I never loved him.
Truly, I didn't.
That's what I tell myself, at least.
It helps.
(Pause)
He had this dream… well, everyone knows his dream. The romantic evil-slayer, dashing off heroically to rescue whichever damsel caught his fancy.
I got the role of disposable sidekick.
Which is why I ask myself now- why didn't I die? Isn't it the sidekick's role to put themselves bravely before their hero, taking the bullet for them?
Why was he the first to go?
(Chuckle)
Why do I care, you ask? An old lady must have her dreams, too, I suppose.
In Garden, we're taught to expect to meet Lady Death far before we would have normally.
(Wry smile)
I suppose I must be a record of some sort. I, who have brushed Death so many times, practically pounded on the door, and… won. Everyone must go sometime, but I'll keep dodging it. For now.
Back to what you were asking. I know I loved his spirit of adventure, the way he didn't take anything from anyone, the way he never gave up, just smirked and kept trying… yes, that was what I loved.
Not him.
I was supposed to be his guardian of sorts, I suppose. Or maybe his subordinate. I was never quite sure if he treated me as if I wasn't there, or respected and acknowledged the fact that I was a protector and nothing more.
It looks like we'll never know.
(Sigh)
All I regret is… I was never there to save him. Sure, I did hundreds of other times, but not… not when it really counted.
So.
(Smile)
I'm not what you thought I'd be like? Time has changed me, it looks like… more than anyone expected. Especially me. Just not in the areas that matter… I'm still partly that same girl I was before. Never again the one before the Sorceress War, of course, but after.
Well, you should get going. Youngsters like you should be off doing something, training probably, not be sitting around listening to half-mad ones like me.
And I…
I need to go be with him now.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: When you figure out who that's about, please let me know. Even I don't know, and I'm the one who wrote it! O_o I suppose most people would say Seifuu… or maybe Quifer… or maybe even Selvine, if you want to stretch it a bit… Well, whatever you like, that's what it is