A/N: I should be working on my other fan fictions. I should be doing school work. I should be doing a lot of other things than writing this. But here I am. To be honest, I don't even know what I'm doing with this right now. I came up with this idea at like eleven at night and jotted down my idea before passing out. But then I noticed that there aren't as many Homestuck fan fictions there should be, so now here I am.
So, this entire story is Karkat's POV. The trolls are also humans. This is obviously an AU. They're also not thirteen in this, that'd be weird. So let's say everyone's, like, 16-17. Yeah, that doesn't sound so weird.
Anyway, I hope that people enjoy this. Let me know if I start to ramble in this story. I tend to do that. Let me know what you think!
NOTE: I am in no way bashing Dave. I love Dave. A lot, actually. But, if you were in Karkat's situation, wouldn't you act the same way?
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Hi. My name is Karkat Vantas and I fucking hate myself right now.
I mean, I don't normally hate myself. A lot of people do, but not usually me. As weird as it sounds, I'm normally pretty comfortable with myself. But right now – actually, lately – I haven't liked myself too much and I blame it on John Egbert.
I blame everything on John. He deserves most of the blame, honestly. Him and his stupid blue eyes and the way he's always nice to me and offers a hug even though I clearly don't want it and listens to all my rants and that goddamn smile of his. Seriously, that fucking smile.
…
So that probably just said a lot about me. A lot of awkward things about me. It's hard to insult John inwardly without going off on a tangent like that, which happens more often than I'd care to fucking admit. But just look at him. Look at him and tell me it's hard to not think those things. And then tell me it's hard to not punch him in his goddamn face for being so fucking… him.
I remember when I first met John. We were only thirteen and stupid and he believed that he could be friends with any fucking person that walked past him. His inability to tone down his kindness is what originally drew me to him. I thought, hey this kid seems nice. Then I realized why he had no friends because he annoyed the shit out of me.
No matter what I had to say back, John would always enjoy it. He enjoyed me screaming at him and threatening bodily harm. He would always laugh along and joke and encourage whatever I was saying. Sometimes he got annoyed by it, especially lately, and ignore me. Ninth grade was the first time I pissed John off so bad he didn't talk to me for two days. I don't remember why he was so fucking mad at me – I don't even remember what I said – but it was then I realized how much I needed him in my life.
It was also then I realized how much of a fucking girl I can be.
I've tried my very damn best to not have a repeat of that. It's happened a few times, but John doesn't go so long without talking to me anymore. It's more of a "I'm not going to talk to you for a few hours and then act like nothing happened" sort of thing. That's fine with me. It beats going two whole fucking days without talking to one of your best friends.
Those two fateful days in ninth days also made me realize something else. This is something I haven't admitted to anyone, something I haven't told a soul – not even my cat. This something requires a new introduction, I think.
Hi, my name is Karkat Vantas. And I fucking like John Egbert.
000
"Hey Karkat!"
Breathe, breathe. For the love of fucking God, breathe.
"Karkat!" He called again. I felt my heart give a violent throb as I tried to steady my breathing. My face flushed as I heard John walking closely behind me, his big clumsy feet thudding on the ground.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Breathe. This can't happen every single fucking time John runs up to you.
"Dude, I've been calling your name for, like, five minutes." John loudly said as he plopped down next to me. He wasn't "calling my name" or whatever. I'm just sitting here, waiting for school to start, minding my own business.
"No you haven't." I mumbled in response. It's too early in the morning to think of anything better. John leaned forward over the table, stretching his arms across it. He looked like a cat.
"Man, I'm so tired! Dave kept me up all night playing video games." John yawned in response. I felt my temper spike at the mention of Dave's name.
Dave annoys the fuck out of me. John is constantly talking about the blonde like no fucking tomorrow. Whenever we hang out, John talks about him. Sometimes he's even texting Dave, which annoys the fuck out of me. He's always talking to Dave, talking about Dave, thinking about talking to Dave. And I know they're "best bros" or whatever the fuck, but it gets annoying.
"That sucks." I mumbled, trying to keep my temper under control. Before John could say any more, someone else plopped down across the table from me. I looked up at him and rolled my eyes.
I love Sollux and all, but goddamn those sunglasses. He wears these sunglasses that look an awful lot like those cheesy 3D glasses from the eighties or whatever. I don't know how the fuck else to describe them. I mean, it'd be a lot worse if he still talked with his lisp. A few years ago, Sollux went to speech therapy to correct it.
"Hey guys." Sollux mumbled as he took his backpack off. I grunted in response as John gave him a wide smile. Sometimes I just want to punch Sollux in the face and I'm not one-hundred percent sure why. Maybe it's because he's the only one that knows I like John. It could also be because I'm an asshole.
This is going to be a long day.
000
"Good shot, Dave!" John exclaimed. Dave remained emotionless and "all cool like". Fuck, would it kill him to have an emotion every once in a while?
The three of us were currently at John's house, playing video games. It was supposed to be just me and John, but of fucking course Dave invited himself at the last second. Not like John minded or anything. Dave and John decided to play some shooter game and I opted to sit out for a bit to actually work on some homework. I care about fucking failing at life, thank you.
"I'm hungry." I said, for sure loud enough for John to hear. He didn't say anything back for a moment.
"There's popcorn in the cupboard if you want some, Kar." John shot over his shoulder when he had the time to fucking do so. I furrowed my eyebrows together, but instead of screaming at my friend, I pushed myself up from his couch and stalked off to the kitchen.
I threw open one of the cupboards, knowing without really thinking where John kept his food. I've only been his friends for, like, a really long time. I slammed the microwave door shut as I punched in some random numbers and hoped it wouldn't burn down the goddamn house. That'd suck a lot. My mind started to wander, the hum of the microwave becoming white noise.
Fuck, I hate Dave. I don't know if I hate him because I hate him or because he cuts into my "John time". Probably because of the "John time" thing but whatever. I still hate him. God, if only I didn't like John like that. I mean, I know he'd never like me back like that. He's constantly saying "No homo!" and shit like that. Constantly saying he's not homosexual... but does that make me homo? I don't find all guys attractive on some level. There are some girls out there that I find pretty. I'm pretty sure, though, that I couldn't like a girl the way that I like John. What the fuck does my brain think about waiting for popcorn?
I snapped out of my disjointed thoughts when the microwave beeped. Surprisingly, the popcorn hadn't burned. I fished around for a bowl, but all I found was one of John's dad's mixing bowls. Holy fucking God, that guy cooks way too much. I settled for it anyway. I started to wander back into the living room but stopped my movements before John or Dave saw me.
John and Dave were sitting on the couch, John laughing about who the fuck knows and Dave just staring at him. John had his face turned away from Dave's, but the blonde had his eyes fixed on the other. At least, I think his eyes were on him. I couldn't see them behind his sunglasses. Seriously, who the hell wears sunglasses inside? But Dave was staring at John, and as he did, a small smile came across his face. A really content, relaxed, smile. Holy shit, I just about lost it there.
That's the same way I smile at John, the few times that I have. That's the same expression that I give John when he's not looking and no one else is. If that's the same way I look at him, that must mean Dave likes him, too, right? Oh holy fuck, if Dave likes John, too, I seriously will kill him.
I furrowed my eyebrows and frowned as I stomped back into the room. I sat myself down between the two, earning a concerned look from John. Dave didn't seem to notice. I took a few hate-filled munches of popcorn, imagining I was punching the shit out of Dave as the two continued their game.
If Dave likes John, this school year is really going to fucking suck.
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Woah holy crap this is a lot shorter than I thought it was going to be. I know it probably doesn't seem like it's from Karkat's POV, but it's hard typing like him. D: Especially swearing all the time. So I hope that I did ok. Honestly though, I don't hate Dave. I really love him. It's just going to make for a good story. Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think!