I wrote this last night for Pink, since I promised her I'd draw her a pic, but couldn't think of anything to draw (Plus I suck donkey cock at that, no pun intended.) so instead i wrote this, and figured i'd post it, since i'm taking my sweet ass time on my actual fic. @.o;;; so yeah.

Vile (finally) gets some ass. XD

"What do you want?" Vile grumbled lowly. It was the middle of the night, and Sigma had called him in to his office, for a private meeting. Alas. No rest for the wicked.

Sigma stared away, quietly. After a moment's hesitation, he slid a piece of paper in Vile's direction. Vile picked it up, reading over it carefully.

It was a graph, showing a steady fall. "What's this?" He asked, raising an eye.

"That, is a chart, showing our activities lately. Notice its decline? It's because... because..." He lowered his face into his hand, humiliated. "We're broke, Vile. Waging war on mankind is expensive, even when you're getting your paraphernalia from the black market, and we've spent all we had." He sat up straighter. "Therefore, everyone's going to find a way to raise a little money for us. We'd rob a bank, but that's so passe."

Vile chewed slowly on his lip. He had a bad feeling about this. "What does all this have to do with me?" He asked.

"Because you, my friend, are going to get some ass."

"Excuse me?!" Vile exclaimed, exasperated. "If you think I'm going to be some cheap prostitute on some street corner-"

Sigma wave him into silence. "No, no. Ass. You'll be getting ass." He tossed another paper and a photo onto the table. The photo showed some kind of a farm with a sign stating: 'Aaron's Ass Farm'. Scattered along it in the background were several donkey, which seemed to have been wandering around. "It's a farm, far from here we've taken. It's in a very secluded place, where people are less likely to recognize you, especially in that get up. You're to leave immediately."

Vile felt a twitch begin to form behind his helmet. What a sick joke. "There..... is no way I'm going to be an ass farmer! I'm a maverick! I kill humans!!!! It's what I DO!"

Sigma, however, didn't seem to be listening. "Great, so you'll do it. Don't worry, it'll just be for a few weeks. Best be on your way." He waved Vile away, dismissively.

Slowly Vile took the paper off Sigma's desk, staring down at it in horror. Turning slowly, he began to walk away. On the way out, he noticed a long rope laying in a corner. "Can I borrow this?"

Sigma blinked up. "Sure.. Practicing your lassoing?"

"Something like that. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find a strong ceiling and a chair.."

"They get stranger everyday, them city folks..." Ernie Fuerth, a bus driver with over 20 years experience, muttered to himself as he pressed on down the dusty, loose stone road he was on. In the back seat, stretched halfway into the aisle, sat an enormous man with by far the ugliest helmet he had ever seen in his life. "Must be going to one of them conventions..." He had chosen a nice quiet countryside route, to avoid meeting freaks like this guy. "Guess there's just no avoiding them."

Vile, meanwhile, sat at the back of the bus, staring out the window and trying to ignore the loudmouth driver. "I can't believe Sigma's doing this to me!" He sighed, slumping back against the seat. "How terrible.... And I couldn't find X before I left, either. So much for stealing him away into the night and making him mine."

He clenched his hand into a fist. "No! This is only a set back!" He leapt to his feet and roared "X-KUN!!!!!!!! I WILL MAKE YOU MINE!!!!!!!" followed by endless bouts or roaring laughter.

Ernie simply gripped the steering wheel and pressed heavier on the gas. The sooner he got to the Ass Ranch, the better.

"Wait up, Zero!!!!" X exclaimed, chasing after the taller reploid as they made their way down the same road Vile was traveling down. "Are you sure this is a good idea??" He cried, glancing around nervously. "If we get caught.. We're supposed to be filling out paperwork!!"

Zero clapped an arm around X's shoulder, grinning from ear to ear. " We needed a vacation anyway. Maverick attacks have slowed down lately, so what's to worry? They'll never miss us! Besides, cow tipping is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and this is it!" That said, he dragged X down the dirt road, arm around him still.

X sighed slightly, then looked up, hearing a bus approaching. The driver honked to him and he smiled cheerily, waving. His eyes widened as it passed however, a familiar figure riding in the back. "Vava-chan...?" He cocked his head to the side, watching Vile go by, helmet pressed to the glass, and red trailing down the glass. "There he goes... Riding off into the sunset...." He mumbled.

"Um... X..... It's noon."

"Whatever. It's a figure of speech. How much further is it?" He whined, looking back up at Zero, oblivious to the jealous glare on his face.

"Just another mile. C'mon."

Ernie grumbled to himself. "Who's the idiot in the middle of the road?!" He honked at the kid in the middle of the road, who simply waved, then swerved to miss him. "Smart ass."

Vile stared in disbelief as the bus rode past two very familiar faces. "Hey, isn't that....? X-kun?!" He pressed his face to the rear window, staring at him as they passed. X... Kun..... That soft smile... that delicate hand....." Suddenly blood spilled from behind his helmet, smearing the glass. "He's come to watch me manage my ass farm!"

The bus drove up the road more, then suddenly came to a halt. "Your stop." The bus driver sighed, then threw a rag at the huge figure. "And wipe that blood off my window!"

Vile ignored the rag, and walked up to the front of the bus, aiming his shoulder cannon at the driver. "Thanks for the ride, sorry I've got to kill you now."

"What?!" Ernie exclaimed, leaping out of his seat. "But why?!"

"Well, for one, I'm a maverick.. That's just what I do. Second, I AM NOT A STAR WARS FAN!!!!!!!!!!! And most importantly, you almost hit X-kun, which is just unacceptable." He thought for a minute. "Oh, and I don't like you, too."

With a sigh, Vile dragged himself up the steps to his new farm. "This sucks. Donkeys suck. And they smell. What did I just step in?!" He stopped in front of his door, cocking his head to the side. A baby donkey stood in front of his door, staring at him.

He stared back. "Get..... Shoo..... Get lost!" Nothing. The donkey refused to budge. "Come on!" He sighed, glaring down at it. Slowly, he raised an eye, staring at the fawn eyed animal. "You know.. You look kind of like.... That's it! I'll name you X-kun!!!

........ More to come. You lucky people, you.

http://www.petitiononline.com/fuxxorx/petition.html