A/N: hello I'm back again… my life has been like hell for quite a time and I'm so tired… so my stories became angsty… This story was written after I saw a video clip online. I hope everyone enjoys it
[smack my head] and yeah, it was finished when I was still in middle of a sea of homework.
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[SCREAM]
Disclaimer: CCS is totally belonged to CLAMP. Its main color is pink, but my life is black right now so I added into the story a bit color of real life. Hope you don't mind.. I'm crazy…
Summary: if it was a drug she'd willingly be an addict, if it was a dream she'd willingly sleep forever
Like a habit
Whenever I want you all I have to do is dream…
She turned off the annoying alarm and lazily lifted herself off the bed. New day, huh? She shook her head as she was walking towards her desk, where everything, including her homework, was spilled all over. She smiled to herself. Syaoran-kun, you managed to have me wake up after hearing the alarm's rings but failed to make me more tidy.
She stuffed her schoolbag with books and before leaving the room, she didn't forget to say goodbye to her small guardian: Kero. "I'm leaving, Kero! Remember to clean the room. You will have no dinner if the room is still dirty when I come back!"
She heard a small groan as the respond. She grinned and ran downstairs.
Her brother was making breakfast and her father was reading newspaper. A very familiar morning.
"Good morning Daddy! Good morning Mommy!" She said happily. "And good morning, Big brother."
"Wow, Kaijuu is early today." Her brother teased.
"It has been a while since I was up on time, dear Mr. Brother." She stuck her tongue out.
"Kids, you're too old to act like that." Her father said, but he seemed to enjoy this daily comedy.
What a peaceful morning it was.
Or she thought so. Because she never had a chance to see her father and brother exchanged their worry glances.
She thought so…
She entered the class before the teacher and cheerfully greeted her friends standing at the door.
"Good morning Tomoyo-chan! Good morning Chiharu-chan!"
"Good morning Sakura-chan." They both replied. And Tomoyo asked. "Sakura-chan, I heard today we're going to have a test. Did you prepare anything?"
"I think I did." Sakura smiled. "I've done every homework without asking my brother for help. I guess it's enough."
"It's good to hear." Chiharu smiled.
"Yeah." Tomoyo nodded. "Though I expected a "HOEEEE" from you, Sakura-chan." She turned her camcoder off and pouted. "It's cute."
"Well, but you don't want me to fail either, right Tomoyo-chan?" Sakura winked. "I have to say Syaoran-kun had a good effect on me."
Before anyone could answer her, the teacher came in.
"Everyone take your seats!"
Sakura walked to her seat, her head bent down a little and her face reddened. She turned to the seat behind her but didn't lift her head up. "Good morning." She said and quickly turned her attention back to the teacher. Her face was still red and she smiled a faint smile.
A life like this was so wonderful.
Yes. Wonderful.
When she finally got home, it was 6pm already. Her brother was having a part-time job and her father had gone on a business trip earlier that day. And Kero had gone somewhere else too. He seemed to avoid her lately.
She decided to cook dinner for herself.
Spaghetti was an easy choice. Actually, it reminded her much about the first time they had dinner together. Syaoran and her. She smiled again.
She put on her apron and turn the TV on. There was a music show that night, and she heard that was the kind of music Syaoran liked. And she was right. The show was broadcasting one of his favorite song. No, their favorite song.
Without her knowing, her leg twisted along with the music. She danced, practicing for the next time the meet, so she would dance perfectly.
Felt like he was there with her… Her feet followed the music even after the song ended.
Felt like she was still flying…
After dinner, she went back to her room.
Throwing herself on the bed, she dialled his number.
"Hello. This is Li Syaoran.."
"Syaoran-kun, I'm happy that you're home. I have something to tell you…"
She rolled to lay on her stomach and started the conversation. Her happy voice filled the room.
And she talked, she talked, she talked…
"…Goodbye, Syaoran-kun! See you later!" She smiled as she said.
She turned off her phone and rolled again to lay on her back. She stared at the celling, her smiled faded.
'Now start a new real day.' She felt her eyes welled.
Yes. A new day…
She knew she had been asleep all the daytime. She had been dreaming. She had been fooling herself like a crazy little girl that she was…
…
… Because he wasn't there.
Syaoran wasn't there.
He was long gone, and she knew that. Thought she had never believed.
Each night, she tried to tell herself to accept that, accept that Syaoran had left her already, after that fateful night when he protected her from the powerful blast of the enemy. But every next morning, she would still wake up faking her mind that he was still alive and all.
She wouldn't mind ignoring the worry glances of her Dad and her brother.
She wouldn't mind showing up in front of everyone with her fake happy face.
She wouldn't mind saying "Good morning" to an empty chair.
She wouldn't mind dancing alone like crazy even when the music had ended.
She wouldn't mind talking to his voice mail just to hear his word. "Hello. This is Li Syaoran. I can't answer the phone right now, please leave the message and I will call you back." God… she missed his voice.
She did all these things like a machine. Like a habit. A habit that she formed since he was here.
She didn't know how long she would keep on dreaming like this. But, knowing all of these were only a dream, she had agreed to sleep ever since.
But…
Her true new day would always come, to remind her that he wasn't here anymore. At night, when there was nothing to fool her that he was alive, she came back to the ruthless truth: he was dead. No use pretending. She could no longer feel him. No more smile. No more glance. No more warm. No more him.
A single tear escaped her eye.
Damn it. She didn't know where she learned that from, but she knew God forgave her for saying so. She had to. She knew Syaoran never wanted to see her cry, but she couldn't help but shed tears for him every night. And she hated herself for that.
She wiped the tear hastily, but another came out after that. And then, another.
And she burst into tears.
Every normal day started and ended like this, since he passed away. And though she hated to be like this, she would still choose to lull herself by crying her eyes out. She would fall asleep like this, exhausted, and have a dreamless sleep, safe and sound; just to begin another dream of her, where he was still there, besides her.
She remembered the song they both loved, "All I have to do is dream". She had never thought someday she has to dream like that, whenever she wants him. But this was better than nothing. Like this, she could make sure she would wake up the next day…
… and she dreamed.