Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from the Harry Potter series belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Summary: The name's Lupin, Remus Lupin. I generally suck at life and am smitten with my best friend's cousin. 'Scuse me while I go bang my head against a wall. MWPPera LupinOC

Author's Note:

I'm back! Okay, so everyone knows by now that I am a complete and total spaz when it comes to uploading stories. The summers are the only time I have to write and this has resulted in a mass abandonment of my three other stories.

I want to make it clear that this story will not be abandoned. I have been rereading my old pieces and they just make me cringe. I got bored with my other stories and I'm trying to be really careful with the plot of this story so I don't get bored with it and leave it on a cliffhanger like I did the last one.

Of course, this story isn't heavy by any means. It's light humor/romance fiction and I'm enjoying writing it.

Putting all of that aside, I hope all of you that have me on alert and are reading this don't hate me too much, and I hope you all enjoy reading my new story!

The excessive use of ramblings within multiple parentheses are simply fitting to Remus' off-the-wall character, so I hope they don't bother you too much ;)

Chapter One. The After Taste of Rodents

I have this theory. Mind you it's a 'rough draft' kind of idea, so don't expect too much out of it.

Life, in the vague and general meaning of the word, can go two ways for people (yes, only two ways).

There's your Plain Janes and your Average Joes who've been blessed that though their lives may not be entirely simplistic, they are able to strike a date with luck once in a while.

Those lucky bastards consist of about ninety percent of the world's population. The other ten percent (including myself of course) are, to put it simply, cursed for a life filled with unlucky situations and mishaps that ultimately just screw you over.

I say there are ten percent of us in hopes that I am not entirely alone in the world with my case of unluck.

Come to think of it, I probably am.

I realize that it would be seemingly pathetic to ramble off a list as to why I am so damned unfortunate, but seeing that Peter is busy picking a seed out of his teeth (which he's been working on since lunch, three hours ago), Sirius is playing Gobstones with himself (he'll do anything to avoid writing that Potion's essay), and James is mulling over what to get Lily for her birthday (but forget the fact that she'd probably burn the present without even opening it out of spite); I may as well proceed (this must by the longest sentence known to mankind).

Proof as to Why I Am Unlucky…

Utterly Unlucky:

One. I am a werewolf. Painful transformations and unaccommodating cravings are my habit. You haven't lived until you wake up one morning with the after taste of rodent in your mouth. Of course, my best friends make matters better, what with being animagi…animaguses…um…

But after missing a few classes every month, repercussions such as make-up work are a total bitch.

Two. You would think, what with having a Quidditch Captain (James) and Mister Suave (Sirius) as friends, their poise would have rubbed off on me after six years.

Not so much. I am Mr. Uncoordinated Extraordinaire (not to mention Mr. Makes up Not-So-Witty Nicknames on the side). I would compare my poise to Peter's as well, but seeing that the boy doesn't move around much, I can't conclude anything from my observations (he is a particularly a lazy, lazy bloke).

Three. I take Ancient Runes. Ancient Runes is taught by Professor Pulliwock. Professor Pulliwock is a forty-eight year old spinster who as aged not so gracefully. In my fifth year, Professor Pulliwock sent me a Valentine's Day card…with hearts and lace on it. I hate Ancient Runes.

Four. I am hopelessly smitten with a girl who is most definitely out of boundaries for the likes of me. Lena Coulter. Lena, Lena, Lena. What can I say? She's a vegetarian, humanitarian, and a social butterfly, if you can believe it.

I'm not sure she would respect me too much if she found out about my horrifyingly un-vegetarian diet of rats, birds, and any other accessible meat come full moon. I am also not much of a humanitarian, as I've never felt much sympathy for the trees ever since I climbed the large beech on the grounds and got stuck in third year. And I am most definitely not a social butterfly. But I'm sure that piece of information can be concluded through my previous ramblings without me having to point it out.

And above all, she is James Potter's cousin.

James and Lena are as close as siblings. And her being a fifth year (a your younger than us), James couldn't be possibly more protective or hound-like when it comes to Lena and dating.

Nevertheless, she sure does date.

Her most recent boyfriend was Roger Maves, a sixth-year prefect from Hufflepuff. He feigned the 'nice guy' attitude but on their last date at Hogsmeade, Roger made such a sleazy move on her that his groin is still recovering in the hospital wing.

So besides that fact that I never want to be Lena's ex on the receiving end of one of her punches, I also have to admit that I quite enjoy being her friend at the moment (and also would hate to think of what pain James may or may not inflict on me, as I am currently unaware of how he feels about his best mate digging on his sort-of-sister).

That being said, I may have to just settle for what my unlucky life has to offer, seeing that the chance of any type of 'Lena and I' scenario is quite unlikely.

In other words, I am a cowardly lion (please excuse my use of the character from the Wizard of Oz. Muggle Studies has really gotten to me).

But for amusement's sake, I have to add that Peter would definitely be the tin man (because he too has a rattling quality when frightened), Sirius would be the scarecrow (because I suspect him of being a secret pyromaniac, which would be ironic considering his flammable qualities), and James would have to be Dorothy (simply because I have caught him singing along to show tunes on more than one occasion).

And though this course of reminiscence has been a pleasure, it's time that my friends and I embark of yet another prank, to which, today, I am looking forward to since I need to blow off some steam (sitting around all day on one's ass can cause a lot of stress).

Cheerio!

(And yes, I insist on continuing the phrase 'cheerio' even though Sirius told me I need to stop trying to make it happen, as the expression put a most un-heterosexual light on me, to which I say, who cares?)

OK, I'm really going now.