Me Again
I miss myself, the way I was
How I just didn't care
I was happy, mostly, just because
I was able to stare
Upon the stars, late at night
It was what I did
Near or far, delayed the fright
Of the fact I'm not a kid
Me. That's not who I am anymore. I am no longer the 'me' I remember. It's all because of that stupid reality show. If I didn't desperately need the money, which I didn't get, they I would still be the 'me' I remembered. But, I can't go back and change it now. Courtney's already taken over.
Ever since the show finished, and Courtney wanted to keep our relationship going, I've been different. All my old friends think I'm a apnsy now. But I'm not. I've just got a girlfriend now, one who doesn't think my usual ways are, well, normal human behaviour.
But, I miss the old days. I miss everything I used to be. What I used to do, my daily routine. My friends. My family not caring so much. Me not caring so much. I was happy. I was always happy with my life before Courtney came along and changed everything about me. I am no longer the happy person I was.
I used to be able to sit outside at midnight and stare up at the stars in the sky. It was so tranquil back then. But, now, I can't do that anymore. Courtney has me awake at six AM every morning, meaning I have to be asleep before then to wake up early for her. It was just one of the little things I used to do that made me happy.
Star watching was one of the many things that helped me get rid of the fear. I was always in fear, fear that I was no longer a young kid. But, Courtney took that away from me. The fright haunts me all the time now. I know I'm growing up, but I don't want to grow up. I wish I could just stay a kid forever.
But now I can't, stomp the streets
Of my old neighborhood
I miss my town, and aching feet
It always felt so good
To take a drag, then exhale the pain
Is what I want to do
Sit in a tree, just let myself be
Swaying along too
When I was younger, I would walk around the streets of my neighbourhood. Nut now I can't stomp my feet, thinking I own the whole place. We moved away from my old neighbourhood, the place where I grew up. My parents moved me closer to Courtney, that's how much of a good influence she was on me. And my family.
I really miss that old town. It's where all of my good memories are. The aching feet I used to get from all that walking around. What I would do just to get that feeling back. Achiny feet might seem like a pain, but it always felt so good to me. I loved the feeling of being able to kick back on my bed after a long, hard walk and feel the throbbing in my toes. It was bliss.
In my old town, me and my friends would always be sneaking off into the woods for a drag. Now, Courtney doesn't allow me to smoke. I miss that feeling of relaxation it used to bring me. I would inhale deeply and exhale all the pain, stress, anger that had been burning up inside me for so long. I wish I could still do that. Hang out in the tree's with my buds, smoking heavily, letting myself be free. Just saying along to the beat of life.
I miss the summer, even the spring
And the warmth of it all
I miss listening to nature sing
Even during the fall
The times of work, but simple being
Are what I didn't want to end
I don't like plans, or future seeing
I just want to be me again
Summer was the best. Or, at least it was the best until Courtney decided it was our anniversary season. I guess I'll have to settle for Spring to be my season. My free season. The warmth I would feel from the sun, even before the Summer months. It was so peaceful. It was my 'me' time. It was everything I wanted and more. Just peace.
I miss the sound of nature buzzing around me as I hung out in 'my' spot in the woods. It was just an old oak tree. But that Oak tree had been mine since I was seven. Ever since my brother dared me to climb it and I did. I owned that tree. I miss that tree.
I even miss the fall now. It was the start of school, but I don't car anymore. All the hard work I never did, it seems so simple now. Now I go to a posh school for snobs, where the work is extra, extra hard. I have no clue what to do, but Courtney tries her best to help me. It just doesn't help, though.
The time I never wanted to end. That's what it all is. Just a time I didn't want to end. I always wanted to able to stare up and the stars at night. I always wanted to be able to walk around my neighbourhood like I owned the place. I always wanted to be able to hang in my spot. But I can't anymore.
Courtney has me making all these plans. I don't like plans. I like going with the flow, following my life one step at a time. My girlfriend has the whole future planned out and I just can't handle it. I wish she would just stop for a moment and think about what I want. I love Courtney to pieces, but she's a handful and more.
I miss myself. I just want to be that silly, little, stupid boy I once was. The boy who watched the stars, thought he owned the whole town and hung with his friends. Me. All I want to be is Me. I just want to be me again
A/N: Poor Duncan...
Courtney has changed him, though...That you can't deny...
This is a Poem called I miss Myself by Jon Zimmerman
I found it when I was searching the Internet, it's a good poem and I think it describes Duncan perfectly.
Thanks for reading, please review :)
Love, ChloeRhiannonX
P.S. This is my 43rd published document! OMG! 43!