It's a Riku. It's a Sora. It's a disclaimer. I'm sleepy. It's a review.
Okay, so lately Sora's been avoiding me. When I hang around him and his friends, he doesn't talk to me or sit beside me. It's starting to really annoy and whenever I get him a lone so we can talk about it, he makes up some lame excuse to leave. I don't know what's going on with him anymore. We used to be best friends. We told each other everything.
Now, I just don't know.
I've talked to Kairi about it and she said she's noticed too, but when she hangs out with Sora, nothing's wrong.
That means the problem lies with me.
I can't find anything wrong with myself. I dress normally. I'm not mean to anyone. (Unless thy themselves ask for it. Some people..) I most certainly do not offend. I shower every day, mind you, and people tell me I always smell good.
No, the problem isn't physical. I have a very strong feeling that the reason Sora's been avoiding me is because I'm corrupting him. His heart is so pure; mine is so dark.
It was inevitable, I suppose.
Maybe, my dark aura is hurting his to the point of physical pain. I will gladly leave his life if that were the cause.
I will not be the cause of anguish for someone such as Sora. I've already caused him enough insecurity by disappearing once. I don't wish to do it again, but if my suspicions are correct, then I have no choice.
I'll take my leave. I'll never come back to him.
…There's a chance I could be wrong, however.
The case may be that Sora has grown tired of me. He's traveled many worlds.
I can understand if I'm no longer holding his interest.
This hypothesis though, causes me distress.
(Dear Lord, I sound like Vexen and Zexion. Seriously. Anguish? Hypothesis? Distress?)
How can I win him back? Does he not like me anymore? What if I fail?
I'm not as strong in my will as Sora is. I'm not as persistent as he.
There's not enough time to think all these things through. I have to ask Kairi about this. If I don't get an answer, I'll explode.
If the reason for Sora's avoidance of me is that the Darkness I possess is corrupting him..
If the reason is that I am causing him physical damage just from my presence…
If he just doesn't like me..
I need to know.
I need to know why so I know what to do.
I need to know what to do for Sora.
It's not about me.
"Did you ask him, Kai? Why has he been avoiding me lately..? If you know, please tell me." Riku watched from the school gates as Sora ran across the street to go home.
It was Wednesday.
Kairi was standing with Riku, also looking at Sora while waiting for her bus. Her house was too far away to walk to. She turned to Riku and peered up into his aqua eyes, searching for the sadness she knew was there. She turned around, coldly glaring at the bus. "He said it's because he feels like you're damaging him. You make him feel sick. I guess it's because you spent all that time in the Darkness… Sora's just too pure for you to be around. You're hurting him."
Riku's heart fell and Kairi got on the bus and left with a smile, leaving Riku there with a heavy heart.
When Kairi got home, she called up one of her friends, Selphie. "Hey, carrot top, what's crackalackin?" Kairi scoffed at Selphie's nickname for her. "What?? You've got red hair! You're a ginger! I'm allowed to call you that," Selphie kept talking.
Kairi shushed her and got to her own business. "Did you do what I asked?"
"You mean about those notes you gave me? Yeah, but I don't see why you wanted me to. I mean, Sora sounds pretty distressed in them. But I guess you know what you're doing. Can't help but trust ya. Well, I'll give you the papers on Monday when I see you next. And I'll just have you know, I'm charging extra for Riku's handwriting! He writes like the friggen pope! Later, babe! Gotta go eat dinner now."
Kairi giggled and said goodbye, eager for Monday to arrive.
I've been avoiding Riku. Not because I don't like him or anything like that. I'm avoiding him because whenever I'm around him, I get nervous. My face gets hot, my palms get clammy.
I can't stand it. I feel so awkward around him. I don't want him finding out because I don't want to be turned down.
I love my best friend.
I didn't ask for these feelings.
They just happened.
Riku makes me happy but he's also made me very sad before. I don't like being sad, so I won't ever tell him. He'll turn me down, I know it.
I won't spend too long around him. My feelings always show on my face. What can I say? I'm a passionate guy.
At first, I didn't know why I always felt so nervous around my own best friend. So I asked Kairi about it cuz she's a girl, yanno. Girls are pretty good at analyzing feelings and stuff.
She was the one I went to because she's honest and accepting. I knew I could talk to her because she's my best friend too. Kairi's always been nice to me, so I told her everything.
She listened, asking questions here and there. Not once did she look disgusted. When I was done, she gave me a hug and told me everything was going to be fine.
XoXoXoXoXoXoX
…Everything was not fine. Kairi told me at school next Tuesday. She hadn't told Riku anything outright be had just asked what he thought about other guys liking him.
She told me he had reacted strongly.
He was firmly against the idea. That nearly tore me apart. I went home and cried that day.
I decided that I'd try to forget about my feelings so ignoring Riku was a priority now.
I still want to be best friends.
I still want to be around him.
My feelings got stronger the more I tried to avoid him.
Kairi came up to me on Thursday before school had started. She looked sad and wordlessly held up a couple of ripped notes. I knew what they were.
They were conversations I had had with Kairi about myself and my feelings toward Riku; notes passed during classes.
She said after I skimmed the torn pages, wondering what had happened with wide eyes (Kairi always kept her notes in perfect condition until she was ready to throw them away) that Riku had found them accidentally and read them all.
He was appalled.
Disgusted.
Un-approving.
Disappointed.
I could tell only because he'd written vulgarities, curses, mean things directed toward me on the notes in his handwriting.
It made my heart ache.
Kairi told me not too long after me staring at the notes that Riku had left town. She had called his house and his parents said he wanted to live on his own somewhere.
Of course he was allowed, he was 18 already.
But he left without saying goodbye.
He left town without saying goodbye because of me.
Because I liked him a little too much, Riku would be gone forever.
I had no doubt in my mind that he would never ever come back. It's how Riku was. I came to terms with that.
I just had no idea how much it hurt.
Kairi was there for me though.
She still is.
I write letters to him often, just because he's still my friend. I give them to Leon, an old friend of Riku's and mine, just in case Leon ever sees him.
I don't know if he gets them, or what he thinks. I don't think I want to know. I'm finally happy again.
HEY THERE FRIEND,
Once again I'm writing to you and I wanted to fill you in on some things. Despite having been in love with you all those years back, I fell for Kairi.
She helped me when you left. I want to apologize again. I know I have before but sometimes it feels as if just one apology isn't enough.
I still want to see you. I still want to be around you, but not in the same way as before. So, if you wouldn't mind, please come home. I know you're like, 26 now and probably have a family where you are, but… I really want to meet up with you. I miss you. You're still my best friend.
Onto the news! Selphie married a man named Irvine Kinneas just last month. They're really happy together. Cloud, Mr. Emo-Pants, and Aerith, the nicest woman on the face of this galaxy (still), have finally gotten over their feuds.
Remember my last letter? They were fighting then. I think it was over where they were going to put the furniture in their new house. I'm not sure.
I don't know about much of the other guys. I don't have time to check in on them all the time. I'm really busy lately.
Why you may ask? Well, Riku. Three years ago, I married Kairi! She's so wonderful! I swear she gets more beautiful every single day. We had our first child a year ago; he's such a troublemaker! Oh, but he's so very cute! He reminds me of Roxas..
Anyway, I'm so busy because Kairi's preggers. Again! Can you believe it? I'm still so worried that I'm not going to be a good enough father. Kairi thinks otherwise. She always tells me how wonderful I am. I can't help but believe her. She's so amazing.
Whenever I ask her why she accepted my marriage proposal, she says it's because she feels like she's in a fairy tail. Isn't that just darling?
Haha, well, I hate to be a doting husband. How have you been? Hopefully, you don't mind me sending you letters.
Do you have a family? Is there at least someone you love? I don't want you alone. You were never good to yourself when you were filled with loneliness. Well, it seems as I have to go now. Kairi's calling for me.
Always and Forever,
Sora. :)
Riku's eyes filled with un-shed tears as he read through all the letters that Leon had given him earlier in the day. He realized with every single one of them that he read, that he could have had his happy ending.
Sora wouldn't have been sad.
Kairi would be the one alone, like she should be.
Sora's marriage was based on jealousy and lies. Kairi had tricked Sora.
Riku wouldn't go and tell Sora though. He promised he'd stay away. He wouldn't ruin Sora's happiness again.
This was already too much. He'd already stepped over the boundary line when he left 8 years ago.
And he was about to overstep it again.
Riku let a tear slip from his eye as he wished the married couple luck and love for the future.
He grabbed a sheet of paper, and picked up his pen.
Dear Sora...
Weird format. I like it.