about this."
"... and why do you think that?"
"When I was at Degrassi, I got pregnant."
"Oh you did?"
"Yes and I too had an abortion."
"I'm sorry."
"Its okay... its been a long time and I STILL get emotional about it."
"I can definitely relate Manny. My therapist gave me a little speech my first time seeing him about abortion, talking about the grieving process for both men and women... Will we ever stop grieving?"
"I'm not sure we ever will. Once something like that happens, we are never the same people. We will always have that regret."
"If you don't mind me asking, what do you most regret about your abortion?"
"I was going to travel the world with my baby, bonding as only a mother and her child would. That will never happen now, but if I'm ever feeling down, I think about the good times my baby and I would've had."
"Wow, you and your therapist - -"
"I never had a therapist..."
"YOU MEAN - -"
"Well I did, I went like 1 time, telling her that I'll spend 10 hours in her office, but I want to leave with a course of action to properly grieve. I only spent 2 hours in her office and since then, that plan of hers has been helping me out a lot."
"How did you tell everyone?"
"I only told my closest friends and family because no one else needed to know."
"..."
"Whats wrong?"
"I haven't talked to anyone about my feelings about the abortion in 5 years."
"I just packed my belongings one day when I was at Smithdale and abruptly left. I did not tell a soul where I was going. I layed low and everyone gave up their search for me."
"You do know that you will have to face everyone right?"
"Yes, I'm not sure when - -"
"How about now? You've got to be homesick..."
"I guess..."
"Declan, do what you did 5 years ago. Pack your bags and go back home. You can think about what you are going to say on the plane."
"..."
"Whats wrong now?"
"What if - -"
"Trust me, they WILL want to hear from you. You are not a caveman, so you will not seem foreign to them. You'll have several hours to think about what to say. You'll do fine, trust me."
"Very well, what are you going to do?"
"Me? I'm going on tour now, I'm traveling the world, living my dreams."
"Good." Declan hugged Manny and was leaving the limo when he stopped to turn around.
"Thanks for the talk Manny."
"No problem."
So Declan was off, back to C-side, back to speak to his people...