Dear Elizabeth,
Happy birthday, ickle-little-Wizziekins! I can't believe you are sixteen already! Oh, how the time flies. (You'll understand when you're a mother. Although, with your mannerisms, it's unlikely that you'll get married.) Anyway, I've sent along this etiquette book. Merlin knows your manners are comparable to that of a troll's. -Mum
Pipmiester!
Sorry about your mum's awful present. Hopefully this journal will lift your spirits. Don't give me, er, this letter that look. You have to keep your creative juices flowing, you know! Happy sixteenth. Dad
February 14
So, this is the journal Dad gave me... I wonder what Mum's present is? Oh, I'm never writing in this again, just to keep the barmy record straight. Cheers forever, Lizzie
Elizabeth Reynolds, sixteen-year-old fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, threw her dad's gift underneath her bed. She unwrapped her mother's present and gawked at it. And this wan't the good kind of gawking, if there even was such a thing. Oh no, this was the 'Oh Merlin, my mum is barmy mad,' kind of gawking. Lying in the middle of leopard-print wrapping paper was an absolutely horrid sight: The Modern Lady's Guide to Proper Etiquette and Self Conduct. Modern here meaning nineteenth century, Regency Era. The book had been passed down in the family for ages.
"Must... burn!!" Elizabeth let out a loud battle cry before snatching up the book and flying down the flight of stairs to the Gryffindor Common Room.
Lily Evans stood up, looking alarmed. "What's wrong?"
"This!" Elizabeth violently waved the ancient book in Lily's face.
Sirius Black crossed the room, all the while a wicked smirk on his face. "Is that what I think it is?" His fellow Marauders, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, looked up from their game of Wizard's Chess but quickly lost interest in whatever was going on. Surely it was just Elizabeth exaggerating, which was something she was well known for.
Sirius pulled the book from Elizabeth's grip, breaking into a fit of laughter when he read the title, confirming his thoughts.
"Give it back, you wanker!" Elizabeth demanded.
"Oi, look at this, Prongs! An etiquette book for the little princess!" James looked up, and joined Sirius in his laughter when he saw the book. Peter looked between the two, feeling very confused and lost. He never did understand their jokes.
Elizabeth gave Sirius a smack on the arm. "Now, that's not very ladylike, Miss Priss," Sirius joked, relinquishing the book.
Elizabeth promptly marched to stand before the fireplace and, just as she was about to toss the wretched thing into the flames, Remus Lupin came down the stairs from the boy's dormitory. When he realised what Elizabeth's intentions were, he sprinted across the room and launched himself at her, wrestling her to the ground.
"What in the bloody he-," she started, glaring up at her friend.
"Never throw books into the fire! Do you know what fires do to books?"
"Hm, I don't know... I'm going to take a wild guess here, mate, and say that they burn books."
"You really need to learn to respect books more, Elizabeth."
"What are you? A librarian?"
"Do you even know how old this book is?" He asked, rolling off the birthday girl and offering her a hand.
"Hmm," Elizabeth rubbed her chin thoughtfully, "by the looks of this absolutely wonderful specimen, Mr. Lupin, I'd estimate its age to be between 150 and 170 years old."
"You're not that old," Bridget Moore said, climbing through the portrait hole, Anne Merriman following close behind her.
"I dunno," Anne joked. "She has some pretty bad wrinkles and such. Oh, have you seen her girdle?"
"Very funny," Lily rolled her eyes, never really appreciating the humour behind her comrade's sarcasm.
"I thought so," Anne shrugged. "So, when do we start decor-"
Bridget clapped her hand over Anne's mouth, preventing her from revealing a very well thought-out surprise party that had taken three weeks to plan.
"Eh?" Elizabeth grunted, wondering what Anne was going to say.
"Lizabeth, how about we go get some breakfast?" Remus suggested.
"Right-o!"
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Remus Lupin wrung his hands. He was quickly running out of distractions. He'd made her go on a wild goose chase in the library, in search of a book that he knew didn't even exist. They'd set off dungbombs in the Potions Room. He'd dared her to de-pants a seventh year Slytherin, who just so happened to be Lucius Malfoy. The look on his face as she sprinted away would be imprinted in his memory until he lay on his deathbed. And now he was stuck shining her with reflective objects, which she found very amusing.
The pair were in the courtyard and wandered over to a bench. "I'm bored," Elizabeth chirped, plunking herself down. Her thick etiquette book took up a residence at her side. Remus sat down beside her, stretching out his legs.
"Why can't we go back to the Common Room again?" She inquired.
"No reason," he looked up at the grey clouds moving in, hoping he sounded convincing.
"You are a crap liar, Mr. Lupin," Elizabeth laughed. "Let me guess what's going on..."
Elizabeth stared off into space. 'Let's see... What could possibly be going on here? Hmm... Perhaps he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend? I wouldn't mind that, I don't think. Wait! No! I don't fancy him! Bad brain! Bad, bad, bad! ... Well, what could he be up to? ... I got it!'
"It's a surprise party, isn't it?"
Remus cleared his throat in response.
"Ha! I knew you lot wouldn't forget my birthday!"
"... You thought we forgot?"
"Er, yeah. No one said 'happy birthday' to me this morning, so... But, now I know why! You all were wanting to surprise me!"
"We wouldn't forget, Elizabeth... By the way, how did you guess? I mean, besides me being a terrible liar."
"Well, it was either you were hiding a surprise from me or you were going to ask me out." Remus' cheeks grew hot as he thought of the idea of going out with Elizabeth. Of course he'd considered it. All the Marauders had. Sure, she was strange at times, but, looking beyond the strangeness, she was a wonderful person. But he didn't fancy her; that was forbidden.
"So, what are we going to do now?" Elizabeth disrupted his thoughts, which he was quite thankful for, as he found himself wondering what it would be like to kiss her.
"Kitchens?" He suggested.
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Feeling full, Remus and Elizabeth began their return trek to the Gryffindor Common Room.
"Now, remember to act surprised, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I can do that."
"I didn't tell you anything, right?"
"Right. Wait, no, you kind of did."
"I didn't even say anything! You just guessed!"
The quarrel continued until the pair found themselves in front of the Fat Lady's portrait.
"Password!" She sang cheerfully.
Remus' face flushed for the second time that day, but remained silent.
"Mimblefarm!" Elizabeth said.
"Wrong!" The Fat Lady looked to Remus, "Well go on, boy!"
Under his breath, Remus clumsily sang, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Lizzie, happy birthday to you."
Elizabeth let out a bark of laughter, "You're a terrible singer!"
"Shut it," he muttered as he pushed her through the portrait hole.
"HAPPY SIXTEENTH BIRTHDAY, LIZZIE!"
Elizabeth was greeted by the whole of Gryffindor House, except for Professor McGonagall (which she didn't particularly mind). In the background Elizabeth's favourite muggle band, The Beatles, were playing. "She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah," they sang. Elizabeth couldn't help but smile.
"I had no idea!" She cried when Lily, Anne, and Bridget approached her. Lily pulled an elastic string under her chin, attaching a silly birthday hat to Elizabeth's head.
"Ready for the best night ever?" Anne and Bridget flung their arms around their mutual friend's shoulders, leading her straight into the middle of the mass of people.
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After the cake, games, present opening, and wearing of more silly hats, the crowd had dwindled down to the Marauders, minus Peter who'd gone to bed, Elizabeth, Lily, Bridget, and Anne. The seven fifth years sat in a circle, back-to-back, in the middle of the floor.
"That was fun," Elizabeth signed contently.
"Yeah," everyone agreed. Elizabeth's favourite Beatles song, "With a Little Help From My Friends," played softly in the background.
"Thanks, mates. This has been the best birthday ever."
"Here's to another great year," James toasted, and all downed what was left of their butterbeers.
"I get by with a little help from my friends, with a little help from my friends..."
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Well, there you have it. A little side story to accompany The True Confessions of Elizabeth Reynolds. This little do-dad is dedicated to my best friend, Alex, as this Sunday is her sixteenth birthday. Yay!!! Happy birthday! If you are a little confused about the story not being in journal-form, it's because this is before the year Confessions is taking place. So, this is before her discovery of Monty Python and such. I'm dreadfully sorry if it was no where near how funny it should've been or if you didn't like it. As always, the world of Harry Potter belongs to the wonder Jo Rowling and The Beatles own "She Loves You" and "With a Little Help From My Friends." I'll be updating Confessions later this weekend, so you can look forward to that. Love always, and another 'happy birthday' to Alex.