A/N: So, due to love of Clyde, this very stream-of-conscious ish fic was created. I have an idea of where I want it to go, but I'd like to know that it's decent before I continue. Comprende?

Chapter 1

So, if you're here for some story about love or something like that. You might want to go somewhere else. Maybe over to my friend Craig. Because apparently he's decided he's into that kind of stuff now. Love isn't going to happen here. At least, I majorly doubt it. I guess you never really know for sure, but, for now, no love. And no girls who aren't wearing close to zero clothing.

Let's just say, because right about now I have no idea, that this is going to be about food. All about the motherfucking food. You're probably thinking, "This kid is whacked out. It can't be all about food." See, peeps, that's where you're wrong. It can too only about food. Hi, I'm Clyde Donovan and I love food.

Well, I guess I already broke my promise about love. Shit.

I'm at Taco Bell and, to clear up any ideas you might have, I think the place is a disgrace to tacos everywhere. I think there's dog shit in my tortilla. I'm not kidding right now. Craig's across from me doing this thing where he takes a bite of his chalupa (best word on the planet, in case you were wondering) and then checks his phone. And then goes back to his chalupa (ha!). Every so often he gets a text and this weird little smile crosses his face. Chalupa, phone, repeat.

He's texting Tweek Tweak and, to clear up any ideas you might have, he doesn't usually hang out with us. Generally, we don't associate with Marsh's gang and Tweek was their replacement Kenny that one time so, yeah. No Tweek in "Craig and those guys". In fact, the only real members of "Craig and those guys" are Craig, Token, and me. Everyone else just kind of comes and goes as they please. People seem to think we're nicer than Marsh's gang, but secretly we're not. I guess Token kind of is. Craig is definitely not.

Craig spends entirely too much time texting Tweek. Because, well, they, y'know, fuck? That's right. My best friend likes dick. It's not really that big of a deal. Some people think it would be, but, if you're like Craig and I, coming out to your best friend goes a little like this: You're sitting in the lunch room (he's got lunchroom tacos because he has no taste in Mexican food and you've got a sandwich) and your best friend points at some twitchy, mess of a kid who comes up to probably your elbow and goes, "That's Tweek Tweak." And you nod and reply, "Yup." And he goes, "I kind of want to fuck him." You grunt and take a bite of your sandwich.

You definitely don't go home and cry about it later. I mean, I certainly did not. I take these sorts of things like a man. Well, maybe I cried for like a second. Craig's my best friend and all of a sudden I find out he's jonesing for other dudes? Minor style of living adjustment here. Besides, my mom always tells me someday a nice girl is going to love me because I'm sensitive. Instead of just because I have connections to an entire store of shoes. My mom's the best, but most other girls suck. By the way, Craig's not into me or anything; believe me, I asked. He actually laughed in response, which was a little uncalled for, I thought. Just because douche-bag Craig wouldn't do me doesn't mean all gays wouldn't.

The phone sitting next to Craig's food vibrates and he snatches it up, grinning like a moron. How does Tweek even text when he's shaking so much? That's what I'd like to know. That kid is seriously messing up Craig and I. He's become a total sap. Craig asked me how I was the other day. It was the most mindfucking thing that has ever happened to me. In theory, nicer Craig should make for happier Clyde. But it was just weird. I don't think I even responded.

I hope you don't think I'm jealous or anything. This isn't going to be one of those things where I end up falling in love with my best friend after having an "aha!" moment right when he's going to marry someone else or right when he's boarding an airplane. I know that always happens in faggy chick flicks, but don't expect it from me. I don't have a secret gay crush for Craig. The guy's an asshole. I'm surprised Tweek even goes for him. Being friends with someone is way different than dating them. I like Tweek and all, but I don't really like being around Craig when he's in his "Tweek zone".

I could be at Chipotle right now stuffing my face with a beautifully large barbacoa burrito. With guacamole. The minute I realize this, I stand up and push my barely touched Taco Hell over to Craig. Because, apparently, in addition to penises, he likes having dog shit in his mouth. "I'm leaving," I inform him. "Have fun screwing Tweek later. I'm sure he'll make you soooo happy"

He flips me off. Good one, Craig. "Have fun going home and watching Lord of The Rings while eating a 500 calorie burrito," he replies.

It's kind of scary how well he knows me. This thought leaves me without a comeback. "Uh…I plan to." You sure showed him, Donovan. I snatch my cup off the table and leave. Mountain Dew Code Red has always been the only good thing about Taco Bell.

A/N: My main concern is that it is so choppy that it's confusing and unreadable or that it just comes off as bad writing. Let me know what you think, and please be honest! I loved writing Clyde soi I want to know how I did :D