A/N a dose of humor for you all...
DisclaimerthatspointlessbecausenoonewilleversuemeespecaillynotJKRbecauseshehasbetterthingstodobutwaitohdamnitIjustjinxeditandnowIwillgetsuedjustforsayingthatohwellnothingIcandoaboutitnow: I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER.
Sleepy and tousle-haired, Harry and his faithful followers, Ron and Hermione, made their way down to the common room. Being so very astute and all, Hermione instantly realized that a new sign had been posted on the Gryffindor message board. The trio approached said notice...
It read as follows:
--------- BY ORDER OF -----------
The High Inquisitor of Hogwarts All Students must do as I say. Because I am corrupt. HaHa.
The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Five Thousand And Twenty-Eight.
Follow the instructions to find you new name.
1) Use the third letter of your first name to determine your NEW first name:
A= poopsie
B= lumpy
C=buttercup
D= gadget
E= crusty
F= greasy
G= fluffy
H= cheeseball
I= chim-chim
J= stinky
K= flunky
L= boobie
M= pinky
N=zippy
O=goober
P=doofus
Q=slimy
R=loopy
S=snotty
T=tootie
U=dorkey
V=squeezit
W=oprah
X=skipper
Y=dinkey
Z=zsa-zsa
2) Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first part of your NEW last name:
A= apple
B= toilet
C= giggle
D= burger
E= girdle
F= barf
G= lizard
H= waffle
I= cootie
J= monkey
K= potty
L= liver
M= banana
N= rhino
O= bubble
P= hamster
Q= toad
R= gizzard
S= pizza
T= gerbil
U= chicken
V= pickle
W=chuckle
X= tofu
Y= gorilla
Z= stinker
3) Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
A=muncher
B=mouth
C=face
D=nose
E=tush
F=breath
G=pants
H=shorts
I=lips
J=honker
K=butt
L=brain
M=tushie
N=chunks
O=hiney
P=biscuits
Q=toes
R=buns
S=fanny
T=sniffer
U=sprinkles
V=kisser
W=squirt
X=humperdinck
Y=fartface
Z=juice
Signed:
Dolores Jane Umbridge HIGH INQUISITOR
Ron: I'm Zippy Girdlefanny.
Hermione: I'm Loopy Gizzardchunks.
Ron: That's hot.
Hermione: What?
Ron: Nothing. {whistles in a suspicious/carefree way}
Harry: {puts hands on waist and puffs out chest} No! I am so brave and honorable that I must protest! I will not succumb to Educational Decree Number Five Thousand and Twenty-Eight!
Hermione: But Harry, if you stand up to Umbridge again, then she'll give you detention, and she's running out of areas to scar permanently...
Harry: Aha! That's where your wrong, Hermione! She still hasn't gotten my left hand. And my name is Loopy Bubblesniffer, thank you very much.
Umbridge appears next to the three loyal companions in order to make the story much easier to write.
Umbridge: Hem, hem.
The three turn in shock, horror, disbelief, dismay, surprise, wrong-footedness and off-guardedness.
Umbridge again: Detention, Potter. Hem, hem. I mean {tauntingly} Loopy Bubblesniffer. {sniggers}
Harry/Loopy Bubblesniffer: Can't you wait until I do something wrong first?
( pause )
Umbridge: No.
( another pause )
Umbridge: And you have to right with your left hand this time.
Harry/Loopy Bubblesniffer: Fine. But only if I get to call you Boobie Bananabuns.
Umbridge/Boobie Bananabuns: Deal.
Harry/Loopy Bubblesniffer: BOOBIE BANANABUNS!
Umbrudge/Boobie Bananabuns: Stop that.
Harry/Loopy Bubblesniffer: BOOBIE BANANABUNS!
Umbridge/Boobie Bananabuns: {sighs} Ah, well. I have a certain minister to seduce.... I'll see you cats on the flip/flop.
Umbridge turns to leave.
Harry/Loopy Bubblesniffer: {squealing with girlish glee} BOOBIE BANANABUNS! BOOBIE BANANABUNS! BOOBIE BANANABUNS! Oh, that's good... {laughs rather schizophrenically to himself}
Ron/Zippy Girdlefanny and Hermione/Loopy Gizzardchunks exchange dark looks.
A/N if there are format problems, then I apologize, because I don't kow how to work this program.