Title – Denmark and His Lube
Started – 12-19-10 (11PM)
Finished – 12-20-10 (1AM)
Characters – Denmark
Genre - Humor
Rating – T for suggestive ideas and language
Upfront Summary [the summary that shows up with all the other information before you click on to read the story] = Well, let's just say Denmark was in supply… DRABBLE
A/N – Inspired by Miss Macabre Grey's "To Be Husband and Wife" SuFin PWP story. Warning: Includes the F word. Once. *Romano scoffs*
Just in case, here's a small key:
~(SceneChange/EndScene)~
"Dialogue"
Thoughts/Emphasis/Whispering/Non-English/Songlyrics
EMPHASIS/LOUD
Narration
'So-called'
Disclaimer = I do not own Axis Powers: Hetalia/APH. Hidekaz Himaruya does. If I did, I'd make the animators do a Halloween special in which England makes lots of doppelgangers to get lots of candy, but everybody sees through him because of his eyebrows~ This special would feature Pirate!Iggy, Wizard!Iggy, Angel!Brittainia, AmericanRevolution!Iggy, and so on and so forth. XD
~~~(Denmark and His Lube_START)~~~
It had been a particularly hard night out. A hard night out drinking, but that was beside the point. And also drinking was serious business! He had a record to keep you know! Anyway, it was late and he was walking home alone, completely drunk up the butt, but that was beside the point since he'd always just grab a taxi and tell whatever Anders-Jen-Lauritz to take him to that one building with all the Christmas lights. Places were easy to figure out. It was when those wheres turned to whos and you woke up with some dude on top of you and a tattoo on your ass that you should start to worry, but that was beside the point.
So, ummm…
The point was…
Why wasn't he already in a cab and knocked out senseless?
Why was he listening to this shady character in the alleyway trying to sell him this 'Magic in a Bottle' while he nodded listlessly after every few sentences?
~(And so…)~
Well, Denmark thought to himself as several nations started filing into the conference room. I don't really know why, but I can just about guess how.
He woke up with Norway beside him, which, he supposed, was better than waking up with some guy on top and…yeah. But he didn't remember doing him so that might have been a problem if Norway hadn't informed him that he 'was an idiot' and that Norway 'just got sleepy' looking after him.
Ah well. Maybe next time.
So, he got dressed and stuff, looked through his carry-on bag, and goddammit, all his money was gone! Even in the little secret compartment behind the zipper behind the zipper and behind the other zipper! Impossible! He grabbed his back-up carry-on and noticed the bulk. He hadn't remembered bringing the gin bottles home with him for recycling.
Carefully, he opened the bag and saw a mass of lube.
In bottles of course, thank God for that, but LUBE. A SHITLOAD of it.
So, after spending half of breakfast poking at his bread-and-beer-soup, he came to the conclusion that he must have willingly bought all that 'magical' lube. What a waste of fifty krones…EACH!
"Dude, let the world conference," dramatic pause, "COMMENCE!"
England whacked America in the head with a book titled The History of Hamburgers; he had to tippy-toe. "Not everyone is here, idiot."
"Who cares as long as I am!"
"Shut your mouth!"
This could take a while, Denmark thought to himself, rolling his eyes before they seemed to glisten with…remembering something. He could use this extra time!
Denmark waltzed over to France before parting his silky tresses to whisper in his ear, "I've got some lube. Want some?"
For some strange reason, he felt a shiver run up his spine, like the world was watching him, and that was precisely the case as he looked up and found every nation eyeing him like freaking hawks (save the Anglophones).
"W-What?"
France looked up at the Dane from his seat and smirked. "I'm in full supply."
Several countries started to make their way around the long table; those that were already on Denmark and France's side stood up from their seats.
"But tell me, Monsieur, why are you in excess?"
The nations and even some of the meeting maids began to crowd him with bloodthirsty grins.
Somehow, Denmark realized why.
"I dunno! Economy's been doing good. Thought I'd play the nice guy and buy everyone a bottle!"
The cutthroat expressions were instantly replaced with jolly ones as everyone lined up for their free bottle.
Denmark could just hear his wallet weeping with each giveaway.
"Here, Tino, make use of this." Nudge, nudge.
"Here you go, Boss of Passion whatever…"
"I'm sure it originated in you, so take it."
"Here."
"Enjoy."
"Say hi to the Misses for me."
"Hey, weren't you just in line?"
"It's magical."
"Banzai."
"Happy Hanukkah."
"NOT YOU AGAIN! GET THE FUCK OUT!"
Never. Again, Denmark groaned silently, regrettably, once all the free-loaders were satisfied.
The meeting commenced as scheduled shortly after…
~(Later that night…)~
"Nngh…Please…"
"If I enter now, it'll hurt."
"I-I don't care. I want you inside of me…"
"Wait, I found some lube."
…
"WHAT? 'MAGICAL' MY FINE WELL-TONED ASS!"
"Idiot."
~~~(Denmark and His Lube_END)~~~
A/N – You guys have no idea how much fun I had with this. XD Thanks again Grey for the idea. Oh, and those two people at the end about to do it? I know whom I was thinking of when I wrote the dialogue, but I'd like to know who you guys wanted'em to be. XD And who knows, maybe I'll write a lemon for it… *being a temptress*
Haha! It's a drabble so I don't care if I get reviews or not! XP Though if you want to fave and drop one saying, "Awesome. Want FrUK.", be my guest. ;D
Welp, it really has been a pleasure!
Byeanara,
~TMRomance
PS – Grey, this DOES NOT count as "having read one of my stories", fuck. -_-" (And then by the time she's read it and gets down to the postpartum part, she's like, "PFFT HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?" XD)