At first I say no, turning my back to Peeta. He says a quiet, "Alright." As he goes back to kneading his bread dough. Guilt twinges inside me. Only Peeta, with his gentleness, would ask a question of such.

It catches me off guard once again when he asks only a few days later. "No Peeta." I say, trying to add a little emphasize on the 'no' part. I need him to understand I am not ready of such activities. I just… can't.

I see frustration in his eyes now, and guilt continues to trip me. I want to give it to him, I really do. I don't know what is holding me back. I am too afraid. Of course, all of my biggest fears have already came true with the reaping… And the killing… and Prim's death.

I shake my head, forcing myself to come back to reality before I go into a breakdown, falling onto the floor and start hyperventilating. I feel then that my decision is for the best for both of us. I truly believe what I am holding away from Peeta is not selfish, but it would be the best of both worlds to not have to worry about it right now. That doesn't mean though that I still don't have remorse for Peeta, and hatred towards myself for what I can not give him.

Peeta asks about it again only a month later. "It will relieve some of your stress." Peeta says, and I am surprised that I do actually believe him. "Maybe it will even help with keeping your nightmares away, you never know." Peeta says.

That I can't believe.

Poor Peeta. I know he wants to do it. And I know it would deepen the connection between us.

I also know that it is biology trying to do its job.

Only Peeta, with his gentleness, would ask me if we could make love.

The next time he asks, I try to explain. "I'm not sure Peeta. It scares me. You even said yourself once that I was so pure. So modest. That's not something that can be flicked off like a switch. You know that. I know that. Why do you think I can just accept it?" I say, frustrated with him. It almost feels like I am being forced into it.

But I know Peeta would never force it on me. And that's one of the reasons I love him so much. So much… That I should give him this. This one thing. Just to show him how much I do love him. It's hard to see under all of the pain, and the hurt, the darkness, and the nightmares. But our love is there. And it's been that way since our first games.

And it always will be.

"I'm sorry. I'll stop asking." Peeta says, inviting me to come lay my head on his chest. I accept the invitation, squeezing in next to Peeta and comfortably laying my head down on his chest. He rubs my shoulder lightly to give me the comfort that he won't be pressuring me anymore.

"Okay." I say, my voice cracks a little from its little use.

I was so deep in thought that I didn't realize Peeta stopped rubbing my shoulder comfortingly. I didn't realize he was probably already asleep.

I almost close my eyes, thinking Peeta is asleep, almost relieved I don't have to tell him tonight, when he hums quietly, "Hm?"

My heart sinks again, only after becoming afloat for so little time. I prepare myself to say it again, "Yes."

Peeta seems confused, "What do you mean yes? Yes to what?"

I realize right there that I am probably the biggest moron in the country of Panem. He asked the question an hour ago, then said he would stop asking, and then here I come waltzing around saying yes to a question he hasn't even asked in the past hour.

Of fucking course he wouldn't know what I am talking about.

I consider myself damn lucky that it is dark, because I can almost feel the heat radiating off my cheeks.

"We can give it a try." I say, hoping to god he knows what I mean. I slide off of his chest as he props himself up on one elbow, trying to get a better look at me.

"You just said that we could give it a try. Real or not real?" Peeta asks, and I can see, even in the darkness, his eyes radiate hope.

"Real I am saying yes." I say, gulping down saliva that seems to be producing spontaneously my mouth feels the opposite effects of dryness.

While I am in the middle of thinking about my saliva, Peeta suddenly presses his lips to me softly, and my disgusting thoughts dissipate as I also try to kiss him back just as softly and warmly.

Peeta pulls apart first, "I was thinking you would never say yes."

I shrug as my only response.

Peeta lays back down, and so do I. I rest my head once again on his chest.

"Not tonight?" I ask, trying to feel relieved.

I can feel Peeta shake his head, "Not tonight. But when it is the night, I will try to make it as special as I can." He says.

I make a silent vow to myself that I will try my best to make it, when the night comes, a very special experience for Peeta.

I wake up from a nightmare only hours later, gasping for air and sweating. I try my best to hold my tears at bay. Peeta is roused slightly, and he is awake enough to notice my distress. He tightens his arms around me sleepily, whispering kind words to me.

He doesn't know he was the one who caused my nightmare.

.

.

.

A/N: This is my first Hunger Games fanfiction, however what you may NOT know is that I wrote this about a year ago.

Maybe you recognize the story, but not the Author? Don't be threatened. No, I didn't rip off on some other authors work. This is indeed my work. However, I published this on another account that was dedicated to the Hunger Games fandom. Considering this is my main account, I will be publishing everything on this one now! The other account I had is completely abandoned, so that's that.

I apologise, because now a year after writing this, Katniss does indeed sound OOC. However, it WAS my first Hunger Games fanfiction that I ever wrote, so I am keeping it, no matter how much I may OR may NOT despise it. You'll never know.

Enjoy!