A/N: I just wanted to give an extra little round of applause to Bkhchica and Babs81410 for their help with the beta work on this! They really helped and I'm glad that I have them for this project! As always, I don't own the characters, I merely own the lovely story I'm weaving. Without further ado, chapter one of Say Something...

Say Something

Chapter 1

There were days where I liked to just lay in bed and dream about the life that I could have had if my choices had been different. Sometimes, I liked to pretend that I had a knight-in-shining-armor waiting in the wings. Dreams that one day he'd come rushing in on his pristine white steed to save me from the turn my life had taken flitted through my mind. The thought of someone saving me - of coming and rescuing me - was just a dream. Deep down, I knew that it would never happen. Even if someone came, I wouldn't be able to leave, because all he had to do was look at me and I was his. And he knew that…

He seemed to know everything.

Sitting up on the bed, I attempted to blink away the tears that were falling from my eyes. When that didn't work, I lifted my hands and gently swiped my salty tears away, begging the unshed ones not to fall. Crying always told him how I felt on the inside - something I didn't always want. There were times that I just wanted to keep it bottled up inside, terrified of what would happen if it all came tumbling out. The last thing I wanted was the complete destruction of what little we had left, because once upon a time, he'd been my prince. He didn't have a white horse, but he could turn into a deadly ball of fur…same thing, right? No, it wasn't the same thing at all, and I knew that. I just didn't want to leave him.

The first time that I met Paul, I hated him. Paul, I hated him - a mutual feeling, for it felt like he couldn't stand me either. Paul wasn't one of those men who hid his dislike of others - it was one of his downfalls. Somewhere along the way, we started to get along. Things really changed after Edward I broke up... or rather, when Paul found me in the woods, I was shaking like a leaf from the cold rain and wind.

Everyone was shocked when Paul and I started dating because it was unexpected. No one thought that shy, inexperienced Bella Swan would want someone as volatile as him. Little did they know, I was attracted to that danger. Part of the reason I found myself drawn to Paul was because I knew he could hurt me. I knew he was dangerous... and that excited me. What girl didn't like the thrill of being with a man that everyone called a bad boy?

For the first six months, Paul and I were good together. Our relationship was strong. All good things must come to an end though, and soon we were fighting - over big things. Like Paul's wandering eye. And while that was easily overcome, it lead to disagreeing over the smallest things, such as him leaving the seat up and me leaving my shoes on the floor for him to trip over. Those fights were part of the reason that our relationship was falling apart now.

Knowing it would be better for one of us to walk away didn't mean that I possessed the strength to take that step. Or maybe I just didn't want it to end that was what I came back around too every time I thought of walking away.

Maybe I was a glutton for punishment. Maybe that was why I stayed - knowing I should probably just go. Having an addictive personality was problematic - I needed him more than anything else.

Paul was my drug - a habit that I just couldn't break. And I didn't want too. He was the highest grade of heroin and I wanted to inject him into my bloodstream so that he'd always be with me. I was definitely a junkie for his love - and I knew that he knew it too.

I liked to think that maybe he was just as addicted to me but I couldn't be sure. He didn't offer that kind of information, and I knew better than to ask for it. The man that I couldn't get enough was a bear. Provoking a bear was never safe, especially when it involved asking questions.

Wiping my eyes one more time, I tossed my legs over the edge of the bed, stretching out a bit. A fitful sleep left me feeling exhausted, despite having slept for a full eight hours. Tossing and turning like a madwoman, I couldn't get comfortable because of the shivers that wracked my body.

With Paul out on patrol, I had decided to spend the night with my dad - we hadn't spent much time together lately. Knowing he worried about me, it was my way of letting him know I was fine. Having to have heard me tossing all night, I was fairly certain his anxiousness hadn't been quelled.

Not one to voice his concerns, I knew Charlie wouldn't stay silent for long. Understanding that he cared about me - that he worried - I needed him to accept my decisions, and that I was fine That I would be okay, even if I was always sure of that. If he knew that, I'd never hear the end of it.

When things with Edward went south, Charlie was very vocal, expressing his feelings about the relationship. Dad was convinced that he was toxic. That he would pull me down and get me killed somehow…

If only he really knew how deadly Edward actually was. The sad part was, Edward never actually did anything to make Charlie worry - it was just the cop in him sensing something was wrong. At least he had good intuition.

Shaking my head a little, I stood from my old bed and walked over to the window that was getting pelted with rain. It was another miserable day in Forks, not that I expected it to be bright and sunny. Sometimes I wondered if the weather was part of the reason I felt so glum at times. They always said that the weather affects your mood. Maybe it was true. Maybe I'd never thought about it much.

Shrugging it off, I stared out at the tree line across the road. Squinting because of the rain, I was about to walk away when I saw movement at the very edge of the forest. A small smile graced my face as I placed my hand against the cold glass. Paul always checked on me when I was at Charlie's, it never failed. A small gesture, it still made my heart skip a beat - it meant he cared. That he wanted to make sure I was safe. Despite our tumultuous relationship status, knowing he still cared meant the world to me. Sometimes the tiniest of things made the biggest difference. With so much to overcome, I worried that we'd always be broken.

Letting my hand fall from the window, looked away. Sometimes, I felt my heart break a little when I looked at Paul for too long. So many hopes and dreams I'd had for us... It hurt to think they may never come true. Hearing his pain-filled howl a moment later caused a sharp spike of pain to shoot through my heart. Clutching my chest, I walked back to the bed and sat down on the edge. Dropping my head, I tried to ignore the engulfing sorrow, but it was impossible. Tears rolled down my cheeks like the rain ran down the window pane. Soon, I was covering my face with my hands to muffle the sounds of my sobs - I didn't want Charlie coming in to check on me.

After ten minutes, I dropped my hands and reached for the box of tissues that sat on my nightstand. Pulling two out, I used one to dry my eyes and the other to blow my snotty nose. Dropping them into the waste basket, I let out a small but heavy sigh. Running my hands through my disheveled hair, I glanced around my old bedroom. I still missed my old room - it reminded me of how happy I once was.

Sighing, I stood and walked slowly to one of the bookcases that overflowed with books and random pieces of my past. Running my fingers along the bindings of the books I hadn't packed or moved yet, I stopped on the care-worn leather bound journal. After allowing my fingers to linger on it for a moment, I pulled it off the shelf and then took it over to the bed. This journal held precious memories from the past, most of which I hadn't thought about in some time. I needed to try and find a little happiness right now - I could do that if I looked through the pages inside this book. Maybe there would be something to take my mind away from the turmoil I was currently living with.

After situating myself comfortably against the headboard, I pulled the journal onto my lap and traced the grooves on the front.

So focused on opening the book, a knock on the door startled me, making me jump. Clutching my chest, I shook my head and giggled a little.

It figures a knock on the door would scare me.

"It's open dad," I called out to let him know he could come in.

Turning the door handle, my dad poked his head into the room, taking a moment to glance around before looking to me. It was clear he knew that I had been crying, but he seemed to decide that he wasn't going to bring it up - which was fine with me.

"Hey, Bells," he said, standing in the doorway. "I was gonna try to and make those eggs you taught me how to make before ya moved out. Are ya hungry? I can make enough for both of us if ya want."

"Sure dad," I said with a smile, then I found myself yawning. "That would be good. I am a bit hungry. Did you want me to make them since I know you don't really like to cook?"

Mulling it over for a moment, Charlie replied, "I don't mind trying to make them. Though I won't complain if you want to do it," he admitted with a slight smile.

"I don't mind cooking breakfast for you, dad," I told him truthfully. I really didn't mind cooking for him when I was here. "Did you just want eggs or would you like something else to go with them? I know there's bacon in the fridge. I put it there last night before I went to bed."

"Yeah, bacon with the eggs sounds good to me," Charlie replied happily.

Clearly, he was relieved that he didn't need to cook his own breakfast today. I was fairly certain that was one of the biggest reasons he liked it when I came over - I cooked and cleaned for him. Sometimes, I'd spend the day here making him meals and freezing them. All he had to do was stick them in the microwave and nuke them, there was no need for him to try and actually cook that way.

"Alright, dad," I managed to smile, "just give me a few minutes and I'll get breakfast started. Would you mind starting the coffee? You happen to be the best coffeemaker user that I know."

"Sure thing, kid." Nodding, he stepped out of the doorway, closing the door behind him.

Shoulders slumping when he was out of sight, my eyes slid closed. Charlie was a good dad, and I felt bad for trying to hide my pain and misery from him. I just didn't want him to worry about me. Despite my best efforts to pull the wool over his eyes, I was positive that he knew better. I really was glad that he didn't make it a point to ask, preferring to go with the I'll-come-to-him-if-I-want-to-talk-about-it stance - which was fine with me. My love life wasn't something I really wanted to discuss with him and he understood that - at least I hope he did.

Shaking myself from my thoughts, I returned my attention to the journal in my lap. It was a couple of years old, but you couldn't tell by the book's condition because I'd taken care of it. The only way you could determine the age was by the dates written on the entries. A small smile graced my face as I turned page after page, laughing at some of the little pictures I'd drawn around the edges of the pages as I went. Almost ready. Biting down on my lower lip, I began to read the words scribbled on the page in my sloppy script.

October 10th, 2008

It's raining today. It's always raining and sometimes I think about moving back to Phoenix when I graduate. I miss the warmth. I miss the feel of the sun hitting my skin and making it tingle slightly. Sure, I was pale and I burned easily, but I loved when the sun was high in the sky and there wasn't a rain cloud in sight. Maybe someday I can get away from the dreary weather. Maybe I can join Renee in Florida with Phil. She would be happy to have me. Maybe I'd even be able to get a tan and not burn the moment I walked outside. Who knows?

Despite the fact that the weather is positively miserable, I'm not in a horrible mood today - quite the opposite actually. Jake and I spent the day goofing around in his garage while he worked on his car. One of these days he'll actually get it fixed. Though, it won't be when I'm there with him. We get in too much trouble for him to get any work done. Today was no exception, I had to shower at his house before I came home because I was a mess. So much so I had to borrow a pair of sweats that Rachel had left here last time she came home. Who knew how slick oil and grease could be when you accidentally rolled around in it?

I know now... Oh, I know... Jake was in the process of changing the oil out when I had arrived today. I was content to sit and watch, but he asked me to help him by moving the filled oil pan away from the car for him. Silly me tried to pick it up, not realizing I should have just dragged it away. Nope, I wanted to be a tough girl and carry it away for him. I never realized how heavy a pan filled with oil could be. Because I underestimated the weight, I dropped the pan and sent the oil flying all over the garage. Poor Jake, he was cursing up a blue streak when the oil splattered him.

All I could do was laugh because I didn't have much on me. I managed to drop the pan so that only a bit hit my jeans. Jake wasn't amused that I was laughing at him, so he pulled himself out from under the car and chased me around the garage. When he caught me, he pulled me in for big bear hug. Jake ended up falling and of course, I went down with him. Once I was on my feet again, I started to run from him, only to slip in the spilled oil. Of course, being the klutz that I am, I fell on my butt. Needless to say, Jake and I continued to have our fun as we made a mess of everything. We only stopped when Quil and Embry came over and started snapping pictures. After we got everything cleaned up in the garage, I showered and left his house, saying goodbye to an amused Billy.

Charlie pulled in at the same time as me - he made sure to stop and shake his head at me and my new apparel. Apparently, Billy had called him after Embry stated that he and Quil had found us in a compromising position. I had to explain to my dad that we weren't doing anything like that, we were merely rolling in the oil I spilled. That launched us into a very awkward talk about the birds and the bees. Thankfully, I wormed my way out of it. Lying, I said Renee had talked to me about sex, and the importance of being safe. She hadn't - I learned in school - but I didn't want to get into the details with him.

Wearing a smile, I closed the journal and ran my fingers over the leather cover before placing it on the nightstand. Remembering a time when I had a reason to smile - when life hadn't been so overwhelming, had been nice. I missed those carefree days when nothing really mattered.

Feeling tears welling in my eyes again, I needed a distraction. The rumbling of my stomach reminded me I had yet to fix the breakfast I'd promised Charlie. Releasing a sigh, I slid out of bed and walked over to my overnight bag to rifle through the contents. It didn't take me long to find a pair of worn jeans and an old tee shirt which I quickly pulled on. I shoved my sleep clothes into the bag. Slipping out of my bedroom, I headed for the bathroom.

Taking my time with my morning routine, I brushed my teeth and hair before padding down the stairs and into the kitchen. Cooking always seemed to serve as a distraction. And anything that took my mind of Paul, was welcomed in that moment.

Glancing around the kitchen, my eyes landed on the coffee pot slowly filling with freshly-brewed coffee. The smell assaulted my nose a mere second later causing me to groan over the decadent smell - I always loved the scent of fresh brewed coffee in the morning. My feet were on autopilot as I moved towards the counter and pulled a mug out of the cabinet and set it down on the cracked marble counter. Grabbing the pot, I filled my cup with the piping hot liquid that I had come to love. Leaving room in the cup, I replaced the coffeepot before adding sugar and cream to it. With my drink at the ready, I set about making breakfast.