Legolas glanced out the window of the tower of Minas Tirith where he
sat conversing with his friends. "Tomorrow will be a day of great
happiness," he murmured almost to himself. "From far away I see the
procession of Elrond's house and my heart leaps with joy. This hour
tomorrow, our friend Aragorn will have the radiant Arwen Undomiel beside
him as his bride."
"Oh, come off it, Legolas," scoffed the Dwarf Gimli as he gnawed on the last of his breakfast sausages. "You're getting all poetical on us again. Nobody in here wants to hear any more of that romantic crap." Legolas shot his friend a dirty look, but the Dwarf was completely oblivious.
"So Aragorn's getting married tomorrow?" asked Pippin, shoving a sausage into his ample mouth. The sausages of Minas Tirith were famed all over Gondor and so far, Pippin was winning the sausage-eating contest he was having with Gimli.
Legolas nodded dreamily. In a singsong voice, he crooned, "Ah, happy day! The Evenstar comes to grace this fair city of men and all will be light and beauty…"
"SHUT UP!" cried all four of the hobbits and Gimli. Legolas looked extremely hurt. He had thought it a very nice and poetical speech. He pouted like a hurt child, but prudently kept his mouth shut about the virtues of Arwen Undomiel.
"You know," commented Merry, "if Aragorn is getting married tomorrow, I'm thinking we need to have a…celebration." He smiled the smile that usually meant he was up to no good.
Pippin glanced over at him, a wicked gleam in his eyes. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Merry old boy?"
Frodo rolled his eyes. "Oh, no you don't. You are NOT throwing a bachelor party for Aragorn. That is one Shire tradition I could do without. I'm putting my foot down, guys, and it's about time I got my way with this Fellowship."
Legolas and Gimli shot each other a puzzled look. "What is this…bachelor party…you speak of?" inquired Legolas. "A quaint hobbit custom?"
"Better than that," Sam piped up before Frodo had a chance to shut him up. "You already know how much we hobbits love to party, right? Well, it's a tradition in the Shire to throw a party for a man the night before he gets married, as kind of a last hurrah. And it's not just any party." Sam leered disturbingly at the Elf. It was a look not even Pippin and Merry saw on his face very often. "It's a completely wild and crazy, tear the roof off the house kind of party. Complete with plenty of ale, wine…and dancers."
"Dancers?" Legolas asked innocently. Frodo tried to hush him, but it was useless.
"You heard me, elf-boy." Sam's leer was becoming downright sick. "Dancers. Beautiful female dancers. And they're barely wearing any clothing."
"Sometimes," interjected Merry cheerfully, "if you pay them enough, they won't wear anything at ALL."
"Guys!" shrieked Frodo. "That's enough! God, you're disgusting." He shook his head. "That's a nice little tradition back home, and you guys can have one when you get married, but we are NOT having one for Aragorn. It's undignified."
"Whyever not?" inquired Gimli, interest blossoming in his eyes. "It sounds like a great old custom to me. Aragorn's like our brother! We ought to do right by the guy, you know?"
"Yeah," commented Legolas, "Gimli's right. I'm a little curious to find out about these customs of yours…and about these dancers." The elf grinned from ear to ear.
Frodo moaned. "No, no, NO! I did NOT go all the way to Mordor and back to humiliate the King of Gondor with a sick bachelor party!" He slapped his forehead in frustration. "How do you always come up with these twisted little ideas?"
Pippin smiled hugely. "I think Frodo is having a bad memory." He turned to the others and said in a stage whisper, "One time, he got really drunk at our cousin Noddo's bachelor party, and he tried to pay this girl to give him a 'private dance'…"
Legolas lifted a blond brow quizzically. "She said no?"
"SHUT UP!" screamed Frodo, leaping on Pippin and knocking the wind out of him. "I just can't believe how little respect you have for the Ring Bearer. I go all the way to the Cracks of Doom to save you and this is the thanks I get?"
Merry snorted. "Come off the Ring Bearer stuff already. You know you're going to help us, so why don't you just say so?"
Frodo fumed. "Fine, I'll help you. But only to make sure things don't get out of hand!" He stomped out of the room and slammed the door behind him with a vengeance.
"Oh, come off it, Legolas," scoffed the Dwarf Gimli as he gnawed on the last of his breakfast sausages. "You're getting all poetical on us again. Nobody in here wants to hear any more of that romantic crap." Legolas shot his friend a dirty look, but the Dwarf was completely oblivious.
"So Aragorn's getting married tomorrow?" asked Pippin, shoving a sausage into his ample mouth. The sausages of Minas Tirith were famed all over Gondor and so far, Pippin was winning the sausage-eating contest he was having with Gimli.
Legolas nodded dreamily. In a singsong voice, he crooned, "Ah, happy day! The Evenstar comes to grace this fair city of men and all will be light and beauty…"
"SHUT UP!" cried all four of the hobbits and Gimli. Legolas looked extremely hurt. He had thought it a very nice and poetical speech. He pouted like a hurt child, but prudently kept his mouth shut about the virtues of Arwen Undomiel.
"You know," commented Merry, "if Aragorn is getting married tomorrow, I'm thinking we need to have a…celebration." He smiled the smile that usually meant he was up to no good.
Pippin glanced over at him, a wicked gleam in his eyes. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Merry old boy?"
Frodo rolled his eyes. "Oh, no you don't. You are NOT throwing a bachelor party for Aragorn. That is one Shire tradition I could do without. I'm putting my foot down, guys, and it's about time I got my way with this Fellowship."
Legolas and Gimli shot each other a puzzled look. "What is this…bachelor party…you speak of?" inquired Legolas. "A quaint hobbit custom?"
"Better than that," Sam piped up before Frodo had a chance to shut him up. "You already know how much we hobbits love to party, right? Well, it's a tradition in the Shire to throw a party for a man the night before he gets married, as kind of a last hurrah. And it's not just any party." Sam leered disturbingly at the Elf. It was a look not even Pippin and Merry saw on his face very often. "It's a completely wild and crazy, tear the roof off the house kind of party. Complete with plenty of ale, wine…and dancers."
"Dancers?" Legolas asked innocently. Frodo tried to hush him, but it was useless.
"You heard me, elf-boy." Sam's leer was becoming downright sick. "Dancers. Beautiful female dancers. And they're barely wearing any clothing."
"Sometimes," interjected Merry cheerfully, "if you pay them enough, they won't wear anything at ALL."
"Guys!" shrieked Frodo. "That's enough! God, you're disgusting." He shook his head. "That's a nice little tradition back home, and you guys can have one when you get married, but we are NOT having one for Aragorn. It's undignified."
"Whyever not?" inquired Gimli, interest blossoming in his eyes. "It sounds like a great old custom to me. Aragorn's like our brother! We ought to do right by the guy, you know?"
"Yeah," commented Legolas, "Gimli's right. I'm a little curious to find out about these customs of yours…and about these dancers." The elf grinned from ear to ear.
Frodo moaned. "No, no, NO! I did NOT go all the way to Mordor and back to humiliate the King of Gondor with a sick bachelor party!" He slapped his forehead in frustration. "How do you always come up with these twisted little ideas?"
Pippin smiled hugely. "I think Frodo is having a bad memory." He turned to the others and said in a stage whisper, "One time, he got really drunk at our cousin Noddo's bachelor party, and he tried to pay this girl to give him a 'private dance'…"
Legolas lifted a blond brow quizzically. "She said no?"
"SHUT UP!" screamed Frodo, leaping on Pippin and knocking the wind out of him. "I just can't believe how little respect you have for the Ring Bearer. I go all the way to the Cracks of Doom to save you and this is the thanks I get?"
Merry snorted. "Come off the Ring Bearer stuff already. You know you're going to help us, so why don't you just say so?"
Frodo fumed. "Fine, I'll help you. But only to make sure things don't get out of hand!" He stomped out of the room and slammed the door behind him with a vengeance.