I don't own Naruto. Tobi isn't in this. I didn't feel like typing his obnoxious way of talking, though I DO love Tobi 3 Also I decided to be lame and make Sasori NOT a puppet because I just don't like it. He gots to be a hoooooman in my story. :D Anyway, I try to put as much detail as possible so my chapters are long. And there's a lot of them. So enjoy.

Chapter 1: You're joking.

It could have been just another day in the lair, but indeed, it was not. Today was the day that Sasori was going to be getting a new partner. It wasn't something he wanted at all. He was impatient and rude and never liked anyone he was partnered with. He expected this to be exactly the same as always. He would meet them, they would annoy him, and he would kill them and turn them into a puppet. For this reason, he had recently increased his collection by four. Knowing that it was almost that time, he stood from his work bench, where he hadn't actually been working, mostly sulking about the day to come, and ghosted his hand over the door handle before yanking it down and pulling the door open with little grace. He scuffed his shoes the whole way down the long surprisingly well lit corridor until coming into the living area/kitchen. He almost rolled his eyes when he looked to see Hidan's silver hair, un-gelled, thrashing around as he angrily played some of his video games. Walking into the kitchen, he opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water before slamming it shut again, jolting Hidan away from his previous activities. Peering at the red head slightly irritated but mostly curious, he shut off the TV and strided into the kitchen to take a seat on the black counter across from Sasori. He squinted his magenta eyes lightly at the passive expression on the other's face.

"Oi, fuck face. You gonna show the new bitch your real body or are you gonna meet him in that creepy ass piece of shit puppet?"

Sasori glared daggers at Hidan, which just made him laugh due to Sasori's small stature.

"I never show myself to new partners. You know that, Hidan."

Hidan scoffed at the red head. His voice was so soft and angelic, and his face like a child's. But he always wore a bored expression, his face set in stone, and his soft voice was always slow and serious. It was strange to think that he was a murderer with how peaceful he looked. Hidan found it obnoxious.

"Psh. Well fucker, he sounds tough. You may wanna consider how the fuck you're gonna tell him eventually. I heard he's a terrorist bomber. Probably a fuckin heathen bitch…He may last longer than everyone else."

"Hidan, I do not care what he does. If he annoys me, he's dead."

"Heh, well still, I don't see why you can't just meet him like this."

Hidan eyes scoped over Sasori's black shirt and standard Akatsuki pants quickly, before rolling his eyes.

"Because if for some reason he was to escape, which I don't think would ever happen, but if he were, I would want my identity a secret."

"Whatever heathen."

Hidan slid off the counter top and walked back over to the floor in front of the TV to play video games once more. Sasori just scoffed, picking up a stick of dango from the plate in the fridge. All of a sudden, Itachi sat up from the couch (A/N The couch faces away from the kitchen, so Sasori didn't know he was there.)

"Sasori. You know better than to take my dangos. Put it back."

Sasori complied, but only because the Uchiha would have put him in a torturous genjustu for days, and he didn't feel like going through that again. Sulking, he heavily tracked to the arm of the couch and sat by Itachi's feet, sipping his water, trying to instruct Hidan on how to beat the game, only to have Hidan curse and call him a 'heathen prick". One by one throughout the day the other members of Akatsuki filed into the living room. First Kisame, who heavily sat on the smaller Uchiha's chest, followed by Kakuzu, who found his spot on the floor next to Hidan. Zetsu was the last, merging into the room from the wall to the left. About an hour later, Konan and Pein walked in and greeted everyone accordingly.

"Sasori?"

Sasori peered up at Konan with his muddy expressionless eyes.

"Yes, Konan."

"Your new partner will be here any minute. Would you like to get into Hiruko now?"

Sasori's eyebrow twitched out of frustration that his enjoyable day was about to get ruined by some brat. He nodded, leaving to his room. Konan arched her neck around, making sure he was gone before turning to the rest of the members with a hand to the side of her mouth and her eyebrows raised sneakily.

"Okay guys. I wanna do something funny to Sasori."

Immediately the TV was shut off and books were thrown to the floor, all the boys staring up at Konan with wonder, as if it were story time in a kindergarten.

"Okay so the new kid is from Iwa, and he's a specialist in bombs and explosives. But there's a catch. He looks ridiculously feminine. But do NOT call him a girl. He WILL blow you up."

Hidan's eyes squinted.

"He can't be THAT feminine…Can he?"

"Haha Hidan, you'll be the first to get a nosebleed. This kid is cute. But seriously, don't tell Sasori that it's a guy. I want him to THINK he's a girl."

Everyone snickered heavily under their breath, with Konan quieting them just in time for Sasori to appear back in Hiruko. Pein had already exited the hideout to retrieve the new member. Everyone sat in the living room, eyes glued to the door to see just what Konan was talking about. Just then they heard the stone entrance grinding open, the closed again. Konan's smile grew bigger and tighter as she saw Pein glide through the entry with another boy in tow. Kisame's mouth pursed into a little O, while Hidan looked down to see the trickle of blood running down his face. Hidan looked over at Kisame who was mouthing the words 'oh my god'. Stepping forward, Pein looked over the group and proceeded to speak in his deep godly voice.

"This is Deidara. He will be Sasori's new partner. Hidan, you may not sacrifice him to Jashin, Zetsu you can't eat him, and Kakuzu, he doesn't have a bounty so don't even bother."

All three grumbled under their breath still eying the boy. They couldn't stop looking at him no matter how hard they tried. He was very small, smaller than Sasori (A/N I know Deidara is taller in the actual show but I like Deidara to be shorter in FanFics), and he was extremely lean, but fit, with a round-ish pale face, and large deep azure eyes. But the most enticingly feminine thing was the blonde hair that trickled over his back and lightly brushed his slender waist. He had some of it pulled into a ponytail and a short fringe hanging over his left eye. He really did look like an incredibly sexy woman. The way he wore his black drawstring pants, which were about a size too big, loosly hanging off the very lowest part of his hips, and the short tight t-shirt that graced just under his belly button was definitely NOT helping Hidan's nosebleed. You could tell he was a man, but if you just glanced, he looked extremely feminine. No one had heard Pein the entire time he had been talking to them and Deidara. All they noticed is that when Deidara turned to follow Konan, his long hair swayed lightly from right to left, the tips grazing the dimples on his tiny back. Finally when he and Konan were gone, it was once again just Kisame, Itachi, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Sasori, still inside Hiruko. Everyone finally snapped out of their trance. Hidan held his sleeve to his face and looked at Sasori with wide eyes.

"I can't fucking believe you get to room with THAT!"

Kisame nodded furiously, only to be punched roughly in the arm by Itachi, who then blinked at Sasori lightly.

"So, Sasori, what do you think?"

Sasori said nothing and just turned slowly and scuffed off to his room. The others looked at each other with smirks painted across their faces. Sasori ALWAYS had SOMETHING to say about his new partner. They had never ever seen him say nothing about the person. Little did they know the whole time from when Deidara walked in, to when Sasori left, he had been sitting inside Hiruko, his front completely drenched in blood, holding his nose tightly. His heart was racing a million beats per minute. "A girl!?" he thought on his way back to his room. "I can't believe Pein partnered me with a GIRL…And an extremely gorgeous one at that." (A/N Sasori didn't hear Pein say anything about "He") He sulked into his room and roughly slammed the door. He heard a light gasp and looked up to see the small blonde sitting with his knees to his chest on the spare bed in the room. "Oh no…she's in here with me…Shit I was hoping to get out of Hiruko…" Pretending to ignore said blonde, Sasori went into his work room, which was really a large walk in closet that had been converted. He usually just stored his clothes in the desk drawers in the bedroom. He stepped out of Hiruko to change his bloody clothes when he noticed the door was still open. He quickly slammed it shut, which once again earned a startled gasp from the blonde on the bed.

Deidara sat there, peering around the almost bare room. There were no windows, and two beds on opposite sides on the wall across from the door. Between the beds was a small table with a lamp that had a small scorpion carved into the metal and a blood red shade. On the right wall was the door to what he assumed was the bathroom with the closet across from that. Beside each door was a desk, Sasori's cluttered with wood, screws, tools, sawdust, and paint. The other, which was Deidara's, had a lot of scratches but other than that it was clean. He closed his eyes and rested against his knees, sighing. He decided that he should take a shower to clean off the dirt that was caked on from three days of nonstop travel. He almost rolled out of the bed, grabbing the small bag he had brought, and traipsed into the bathroom slowly, running his fingers through his hair. Inside of Sasori's workroom, he was stretching before he had to get back into Hiruko when he heard the shower start. "Oh god. Oh god oh god. I can't have these emotions! I'm a puppet! This is so wrong…" His face flattened into a straight mouth and squinted eyes, the skin on his face paling. "Fine. I'll just make them go away." He got back into Hiruko and slid out of his work room. Before he could leave, he heard the shower turn off and the blonde's feet pad across the floor. A few seconds later the door clicked open slowly, a said blonde stuck his head out of the door to see Sasori still there, his face turning a light shade of pink.

"What do you want brat?"

Without giving an answer, Deidara's eyes darted to the side and he retreated back into the bathroom. His heart pounding, he slumped back against the wall. "He scares me…And I never get scared of anything…" Deidara decided to just get dressed and at least attempt to be social. Making sure Sasori was gone, he walked out with his towel wrapped loosely around his waist. Even though he had his clothes with him in the bathroom, he preferred to get dressed out of the steam. Slipping on a loosely fitting tank top and the blue pants that were given to him as part of his uniform, he padded his bare feet down the corridor slowly, as to make sure he didn't get lost. Konan had shown him around earlier, but he wasn't really paying attention. Eventually he re-entered the living room to find a silver haired man without a shirt screaming at the TV along with a large blue skinned and blue haired man who was reading a newspaper silently to himself. He walked over to the living room and stood by the end of the couch, arms crossed and a bored expression on his face. Kisame looked up at the blonde, his eyebrow twitching. 'He looks more like a woman up close…'

"Hey blondie, Why are you just standing there?"

Deidara blinked at Kisame slowly, as if to process the question before slightly blushing and shrugging. Kisame lightly patted the seat next to him, motioning for the blonde boy to sit. He did, gathering his long hair behind his neck to get it out of his face. Kisame stared at the golden locks as they disappeared behind the boy's back as he sat. Deidara noticed his stares and looked at him with his eyebrow quirked.

"Hm?"

The deep sound almost shocked kisame as he lowered his gaze to the floor.

"Hey, um, Deidara?"

"Hm."

"I'm really curious. Sorry if I offend you, but what's with the long blonde hair and the tiny clothes? Don't you get tired of people mistaken you for a girl?"

Deidara made no new expressions to this question. But he thought for a second, chewing on his thumb nail. Finally, he smiled a large glossy white smile at Kisame.

"Well, I guess it's because I'm gay, un."

Kisame's eyes grew big. He and several other members were gay, but they took years to admit it. This kid just said it out front.

"Ohhh, well, I'm the nicest one here, so let me warn you. Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Zetsu are all gay also. So am I, but you don't need to worry about me. I'm just saying, watch out for them. In case you didn't notice, Hidan lost 80% of his blood through his nose the first time he saw you."

Deidara's face turned a deep red.

"You mean the white haired man that never wears a shirt and cusses way too much, un?"

"Yeah, that's Hidan for you…"

"He's not that bad looking. I like his eyes, hm."

Deidara's eyes squinted and darted to the side, his finger returning to his mouth.

"Oh, no. Seriously, Hidan is legitimately gorgeous, but he's an asshole. And he's immortal, so he sacrifices people and…well, you'll learn all that soon enough. We like to host parties for new members."

Kisame gave Deidara a playful elbow to the chest. The blonde let out and 'oof' from the very large elbow hitting him.

"Oh haha sorry. Sometimes I forget that other people are so much smaller than me. Especially you blondie. And I thought Sasori was the smallest son of a bitch alive…"

Quickly Kisame smacked his hand to his mouth, his gaze widening. He stood quickly walking away from the living room. Deidara had a puzzled look on his face before suddenly broken from his trance by the loud growling from his stomach. 'Guess it's time for food…' He stood and walked into the kitchen, to see Konan sitting cross legged on the counter next to the sink. She looked up at him with her honey eyes and smiled, hopping off the counter putting the cup of coffee she was sipping at into the sink.

"Deidara, how is everything so far?"

He smiled at her halfheartedly.

"Good, um, Konan? I'm starving though, un."

"Oh, here you can take what you like."

"Can I cook something, un?"

She nodded once, and turned to leave. After she was gone, Deidara pulled out his phone (A/N Yeah they have technology! WUT .) and flipped on his favorite song and stuffed his earphones in his ear excitedly. When the song started, he immediately ceased to hear anything else. While he started to absentmindedly cook some rice to make rice balls, his voice picked up to match the music, not to mention that he was singing quite loudly. The music could be heard outside of the earphones, and Deidara was making quite a mess. Eggs, milk, and flour were strewn across the counter and he bounced around the kitchen happily singing to himself. Or the whole base, little did he know. Though everyone was really curious as to what exactly their new favorite blonde was doing, they knew he'd be embarrassed and never come out of his room again. So they all just left it alone. Deidara was flitting around in the kitchen, singing loudly but quite well, as he tried over and over to make pancakes. It was quite a sight, seeing a barefoot bare chested, as he had removed his shirt to keep it clean, feminine blonde covered in flour, dancing around. Although most of the member knew to keep out, Sasori did not heed anyone's warning. He had been shuffling down the hallways in Hiruko, discreetly trying to find said blonde. As he passed everyone, they looked at him warily, wondering why the puppet was going towards the kitchen. Though they knew secretly how much of a nosebleed Sasori would get, they just silently snickered once he passed, waiting to see him rushing back to his room.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, all that could be heard was clanging of metal bowls and pans, and some loud yet muffled techno-ish music and singing coming from the blonde. Sasori had immediately froze when he walked in. Inside Hiruko he was wide eyed, blushing, and suffering some mild discomfort in the groin area. Not understanding these feelings, he just stood, silently still, waiting for the blonde to notice him. 'It's a HE? That, THAT is a BOY? My life is such a lie…' He deadpanned when he looked back up to see Deidara looking over his shoulder at the puppet. 'Oh you're fucking kidding me…'