"Hey trannie!"
Wade hated the word with a passion. It was a poor excuse of an insult yet it was so effective at hurting his feelings. He looked down in embarrassment and walked even faster down the road on his way home. He didn't dare look at the offenders, but he could hear their laughter, and it made him sick.
"Leave him alone!" shouted Marley back to the bullies. Wade was grateful for her being there to walk him home, but she couldn't protect him forever. He heard nothing else from the bullies. Presumably they had left to go and pick on someone else.
"Thanks, Marley."
"That's what friends are for."
He didn't reply, solemnly looking down at his shoes. He felt ashamed, like he had done something wrong to provoke those bullies. He wasn't even dressed as Unique today. He had enough common sense to be Wade in school, but still he received stick for his attire.
"Are you okay?"
Marley could tell when her best friend was upset, and Wade knew it. Yet he still pretended everything was fine.
"I'm alright," he said with a fake smile. "I'm not bothered by them."
"You're a bad liar." Marley could read him like a book. She patted his back in a friendly way. "It'll all be fine." She wasn't convincing herself, and she certainly wasn't convincing herself. But Wade humoured her, letting her believe she was helping.
"I know it will. Thanks for being nice to me."
"You don't have to thank me for that. Telling me what's getting you down will be thanks enough."
Wade feigned confusion. "What do you mean telling you? We've already established what I'm upset about."
"Unique, I know you well enough to tell when there's something else on your mind, and right now there is. What I don't know is what it is."
"It's nothing."
"Come on, tell me, please!" she begged jokily, but it wasn't suitable for the conversation. At least she was trying to help, though.
"It's… um… I just…"
Interruption was created in the form of Marley's phone ringing. She looked at me with apology.
"Sorry. It's Jake."
She answered the phone. "Hey baby, what's up?" She sounded ridiculous, but Wade wasn't going to tell her that. "Uh-huh. Oh really? That's great. Should I come over later?" She grinned to herself. "Alright, see you later. Love you!" She hung up. "Alright, so what were we talking about?" She had obviously forgotten what their conversation had been about before Jake's interruption.
"Nothing. I'm fine," replied Wade convincingly, and for once Marley fell for it. She was so distracted from Jake's phone call that her self-proclaimed 'powers of perception' were failing her. Maybe it was for the best. It was wrong to burden love-struck, innocent Marley with problems that she couldn't solve.
"So that was Jake then?" Wade had only assumed that it was Jake, but Marley didn't love many people in Ohio. It was either that or her mother, and she didn't speak to her mother like that on the phone.
"Yeah," she said giddily. "He wants me to come over tonight!"
"That's great," Wade replied sarcastically, but Marley was so distracted you could have waved a gun in her face and she wouldn't register it in her conscience. "Are you gonna do it?"
"Wade!" exclaimed Marley, slapping him on the shoulder jokingly. "I would never do that!"
He raised his eyebrows. "Never?"
"Well, I was exaggerating. I might – probably will – in the future, but I'm not going to do it tonight."
"Did he call you to say that he's home alone?"
"Yeah."
"You're going to do it tonight."
"Oh Wade, it's not like that. I – "
"Trannie! Trannie!"
The bullies were back. This time, Wade looked up and saw a group of three girls. He didn't know them by name, but he had seen them around school before. They were the supposed popular girls who no one messed with. They were walking towards him and Marley, repeating the foul word.
"Trannie! Trannie!"
"Get lost!" shouted Marley, but it was a bad idea. Those girls would eat her for breakfast.
One of them stood in front of the other two – she was presumably the leader. She had a gorgeous figure and voluptuous hair. This was slightly undercut by the smug facial expression she was making. Wade hated her arrogance with a passion.
"Why you protecting this freak?" she spat, chewing gum overdramatically. She was trying to put on a tough-girl voice but she did a poor impersonation of it, like she had something stuck in her teeth.
"This he-she is holdin' you back, girl! That is unless, you're rallyin' round other he-she's!"
For some reason, her friends found this hilarious, bursting into hysterical laughter. Marley had a face full of rage.
"Why don't you just leave this freak and talk to normal people? Like us, for example."
Marley scoffed. "You're more a freak than anyone here, especially Unique. Normal people don't say those things!"
"Normal people don't dress up like the opposite sex!"
Marley fell silent, shamefully letting the girl win the argument. The girl smiled, knowing full well that she had won.
"You know I'm right, don't you?"
Marley snapped out of her momentary shock and grabbed Wade's arm. "Let's go." Then, to the bullies: "If you ever go near us again, I'll call the police for harassment!"
The girls were unfazed. They laughed and walked away.
** G ** G **
Wade's house was closer, so he parted with her not on great terms. It wasn't like he outright told her he was upset by her acceptance that he was weird, but he didn't need to. She could tell he was upset based on how secluded he had become. He had been secluded earlier the first time the girls had shouted abuse, but now he barely said a word. He muttered a 'goodbye' and walked up the path to his house. Marley watched him go regretfully, feeling ashamed with herself for practically agreeing with those girls. She walked off as soon as Wade was through the door.
He didn't see his parents until it was time for dinner. His father was silent, as per usual. He wasn't fond of conversation during dinner.
"How was school today, Wade?" asked his mother, although she didn't appear particularly interested.
"Fine, I guess," he replied moodily, playing with his food like a child. "We're planning out what plans we're going to do for Nationals."
"Oh, I remember now. You won Regionals last week, right?"
"Yeah," he muttered.
"That's great! I'm happy for you." She didn't sound very interested, or happy. It was more like it was part of a routine, so she wasn't really noticing what she was saying. "What about your classes?"
"They're fine."
"It's just that… you're a lot more interested in Glee Club than your classes that are – to an extent – more important."
"My classes are fine," he repeated, rudely. "They're just not as interesting as Glee Club."
His mother was displeased. "Don't be rude."
"Sorry." Both of them knew he didn't mean it. It was just another part of a routine.
"I do worry that you're getting… well…"
Wade knew that he wouldn't like what she had to say, but he asked anyway. "What?"
"Obsessed with your Club."
That stung.
"Would you rather I was smoking weed and shoplifting?" he retorted, knowing that this argument would not come to a satisfying conclusion for either of them.
"You don't have to be so rude, Wade. Where is this attitude coming from?"
Wade didn't reply, resorting to stabbing his food immaturely.
"Wade, answer me, please."
He looked up at her.
"What's going on with you?"
He didn't want to tell her about the bullies, or Ryder, or Marley. But he had to say something. "I want to be a girl."
Had his parents never heard this before, their natural reaction would have been to splutter in their soup and show outrage. But they were used to this.
"I know that, Wade. But that's not an excuse for rudeness."
He slammed his knife and fork down dramatically. "Why not? Because people are giving me a hard time all because I want to be different from what I am. So that's – "
"Who's giving you a hard time?"
He shouldn't have said anything. "Just… people. They don't like how I dress and act and stuff."
His mother looked fed up. "Oh Wade! We talked about this! You promised you wouldn't dress up like that when you were in school!"
"That?"
His mother realised the mistake she had made. "I didn't mean…"
"You think I'm weird, don't you?"
She didn't respond. His father got involved, having finally noticed that there was tension at the dinner table. "Don't accuse your mother of things like that, son."
"She didn't say no."
"Because she was shocked you would accuse her of something like that!"
"She didn't… say… no."
His mother was very upset now. "We were having a perfectly nice evening, but you had to go and ruin it by making it all about you! Why are you so selfish sometimes?"
Wade hadn't seen it like that. He was confused, and angry. "I didn't – "
"I was just showing concern for you, that you weren't paying attention in class or something, but then you make it all about how much the world's against you! I wasn't even talking about Unique!"
Wade could understand how his mother had taken offence now. "Mom, I… I'm sorry." He sounded so pathetic and childish, having just realised his mistake.
His mother fell silent again and his father was fuming. His mother pushed her plate away and her chair out from underneath her. She got up and stormed out of the room.
Wade sat there silently, ashamed of himself and contemplating the horrific telling-off he was going to receive from his father. But then his mother came back in.
"For the record," she said fuming, "I don't think you're weird. What I do think, is that you're giving those bullies ammunition against you. That's why I told you to go to school dressed as you. Not her."
She softened slightly. "Please. Just be Wade at school. Unique is for when you're at home."
He didn't want to argue his point anymore. He had done enough damage. "Sorry, Mom."
She appeared to be upset again. "I know you are, baby. I'm sorry too. But I'm telling you this for your own good. I wish people would accept you for who you are, but it's a cruel world out there. I don't want my baby getting hurt."
** G ** G **
They made up in the end, and Wade went to bed early, even though he knew he couldn't sleep. He just didn't want to stay down there with his parents. His mother had forgiven him, but his father most definitely hadn't. He was civil with Wade, but there was still some hidden hostility towards him. This was understandable to Wade now, even though it wasn't before. They had given so much to him and showered him with love and affection, so to be accused of something like that was a kick in the teeth for them. He had practically thrown their hospitality back in their faces. It must have been difficult for them to come to terms with what their son wanted to be. But, Wade thought, it's hardly a walk in the park for me.
He thought about those girls earlier that day, and unfortunately started to agree with their judgements. Maybe normal guys didn't dress up like girls, but what was normal? It was difficult to judge without being biased. He couldn't help but notice that the people who decided what was normal and what was weird were the popular kids who had no problems in their lives. It was a hardly a surprise that there were no gays or cross-dressers in the popular cliques.
Wade thought about Marley and Ryder. He knew that Ryder thought he was weird, but that wasn't just because of Unique. He was getting used to that. His problem with Wade came from him catfishing him online. No wonder he had quit the Glee Club. But Marley was a more pressing matter. She was usually great to him, calling him Unique when nobody else would, treating him like a girl when nobody else would… but all that had changed when she was challenged by those girls.
Am I weird?
Yes, is the short answer. But remember something: high school doesn't last forever. You'll escape these judgemental clowns in no time.
But I want to escape them now.
Girl, you don't get that choice. Now buck up and get on with your life.
Wade continued to argue with Unique in his head for a while, until he eventually drifted off, dreading the next day, like he had dreaded the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that…
** G ** G **
As he anticipated, the day did not go well. Lessons were tolerable, but he couldn't concentrate, even though serious tests were waiting for him at the end of the semester. He hadn't even considered studying for them. Procrastination was natural for Wade, but usually he would get himself in gear and do well. He even studied for little weekly tests, but now he dreaded the thought of doing anything, whether it was educational or not. Nothing was fun anymore. He even dreaded going to Glee Club after school, because everyone was off with him since Ryder left. That was understandable, but only Marley would talk to him. At least they didn't deliberately remind him of it every five minutes.
Well, except for Kitty.
Wade had almost befriended Kitty before, but now she was just unbearable. She always made cutting remarks and insulted Wade's habits. Everyone seemed to excuse her behaviour because 'she's had a rough time', but that was no excuse for her behaviour, much like it wasn't an excuse for his own behaviour last night at the dinner table. He couldn't insult her back either, because her comebacks were quick and hurtful. He didn't want to challenge her for fear that he'd end up worse off.
He didn't receive any grief from anyone until the lunch period. He was on his way to meet up with Marley (who would be difficult to talk to because she'd be busy texting Jake) when he felt two hands on his back. They shoved him against the lockers with brute strength. He only just had time to put his hands up in defence before he slammed into the lockers, but it still wasn't enough time. He cracked his head on the hard metal but just about managed to remain standing. He was woozy and in pain, but at least he hadn't fallen over, which would have added to the humiliation.
He swivelled round and saw a hulking guy wearing a football jacket. He had never seen this guy before, but he understood why he had shoved him when he spotted the girl stood next to him, laughing. It was that bitch from yesterday. This was clearly her boyfriend and she had instructed him to assault Wade.
"Oh sorry," the jock said sarcastically with a sadistic grin on his face. "Didn't see you there."
"Good job, babe," said the bitch to her boyfriend. "Let's leave lady-boy to nurse his injuries."
Wade had never wanted to really, truly hurt someone before. Awful thoughts popped into his imagination that haunted him. That bitch had made that happen, and he couldn't get those thoughts out of his head. One that stuck more than others was him repeatedly beating her with a brick. He wanted to cry with horror. It was stuck in his brain, tormenting him.
He saw her walking down the hallway, her boyfriend with his big arm around her. He knew it was a stupid idea, but he couldn't control himself.
"Hey, bitch!"
As soon as he said it he regretted it. He felt a cold fist gripping his heart as the girl and her boyfriend turned around, heading back to him. But he couldn't run away. He headed towards them, so they met dead centre.
"What is your problem with me?" He was furious, feeling tears trying to make their way out of his eyes. It affected his voice to his anger, so that he sounded hysterical. "What have I done to you?"
"Don't talk to my girlfriend like that, homo," said the hulking jock, shoving Wade back so hard it hurt his chest.
The girl was unaffected by the shout. She stepped up to Wade, so that they were only a few inches apart. "What you've done to me?" She chuckled. "You've disgraced me with your presence. You don't belong here, lady-boy. You're a freak. Why don't you do us all a favour… and just kill yourself?"
She shoved him back further, laughed again, and walked off.
Bystanders had seen the whole thing. Some were laughing; some were too shocked to do anything but stare. The humiliation was awful.
Luckily for Wade (arguably), he didn't burst into tears until after the two had left. But everyone else in the hallway could see him, and it was beyond embarrassing or humiliating. It was the worst he had ever felt in his life.
He stormed off down the hallway, feeling eyes boring into him. At that moment, he hated everything: he hated that bitch and her boyfriend, he hated school, he hated his parents, he hated the Glee Club… he even hated Marley. How could he hate oh-so loveable Marley?
Because she's the same as that bitch.
He made it outside, but he still hadn't escaped. There were still so many of them outside, staring at him, laughing. He was the school laughing stock at that very moment. He just had to get away, away from it all.
He managed to get out of the school grounds and found himself walking home. No doubt his parents would get a call later to say he hadn't turned up to Math class. Screw Math class. It wasn't important right now. This crap had been going on for weeks. He couldn't take it anymore. He needed to just leave for the time being.
He got his phone out and called Marley, but it went to voicemail. She was probably on the phone to Jake, or maybe she was just ignoring Wade. After all, who wants to hang out with a freak?
Wade pocketed his phone as fast as his shaking hand let him, and continued the walk home.