Just Breathe
Chapter 1: Sober (P!nk)
It was difficult to say when everything went so very, very wrong in this moving shit show of a life as Evelyn would describe it. Some would say that the beginning was the best place. Well, they were all idiots because then she'd have to go all the way back to 1993 of an entirely different world… Or would it be universe?
An ongoing debate within Evelyn's head that would undoubtedly never end if only to aggravate her more. In any case, the point would be that to know Evelyn and her story a little better, you'd have to know that she didn't start the way most people started.
Well, okay, there was the whole male meets female; birds and the bees/horizontal tango happened; horrifically traumatizing birth that is forever to be forgotten- but that is mostly besides the point. The reader, listener, person hearing a story that undoubtedly sounds so beyond cliche already that it should probably physically hurt at this point, would have to understand that once upon a time Evelyn was not Evelyn.
The start of Evelyn was actually the end of Ashley Adams. Orphan (parents dead at birth), friend of three other people (who hadn't even been in constant contact, so did that even count?), single (first and only boyfriend was caught cheating with her former best friend that isn't listed), poor (no one wanted to hire without experience, but weren't willing to give experience themselves), paying her way through college (and hadn't even gotten her first degree yet because of it), age 24.
Depending on who could ask, Evelyn would have a varying range of responses to Ashley's death. The best thing to take away in the end was the haunted eyes combined with the resignation that it would happen again. Despite all that, it was something she would never fear again. This would be because, to Evelyn at the very least, dying wasn't nearly as scary as waking up. Death was painless. Dying…..Eeeeh, hopefully it would be in her sleep this time around. And waking up well… No actually, the waking up was equal parts traumatizing- because of the whole "miracle of life" experience which was not so miraculous if you were the one going through it if you asked her- as well as disorienting. The terrifying part kicked in as soon as she realized exactly where she was waking up, and that really actually happened about 2 and a half years later.
What?! Being a baby was confusing and disconcerting as hell! And she spent most of it sleeping anyways! And because her brain couldn't handle her adult consciousness, she tired herself out all the time. It was frustrating really, after she was finally long enough to make the first conscious connection of how tired thinking at all made her, it was a constant cycle of 'oh fuck, not this agai- zzzzz'. There was also that when she was awake, she was so freaking blind and her senses were so messed up that she had a difficult time to pick up on anything happening around her. Plus! Remembering anything during the moments she was awake was beyond difficult, like holding water with splayed fingers. Part of her felt like she went from traumatizing event that should never have a name to place it straight to toddler years, like two years didn't even really happen.
Evelyn became aware enough just in time to realize that she did have a birth mom around this time (which- hey, cool, she had parents this time around), just that birth mom was weirded out by her overly intelligent eyes and didn't want to deal with an abnormal kid. Nameless birth mom was nice enough to let the birth dad about Evelyn just as she dropped Evelyn off at the orphanage with a blanket that was promptly stolen, but the thought counted right? Good to know that nameless birth mom wasn't heartless and apparently responsible enough to know that she couldn't take care of a child and gave the child to someplace that would hopefully do better than a possibly abusive environment right?
Evelyn's third birthday came and went- not that she knew it until much later- before she finally met her birth father. It had taken her biological father minutes to confirm a DNA match, but months to decide what to do with her. The same week Evelyn met her obviously terrified biological father, she was passed off again. This time all the way in England where a nanny would take care of her until she could enter the daycare at the boarding school she would be attending for the next X number of years.
That was fine. Cool. Her biological father… didn't want her either.
Okay, forget that. It hurt. Everything hurt like a bitch. The hurt this time just took a while to set in because, initially, Evelyn had been in shock.
Well, anyone just getting over the whole reincarnation thing for one, and the- curveball! Tony Stark is your bio daddy! Yeah, no. Shock is the least she could go through. There was also the shitfuckfuckfuckohhellnothisain'thappeningfuckno panic, but Evelyn prefers to think that she handled everything in a calm mature fashion most days. And even when she didn't, it should be completely understandable for her to go through the hysteria that she did.
Evelyn would always say that she wished the shock never faded though, because then there was just hurt left behind- a hurt that would linger for years. Ashley had already spent a long time in that orphan 'I'm not wanted' phase and to actually experience parents pushing her aside was something she would be haunted by for the rest of her life as Evelyn.
Suffice to say, Evelyn was a very sad toddler. Luckily for the nanny- whom Evelyn would grow very attached to over the years- Evelyn never threw fits from her waves of anger and hurt. It was clear to all the adults that Evelyn was very intelligent for her age (the only good thing about the bio daddy at that point, her intelligence was self explained) and was more aware of her situation than any child should ever have to be. The most Evelyn would do when her emotions became too much for her was to find a secluded area and cry, a heart wrenching sight to walk in on- though that became more and more difficult as well as Evelyn got to know her area more, as it became apparent that she didn't like anyone to see her in these moments.
Evelyn became something of a favorite for the staff of the boarding school as Evelyn's maturity kept her calmer than the children around her and her kindness showed through with her willingness to help those around her. Evelyn during this time came into the mindset that if her parents didn't want her, then that was fine. Blood family didn't define a person, a person was who they were because of their own choices and actions. Blaming blood was just a cop out and she didn't need people who didn't want her anyways.
When she was nearly five, Evelyn suffered another blow in the form of the death of her dear nanny. It was decided that, as she was of the age to live in the dorms provided by her school, she would not need a replacement. Evelyn spent her birthday alone and cold in a way that had nothing to do with the snow covering her dorm.
After a politically appropriate mourning period, the one and only attempt to push Evelyn ahead in school was made. Evelyn had broken down in tears and begged her headmaster from both going through with the decision and informing her biological father from knowing. After calmed down and reassured many times that nothing would be done without her consent, Evelyn was able to explain that she didn't want to be away from the relationships she had made (playing on the pity the adults felt on her- not that they would ever know they were being played) and that she didn't want to be seen as different (another play at the social outcast that would undoubtedly follow her).
The compromise made was that Evelyn could attend her classes with her own aged peers, and then work on coursework more of her intellectual level on her own time and speed. That was fine with Evelyn, being a child was actually very boing since she didn't play with toys or run around outside like the average child. Keeping busy was what kept her going, especially on days where her aging body affected her emotions. Physical activity came in the form of Tai Chi, something Ashley had always wanted to get into even though she never had time between two jobs and school, and dance- though, this was mostly on her own from remembering her old lessons as Ashley before college. An outside instructor had to be brought in to teach Evelyn, but everything was smoothly handled by the personal assistant of Stark, and Evelyn had very little trouble over her request. A few hours a week was spent learning the piano- another desire lingering from her last life. The rest of her free hours were spent studying and reading and Evelyn was quickly pushed into college level material.
College level material brough Evelyn into contact with the college headmaster and, more importantly, Jemma Anne Simmons and Leopold Fitz.
Though Jemma and Leo argued like cats and dogs, they were always very kind to Evelyn. Being young themselves, they understood the stigma that came with young geniuses and even though they encouraged her to be confident enough in herself to break the mould, they were still very understanding about her choices. Sometimes, when she was alone, Evelyn would feel guilty- like she was unjustly conning the world into believing she was smarter than she actually was. Yeah, she picked up on things faster than her old life, but Evelyn could tell that those two were legitimate geniuses. They could make connections and leaps that no ordinary person could ever imagine. It was worse because the two held no animosity towards her even though she was in college even younger than them.
Still the three became very close in their one year together. Jemma and Leo became older siblings to Evelyn and filled part of the hole (that Evelyn tried very hard to not think about). But the FitzSimmons duo were bound for greater things and were soon recruited by a mysterious agency to an academy in the USA. The goodbye was tearful and filled with promises to keep in contact, but made with understanding and all well wishes for all parties. Correspondence became progressively more sporadic over the course of the following year, but still maintained to the best of their abilities.
But it was not too long after the departure of FitzSimmons that a notable change in Evelyn's livelihood occurred.
Because that year Anthony Stark went to Afghanistan.