The dark night was closing in on me and I was helpless to stop it. It was everywhere, closing in on every part of my mind and being.
This was all my fault. I knew it was, and yet I couldn't help but blame everyone else. Why couldn't he have saved me? Why couldn't my friends stop him? What did I do to deserve this? But I knew the answer to that last question at least.
I had betrayed him. I made a promise and I didn't keep that promise. Everything was just so hard and I couldn't help it. It just slipped out…
No. I couldn't make excuses for myself.
It was a useless effort because from any way I looked at it I was dying. There was no one and nothing that could save me.
It was getting harder to breath now. And I felt like there was so much pressure being pushed onto me. Crushing me. Killing me.
At this point, I decided to think about him, the one I loved. The one who probably would be better off without me ruining his perfect existence. He had said many times that he loved me but I could never believe him. I couldn't let myself believe him after what I did before, all those years ago…
What's the point in trying anymore?
And with that thought i shut down and let my eye lids fall.