If Emmett were President

by comeonsugarletmeknow

How Emmett would solve some of our nation's major issues if he were president. AU. A by product of boredom on a Thursday. Not to be taken seriously...

1. Chapter 1

Kay guys! We know this is late, but oh well. Please don't get offened. We just thought it would be funny. Kay? Disclaimer is on teamtwilight's profile.

Oh, and the italics is Emmett's speeches and stuff. Kay?

READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!!

If Emmett were president…..

[1.] Fix the economy.

Emmett: "When I say "Go" you will all line up starting here by alphabetical order. No, not by last name, that is lame and I said that change was coming, so here it is. You shall now line up alphabetically by first name ONLY. After the "Aa"'s I don't care what order the "A"'s are in. That goes for ALL the letters. Now, when we call you up, you will step up to my lovely sister Alice, show your ID, sign your name, and get $100,000 of Carlisle's money. Any questions?

Carlisle: "What!?!? Emmett-"

Emmett: "Shh."

[2.] The whole energy crises, thingy.

Emmett: "OK guys, there's all this crap about energy and foreign oil. We need to solve it!! Which is why I have devised a plan of asking you people what to do. Any ideas?

Guy #1: "WE START WALKING!!!"

Emmett: Great idea!! But what about those old guys? You know, the ones with the liver spots?"

Guy #2: "MOVING SIDEWALKS!!"

Emmett: "Great ideas!! I will take them very seriously. Meeting adjourned."

[3.] Abortion is….

Emmett: "Well, ya see, I think it's wrong! We need to stop this!! So, I think everyone should just become a vamp-"

Rosalie: "Emmett!!! Shut the hell up!! Some women (that were like me) want children!! Don't deprive them of that!!"

Emmett: "Um…ok honey. How 'bout we all just stay virgins?"

Rosalie: -cough glare-

Emmett: Yea, um…can we just come back to this later? Please?"

Edward: "I agree with Rosalie. Not everyone want to be a mon-"

Emmett: "Are you president?? Nope, didn't think so."

Bella: "-snicker-"

[4.] Immigration

Emmett: "Ok, so the illegal aliens com over into OUR land and take OUR jobs and earn half of OUR money. Does that seem fair to you? -looks around- Didn't think so."

Esme: "But Emmett! They are people too!!! You have to be-"

Emmett: "Shh."

[5.] Taxes

Emmett: "Taxes suck! I say we all stop paying them! Like a boycott! And it'll be like the old days! No nuclear missiles, blowing each other up from afar, but good 'ole hand-to-hand combat!!"

Jasper: "Yup, just like 'ole times. -smiles evilly- "

Emmett: "Haha -moves away from Jasper slowly-"